Need to make a choice

[noelle303]

As some may remember, I am currently expecting MM's child. Well... ex MM ever since I found out about the pregnancy.

 

His reaction to the baby was NOT pleasant and I endured a lot of crap from him. Still enduring. Since my last post he has gotten even worse, any 'up' moments we may have had are now nonexistant.

 

Now, before I say what I need to say I want to make it clear that ex MM does not appear a violent person. He is a 30 year old man with a wife, two small sons, a great career, ten year plan, the whole nine yards. Our whole affair was red flags free for me.

 

However, in our current predicament, he is treating me horribly. I understand that this will throw off his whole life but it's not an excuse for what I have to endure.

He still wants me to have an abortion despite the fact that I am 17 weeks pregnant and adamant to keep this baby, he can't accept that I am having it and during one particularly nasty fight he told me that if I don't have the abortion he will cut me open himself.

 

It's really nasty, I won't go into more details, I was pushed and shoved against a wall so hard that it knocked the breath out of me.

I try to cut contact for a while to collect myself but he calls me at work, comes at the condo, I can't escape him. I told him to leave me alone for a while or I'll go straight to his wife so he backed out but not for long.

 

I've been talking to a lawyer, he said that we can go for child support once the child is born but basicly as long as he is paying towards the child he has every right to seek out rights and right now I'm not sure I want this.

 

I try to talk to him rationally about this but he turns it into a huge fight every time. He says that if it gets to him wife he will make my life miserable with court cases, I'll never be able to move an inch. And the thing is I consulted with my dad a lot about this and he told me that what he says technically isn't far from thruth. He, as a legal father would have rights and would be able to file motions against me stopping me from moving or simply leaving the country for a vacation.

 

My dad (who is actually a lawyer and a smart rational person) advised me to cut all contact with him. To dismiss him as the father... And I haven't even told him all the stuff he did to me because my dad would murder him. He wants me to cut him off and wants to talk to him and tell him to stay away from me forever.

 

My parents have been amazing in all this. I thought they would be upset with me but they are just worried and are helping me with anything.

 

My pregnancy is not going that well, I am still sick, still having pains (my doctor says I may have something called SPD), even had some bleeding. Stress is certainly a factor in all this... On a happer note, I have a scan for next week when I will probably be able to find out the babies sex which I am very excited about.

I am also moving cause I am currently living with a roommate and am now moving into a place of my own. Ex MM now won't know where I live so it will be a whole lot easier.

 

 

What do you guys think... do I cut him off completely? He will have nothing to do with the baby, financially, physically or in any way? Yes, he gets off easy. But I don't care. I need to think about myself and my baby now, he or she will never have the perfect family but what I can do is surround it with people who will love it.

 

At this point I want ex MM to leave us alone, he is ruining my pregnancy and making my life hell... what do I do?

[2sure]

When pregnant women are going to be single mothers for whatever reason...it is often said by them that they want nothing to do with the father. They dont want his money. They dont want him to have rights.

I said it myself. But I had to change my mind about that because ...his money wasnt FOR me. His rights were to HIS child, not to me. My ex did not want to pay for his child and although I didnt want his money....it was for HIS child and my job was to make sure my child received what was rightfully hers. So, you have to think about that.

 

But...your child's father is married, a nutjob, does not want the child, is violent, and an all around bad guy . Right now. To you. So, I would have to say ...I would not list him as father, I would not fight for his money, and I would not ask him to acknowledge his rights or responsibilities. i would not tell his wife. He scares me.

 

And more food for thought: People change. Times change. Children change people. What if he at some point decides he wants to know his child? What if..no, WHEN your child asks who is her/his father...you have to tell to the truth. I mean, you make up stuff when they are little...but when they are mature enough (and thats younger than you think) you cant lie. AND your child will seek out her/his bio father. Count on that. Think about it...this man is no longer simply your ex. He is your child's father. Everyone has the right to know their parents. So - there is that.

 

Lastly: Like I said...circumstances change. What if your child needs financial support. What if something happens? What if you are killed in an accident when your child is very young - having not told them or anyone else of their father and his financial responsibility. What if, you lose your job and need public assistance, or day care assistance or state health care...many will not give you anything until they have legal documentation of child support / income from both parents.

