I love my girlfriend more than my life but i dont lust her

[retro]

Hello all,

 

I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LONG POST. BUT I CANT FIND A BETTER WAY TO EXPRESS MYSELF.

 

I am really frustrated and i have ran out of options. I really wanted to open to someone and get advice and came across this forum.. I have been in a relationship with a wonderful amazing girl for almost 5 years. I am 23 and she is 21. We connect to each other at many levels, she has the most wonderful personality i have seen in any person. she has no problem saying what she feels. Me on the other hand is not very social and always have a problem saying "no" to people and telling what i really feel for the fear of hurting them.

 

Though we love each other more than anything, i dont find her sexually attractive. She is my first and only girlfriend. Both of us are still virgins. we ve been having this problem for all these years and we still dont have a solution. We both have average looks but my problem is i simply cannot look at the person i love the most sexually. I had a crush, (though she did not reciprocate) on another girl before meeting my current gf and even back then i liked her for some reason but it was not for her looks. I din even imagine having sex with her.

 

Same thing with my current gf. Not that i dont like having sex with her but i simply don lust her. This is getting complicated because she is very unhappy though she loves me and she even thinks i am not interested in sex altogether. I love sex a lot and watch porn almost everyday and physically also i don hav any problems. ED, premature ejaculation etc. We do have sex once in a while but it lacks passion, though i pretend its not so. But its obvious.

 

This is taking a toll on out relationship because pretending to be sexually attracted to her doesnt work and i end up hurting her even more. I don know how the future looks. We love each other so deeply and i know the right thing to do would be break up and let her go.

 

I simply cant imagine letting her go.. In fact i would never have the guts to do it. I cant even imagine a minute without her in my life. But i cant go ahead hurting her either. I am really confused and frustrated and i dono what to do. Please help me by letting me know your views.

 

I wanna marry this girl and wanna live the rest of my life with her. Even she loves me more than anything except for the fact that our relationship lacks romance.

 

Though she loves me a lot, i feel that she wants me to let go of her which she even has said many times.

 

Replies from female members would definitely help me to understand things from my girlfriends perspective.

[tornandmarried]

Though we love each other more than anything, i dont find her sexually attractive. She is my first and only girlfriend. Both of us are still virgins. we ve been having this problem for all these years and we still dont have a solution. We both have average looks but my problem is i simply cannot look at the person i love the most sexually. I had a crush, (though she did not reciprocate) on another girl before meeting my current gf and even back then i liked her for some reason but it was not for her looks. I din even imagine having sex with her.

 

Same thing with my current gf. Not that i dont like having sex with her but i simply don lust her. This is getting complicated because she is very unhappy though she loves me and she even thinks i am not interested in sex altogether. I love sex a lot and watch porn almost everyday and physically also i don hav any problems. ED, premature ejaculation etc. We do have sex once in a while but it lacks passion, though i pretend its not so. But its obvious.

 

 

 

 

 

i dont get it??? are u virgins? or are u having sex???

[spiderowl]

It is possible to love someone and not be sexually attracted to them: that's what we call close friendship. You haven't got a sexual relationship and you don't seem to want one. I'm amazed your 'girlfriend' is putting up with it. As you say you are both virgins, I assume she doesn't know any different and so does not know why this is happening. She may be internalising this and assuming she is not attractive in some way. Basically, it's not fair on her and I think you know that. This could be very damaging to her psychologically. Admittedly, it's her responsibility to draw a line and get out of a relationship that's possibly demoralising her, but someone naive might not realise it's not their fault.

 

You've said you are confused and I can understand that you would be. Do you find you are sexually attracted to anyone, female or male? If you do, then it's probably not a hormonal deficiency but a lack of sexual feeling towards your girlfriend. If you don't find others attractive, then maybe you could get your doctor to check hormone levels to see if you are low in anything. That could affect your view of people.

