He's planning to leave her...

[TRaczaj]

It's good you went. Keep going, even if he doesn't come out of the bedroom. That support is what he needs right now. Hopefully tomorrow he'll talk to you. Make afew meals, a big bowl of fresh fruit and bring it over to where he is staying.

 

 

 

DO NOT CONSIDER THIS at all. Even if it feels right. She is off limits.

 

Do you understand that they are "on a break"? He loves her, she loves him.

 

I could understand they are on a break... if he would have given some indication of that. He didn't. He just left. As far as she knows he's not coming back. It seems to me likr packing up and leaving and not even talking it over first is mot something someone does when they want a break. That's something people do when they are saying goodbye.

[whichwayisup]

I could understand they are on a break... if he would have given some indication of that. He didn't. He just left. As far as she knows he's not coming back. It seems to me likr packing up and leaving and not even talking it over first is mot something someone does when they want a break. That's something people do when they are saying goodbye.

You need to do some reading up on depression and breakdowns.. He isn't thinking clearly. Right now, he cannot handle anything. Maybe it's forever, maybe it isn't.

 

You say everything was fine before this, they were getting along, yes? You said it came out of the blue and that's why she's so upset, didn't see it coming.

[TRaczaj]

Because you two are coming from two different places and spaces. Her frame of mind is her boyfriend who broke up with her because he's had a breakdown. SHe isn't thinking of you in that light, lusting after you, thinking 'oh good, the boyfriends gone and now I can jump you!' Sorry to put it that way, but you need to get yourself OUT of the frame of mind you're in. It's like you're 'waiting' to make the "the move" on her.. Tomorrow, next week? Atleast that's what it feels like you're doing from what I've read.

 

Don't be that guy, k. And, whatever you do, do NOT get in the way of them if they work it out, or if she wants to go see him. Stay out of it and don't discourage her from going to see him.

now I;

 

I'll admit I'm looking at this a different way after reading some posts from people here. At first I was asking for advice on how to handle this without crossing that line with her... But now I'm starting to wonder if I should cross the line a little... IF she turns me down then at least I know there's not a chance and I can accept the rejection and hopefully move on.

[whichwayisup]

now I;

 

I'll admit I'm looking at this a different way after reading some posts from people here. At first I was asking for advice on how to handle this without crossing that line with her... But now I'm starting to wonder if I should cross the line a little... IF she turns me down then at least I know there's not a chance and I can accept the rejection and hopefully move on.

 

It's TOO SOON. They JUST broke up!

 

Imagine you making a move or something on her. She smacks you in the face, or tells you to F off, that she is hurting and can't believe you would do that to her days after they broke up.

 

I don't understand why you want to push yourself onto her, especially right now.

 

She is hurting and upset. Last thing she needs to deal with is you coming onto her or dropping hints that you want her. Respect that, k.

[TRaczaj]

You need to do some reading up on depression and breakdowns.. He isn't thinking clearly. Right now, he cannot handle anything. Maybe it's forever, maybe it isn't.

 

You say everything was fine before this, they were getting along, yes? You said it came out of the blue and that's why she's so upset, didn't see it coming.

 

Yes, maybe I should do some research...

 

At the beginning of the summer (early June) they got into a huge fight and she left here for two weeks and stayed with a friend. Then they made up and everything was alright for a while, until his breakdown.

[TRaczaj]

It's TOO SOON. They JUST broke up!

 

Imagine you making a move or something on her. She smacks you in the face, or tells you to F off, that she is hurting and can't believe you would do that to her days after they broke up.

 

I don't understand why you want to push yourself onto her, especially right now.

 

She is hurting and upset. Last thing she needs to deal with is you coming onto her or dropping hints that you want her. Respect that, k.

 

I'm so conflicted... You are making good points, but so are other people.

 

If I do tell her how I feel about her, it won't be right away. I want to know for sure he's not coming back to her first. I just don't want to miss the chance, and then always wonder, you know?

[whichwayisup]

I'm pretty sure that person who told you to squeeze her until you get oranges was being sarcastic.

 

Can you live with yourself if you go ahead and make that move, only to piss her off and she turns around, moves out? The timing is WRONG. SO wrong.

[whichwayisup]

If I do tell her how I feel about her, it won't be right away. I want to know for sure he's not coming back to her first. I just don't want to miss the chance, and then always wonder, you know?

 

This is the first logical thing you've said in 2 days. Sorry, just being honest.

[TRaczaj]

 

Can you live with yourself if you go ahead and make that move, only to piss her off and she turns around, moves out? The timing is WRONG. SO wrong.