 

I know you have a lawyer, I know your dad is a lawyer...and some of these seem farfetched...but you have to consider them.

 

All that being said, if I were you...I would find away to extricate him completely from your life and your child's.

[jj33]

Excellent post 2sure. Noelle read and reread that. its objective and sets out all the options.

 

I am suprised YOU are the one communicating with xMM. regardless of whether you want to involve him, your lawyer, not you should be discussing these issues with him. Particularly if you are moving, if you are moving then have your lawyer discuss these things with him so that he is prohibited from contacting you directly. That will ease the stress immediately.

 

What I believe the father means is that he will tie you up in court to get the child support and to prove he is the father. For him to tie you up in knots over moving would mean that he actually wanted to invest his time and money fighting your every move for years to come and that sounds doubtful.

 

I would not go for the support if your parents can help you and are willing to do so. Yes your child will ask about the father in years to come but at least you will have cut your ties to this man.

 

 

And you dont know about the perfect family. You could meet a man in 2 years time who is fabulous and loves the baby like his own. You never know what the future holds.

 

Hope you feel better soon

[lilbunny]

noelle I have wondered how things were going for you and I am so sorry you are posting with such stress and hassle. On a positive note your scan is an exciting time and please do let us know if it is a boy or a girl.

 

This man is behaving unreasonably, please try and record and evidence every incident. You never know when this information might be useful. In fact strike unreasonable it is disgusting and you should not have to endure this.

 

I'm not an expert on the legal situation, especially if you are outside of the UK. Do you think he might accept an agreement not to involve him at all? If he really wants to keep this quiet it might appeal to him and calm things down. I do understand what people are saying about child support etc, but in this case I think the negatives might outweigh the positives.

 

Alternatively, considering the way he has behaved and your fears about risks to the safety of you and your baby, is there any possibility of some sort of restraining order?

 

Here the father has to be present to be recorded on the birth certificate, filling in the word unknown would be one way to get around some of the issues regarding support and changes in circumstance. He is unlikely to fight it through the courts and challenge for a DNA test if he wants to keep his wife in the dark.

 

In a couple of weeks abortion will no longer be an option. It may force him to accept things, but equally his behaviour might escalate. There must be a way to protect yourself and your child.

 

Lots of love to you, if I could come round and kick his ass myself I would gladly do so. (((hugs)))

[jthorne]

Get a restraining order. Tell his wife if he continues to bother you.

Actually, you know what? I'm gonna change that.

 

Tell the wife. Tell her that her husband impregnated you and is now threatening you. No wife and mother will put up with that.

It's very unlikely that either one of them would want custody or visitation.

 

Time to get real. Call his bluff.

 

Or... get a restraining order and have it delivered to his home. She'll get the idea.

Edited September 24, 2010 by jthorne

[jj33]

.

 

It's really nasty, I won't go into more details, I was pushed and shoved against a wall so hard that it knocked the breath out of me.

I try to cut contact for a while to collect myself but he calls me at work, comes at the condo, I can't escape him. I told him to leave me alone for a while or I'll go straight to his wife so he backed out but not for long.

 

I've been talking to a lawyer, he said that we can go for child support once the child is born but basicly as long as he is paying towards the child he has every right to seek out rights and right now I'm not sure I want this.

 

Do you parents know all this? Why are you still speaking to him directly. A letter from YOUR lawyer to his house or a phone call from your lawyer that if he contacts you again you will file a TRO. End of story.

 

If you want to stop contact with him you can. I think a part of you is waiting for him to wise up and behave like a grown up. Hes not going to.

 

Let your lawyer handle contact with him, regardless of what you decide about the child support. Let him tell your lawyer he will tie him up in court cases. Your lawyer will laugh in his face.

 

Hes playing with you Noelle. You can make that stop immediately if you want to.

[seren]

Noelle, First, stay safe, if the MM is being violent toward you, and from what you have posted, he sounds as though he is panicking and getting out of control. Being safe is number one, it should be a happy time for you and not one where you are stressed out. Secondly, not sure of US, but in UK you can name him as the father, he would be required to support the child, especially if you had to claim state benefit, he would also share parental responsibility and could apply for joint custody giving him rights.