 

If there is no hormonal problem, then I think it might help if you were to find a counsellor of therapist to talk to, to try to find out what's happening here. It could be that you have some deep fear or inhibition that is affecting you. Or, other the other hand, it could simply be that you do not find your girlfriend attractive. As attraction does not seem to have grown, despite intimacy and your obvious attachment to her, then maybe it's time to acknowledge this and talk to her. Whatever you do, I think you should make it clear that she is not unattractive but that maybe the right chemistry with you is just not there, despite such a great friendship. It's a sad situation and painful, but both of you need a chance to find someone who will appreciate you wholeheartedly.

[retro]

Thank you so much for the response. I ll make myself clear about the part where i said that we are virgins but we have sex. We have done a lot of foreplay basically everything else except the actual intercourse (vaginal penetration). We do try it when we have sex, but she finds it painful when i do so i dont force her either. I know this sounds weird that we havent tried penetration though we have been together for almost 5 years now, but yeah thats the way its been going.

 

spiderow... I dont think that i may be having any harmonal deficiency because i feel that i have a fairly high sexual drive. I do get off, watching heterosexual porn and i have been doing this for a long time in my life just like a normal male would do. I do not have sexual feelings for anyone in real though, partially because i could never even feel that way because i love my girlfriend.

 

I dont understand what you meant by 'close friendship'. I love her more than anything and even when we get married i want her to live like a princess. I would like to do all the chores at home, i am even willing to learn cooking so that she wouldnt have to do that. I want to provide the best life possible for her and i want to take care of her like a princess.

 

I do understand what has been going on and it is killing me knowing that she is unhappy with me. She is not unattractive. you are right. She was thinking that she was unattractive initially but now she knows better. She really wants me to let her go, but she also loves me too much to live without me. I mean she knows that I am the best match for her, except for the sex part. She knows that i would take care of her like a child and she even says this often to me during good times.

 

Having a conversation with her would really help, but it ll complicate our relationship. She is a very straightforward person and i am afraid that she may even want to end it. And i clearly cannot imagine living a life without her.

 

Most may judge saying that i am being pathetic and clingy, but i am sure those who have been in relationships as long as mine would understand better. When you love someone heart and soul for almost 5 years, letting them go is next to impossible. You would feel that it would be better that you would not wake up one day rather that to wake up knowing she is not in your life anymore.

 

 

Also there is one another thing that i want to confess at this point. I used to watch porn, and do online cyber sex chat when i was in my teens just like any other normal guy at that age would do. I was not in my hometown for almost 3 years because of work and i was living with my flatmates, and i dint have an internet connectivity (well! didnt needed one at that point because i dint even a computer of my own since i was staying away from home). Anyways, i moved back to my hometown almost an year ago, and though i do love her a lot and felt terrible for the things that ve been goin in our relationship, i started doing online sex chat again.

 

Quite frankly i would never get into a physical relationship with someone other than my girlfriend not just because i love her but also because it goes against everything i believe about true love and also partially because i am scared. But i just clung on to online sex chat as i though since its not real i wouldn hurt anyone and also keep my mind sexually at ease.

 

She found out once eventually. But the thing that shatters me the most and even make me feel like crying when i say this, is not that she found out that i was doing cyber sex but the fact that she did not seem to take it seriously at all. I mean thats the kind of person she is. She would never want to take away anyone's independence even if its her lover's. And this in one attribute of hers that made me fall for her in the first place. When i am around her she would want me to be myself.

 

This changed my perspective a lot and i did stay off cyber sex for while before i started doing it again. This time also she found out and and that just happened yesterday. She still talks to me but its is evident that is avoiding me. She is giving me the stone wall. i dono what i am suppiosed to do. I am clearly losing it. Just like what threebyfate adviced i am planning to stay off the porn. I mean she is so perfect in almost every way that i cant think on any reason why i should come to peace with myself if she ever decides to break things up with me.

