what's going on here??

[32swf]

I've been dating a great guy for about a month now. Conversation is great, we seem to click pretty well, and we've done a lot of fun things, like pool, dinner, movies, etc.

We joke around and both seem to feel comfortable around each other. there's only one problem...he doesn't seem to want sex!

 

we've messed around naked in the bed for hours, then he gets dressed and goes home. We did try once last week, but he went soft when he tried to put the condom on. So I haven't pushed the issue in case he's feeling sensitive about it, but I want to know what's going on!! do I bring it up or just wait it out?

 

he did tell me he went out with a girl for 2 years and never had actual intercourse with her because he wanted to keep it casual bc she was alot younger than he was. I'm 32 and he's 30 and I want some booty!!!!

[midori]

I've been in a similar situation, and while I highly doubt there's just one answer that applies to all, I chalked it up to a lack of chemistry between us. We got on very well as friends, and then tried dating -- I think because on paper we seemed like we'd be a good couple. He's a nice looking guy, and I guess he thought the same about me, we got along so well -- why not? But there had never been any strong attraction between us, and I think in retrospect we shouldn't have tried to turn our platonic relationship into something it was not. Of course attraction can grow slowly (or so I've been told), so it's not that I think that friends should never get involved romantically. But I don't think I "did it" for him, and so he was actually unable to, well, "do it." No one's fault, but frustrating and embarrassing for us both.

 

And there is the fact that people value sex differently, and have different sex drives. If this guy you're seeing was able to refrain from having sex for 2 years (his stated reason, btw, is admirable, although I have to question whether seeing a woman exclusively for 2 years can be considered "keeping it casual"), it might be that sex isn't a priority for him in a romantic relationship, or that he doesn't have a strong need for sex. Of course neither of those things might be true, it's just a possibility.

 

I really don't know what to suggest. If you're quite sure that you want to pursue a relationship with this guy, maybe you could get him to tell you some of his fantasies, the things that turn him on. Get him comfortable thinking and talking about sex with you, and in the process you should learn what his preferences are, which if you can accommodate, may be the key to arousing him. I don't see any reason why this has to be a deal-breaker, but at the same time, as you say, you'd like to be having sex, because it's something you value and seek. So do a bit of probing.

 

Good luck. It's not an easy thing to navigate, I certainly hit some sandbars and choppy water when I was in your shoes. But don't blame yourself, or feel like there's something you should be doing that you're not. I felt that way a bit, but I soon realized that it wasn't working simply because we just weren't cut out for each other. Maybe that will be the case for you too.