Tough Night.

[Katherineos123]

Its 12:30 am and I started crying, and I cant seem to stop, so this post is more of a vent than anything.

 

Where do I begin. Alcoholism has been in my family for as long as I can remember... My biological father is an alcoholic, an emotionally and physically abusive one at that. He left when I was 10. Good riddance.

 

My mother was an alcoholic. She died 5 years ago, in part to this disease. She was an amazing woman with a terrible affliction, and I miss her every single day.

 

My step father, who more or less raised me, put me through college, did everything in the world for me... is an alcoholic. I love him more than anything... But the past couple of years, he's gotten really bad... REALLY bad. Ever since my mother passed away, he's never been the same. He lives alone, about 2 hours from me. I visit him as much as I can, but I feel helpless. He lost his job, and slipped into oblivion. I worry about getting that phone call everyday, for three solid years.

 

Then this summer, a glimmer of hope. He went to detox/rehab, and everything seemed like it was finally going to change... The thought that I could possibly NOT have to worry about him, was almost too much to bear... Its become such a constant in my life, that I simply could not imagine NOT being constantly scared.

 

I was hopeful, yet realistic... The last few weeks, he's been looking for work and hasnt found anything... He's broke. Im afraid he's going to lose the house. The house I grew up in.... ANd he's started drinking again.

 

I just feel so disappointed... ANd the worry is again, consuming me. I lose sleep over it. I cry at night.

 

I have wanted to move to New York City all my life... But I cant do it. I cant be away from him, because I dont know what will happen, and Im so scared.

 

Im the most important person in his life. And I just dont know what will happen if he feels like I too, have left him. I hate the thought of him being alone, and depressed, and drunk. It all encompassing and it eats me alive.

[witabix]

That sounds truly tragic. I know you were just venting and maybe not looking for anything back but I felt I needed to say this to you.

 

You are the child in this situation and your step father is the parent. You shouldn't let the positions be reversed. I understand how you feel you have expressed it very clearly and I sympathise, I really do.

 

I am sure it is not easy to let go, and I am not suggesting that you turn your back. Only that you try to find the realisation that you didn't do any of this to anyone.

 

He tried detox before, maybe with some more encouragement from you he may try again. Can you enlist the help of any one else?

 

I would hate the thought that my daughter would have her life paralysed by my problems, I am sure your dad would hate that fact that you feel like this too.

 

Peace.

[Katherineos123]

Thank you for responding Witabix... I know what you're saying is true, and I try to tell myself that, but its impossible for me to let go of this.

 

There's only really a handful of people I can talk to about this. One of whom is my brother, but he seems so removed, that it almost frustrates me to talk to him. He thinks I need to take care of myself, and move as soon as possible....

 

The other is the guy Im currently seeing because he's been there through the last few months, and has seen the drastic highs and the consequent lows, and he knows how much this tortures me.

 

I called him late last night, pretty upset, and he told me last night that I cant let this "destroy two people" and for some reason, this really struck a cord with me. And the more I thought about it, the more I agreed with him.

 

It just gets so overwhelming sometimes. There are so many things I want to do, but I fell I have to protect him first.

[Katherineos123]

I would hate the thought that my daughter would have her life paralysed by my problems, I am sure your dad would hate that fact that you feel like this too.

 

He has no idea how much his drinking affects me... I put on a brave face for him. I know that knowing how crushing it is to me could be beneficial, but its a catch 22 because if I tell him, Im afraid the embarrassment, and his feeling of failure would drive him to drink even more.

[witabix]

He has no idea how much his drinking affects me... I put on a brave face for him. I know that knowing how crushing it is to me could be beneficial, but its a catch 22 because if I tell him, Im afraid the embarrassment, and his feeling of failure would drive him to drink even more.

 

Yes I understand that, but perhaps you could broach it in a calm manner, without going straight into how badly it effects you. Let him know you are worried about him, let him know you want to move, ask him how he feels about that.

 

You may be surprised by his reaction. Either way you are still not responsible for him.

[LoveAintEverything]

Would it be a bad idea if he moved in with you?