 

I want to make this work and i certainly want to marry her, have kids with her and grow old with her but i am scared its not gonna happen. Though it may sound a little too cliche, if things end between us, i could never love someone again. I keep saying this to her but she would just think i am being dramatic but i know better about myself and i know there must be people out there who know exactly what they mean.

 

I have the most perfect girlfriend, and the most perfect relationship(except for the hickups that been going on) but deep down below i think its all gonna fall into the ocean very soon if we dont fix it. Problem is i am willing to do anything it takes to fix our sex life.

 

But i cant blame her either. Being a guy i wouldnt understand how girls would think but i believe for women, once they know the magic is gone its just gone. Anything other problem can be fixed but i doubt that this could be. She tries but i think i am putting too much pressure on her.

 

I feel alive after all these years because finally i am able to open up to someone with exactly what i have in mind without having to sugercoat it or anything. Appreciate the advice. Honestly at his point its the only thing i look for. WHAT SHOULD I DO???

Edited September 26, 2010 by retro

[retro]

At this point i would also like to confess one more thing about me so that any advice that you give wont be biassed towards my side. When i said i did cyber, i had a small thing for roleplay and some mild BDSM games. I mean this was just a fantasy for me and my intention was strictly to keep it a fantasy in the online world. I never ever imagined to have that lifestyle incorporated into our sex life.

 

Where i am from this may be a relatively new topic (BDSM etc) but i am pretty sure that around the world men have such fantasies all alone. On knowing this she now thinks that i am a pervert and that i am a submissive by nature. I really dont understand how on earth i could explain to her that it was nothing more than a fantasy, but i couldn help feeling guilty for letting a mere online sexual fantasy ruin a thing as beautiful and big as my relationship. At the same time i also couldnt help thinking that all the men out there have one fantasy or the other but it all stays within their head

and that shouldnt get in the way unless i force her to play my fantasies.

 

(I have never done that and i ll never do that the woman i love ever)

 

This will be one more opinion about me that will be etched on her mind forever and right now i am really really really scared that things are going to end bad pretty soon. I cant even imagine a life without her in it.

[spiderowl]

Hi, thanks for your honesty. I don't know if what I can add will be of help but these impressions came to mind so I'll mentiont them.

 

I don't know anything about BDSM. I have no idea whether if someone fantasises about this a lot it means they want this in real life. You seem resolved to keep it as fantasy and only you know how much it matters to you.

 

One thing that comes through very strongly is how perfect you think your girlfriend is and how you want to do the best for her. You seemed disappointed that she didn't take your porn use seriously. It sounds like you wanted her to notice for some reason. Why? Is this your way of communicating to her that something is wrong and that you are unsatisfied? You mentioned problems with attempting intercourse and that you don't want to hurt your girlfriend. Some pain initially would be natural but if this goes on and doesn't resolve and your girlfriend is clearly unhappy about it rather than seeing it as something passing which will lead to a more fulfilling sex life, then something is awry here. Either your girlfriend is resisting your attempts to have full sex with her (in which case she has a problem too) or you are petrified of taking that step towards making her less then perfect. Are you absolutely sure it would hurt her that much or is this your excuse for not going further?

 

I'm rather baffled as to why this situation has gone on so long. I'm getting the impression that neither of you wants to seek help to resolve it. Why would that be the case? There are just so many unanswered questions here on both sides, it seems.

[retro]

Thanks for your reply spiderrowl. I know that seeking professional help would certainly improve things but i am afraid that it might take the little magic that is left in our relationship by making it too atrificial.

 

Also, for some reason i have a weird tendency to say YES to everything that she says (except her wanting to leave me) because i think a guy should always keep his girl happy. i mean after all the devastating things i have done to her its the least i could do to her.

 

The only reason this has even been going so long, is because of her. IF she had wanted to she would have broken up with me when she first had this problem with me but she didnt beacause she loved me too much to do it.