 

To be honest, I don't think I could....

 

As far as the sarcasm... it's hard telling online.

[TRaczaj]

This is the first logical thing you've said in 2 days. Sorry, just being honest.

 

Nothing wrong with honesty. But I never said I was going to tell her soon in the first place. I know she needs some time. Did you think I was going to tell her tomorrow or something?

[whichwayisup]

But now I'm starting to wonder if I should cross the line a little...

Yes. I thought you meant soon you were going to make a little move or drop a hint.

 

Well, anyone who calls a woman who is hurting and upset, a bitch and to squeeze them until orange juice... It's either mean spirited or sarcasim.

[TRaczaj]

Yes. I thought you meant soon you were going to make a little move or drop a hint.

 

Well, anyone who calls a woman who is hurting and upset, a bitch and to squeeze them until orange juice... It's either mean spirited or sarcasim.

 

I think what they said was "squeeze that bitch called life" or something like that.

 

No, I didn't mean right away. Sorry, it's my fault for not making that more clear. TO me it was such a given I just figured it was to everyone else too I guess.

[whichwayisup]

That's okay. See, you're right online it's hard sometimes to understand, depending on how something is worded..

 

*was too lazy to go back and look up the exact quote!*

[You Go Girl]

I read this entire thread and the backstory.

 

Wow, what a mess.

 

I looked very carefully for any signs that she is in love with you, and I didn't see a single sign that she would do anything behind the bestfriend/bf's back. She seems loyal to him.

 

Secondly, I think they both know that you are the third wheel here, and they both know your feelings for her run a little deeper than you admit. The Valentine's text, other examples, reveal this.

He knows she is loyal. He's so darn sure she's loyal he is even willing to yes, throw you a crumb of her sexuality.

She, meanwhile, enjoys having the attention of both of you. She naively and innocently appreciates your friendship. Nothing like having a second shoulder to lean on.

 

Honestly, I think if she was in love with you too, she would find herself sickening and would extract herself from the setup. It would bother her too much to betray her love for your bf, and it would bother her too much to be around you. There would definitely be signs!

You're one of those nice guys that ends up as the friend with women. This does need to be cured, but not with THIS woman.

If you come onto her while he's in the state he's in...she will probably be extremely disgusted that you are being a neandrathal while he's in such bad shape. This is definitely not the time to make a move on her, if ever. It could take them six months or more to sort everything out, and then they could be back together stronger than ever. And where will that leave you if you stepped in during the intermittent? They will ostracize you when they get back together, that's where you will be.

When two people are in love, the third wheel is what is disposable.

 

You can go for broke here, and try your hand...but if you're not getting vibes from her that she's in love with you, and I don't see any, then you'll be humiliating yourself.

 

I feel so bad for you. As I see it--You're in love with someone who isn't in love with you.

 

There is a very remote possibility that he is some kind of alpha male, and she is too much of a playtoy. Does she respect herself after he shares her with you? She likes making him hot by watching, he is completely at ease with it all, but is she? You have one chance here as I see it, and that's if she doesn't respect the way he shares her, and would prefer a traditional relationship in which her man wouldn't do such a thing. If he's too liberal for her, and his alpha-male confidence is uncomfortable for her, then you have a slight chance.

As for holding her hand? Did she look into your eyes without his knowledge during that and share a secret? Was there ever the slightest hint that she's not happy with him and would betray him even that tiny bit? I didn't see it...she politely held your hand long enough not to insult you, then let go when the shots came, and said nothing more of it.

 

I think the healthy thing to do is stop being their personal third wheel, there to help support their lifestyle, there to be the cook sometimes, there to be the third sexual partner when they're feeling a little racy. You're being used!!!!!!!!!!!!

[InternationalPlayboy]

Dude - this whole thing sounds like a mess. If I were you, I'd stay out of it, I'd even move out. And don't try to intervene - you have no clue what goes on between them when they're alone. Even if they confide in you, there are things they simply will leave out or not say because you're the third wheel. Move out, get away from these two and maybe somewhere down the line you will meet her when she's doing better. But most likely once you get some distance you'll meet someone else, someone who's not taken, someone a little more stable and who will make you forget this whole episode.

 

I wish you luck.

[TRaczaj]

 

There is a very remote possibility that he is some kind of alpha male, and she is too much of a playtoy. Does she respect herself after he shares her with you? She likes making him hot by watching, he is completely at ease with it all, but is she? You have one chance here as I see it, and that's if she doesn't respect the way he shares her, and would prefer a traditional relationship in which her man wouldn't do such a thing. If he's too liberal for her, and his alpha-male confidence is uncomfortable for her, then you have a slight chance.

