Married Two Months - Unsure/Scared Husband Pressuring Me

[TexasGirl41]

I dated my husband 7 months and he rushed me into marrying him. I tried to stall marriage due to cold feet and reservations but somehow he talked me into a quickie marriage.

 

We've been married two months and now he's demanding I move in with him. I get sick to my stomach thinking of living with him. We both have sons close in age and my son wants no part of that and says no way in hell he's moving in.

 

My husband is good to me but I wish I hadn't married him. I enjoy a relationship with him and love him to some extent but being married and living together makes me go into anxiety and panic attacks. There are alot of things about my husband that already drive me up the wall from his mannerisms to his mustache not being trimmed evenly and the fact his house is covered in dust, etc.

 

He's demanded that me and my son move in this weekend as it's already been two months. He's moved furniture around and made preparations for the moving van. I'm losing sleep - I can't go thru with this.

 

When I've told him about my concerns and reservations he's made big promises but is agitated and angry that we are not living together. He wants me living with him NOW!

 

I hate feeling nothing but total dread about living with him. I wish we were just dating and we never got married. I told him this but it went in one ear and out the other. He was engaged quickly before he met me and she moved in right away - the relationship fell apart and he said he rushed that "trying to fill a void".

 

Somehow I think he just wants a wife in his house and although he loves me he's wanting me there for the wrong reasons - if I move in I'll be miserable. I cried the night before we got married - I felt it was wrong and I feel it's even more wrong to move in with him. I love him but my feelings are too out of whack - my gut feelings are me and my son would move in with him and I'll be climbing the walls in misery.

 

I have a wonderful townhome and me and my son enjoy our peace and quiet - moving in with him and his son might be disasterous.

 

What do I tell him? He's threatening me if I back out of this move this weekend he'll be pissed. I've backed out twice before right at the last minute - I just freak out and can't do it. He isn't being patient anymore and I do care about him but know if I don't move in he's going to blow a fuse.

 

Then he'll probably suggest divorce and we'd get divorced. I am so confused and need some advice. He's a good provider and will take care of me and my son. I hate for this to be the reason I move in (for security).

 

Should I attempt to make this marriage work and hope for the best or follow my gut and not move in and wait a while. I have alot of reservations about him - he seems desperate to have a wife and someone to care for his son - I wonder if that's why he's so adamant about me moving in. Plus I'm not sure if I can totally trust him - he's got some weird moods and he seems to be a flirt and enjoys telling me things to make me jealous - I dunno - I have a blast with him and enjoy our relationship but not to the point of living with him as his wife.

 

I shouldn't have married him but I did - now what do I do since I don't want to move in to his house?

[Darkangelism]

You only have responsibility for you and your son. If you feel that being married is wrong, then go with that and get divorced. There are other men who can be what you need them to be.

[carla]

He does have a right to want his wife to live with him. I can understand that. But....

you already know that you shouldn't have married him. Go with your gut feeling.

If divorce is the result ..... so be it. You don't only have to worry about yourself but your son as well. Since you have basically separate homes a divorce shouldn't be to hard to get. Once you move in together and realise it's not going to work it will be much harder to get out.

[Reckless]

Hold on a darn tootin' minute - you've been married two months and you don't want to live with your husband?!!

 

Your reservations about leaving your home, your son adjusting, his moustache can only be overcome if you give your marriage a good try, that's 100% effort. One hundred per cent loyalty to the situation. Okay, it was too soon but you did like him when you were dating; maybe you both married for the wrong reasons but does that mean now you're here you can't at least both try? You said 'I do' can't you?! Give your life together at least a chance why don't you.

 

Now if you really honestly think that you cannot hand on heart fulfil your marriage obligations, stop pussy-footing around (it's insulting) say loud and clear I MADE A MISTAKE - I WANT THIS MARRIAGE ANNULLED NOW! and face the music (the in-laws and the divorce court). You're a grown woman, you have your own home and a child to look out for and if you can't find it in your heart to to at least try with your marriage then you have no choice but to pay for your rash decision.

 

Please don't sit on this fence anymore - you're scared he'll be pi$$ed when you don't move, get used to it because he'll be far from happy when his wife of two months demands a divorce; be a grown up, enough thinking already - fish or cut bait!

[SoleMate]

I tried to stall marriage due to cold feet and reservations but somehow he talked me into a quickie marriage.

Wow. You posted before, right? About the bachelor buddy relationship between your new husband and his son, all the porn etc.? And now his mustache is not trimmed straight? And he married you against your will?

 

If I were you, I would get out of this marriage on the double. And then I would make sure I could support myself. And then I would get counselling to help me do a better job deciding what I want from life, and getting it. If you can be talked into a marriage, you don't have your full adult skills available to you.

[tac719]

This screams anullment. He used your emotions against you and forced you into a quick marriage. He's going to be pissed?! You sound like you are afraid of him. This is not good.

 

You sound like you already have a good home set up for you and your son. Keep it! You made a mistake, hone up to it and move on. I understand how a controlling personality can be.

[FreeMe]

Why are you letting this guy bully you into major life-changing decisions?

 

Stay where you are - don't move in with him. Trust your instincts and trust your son's instincts. Always trust your instincts, especially when they're as strong as yours are.