 

Please tell me, should i start pretending that i dont love and care about her anymore and act like a totally different and harsh careless person so that she would find letting me go easy? thats my last resort and i think i may have to execute it soon. Our relationship has come to that point of termination.

 

It ll end soon and she will end it. I am thankful that she took it this long but i don think it would be right to force her further.

 

I really want her to find another person and i dont want her to think about me for even one day in case we decide to break up.

[retro]

love is the most amazing thing not only for the time you are with the person you love but also after they let you go. this is what i keep saying to console myself. she is a warm and attractive woman and she will find another guy who loves her a lot in not time (though i wish i could be the only true love in her life. I am losing it)

[spiderowl]

If you love someone, you don't act like a heartless person to make her go away. She would remember you as that heartless person and it would be an incomprehensible wound to her. She would forever be asking herself why this man she loved suddenly became horrible. I think honesty is the best course of action. At least she won't be spending the rest of her life trying to make sense of something that doesn't.

 

From your last post, I get the impression you see the relationship as over and you want her to be the one to decide it, but she's hanging on through thick and thin. If you really do want this to be over, then you need to tell her that your feelings have changed and that you feel the relationship has run its course. Tell her you believe she'd be better off with someone else who has strong and passionate feelings for her which, for some reason unknown to you, you don't any longer. She's going to be upset and hurt but one day she will be relieved that she got out of a passionless relationship. You could explain that you don't understand your own feelings but you do know, deep down, that you can't go any further with her and that she needs someone who can give her everything you can't. At least let her know you care about her, even if you are ending this relationship. There's nothing worse than being dumped when he makes it all about him and what matters to him and then cuts off contact altogether as if you never mattered to him. Separating is painful without all that on top.

[transontung90]

IMO , when you in love , your GF is definately the cutest girl in the world in your eye

 

My GF is ugly , i have to accept the truth , but i still love her badly , currently we had 1 year and 1 month together

 

when my friend ask me smt like : is she beautiful ? i said no but in my heart , she is the one for me to love

 

and i also want to marry her so bad , when i was single , i used to look at beautiful girl but when im in this relationship ... it seems like .... love blind my eyes

 

in your case i think you didnt love her that much , u dont want to break up with her because u think you will lost kind-of-your-property

 

dont be that type of selfish man

 

Peace just my thought

[tornandmarried]

just a thought....sounds like u 2 need to just cut the romance and get it on liek donkey kong....have some down and dirty, strait f*cking...see how that helps the lust department....just do it and get it over with, forget about love and let your animal sex drive come out...if that makes any sense

[sumdude]

just a thought....sounds like u 2 need to just cut the romance and get it on liek donkey kong....have some down and dirty, strait f*cking...see how that helps the lust department....just do it and get it over with, forget about love and let your animal sex drive come out...if that makes any sense

 

Well at some point yes. But she's still a virgin and it's still painful for her. So it will take some gentleness for the first few times.

[retro]

Thanks a million for all the responses.

I have been sharing things about myself without the need to defend myself or to feel good about myself. Things i couldn even talk to my girl friend or open up to my best friend. For the first time in my life it feels relieved to be honest about what i have to say without trying to please or convince anyone.

 

spiderowl

 

I said that my last resort would be to "pretend" to be a selfish and heartless person so that she could find letting me go easy. The reason why i said this is because though my girlfriend is very unhappy with me in our romantic life i believe that she is very happy being with me otherwise. She is a very confused person so at times she might say i have ruined her life and she would be better off without me and at times she would say she is really lucky to have ended up with a guy like me.

 

I honsestly believe and am contempt that except for romance i treat my girlfriend really well and i do treat her like a princess. So even if she initiates the decision to break up she could never find letting me go easy and it would take her a long time to recover and find love again. I dont want her to go through all that trouble and the only way i thought I could do that is to pretend to being everything that i am not and be the exact opposite of the person i am and make her hate everything that she once loved and still love about me. That way when we do part, her feelings for me would be hatred and anger and relief and not disappointment or misery.

