desertIslandCactus Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 I too, join with the others with relief the baby is healthy, and your happiness she is a girl. Keep us posted. Noelle. Am extremely frustrated that you continue to meet with and have a man in your life who has abused and threatened you. I guess you just want to see his reaction when you tell him he is 'off the hook'? It's obvious we just feel protective for you .. and with all you have shared about your 'meetings' with this man. Many have advised a restraining order, yet you freely meet with him. Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 A girl? Yay!! So precious they are. But be prepared for a tiny, adorable,oh so lovable, sweet faced tyrant haha! I love mine so much, even her tyrant ways. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Congrats on your healthy baby girl! Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 I hope Noelle comes back to report the results of her meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 Fair warning from a man going through a divorce..... A man who is married and has two children and cheats on his wife is pretty savvy, both about how the world works, how children are and how women are. He knows how a woman can manipulate with her words, even if, apparently, the words are what he wants to hear. I'm just letting you know your generous offer to 'let him off the hook' can be interpreted by him in a number of ways. Myself, I'd want the legal docs to back up the words which, without them, are just carbon dioxide. That's what a divorce has taught me. Hope it works out for you. I'd have the lawyer prepare the letter and hand it to him during your conversation, *and* have the lawyer send it to his business mailing address registered with return receipt. This is how my lawyer does everything. Paper trail. Keep us posted. My instinct is the legs are long on this situation. Hug mom and dad Great advice, thanks. I met with him last night (in public). I told him I had a doctors appointment, asked him if he wanted to know the sex. He didn't. I wasn't feeling well again so he told me ''well you should've got rid of the damn thing''. I lost my temper for a second cause it's heartbreaking to hear him refer to my little girl as a ''thing''. It all just confirmed to me that I was making the right choice cutting this person out of our lives. Told him he doesn't have to worry, I'm out of his life, won't go for child support, won't make him admit paternity, from now on as far as my baby is concerned he might as well be the milkman. But that also means that if he ever comes near us again I will be going to the police, I'll make sure everyone knows, not only that he fathered my child but also what he did after. Told him he will recieve a notice from my lawyer next week, and after that he won't ever see me again. He doesn't deserve to know the sex. He doesn't deserve anything but a kick in the nuts. So there ya go... my child is officially fatherless. Her BC will list father unkown. As heartbreaking it is for her, I am imensely relieved to be free of him and start our lives together. Starting with beginning to enjoy my pregnancy finally. I'll update you guys if he contacts me again, but there's no reason for him to do that. I basicly told him he has no child on the way. Thanks everyone! P.S. Silly_girl - I'm well aware that he was a complete psycho about this, I remember quite well thank you very much. And it cuts me like a knife everytime I think of it, which is why I refuse to have my daughter around him. Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Noelle, I'm so proud of you for cutting away the bad - and moving forward in Embracing your little girl .. the prize .. Link to post Share on other sites
BellaBellaBella Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Noelle, I am sorry for the pain this guy has put you through! How did he react to your statements to him? I hope you keep us updated. Bella Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Noelle, I'm so proud of you for cutting away the bad - and moving forward in Embracing your little girl .. the prize .. Me, too. And, btw, I'll be happy to kick him in the appropriate anatomical location for you. I had a daughter, too. And her father - my husband - felt the same way your jerk does! My daughter and I have had a wonderful life without the azz, and she didn't know or care what was on her BC until she was so old that it didn't matter, and then she laughed about it. LOTS, lots, lots of kids grow up without their biological dads, and have wonderful lives. My older teenage grandson has never seen his dad, and he has a very good outlook. He has lots of other men in his life - other relatives, men at church and in his extracurricular sports activities. If you don't make a big deal about the BC and the dad, she won't care. My concern now is that you learn and grow from this situation, so that you find a wonderful, LOVING, available man to share you and your daughter's life. I am vey concerned that you were in, and to some extent accepted, abuse in this abusive relationship. Here's what I'd like you to focus on now. Look deep into yourself. Go to counseling. Find out what has gone on in you that caused you to be attracted to the azzclown, figure out why and how you were willing to accept the jerk, and especially why you tolerated the very serious abuse he inflicted on you. If you don't, I fear you are in danger of getting into another abusive relationship in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 It's probably no consolation now, but he will be sorry later on. He may be on his deathbed, but he will be sorry. Well now, at least he will leave you alone and you will not have to fear for your safety. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 FoG, you bring up an interesting point about the abuse. I wonder if the pregnancy hadn't occurred, if the affair would have just run it's course and ended, and Noelle might have never seen this side of him. What I am more concerned about is that she choose a man of integrity, as those men typically do not cheat and/or abuse. I hope Noelle will someday discover why she decided to go down the path she did of having a sexual relationship with a married man. I'm sure she could have done better for herself, but she decided to make that choice. Why? With a baby on the way, I'm sure men are the last thing on her mind. And also with a daughter, I am sure she will be more selective about who she brings into her and her daughter's lives. Link to post Share on other sites
lilbunny Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Congratulations Noelle, a baby girl wow I agree totally that he will live to regret his choice, but you won't. Whatever the BC says, you know who her father asks and if she grows up and asks you can tell her. I think this is the best thing to keep you both safe. I am really glad you are finally getting to enjoy the pregnancy and wish you well. Keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
Author noelle303 Posted October 3, 2010 Author Share Posted October 3, 2010 I am vey concerned that you were in, and to some extent accepted, abuse in this abusive relationship. Well by the time he got abusive, it was no longer a relationship. During the course of the relationship he was never abusive to me or shown any abusive tendencies. But thank you, both my parents have suggested for me to go to therapy, atleast a few sessions before thew baby is born. I think they have a godd point but I'm just struggling to find time for it... I know it'd be good. So far, no attemps to contact me. I'm kinda torn between feeling relief and feeling sad that he really doesn't one bit care about his own daughter?! How can people just abandon their own children? Maybe he just doesn't see it that way. My mom told me that women become mothers during pregnancy while men become fathers once they see their child... and he'll never see her. I guess I just need to move forward... this has been such a hellish time for me I guess it'll take time to get to a happy place. Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Noelle, One can't take what's happening at the moment - to be the end of most things. The man just wanted relief from the situation. Which you more than gave him. Unfortuneatly, now that he has been relieved from responsibility - I don't think you've heard the last of him. I hope your attorney will be able to make it Stick, since you are sacrificing support. As for counseling: You made a bad choice in a man, which is not uncommon. We just work our way through life learning from our mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Be realistic though. If there is one thing in life that one can't hide is a child. Don't "The end" your story just yet. Life takes many turns. Sucks is that you will have to live in anguish for the rest of your life, not knowing if this phantom will knock on your door 18 yrs from now. Don't lie to your daughter about her father either. This can most likely create a feeling of wondering once she is old enough and go looking... Link to post Share on other sites
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