He's planning to leave her...

[dreamingoftigers]

Look, you weren't just "meh" on this girl. You really really liked her.

 

As for your friend, he can't expect her to be pulling the splinters out of her ass from sitting around waiting for him for months. He left her, has he even made a showing yet?

 

If he had those feelings for her, he would have been back by now. It IS over.

 

You are here now, don't let some inkling of guilt stop you from going after something that isn't wrong. You have much mroe to offer this woman, for starters: you are interested in her. That is way more then you can say about your "friend."

 

Live your life and enjoy it. If you didn't try, you would have always wondered what could have been.

[You Go Girl]

Well I see it as a tough decision on both your parts, but you both made that decision.

So I would rather now not see a huge guilt trip on your part, or hers, or some vascillating back and forth on hers from feelings for you to feelings for him, etc. In otherwords, I hope the two of you can keep it clean now, not messy.

As for the friend with the breakdown, you have a hard decision to make. If he starts feeling better and starts showing up in life again and wants either of you back in his life, or gawd forbid, to move back in with the two of you, then you do have to sit him down and tell him like it is, without trying to soften the blow.

And I agree that you don't tiptoe around her anymore. As long as she's responding positively, don't appear to be unsure yourself.

 

And I really hope that he broke up with her because of reasons other than his meltdown, because things are going to get messy if he feels betrayed by both of you.

I think it's time to ask her why he broke up with her, and what he said when he did it.

[TRaczaj]

Look, you weren't just "meh" on this girl. You really really liked her.

 

As for your friend, he can't expect her to be pulling the splinters out of her ass from sitting around waiting for him for months. He left her, has he even made a showing yet?

 

If he had those feelings for her, he would have been back by now. It IS over.

 

You are here now, don't let some inkling of guilt stop you from going after something that isn't wrong. You have much mroe to offer this woman, for starters: you are interested in her. That is way more then you can say about your "friend."

 

Live your life and enjoy it. If you didn't try, you would have always wondered what could have been.

 

My friend hasn't made any effort to talk to her or work things out with her... I thought he would have been back by now too, or at least that they would be talking.

 

My guilt has faded a lot since I wrote that post... I know it wasn't that long ago, but still. It's not wrong. He made his choice to be without her. I missed two chances to be with her. I am not missing this chance.

 

I'm leaving in a little bit here to pick her up from work. We have plans for this afternoon and tonight. I guess this is a date in a sense. I don't want to start labeling things though.

 

You Go Girl, I do have things to say in response to you. I just can't right now because I have to leave. I'll answer you when I get back online again.

[dreamingoftigers]

Don't forget it to take it easy and to keep your boundaries in place, don't be a doormat.

[TRaczaj]

Well I see it as a tough decision on both your parts, but you both made that decision.

So I would rather now not see a huge guilt trip on your part, or hers, or some vascillating back and forth on hers from feelings for you to feelings for him, etc. In otherwords, I hope the two of you can keep it clean now, not messy.

As for the friend with the breakdown, you have a hard decision to make. If he starts feeling better and starts showing up in life again and wants either of you back in his life, or gawd forbid, to move back in with the two of you, then you do have to sit him down and tell him like it is, without trying to soften the blow.

And I agree that you don't tiptoe around her anymore. As long as she's responding positively, don't appear to be unsure yourself.

 

And I really hope that he broke up with her because of reasons other than his meltdown, because things are going to get messy if he feels betrayed by both of you.

I think it's time to ask her why he broke up with her, and what he said when he did it.

 

Things have been pretty clean so far... But we also haven't really defined what this is yet. That's not a problem for me. I mentioned before I don't want to start labeling things.

 

I hope, at this point, that my friend doesn't want to come back into either of our lives. I think if that happens it will be her decision more then mine.

 

He didn't say much when he broke up with her. He took some of his stuff and left while we both were at work. Then he called her and said he wasn't coming back home... THen whenever she would try to talk to him or go see him, he would be either really withdraen or hostile to her.

 

...

 

Aside from all that, her and I just had this great weekend together. I didn't think it was possible, but I'm falling even harder for her.

[dreamingoftigers]

Things have been pretty clean so far... But we also haven't really defined what this is yet. That's not a problem for me. I mentioned before I don't want to start labeling things.

 

I hope, at this point, that my friend doesn't want to come back into either of our lives. I think if that happens it will be her decision more then mine.

 

He didn't say much when he broke up with her. He took some of his stuff and left while we both were at work. Then he called her and said he wasn't coming back home... THen whenever she would try to talk to him or go see him, he would be either really withdraen or hostile to her.

 

...

 

Aside from all that, her and I just had this great weekend together. I didn't think it was possible, but I'm falling even harder for her.

 

This is the fun phase, I hope she doesn't break your heart.

[whichwayisup]

Look, you weren't just "meh" on this girl. You really really liked her.

 

As for your friend, he can't expect her to be pulling the splinters out of her ass from sitting around waiting for him for months. He left her, has he even made a showing yet?

 

If he had those feelings for her, he would have been back by now. It IS over.

 

You are here now, don't let some inkling of guilt stop you from going after something that isn't wrong. You have much mroe to offer this woman, for starters: you are interested in her. That is way more then you can say about your "friend."

