Why do so many people complain about the divorce laws when they

[Tiberius]

are confronted with it? It aint like anybody forced them to get married. Many couples have house and children without the marriage certificate.

[tornandmarried]

very true....when u get married, u should accept those laws to be a part of your relationship......sometimes it feels unfair but thats what u signed up for

[spriggig]

I got married because I wanted to be married. And I liked being married, right up until she cheated on me--but that's another thread, literally.

 

Now, sitting here, waiting for the finalized divorce in the mail, I wonder what is the point of making a legal contract of marriage?

 

I get the ceremony, I understand and believe in the vows, I just don't get why it needs to be a legal contract--why do we do this to ourselves?

 

It doesn't make the love or commitment more real, it certainly doesn't prevent anyone from lying or cheating or leaving. As far as I can see the legal contract in my marriage served only to make a lawyer a little richer at the end. Child custody and support laws apply whether the parents are married or not--so it's not for that.

 

So, what's the point?

[carhill]

No complaints here. Knew the laws going in. Planned accordingly. Only complaint has been with the lethargy and ambiguous nature of parts of the process. It can be challenging even for someone who is intelligent and well-prepared.

 

Most folks get married at far younger ages and with far less legal experience than I did and had. It's a 'you and me forever' contract in that circumstance, without due consideration for any negative potentials. Perhaps marriage is a love contract for the young, if at all.

 

I personally liked it, legally, because it gave a wide range of legal powers and benefits with one simple stroke of the pen. No courts, no lawyers, no complex contracts. A good pre-nup would be one exception, and I'll have that the next time.

 

We weren't fortunate enough to have children, but I do still have my house and business, so I'm satisfied. Divorce is a great way to get rid of clutter.

[PegNosePete]

I had no idea what the divorce laws were when I went in. It never crossed my mind that I would ever need to know them. Naive maybe? Well now I know for next time.

The only law that I have a problem with is that in the UK you can't divorce within a year of getting married... stupid law... my STBX cheated after 9 months, why should I have to wait 3 months to file? Nothing is going to change in that time. Anyway only 2 weeks left of my "sentence" so not too bad

 

Divorce is a great way to get rid of clutter.

Yeah definitely true! My STBX came to pick up her stuff which I had piled into the garage. Half of the stuff she said "that's not mine", it was my previous ex's and had just been stuffed into a cupboard and forgotten about for 5 years. My house is twice as big now, without all her cr*p!

[willowthewisp]

The only law that I have a problem with is that in the UK you can't divorce within a year of getting married... stupid law... my STBX cheated after 9 months, why should I have to wait 3 months to file? Nothing is going to change in that time. Anyway only 2 weeks left of my "sentence" so not too bad

 

The reason for this law is so that people take marriage seriously. In fact that's the a large part of the reason for it being a legal contract. Part is to protect the vulnerable (children, usually the stay at home Mom who gave her career in many instances etc etc) but the other part is because people should take marriage seriously. Why? Because divorce HURTS, it hurts a lot of people, not just the spouses, but children, families and friends as well. Divorce should not be easy precisley as a deterient to causing others HURT. The problem is not the law but peoples attitude to it, no one has any respect for marriage anymore, marriage has never been easy, it has always required work, yet the divorce rate has increased. Some people argue this is a good thing, this is because women are no longer finacially dependant on men anymore. Personally, I don't take that perspective, I think in general there has been a drastic decline in morality and an increase in the "me me me" attitude and disposable attitude (this one isn't working, I'll get another) of this generation.

 

PegnosePete, I'm very sorry for what you are having to go through and in your case the law here has let you down. Unfortunately, like many laws, divorce law has to encompass many different situations and it doesn't always have an outcome that is fair and just. However, we do still need them and often it is impossible to make them to fit every eventuality, that is why so many are written in statute widely and why sometimes they fall short of being fair.

[MichelleZB]

Think of it like a company merger or something. When people plan their lives together, it can effect their financial or career choices. People don't live the same way they would have if they had remained single.

 

This means that both spouses need some kind of redress if the bargain they've made isn't working out. They also need to be able to divide their assets in a way that recognizes the sacrifices and compromises they made with their finances were combined.

 

If people don't realise that they are signing a legal contract when they get married, they are... idiots. There is no contract for love--why would there be? Love is free. Marriage is a combining of assets, of life plans, and the laws are there to protect us.

 

I always hear people say, "If marriage is just a legal contract, then why get married?" What's wrong with a legal contract?

[2.50 a gallon]

The marriage laws go way back, they are necessary as they establish the rightful heirs, or paternity.

 

When my XW broke her vows, in my eyes the marriage was immediately broken, and I did not need no expensive piece of paper to formally give me my freedom. But I was lucky in that there were no children and not estate to divide. Divorce papers are needed to say who gets what.

 

My long time GF and I have purposely chosen not to marry. Both of us had gone thru bad marriages in the past, and neither of us wanted to have to suffer going thru divorce court.

 

In todays world we have that choice, but in the past just a few generations back, we both could have been jailed in some states for cohabiting, and if not jailed she would have been publicly branded.

 

There is one disadvantage for her, I am several years older, and being a man most likely to leave her a widow, with probably a good 20 more years to live. In my lifetime I have made many times the amount of money that she has made, so have a decent sized SS check. Had we married years back she would have been eligble to receive some of my benefits. As it stands she will get nothing.

[worlybear]

The reason for this law is so that people take marriage seriously. In fact that's the a large part of the reason for it being a legal contract. Part is to protect the vulnerable (children, usually the stay at home Mom who gave her career in many instances etc etc) but the other part is because people should take marriage seriously. Why? Because divorce HURTS, it hurts a lot of people, not just the spouses, but children, families and friends as well. Divorce should not be easy precisley as a deterient to causing others HURT. The problem is not the law but peoples attitude to it, no one has any respect for marriage anymore, marriage has never been easy, it has always required work, yet the divorce rate has increased. Some people argue this is a good thing, this is because women are no longer finacially dependant on men anymore. Personally, I don't take that perspective, I think in general there has been a drastic decline in morality and an increase in the "me me me" attitude and disposable attitude (this one isn't working, I'll get another) of this generation.

 

I agree completely with this- great post!