She wants me, she wants me not

[Elmer]

Hi Loveshackers,

 

I've put in a couple of posts regarding my girlfriend of 5 years who wants to be independent. I'd just gotten to the stage where I was OK with the situation and prepared to move out, with us remaining as friends.

 

I thought that seeing as we would be just friends, that dating other people would be a natural part of being independent of each other (and also help me deal with not being able to be near her). But when I told her this she freaked out, said that she didn't want anyone else, and questioned whether my motivation for being with her all this time was just for sex (not true).

 

So, she wants me, but she says she can't live with me, at least for 3 months. So, if everything goes her way, I'm back in the emotionally taxing situation of wanting her, wanting to be near her, but not being able to.

 

Is she asking too much of me?

 

I don't want to make decisions that affect both of our lives after going through 3 months of loneliness and confusion, and certainly do want to make sure that she gets the whole independence thing out of her system.

 

What would independence constitute for you all, and can we be truly independent if we're still 'saving ourselves' for each other?

[Taressa]

She's not asking too much, you're allowing too much.

 

We would all like to be in her situation: the independence of playing around while we put our loyal admirer on hold. She wants to explore the world without you and keep you at home should she decide to return.

 

Time to stand up for yourself and tell her how you expect things to go. Independence means no dependence... she sets you free, you're free to do whatever with whomever... no strings attached. If she doesn't like the rules, she needs to re-think the game she's playing.

 

Your thinking is reasonable. If she's not willing to commit to staying with you, it may be time to step out of the relationship and look for someone mature enough to love with the respect and consideration it calls for.