 

Personally, as an XBS I would, had H had a child with OW, welcomed the child into our life, not the OW, well not for a long while, but the child has done no wrong. However, as the MM is not likely to tell her about your A, she will be in the dark. I have thought about what I would do in your situation, if the MM was rational, I would urge him to tell as the child will want to know about his father in years to come, BUT, the MM is not rational, does not sound as though he is going to come around and telling the BS could rain a whole world of hassle onto you, and you shouldn't have this while you are pregnant.

 

Your parents sound really supportive, in this case, I would cut him out of my life, threaten, no, take out a restraining order and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. He sounds a nasty piece of work. Keep yourself and your baby safe. Seren x

[carhill]

OP, my sympathies. I commented in your initial thread, suggesting you share your situation with your father, and am happy to read you did and he and your mom are being supportive of your situation. He's a smart man. He's not going to murder anyone. However, disclosed, he can advocate for proper legal form in protecting your interests. Yes, you have a lawyer, and that's good; it's also good to have an advocate. You're doubly blessed that your dad is a lawyer so knows how to advocate legally and properly. Trust that.

 

I'll enjoin others in suggesting no further direct contact with the father of your baby. I think I did that prior but suggest it even more strongly after recent events. He is currently a threat to your personal safety and that of your child and that's serious stuff. You have redress. Avail yourself of it.

 

One day at a time. Best wishes for continued health to you and your baby

[LucreziaBorgia]

He still wants me to have an abortion despite the fact that I am 17 weeks pregnant and adamant to keep this baby, he can't accept that I am having it and during one particularly nasty fight he told me that if I don't have the abortion he will cut me open himself.

 

I am 17 weeks myself (just found out that it is a boy!) and let me tell you - if anyone threatened my baby like that, even though he is still a tiny boy floating inside me, I'd kill the motherf*cker with my bare hands. :mad:

 

That said, if your father knew how aggressive and violent he is toward you, that might change the dynamics of visitations, etc. Would you still go for support if exMM was limited to supervised visits only? If he were severely limited in his visitation because of his threats toward your life and the child's (to the extent where he may not even get visitation), he may not have a leg to stand on in terms of taking out vindictive court actions against you.

 

In your place, I'd be looking at that option - and I would *SURELY* be documenting every single act of violence and threats and letting my lawyers know and working on getting a restraining order. It sounds bad enough that you may be able to get the support you and your child deserve without having to sacrifice you or your child's safety.

[2sunny]

you threatened to tell his wife if he kept contacting you - and then he contacted and you didn't tell... so he thinks you won't do it.

 

tell the W. she has every right to know what kind of man she's married to. tell her he also asked you to have an abortion and has been threatening you.

 

 

whether or not you name him on the birth certificate is up to you. IF you name him - he will have rights to see the child. if you don't - he will need to request a paternity test to prove the child is his in order to have rights. that's the way it works here in my state - are you in the US?

 

as far as travel - he cannot confine YOU from traveling if he has rights... normally the court says permission needs to be granted before a parent can take said child X number of miles away from the primary residence. he can request that you not move further than X number of miles from where he is located... that's the laws here in my area though...

 

file a restraining order. call the police if he comes around. you need to feel safe - and need to do anything in order to accomplish that - but i'd call the W, since you already warned him and haven't kept your word on that one yet.

 

when you get tough - he will back down. ask your Dad to help.

[noelle303]

Thanks guys,

 

as far as my dad explained to me, seeing as we are not married we would both have to sign a voluntary acknowledgement of paternity form for him to be listed as a father on the birth certificate. I think it's safe to say he won't sign anything of the sort.

 

If I still want him to be listed on the birth certificate I need to file a court adjudication. That way I can then seek out child support, but he can also seek out his rights and I think he would do it just to spite me. My dad says it's very risky.

 

If I file a restraining order against him it will get to his wife, and right now thats another batch of drama for me. Plus it might drive him over the edge... as someone already mentioned he is not just some ex, he is the father of my child and he can control me with this.

Right now even supervised visits are not comfortable to me, plus my dad says he can file a motion against me and if I have a case pending in court I won't be able to move or leave the country apparently.

 

Even if I want to communicate only through my lawyer, he needs to know what we are negotiating and right now I really don't know?