 

I do hear people advising me that i should let her go but believe me its the last thing on the planet that i would want to do.

 

"From your last post, I get the impression you see the relationship as over and you want her to be the one to decide it, but she's hanging on through thick and thin. If you really do want this to be over, then you need to tell her that your feelings have changed and that you feel the relationship has run its course."

 

Though i do believe that she would be better off without me I never ever imagine that this relationship is over and i never want it to get over. I am not just in love with her but i am obsessed with her just like any other person deeply in love.

 

Her words exactly "I love her more than my life but not the way a man is supposed to love his woman". It could find the truth in her words but i couldnt accept it.

 

I always have the tendency to panic and think that the relationship is over even if its a fight between us for something so trivial. I am an atheist by choice but for some weird reason i do pray every now and then throughout the day unnoticed just asking for one thing "Things should go fine between us and we should never seperate". All the people i know know that i am an atheist but no one knows about this. Even my girlfriend with whom i share everything never seemed to have notice this. The reason i say this is i am obsessed to such a point that keeping her in my life is almost a necessity for me.

 

I have one problem with her though.

My girlfriend is a very straight forward person. Her thinking system is such that she works on first impressions. For example, she asks me for a favour, say to pick her up from some place. At first i feel tired to head out so I say No. after a while i feel bad and terrible and call her once again and agree to pick her up. IMO, this is normal and ok because though initially i said No to her request later i felt bad and guilty because i love her and would want to help her, by changing my mind.

 

But in her mind the opinion now strongly written is, I refused to pick her up in the first place. So later if i offer to, she thinks its only because she asked me to i still really dont want to do it with all my heart though this is not at all true. (because i make up my mind to pick her up because i love her and feel bad about my earlier decision and changed my mind)....

 

The same attitude has been rocking our sex life too. I mean i do confess that i was not as passionate as i should have been before, but later i realize how big a mistake i have been making in my life and i when i do approach her for sex, she thinks that i do that only to make it right for her and not because i want to. This nature of hers really complicates things and it upsets me a lot and i have come to the point of believing that anything not done the first time in matters pertaining to her will go to the gallows. Is this tendency right???

 

I don mean to say that she hasnt given me chances hoping things would get better but never has she done that without preconceived opinions about the person i am. I mean how would a person feel when he is making his move to someone who is constantly and undoubtedly doubting his every intention as a mere attempt to make things right. This upsets me a lot. She wouldnt understand if i say this to her either.

 

Would be thankful if women out there could tell me if all women think this way. Forming first opinions that never change. I know at some level they do. But it would help to know your views.

 

transontung90

 

I understand exactly what you say. Let me tell you. I never would say that my girlfriend is the most beautiful girl in the world but to me she is and she is the most cutest thing i have ever known. For me it was no love at first sight and magnetic attractiveness. Things started dull though i would never say this to her and i dont know when i fell in love with her. And to this date i really dont know why the hell i am so obsessed about her and love her so much.

 

Even i want to marry my girlfriend so badly. And i might not have mentioned it but we are even engaged. My point is, for me, beauty has nothing to do with sex. I would never say that dont lust her because i dont find her beautiful. This is so not true.

 

She has carved such an image in my mind that if we ever decide to break up it will literally make me go nuts.

[retro]

And to make things even more clear from my side, in order to invite clear opinions, I do agree that i was not as passionate as any guy should be towards his girl and i did not have the lust that i was normally supposed to have for her and even though i said i am sexually attracted to her in the beginning as much as i should have , I really enjoy having sex with her though it disturbs me when i do it because i constantly get this feeling that i am under the light of her suspicion and this clearly makes me feel upset. I sure hope you understand what exactly i mean. Our sex life lacks passion, period. But that does not mean I would totally not enjoy having sex with her. I mean when i do it I do enjoy it completely because a physical feeling as strong as sex is too hard not to enjoy even for the most passionless souls.