[brashgal]

If you are looking for an overwhelming number of people to convince you, let me weigh in - get out of the marriage now. He pressured you into marrying him, what else is he going to pressure you into? Nothing good - staying with this guy is going to make your life miserable.

[Arabess]

I'd go down and file one of those 'do it yourself' divorces and call it a day.

 

If you've been married for 2 months and STILL don't want to live with him....that's QUITE the red flag!

 

Good Luck. Please keep us posted as to how you end up resolving this.

[ladyangel]

Definitely DO NOT move in with him. That would be the worst thing for the kids, since it sounds like it's a given that you won't be happy with the situation. Get some backbone and do what you feel is right for you and your son.

[Benedict]

Run for your life. Sounds like your son has good instincts... you do too, but you're not paying enough attention to them.

[spencer]

I agree with everone else. this is probably the most everyone on LS has agreed .

 

Call him right now and tell him to divorce you.

You are not in to deep , YET! It will be much harder once you live with him.

he will be pissed most definately. better to let him rant and rave in his own home away from you.

Why haven't you been listening to your inner voice.

Gut instinct told you to not go here, and yet you ignored your own warnings.

get some help and learn to trust yourself again.

you and your son come first.

this man sounds like an ass - ive read your other posts.

 

do you have anyone family or friends who can help you with emotional support?

ask around they probably already saw it coming.

[TexasGirl41]

Thanks to all of you who have responded to my postings. I know I've sounded wishy washy and confused - I have been. I'm an intelligent woman who has supported myself and my son for 12 years. At 41 I've felt the pressure to be married to someone and be taken care of. BIG MISTAKE.

 

I let this override my feelings and married someone I wasn't sure about. Although he's promised to "take care of me" and make my life easier (wouldn't have to work - wouldn't have to worry financially) my gut feelings have stopped me from going further with this relationship.

 

I think moving in with him I'd be miserable and my son would be miserable. It's been hard enough raising my son alone to have to raise another kid (who has everything handed to him on a silver platter).

 

I didn't move in this weekend - called and cancelled the movers and talked to my husband and told him I was very sorry but I couldn't move in - just couldn't do it. He got angry, hung up on me and I haven't heard from him since Saturday morning. I left him a note on his car and am scared to call him - he'll yell and scream at me.

 

As much as I want a husband and a stable family - I have to put my son first and know that my gut feelings are telling me this isn't right. I wanted it to be right - I really wanted this to work but my gut feelings are literally making me sick to my stomache and I can either ignore them or listen to them.

 

All of you have told me to listen to them and that is what I will do. Problem is - now there is no communication between me and my husband and I'm wondering should I just proceed with a divorce? Obviously he feels not speaking to me is punishing me - I am just going to leave him alone.

 

What should I do?

[cdn]

I think you know what to do. If I am right, you have posted here about this same problem, using different names, many times. The advice you have received has been consistent: admit you made a mistake and leave your marriage.

[BadMan]

Yes proceed! Proceed!

[kippy]

I think what everyone has said here makes sense. You told him that you are not going to move in, and he hang up on you....you left a message in his car, and you are scared to call him....you also say that he thinks he is punishing you by not calling you. What I see here is a man who is selfish. He will probably not call you soon. But, if you don't call him, you will have done one thing...dis-empower him and his tactics. My advice is; don't call him....wait, I know it hurts, but just wait. He is most likely going to call you before the middle of this week because if you don't call, he will grow impatient and nervous. This guy seems to be a typical attention seeker, based on what you have said about him. Therefore silence will kill him....especially when he thinks that the intended pain on you by his silence is not working.

 

The more you call him or leave messages, the more you feet his ego and the more he will bask in the glory of being sort after. So just keep cool, and wait for him to call, then tell him how uncomfortable you are about the whole thing, and how you feel you made a mistake. Apeal to his emotions by asking him if he wanted you to be happy, wouldn't he take a minute to think about your emotional state now? You go on to suggest the divorce thing. He will probably get mad, yell at you, but finally he will beg you not to. You will probably see his weaker side....and he might go on his knees to beg you not to. But remember, DO NOT let your emotions reign in this, but let rationality take charge and stand firm. Good luck!

[moimeme]

What I see here is a man who is selfish

 

What? He married a woman expecting her to move in with him. That's not even slightly selfish - it's normal. This person got married to a man she didn't want to marry and then decided that she wouldn't go through with being married. That's not so much selfish as terrible judgment, but still, the guy doesn't deserve to be called 'selfish'!!! That she didn't bother to let him know that she really didn't want to marry him or live with him ever is a huge problem and is entirely her fault. The poor guy must be wondering WTF did she marry him for if she didn't want to!

[FreeMe]

Good for you! I'm really glad that you told him you're not moving in. Consider yourself lucky that he's leaving you alone right now and not doing anything to harrass you. Call a lawyer and find out what steps you should take. You never did say whether you could get it annulled or not? I would look into that. It was so recent, maybe there's a way other than divorce to just dissolve the marriage.

[gaia]

Whatever the rights and wrongs of this are, the fact remains that to move in with him and continue the marriage would be a disaster. Go see a lawyer and cut your losses.