 

Whenever I see a future with him in our lives it's very grim... fights and court and it's scary. I want a nice peaceful life for my child, you know?

[carhill]

OP, IMO, take all these concerns to your lawyer and have him/her flesh out the precise legal scenarios and the relevant possibilities. IME, and I've been through this in other adversarial actions, having competent legal counsel walk you through the process step by step goes a long way towards easing negative emotions. It relaxes you and takes fear of the unknown out of the equation.

 

Considering what you know of xMM, do you really think he'll pursue this publicly in court, considering *everything* conducted there, absent judicial seal, will be publicly available to *anyone*? Ask your lawyer about how that usually goes in these cases. A competent lawyer with trial experience knows. One aspect of many. Knowledge is power. Good luck

[Ellin]

Hi, Noelle, I'm glad to hear from you again and happy to hear you and your baby are doing fine. Please, come back later to tell us whether it's a boy or a girl.

 

But I'm horrified to learn about your recent developments. Your xMM's behavior is totally unacceptable. He IS violent towards you AND the baby, and he threatens more violence - these are criminal offences! Why are you tolerating this?

 

Do not threaten him with telling his W; threaten him with telling the police! And do tell if he does anything like that again. But in fact, he should never have a chance to do anything again, because you shouldn't be anywhere near him.

 

Stay well away from him! He's a danger to you and your baby. Even if he doesn't physically hurt you (which he already has done!) he's hurting you and the little one by putting you under stress and this has real measurable effects on the physical health and condition of the two of you.

 

You really shouldn't keep the truth from your father. I even have a feeling that you're not telling us the whole story on here.

 

Regarding your question, you don't have to make any big choices right now. Just concentrate on the pregnancy, on being well and feeling serene and enjoying this special time.

 

Cut all ties with him for now and don't worry about making decisions until the baby's born. You can sue him for child support any time, even after years pass, if you need to. Just take one step at a time. And again - talk to your parents about everything honestly. They are there to protect you and they will give you the best advice.

 

It's very important that you document your xMM's bad behavior. If you do see him again, record your conversation with him on a voice recorder (without letting him know of course). If you have such evidence you will be able to use it in any possible court proceedings regarding the child in future, to your advantage.

 

I think that he's bluffing about his intention to endlessly drag you through courts. What he's trying to do here is to make sure you don't take any action that will result in his W and other people around him finding out.

 

The fact that he still insist on termination and the thing he said about what he'll do otherwise make my blood run cold.

 

Please, look after yourself and the baby you're carrying because he or she is going through it all with you. Your stress hormones are not without effects on the poor mite.

 

All the best.

[fooled once]

He is a pissed off man who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

 

Is his behavior acceptable? No. Stop answering your door when he comes and stop answering your phone (I don't know of many phones that don't have caller ID, including work phones).

 

If you really want to send a message, file a restraining order.

 

No matter what, you cannot take away his rights as a father. Only HE (and a judge if he is declared unfit) can do that. In many ways, the ball is in his court right now - as he can make it a living hell with visitation. Heck, he could sue for custody (not that he would win, but he could drag this whole drama out even further by doing that).

 

You do have choices -- both of you sit down with a mediator (and I am actually surprised your father nor the lawyer mentioned that to you) to mediate this situation.

 

He is PISSED OFF -- at you, at the situation and at the mess you both have created with all this.

 

I advise going to court, having him declared the father and set out custody and visitation. He has rights to the child. He also have a financial obligation to the child. Stick that money in a college fund for the child. It is time to start thinking about the future and to get it all ironed out (as much as possible prior to birth) so you do not have it hanging over your head.

 

But seriously, QUIT talking to him and QUIT allowing him into your home. He is entitled to be pissed, just as you are entitled to some peace.

 

And i agree, do not lie to the child about his/her father because it can and most likely will come back to bit you in the rear end later. If you lie and the child finds out, he/she could come to not trust you and seek him out to get back at you. Be age appropriate, but be honest.