 

This is what i try to explain to her. Since sex is something that i do for myself as against what she believes (as a means to fix things) I really believe that our sex life would get much better if she only stops questioning my intentions for doing it. I sound like a selfish ***tard when i say this and i know it but if you analyse what i say carefully you would understand that i am trying to have a happy sex life with her because i love having sex with her. And also, i would like to say that she is the only person i have been with physically in my life.

 

I am really clueless as to how i could say this to her in a way which would make her understand and i am not even sure if i should say this to her.

I mean, I think time heals everything and that would happen only when both the persons leave their reservations aside and start enjoying sex with an open clear mind free of doubts and holding on to the past.

 

Do you think what is say i wrong? Women especially !!! Am I being superficial here?

[Westy]

Well I doubt its that you arent sexually attracted to her, more so you may be bored, which requires effort on both your parts to reignite.

 

It happens in long relationships, You get bored and want another vagina, its as simple as that. Im no sexual therapist, but try something that may spice it up.

[retro]

niconico

 

First of all i need to thank you because you are one among the few who really see a future for me with her. All other advice (though they might be true too) is for me to break up and let her go. I feel the same way that you had mentioned for the past one year and i do want to have such a beautiful life with her.

 

But listen to me.. When you make a move the first time, it would appear cheesy because it comes from a person whose feelings you don trust and the person who has been passionless for a lifetime. It definitely would appear weird but do you think it would help if the person get rejected out right being quoted the same reason??? This only complicates things more.

here by person i refer to myself...

 

It is true. She does think that the only reason i would want to have sex with her is for her and that i dont enjoy even the idea of it even a bit. It is true that i may have lacked the passion for a very long time in our relationship a very long time but for almost the past one year i feel that emotionally i have gotten really closer to her a lot and sexually too i get attracted to her though she contradicts this constantly.

 

When we do have sex i enjoy it but she obviously doesnt because she thinks that i do it for her. Later she ends up feeling miserable for having sex with me and she would reject any further attempts i would make to have sex with her and the cycle would continue. Like i mentioned earlier as a teen i was not socially active and i was addicted to porn a bit more than normal. So in this cycle of constant disbelief and rejection i did grow desperate and started falling to my old teenish ways of porn and online sex chat thinking that not much harm would come out of it because its just porn and online chat and nothing real. Slowly without me noticing i started getting addicted and it became compulsive for me. I tried many times vert hard to stay away but it did get the best of me.

 

She eventually found out. This being the case do yo think my genuine attempts to express my sexual interest in her would ever be visible for her without the scars that i created of late, reaffirming her opinion that I am not sexually attracted to her???

 

People change all the time. I was passionless and as my love for her grows so does my sexual desire for her. But i also have made a mess of things with the chat and stuff. I ve been always finding this difficult. I dono how exactly to articulate to let her how i honestly feel about her and this situation without pissing her off even more and making things worse.

 

I have sexual feelings for her now but i don except her to come rushing to my arms forgetting all the pain she has gone through but i do want that to happen at a pace atleast. Quite frankly it looks uncertain

[Leigh 87]

If you form a romantic connection, you will feel a way about the person that will make you WANT to touch them and please them sexually.

 

That is what a relationship is. If all your hormones are running normally and nothing is medically wrong with you in that cfould be hindering your ability to sexually desire women, then there are few things to consider...

 

Close friendship can involve love and it can often be mistaken for romantic love. it sounds like you met this girl and really did come to love her, but it could be platonic. You are not romantically attracted in a way that constitutes a relationship, if you do not feel a strong desire to please her sexually.

 

Loving a person and not being able tolive without them dos not mean you should be in a relationships with them. You have developed a em,otional dependence to your girlfriend, which is natural; if you spend a long time and form a strong bond with a person, it is hard to be without them. But it does not mean this is a relationship, in the sens ofboyfriend and girelfriend. this attatchment can also be platonic, which it is with you.