 

This is something I've thought about too. I don't really know how she feels about this because her reaction and mannerisms were so different both times it happened. The first time was awkward... then we got caught up in it and the awkwardness went away, but as soon as we were done, it was really awkward again. And I know she was feeling some regret the next day because she told me.

 

But the second time it was a completely different story. Even though memory is a little clouded, we all three remembered her being the one who brought me into it. We all three were on the bed, she was making out with him, then she started doing stuff with me. I won't go into all the details. But she even admitted it when she was sober that she was the agressor... at least she was with me. But she didn't seem bothered by at at all.

 

As for holding her hand? Did she look into your eyes without his knowledge during that and share a secret? Was there ever the slightest hint that she's not happy with him and would betray him even that tiny bit? I didn't see it...she politely held your hand long enough not to insult you, then let go when the shots came, and said nothing more of it.

 

She did look at me when I took her hand. I don't know if he saw her, but I doubt it.

 

I think the healthy thing to do is stop being their personal third wheel, there to help support their lifestyle, there to be the cook sometimes, there to be the third sexual partner when they're feeling a little racy. You're being used!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Maybe I am...

[TRaczaj]

My friend still isn't answering his phone. I went over again today if anyone was wondering. Still didn't see him.

[whichwayisup]

My friend still isn't answering his phone. I went over again today if anyone was wondering. Still didn't see him.

 

Where is he staying? Who's looking after him? Tomorrow, go over again and tell him you have to see him, want to see with your own eyes how he's doing. Isolating himself right now is really bad..

[TRaczaj]

Where is he staying? Who's looking after him? Tomorrow, go over again and tell him you have to see him, want to see with your own eyes how he's doing. Isolating himself right now is really bad..

 

He's staying with a friend of ours.

 

He's always had a bond with this guy... since this guy's family is from his home country.

 

I'll go back tomorrow and try that...

 

She's a mess. She wasn't home most of the day. She did go to work which surprised me. Tonight I cooked dinner by myself but I made enough for her too. When she got home I told her there was plenty of food in the fridge and she said she didn't feel like eating. She took a shower and went to bed. She never goes to bed so early... she's a night person.

And I'll start getting worried if she continues to not eat anything.

[whichwayisup]

No, it's good she's going to work. She needs the distraction and to keep her mind busy.

 

Don't worry too much. I'm sure she's going to work through the pain. She'll eat when she feels like it.

 

It's good your friend is being looked after then, wasn't sure if he was staying somewhere alone.

 

Also, make afew meals and bring that over to him.

[TRaczaj]

No, it's good she's going to work. She needs the distraction and to keep her mind busy.

 

Don't worry too much. I'm sure she's going to work through the pain. She'll eat when she feels like it.

 

It's good your friend is being looked after then, wasn't sure if he was staying somewhere alone.

 

Also, make afew meals and bring that over to him.

 

She get's along really well with her co workers. So I think they'll help her through this. And she ate today.

 

I came home from work today and she was downstairs on the couch woth her friend. It seemed like they were having a good time...

 

I saw my friend today... I went over to the house where he's staying and he came downstairs and sat in the living room for a little while. He didn't say m uch though, and he had this blank look on his face the whole time.

 

Its a little scary seeing him like this.

[TRaczaj]

Things are still the same here... She's a wreck, he's not talking, and I am... nothing really. I'm just here.

 

I stopped at my Mom's house after work and she asked me how she (the girl) was doing... I told her, and then she told me she always wondered why she hooked up with my friend and not me.

 

So... my Mom has said it, her Mom has said it... and my sister has said the same thing.

 

It seems like her and I are are such a good fit...

[whichwayisup]

Yet the timing is just SO SO WRONG right now.

[InternationalPlayboy]

I hate to be harsh about this - even though your mom, her mom and your sister all think this girl should choose you the fact is she didn't. She chose the other guy and obviously is still emotionally attached to him. Time to walk away.

[You Go Girl]

I hate to be harsh about this - even though your mom, her mom and your sister all think this girl should choose you the fact is she didn't. She chose the other guy and obviously is still emotionally attached to him. Time to walk away.

 

Exactly. THese other women are hurting him by saying this, because they are giving him HOPE. Hope that one day she is going to wake up and suddenly realize that it is him she loved all along.

Well that's possible, but so is winning the lottery. THe odds are about the same.