 

It sucks, I know. But this is the outcome of the events. Make some decisions, follow through with the decisions and get some sense of stress reduction from it all. You are going to be a parent. Life as you know it is done and you are about to embark on one of the hardest, most demanding and most tiring experience in your life; and it will be coupled with the most loving, most rewarding and happiest times of your life. Settle your life down so that the baby can continue to grow inside you in a much more peaceful and happy environment. All the stress and anxiety you feel is being transferred to that little life.

 

Good luck to you.

[Ellin]

He has rights to the child.

 

He DOESN'T WANT this child to exist.

 

His words and actions so far have taken away his moral rights as a father, and they have diminished his legal rights in some degree (can't say what degree as I don't know the law of the particular place Noelle is in), if the evidence of that was presented in court.

 

Anyhow, in most civilised societies these days, parents don't have particular RIGHTS to the child - it's more of a responsibility, although they are entitled to make certain decisions for the child, but this is based on their conduct. In family courts it's all about the rights and welfare of the CHILD - the court takes into account first and foremost what is in the best interest of the child, not the parents.

 

I'm sure that Noelle wants the same for her precious little bundle.

Edited September 24, 2010 by Ellin

[jthorne]

Oh for crying out loud, you wont tell your parents, you wont get a TRO, you wont tell the wife. What do you want then? The next time you see him, tell him you had a miscarriage. Move, change your number and be done with him.

 

Unless you're still enjoying his attention, albeit negative.

 

I still say tell the wife. Tell her he is stalking you and threatening to harm your baby. No mother will allow any man to hurt a pregnant woman.

 

Your posts get more and more suspicious.

[jj33]

Must agree with you J Thorne. Noelle Im VERY surprised that your parents are allowing their only child who had such a bright future who has decided to have a married mans child, to now be harrassed by him and that your father, a lawyer is not stepping in and taking some sort of action.

 

My guess is you will say you havent told them?

 

Either this is some sort of hoax or you are not telling your parents because you are waiting for MM to change his tune. Nothing else rings true.

[SidLyon]

Noelle, I'm sorry for your situation. I suspect you are somehow hoping that he will leave his wife and become a family with you and your child. This doesn't sound like a good thing to me because the way you describe this man he is not a good person, to be pushing round and threatening to cut open a pregnant woman. I doubt he is going to leave his wife immediately but even if there's a chance of this you can still take the same action.

 

My advice to you is:

 

1. Tell your parents everything.

2. Ensure that he is at least registered as the child's father even if this means forcing a paternity test. This will preserve your child's entitlement to support and avoid future disputes about paternity.

3. Document every threat and bad behaviour on his part. Ensure there is someone else present every time you see him or talk to him on the phone. Save texts and emails. There is probably nothing you can do to prevent him seeking some sort of access or custody of the child, if he so chooses, so you need something you can use to fight that, if necessary.

4. Ensure that his wife is told, preferably in a letter from your lawyer, or contact from your father. Stop threatening him with this and just do it. This will take away this particular stressor for him. If she is not told then he will continue to be stressed and could continue harassing and possibly harming you while he believes you have something to hold over him. Most likely once his wife is told his focus will be off you and onto her and his other family.

5. Stop having sex with him, if you are.

 

I tend to agree with JJ33 above. What exactly is the choice you need to make as per your subject line?

Edited September 25, 2010 by SidLyon

[Fieldsofgold]

As some may remember, I am currently expecting MM's child. Well... ex MM ever since I found out about the pregnancy.

 

His reaction to the baby was NOT pleasant and I endured a lot of crap from him. Still enduring. Since my last post he has gotten even worse, any 'up' moments we may have had are now nonexistant.

 

Now, before I say what I need to say I want to make it clear that ex MM does not appear a violent person. He is a 30 year old man with a wife, two small sons, a great career, ten year plan, the whole nine yards. Our whole affair was red flags free for me.

 

However, in our current predicament, he is treating me horribly. I understand that this will throw off his whole life but it's not an excuse for what I have to endure.

He still wants me to have an abortion despite the fact that I am 17 weeks pregnant and adamant to keep this baby, he can't accept that I am having it and during one particularly nasty fight he told me that if I don't have the abortion he will cut me open himself.

 

It's really nasty, I won't go into more details, I was pushed and shoved against a wall so hard that it knocked the breath out of me.

I try to cut contact for a while to collect myself but he calls me at work, comes at the condo, I can't escape him. I told him to leave me alone for a while or I'll go straight to his wife so he backed out but not for long.