[Dowlin]

One thing that comes through very strongly is how perfect you think your girlfriend is and how you want to do the best for her. You seemed disappointed that she didn't take your porn use seriously. It sounds like you wanted her to notice for some reason. Why? Is this your way of communicating to her that something is wrong and that you are unsatisfied? You mentioned problems with attempting intercourse and that you don't want to hurt your girlfriend. Some pain initially would be natural but if this goes on and doesn't resolve and your girlfriend is clearly unhappy about it rather than seeing it as something passing which will lead to a more fulfilling sex life, then something is awry here. Either your girlfriend is resisting your attempts to have full sex with her (in which case she has a problem too) or you are petrified of taking that step towards making her less then perfect.

[retro]

Leigh 87

 

Thanks for your reply Leigh. I understand what you are trying to say. You see us both as two people bound together by close friendship rather than a romantic couple. See, what is say might be a little confusing. I do confess i did not feel much about in a sexual way towards my girlfriend for a very long time in our relationship. But i have feeling that way for a long time now. I mean wouldnt you agree with me that something that evades you would make you desire it even more? thats the case with me. But i am not able to able to get my desires fulfilled because i have hurt her so much with my actions that she has stopped believing me completely. I don confess that is the most important person in my life and i would also say she is not only my lover but also my best friend. She is everything i would not look for in a person. My outlooks towards her before and my outlook towards her lately are clearly different. In some way i am not able to communicate it to her without the fear of getting turned down or being not trusted or pissing her off even more. And this does seclude me more.

[spiderowl]

I don't understand, why is there a new member called Dowlin who has apparently copied all of a previous posting of mine and posted it again? Something weird going on!

[retro]

niconico

 

Thanks for your advice. It means a lot. From your words i can understand your sincerity in you wanting to help us out. But as much as i love this to work i am afraid its time and its time for landing.

 

I have always been insecure and with every small fight that we had in our relationship i used to think it would get over. So i really cant tell what exactly she has in her mind now. One day she says she cant even imagine letting me go and the next day she says she finally has the courage to break up and end things. She feels that if i really love her i shud let her go so that she could live a happy and healthy life (i also feel the same)

 

She has made it clear that she has given up on all attempts to fix our sex and romantic life and she clearly isnt ready to trust me anymore. In her eyes, i would always desire sex just for her sake. If only she trusts me, things would be wonderful but i highly doubt its ever gonna happen as its apparent that to her even the idea of romance and sex with me is nothing but disgusting.

 

I seriously cant let her go as i dont have the courage to do it because these 4 years have meant so much to me. She wouldnt even go out with me on weekends like how she used to. Everything about my life and relationship is changing. I hate the changes and i hate coming our the comfort that our relationship provided. And i cant even open my pain to her because all my rants just irritates her. I think that she has lost the love for me.

 

I ask the female members who may read this. When you love someone with all you got, when you share so many good memories with each other, When you learn a great deal about the other person, When you dream for all those years that you want to live, grow old and die with the other person how is it possible to decide to end it all in a day and just move on. Will all that time become unreal suddenly? I couldnt even think from that angle, even my last resort will not be to break up wit the person i love.

 

I know very well that she still knows that i love her more than i love my life and no matter with whom she ends up with, he would never love her the same way that i do. So, is it time for us to move on like she wants????

 

I get suicidal thoughts when i imagine the emptiness that may result after our breakup but i was never that type and also i know how precious life is but I am confused. I work as a software programmer and the account for which i am working is planning to expand to a different part of my country. Should i go for it and relocate so that i cud stay away from her air forever. It would also make things easy for her. I never really thought about it but i am beginning to consider it because its the only way i cud make things easy for her. Should i just out of her eyes and life??? Will that enable her to move on easily in her life?

 

She is the only one i have in my life and i seriously dont know what to decide at this point. I have lost all hope to fix this relationship. Its a two person effort and she is fed up about trying for sure. Please advice :-(