 

Live your life and enjoy it. If you didn't try, you would have always wondered what could have been.

 

Did you read that his friend had mental breakdown and is suffering from depression? He loved his gf but couldn't deal with things, hense him ending up in the hospital last month or so. This isn't a case of the guy doesn't care for his gf and left. He does love her, he's just not able to be in a relationship due to his mental health issues.

 

My friend hasn't made any effort to talk to her or work things out with her... I thought he would have been back by now too, or at least that they would be talking.

 

My guilt has faded a lot since I wrote that post... I know it wasn't that long ago, but still. It's not wrong. He made his choice to be without her. I missed two chances to be with her. I am not missing this chance.

 

I'm leaving in a little bit here to pick her up from work. We have plans for this afternoon and tonight. I guess this is a date in a sense. I don't want to start labeling things though.

 

You Go Girl, I do have things to say in response to you. I just can't right now because I have to leave. I'll answer you when I get back online again.

 

The ex and your friend has DEPRESSION, and had a total mental breakdown.

 

All I can say is, when the time comes he starts to feel better and comes around to talk to you (and to her) both of you owe him the truth. Don't lie to him, don't hide the fact you two are now a couple. Be honest and own it, even more so if you feel no guilt and feel you've done nothing wrong.

 

Just don't be surprised that he is going to feel betrayed by you. I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, I've helped you from day one on this one and just kept telling you to take it slow ... And yes protect your heart.

Edited November 15, 2010 by whichwayisup

[TRaczaj]

I don't plan on hiding anything from him when (and if) he comes back around... I'll tell him the truth. I wouldn't say her and I are a couple as of now. We are just... I don't really know what to call it.

 

I'm sure he will feel betrayed... But I'm sure a part of her felt betrayed when he left her. Idk... depression or not, you would think he would at least make some effort to show her this is only temporary and that he still cares about her. But he isn't.

[dreamingoftigers]

Did you read that his friend had mental breakdown and is suffering from depression? He loved his gf but couldn't deal with things, hense him ending up in the hospital last month or so. This isn't a case of the guy doesn't care for his gf and left. He does love her, he's just not able to be in a relationship due to his mental health issues.

 

The ex and your friend has DEPRESSION, and had a total mental breakdown.

 

All I can say is, when the time comes he starts to feel better and comes around to talk to you (and to her) both of you owe him the truth. Don't lie to him, don't hide the fact you two are now a couple. Be honest and own it, even more so if you feel no guilt and feel you've done nothing wrong.

 

Just don't be surprised that he is going to feel betrayed by you. I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, I've helped you from day one on this one and just kept telling you to take it slow ... And yes protect your heart.

 

Actually he seemed more the bipolar/bpd type from the previous postings. He has had NO CONTACT with her since he moved. That is ridiculous, it is too bad that he has a condition, but all signs point to a straight disappearance. Although he may still care for her, how long does everyone have to wait to move on in their lives.

 

I was diagnosed as BPD at the age of 20 (I have since had treatment, still a work in progress) and you know what? No one should be held hostage to a "maybe." They are not married and have no solid commitment, quite the opposite in fact. He won't even see her.

[TRaczaj]

Hi all... I know it's been a little while since I've been here. I just thought I would check in.

 

It's been a long time since I've been this... happy. It feels weird even saying it. Her and I are still not labeling anything... we are just letting things progress slowly. But I am so smitten with her...

 

I've been single for so long... And I've had these feelings so long... Now that I'm with her I can't even explain how it feels. I'm sure some people reading this know.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi all... I know it's been a little while since I've been here. I just thought I would check in.

 

It's been a long time since I've been this... happy. It feels weird even saying it. Her and I are still not labeling anything... we are just letting things progress slowly. But I am so smitten with her...

 

I've been single for so long... And I've had these feelings so long... Now that I'm with her I can't even explain how it feels. I'm sure some people reading this know.

 

Good for you, make sure both you and her are getting your needs met, never be afraid to make your needs known, sometimes you quieter guys roll with the punches and let too much go. I am so happy for you.

[TRaczaj]

Good for you, make sure both you and her are getting your needs met, never be afraid to make your needs known, sometimes you quieter guys roll with the punches and let too much go. I am so happy for you.

 

You aren't the only one happy for me... My family is so psyched that I am seeing her now... especially my sister. My sister as always said I was a better fit for her.

 

And her family seems pretty happy about it too...

 

I have to get going though... she gets off work soon and I'm picking her up.

[phillyfan]

I don't really understand his choice to move out either. But I also understand that he's not exactly thinking clearly either. He just had a nervous breakdown... Yes, him and I lived together first. As of now all three of our names are on the lease.

 

I was only her "shoulder" last night. It was 2am when we discovered he left. WHo else was she going to call at 2am? Today she's actually with a female friend. She called off work and her and her friend went for a drive.

 

Dude be careful, sounds like a rebound. Mayb itll turn inta somethin more, but watch out. If he comes outta this mess and sees the light he mite try to get back with her, and she mite still want to get back wit him. Dude I know he is actin like an ass but his heads not all there, it kinda isnt his fault.

Edited December 14, 2010 by phillyfan