 

I've been talking to a lawyer, he said that we can go for child support once the child is born but basicly as long as he is paying towards the child he has every right to seek out rights and right now I'm not sure I want this.

 

I try to talk to him rationally about this but he turns it into a huge fight every time. He says that if it gets to him wife he will make my life miserable with court cases, I'll never be able to move an inch. And the thing is I consulted with my dad a lot about this and he told me that what he says technically isn't far from thruth. He, as a legal father would have rights and would be able to file motions against me stopping me from moving or simply leaving the country for a vacation.

 

My dad (who is actually a lawyer and a smart rational person) advised me to cut all contact with him. To dismiss him as the father... And I haven't even told him all the stuff he did to me because my dad would murder him. He wants me to cut him off and wants to talk to him and tell him to stay away from me forever.

 

My parents have been amazing in all this. I thought they would be upset with me but they are just worried and are helping me with anything.

 

My pregnancy is not going that well, I am still sick, still having pains (my doctor says I may have something called SPD), even had some bleeding. Stress is certainly a factor in all this... On a happer note, I have a scan for next week when I will probably be able to find out the babies sex which I am very excited about.

I am also moving cause I am currently living with a roommate and am now moving into a place of my own. Ex MM now won't know where I live so it will be a whole lot easier.

 

 

What do you guys think... do I cut him off completely? He will have nothing to do with the baby, financially, physically or in any way? Yes, he gets off easy. But I don't care. I need to think about myself and my baby now, he or she will never have the perfect family but what I can do is surround it with people who will love it.

 

At this point I want ex MM to leave us alone, he is ruining my pregnancy and making my life hell... what do I do?

 

This man has been physically abusive and has battered you. He has also threatened to kill you and your child re cutting you open to force termination.

 

He has already committed crimes against you and your unborn child. And is threatening to do much worse.

 

If you don't report this and file charges against him, you are making a dangerous mistake.

 

You need to tell your parents, your lawyer, and you need to file charges against him with the police. And follow through. I don't want you to end up like Lacey Peterson.

 

And if you prosecute him, his history of abuse will be very detrimental if he ever tries to see the baby. It will also cause the court to order safety measures, just in case.

 

You must tell everyone and file charges now. Not just for your present safety, but for you and your baby's future safey.

 

The man is dangerous. Don't play with it.

[pureinheart]

As some may remember, I am currently expecting MM's child. Well... ex MM ever since I found out about the pregnancy.

 

His reaction to the baby was NOT pleasant and I endured a lot of crap from him. Still enduring. Since my last post he has gotten even worse, any 'up' moments we may have had are now nonexistant.

 

Now, before I say what I need to say I want to make it clear that ex MM does not appear a violent person. He is a 30 year old man with a wife, two small sons, a great career, ten year plan, the whole nine yards. Our whole affair was red flags free for me.

 

However, in our current predicament, he is treating me horribly. I understand that this will throw off his whole life but it's not an excuse for what I have to endure.

He still wants me to have an abortion despite the fact that I am 17 weeks pregnant and adamant to keep this baby, he can't accept that I am having it and during one particularly nasty fight he told me that if I don't have the abortion he will cut me open himself.

 

It's really nasty, I won't go into more details, I was pushed and shoved against a wall so hard that it knocked the breath out of me.

I try to cut contact for a while to collect myself but he calls me at work, comes at the condo, I can't escape him. I told him to leave me alone for a while or I'll go straight to his wife so he backed out but not for long.

 

I've been talking to a lawyer, he said that we can go for child support once the child is born but basicly as long as he is paying towards the child he has every right to seek out rights and right now I'm not sure I want this.

 

I try to talk to him rationally about this but he turns it into a huge fight every time. He says that if it gets to him wife he will make my life miserable with court cases, I'll never be able to move an inch. And the thing is I consulted with my dad a lot about this and he told me that what he says technically isn't far from thruth. He, as a legal father would have rights and would be able to file motions against me stopping me from moving or simply leaving the country for a vacation.

 

My dad (who is actually a lawyer and a smart rational person) advised me to cut all contact with him. To dismiss him as the father... And I haven't even told him all the stuff he did to me because my dad would murder him. He wants me to cut him off and wants to talk to him and tell him to stay away from me forever.

 

My parents have been amazing in all this. I thought they would be upset with me but they are just worried and are helping me with anything.

 

My pregnancy is not going that well, I am still sick, still having pains (my doctor says I may have something called SPD), even had some bleeding. Stress is certainly a factor in all this... On a happer note, I have a scan for next week when I will probably be able to find out the babies sex which I am very excited about.

I am also moving cause I am currently living with a roommate and am now moving into a place of my own. Ex MM now won't know where I live so it will be a whole lot easier.

 

 

What do you guys think... do I cut him off completely? He will have nothing to do with the baby, financially, physically or in any way? Yes, he gets off easy. But I don't care. I need to think about myself and my baby now, he or she will never have the perfect family but what I can do is surround it with people who will love it.

 

At this point I want ex MM to leave us alone, he is ruining my pregnancy and making my life hell... what do I do?

 

Are you staying with your parents?

 

You can still get support for your baby and keep him away at the same time.

 

Have you reported any of this?

 

Get a restraining order with stay away orders for your job, parents actually anywhere you are. He laid hands on you, he should be in jail. Period. He needs to be reported. He is sick and he IS violent.

 

He thinks he can walk all over you...he is sick.

[desertIslandCactus]

Noelle,

 

Do you understand that most of us who are reading this story - consider him potentially dangerous??

 

The man is desparate that his life will change.. His trying to push you into a corner Can lead to violence. No one knows when someone will go off.

 

Please do not threaten him (about his wife, etc), or show him your hand in any manner.

 

I don't even think you are going to be safe in your own new undisclosed place. At this time, it seems safest for you to move in with your parents until the baby is born.

 

Should you decide to get a restraining order, do it without warning him of it .. And yes, tell others and record all confrontations with him.

 

I know you have said that in the past he has met your outside of your job. Somehow this must stop.

 

If you continue to keep these threats and abuse from your parents, You Must Completely Remove Yourself From This Man.

 

As for whether or not you should consider financial support from him .. If it were me, I would stay away from him - do everything to keep him out of my life for these next months, until I could make a decision about support - not based on his intimidation.

[pureinheart]

BTW, threatening to kill you is considered a terrorist threat...he needs to go to jail, and I rarely advise that and actually never have before.

[pureinheart]

Noelle,

 

Do you understand that most of us who are reading this story - consider him potentially dangerous??

 

The man is desparate that his life will change.. His trying to push you into a corner Can lead to violence. No one knows when someone will go off.

 

Please do not threaten him (about his wife, etc), or show him your hand in any manner.

 

I don't even think you are going to be safe in your own new undisclosed place. At this time, it seems safest for you to move in with your parents until the baby is born.

 

Should you decide to get a restraining order, do it without warning him of it .. And yes, tell others and record all confrontations with him.

 

I know you have said that in the past he has met your outside of your job. Somehow this must stop.

 

If you continue to keep these threats and abuse from your parents, You Must Completely Remove Yourself From This Man.

 

As for whether or not you should consider financial support from him .. If it were me, I would stay away from him - do everything to keep him out of my life for these next months, until I could make a decision about support - not based on his intimidation.

 

Excellent advice Desert

[twinsmom]

Noelle,

 

You have been given excellent advice from everyone who has responded to your post. If you choose not to take the offered advice, then the question will be "why?" If someone threatened to "cut my baby out of me", I would have no further contact with him, EVER! Why do you continue to have contact with him? I have to agree with jthorne and jj33. Some things just don't ring true. You seem like an intelligent woman. Far more intelligent than to continue contact with such a man. You say that a restraining order will just create more drama. More drama than what you say you are experiencing now??!! Either take the steps necessary to keep this man out of your life, or stop complaining about it, really. As someone said earlier, if you want it to stop, you can make it stop. Do you want it to stop or not?

[whichwayisup]

Stop ALL communications with your exMM and focus on resting and taking care of yourself.

 

If he continues to harrass you and utter death threats, or even shows up unexpected, CALL 911. DO NOT speak him anymore.

 

Once the baby is born and you're stronger, then deal with him, until then, take care of yourself.