Aren't cheap men a deal breaker.......

[samsungxoxo]

Present-day I wouldn't tolerate that type of behavior and he would be dumped in seconds. I like sharing, being generous and giving out special (sometimes expensive things) to close members I love and cared.... but expect the same treatment in return too. I'm worth more than crappy things.

 

I can understand if he is either broken (a terrible crisis happened) or was saving some money for a career, better position, etc.... but if he's walking around with jewels or buying stuff for himself while hardly offering anything to the woman then that's gotta be sooooo offensive as well as only giving out super cheap things that either he had it long ago or send to a Dollar Store....... or has enough money but never gave you any present not even for Christmas or New Year which only happens once every year....:mad::mad:

 

My ex was like this and that's one of the major reasons that status (ex) won't ever change. One time I recalled giving him an extensive perfume for his birthday (think it was close to $60) but I received nothing for Christmas, nor New Years and the only one single time he was generous was on my birthday. That day my mother straighten him up (she basically told him what a crappy loser and liar he is... etc). If it wasn't for her, he would have come empty-handed for my birthday too...:mad:

 

Why are some of them like that anyways??? Bad experience with other women in the past or is it just pure selfishness???

 

I don't think there is anything more offensive than this to any woman....... guy not even bothering making an effort when spending time with his girlfriend. What happens with these types of guys? Do they eventually change after getting dumped so many times and their ''being cheap'' strategy failing?

Edited September 26, 2010 by samsungxoxo

[Woggle]

Women earn their own money so they can pay for their things. Why invest on an unstable investment which is what relationships are these days.

[samsungxoxo]

Women earn their own money so they can pay for their things. Why invest on an unstable investment which is what relationships are these days.

My father wasn't like this to my mother and neither is a cousin of mine to his girlfriend so I don't know what to think.

I'm getting the feeling the more I look the more cheap men there is.... so I'm quitting for a while or unless I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and moment.

I know there must be gentlemen out there still but it's been declining too much lately... actually there was one like that who longed ago asked me on couple of dates but it was me not being attracted to him sadly (if only I would have got pass his unappealing look... in this case he also had terrible acne and was overweight.... he was then sad for a couple days when finding out I only wanted him as a friend).... Oh well hopefully he found his dream girl.

I'm not even bothering looking anymore... I figure it will one day come up again and this time I'll be attracted to him...

[Woggle]

It's an entirely different ballgame today and if you seriously want gentlemen back you should at lay at least some of the blame for the current state of affairs on women. With the way some women are today many men simply feel it is just not worth it.

[jamesum]

If you spend money on him then he should not only receive and not give because that makes him a gold digger.

 

However, having said that, does he actually expect you to buy him stuff in the first place? Its one thing if he expects to be showered with gifts while giving nothing in return and its another thing if he actually doesnt want you to give him gifts but you keep giving him stuff (that he probably doesnt want anyway) and expect him to return the 'favor'.

 

Besides, buying a guy a perfume is more like you buying something for yourself because you want him to smell a certain way. Its not really a gift for him. Its like dads getting 'ties' for Father's Day. Pretty pointless.

[samsungxoxo]

If you spend money on him then he should not only receive and not give because that makes him a gold digger.

Indeed and if you think that's all, this is even worst. One day as my mother, my ex and I were walking out of a store with our somewhat big package of CD's guess who had to carry that? Well he did for a few seconds and had the nerves to pass it up to me because according to him it was too heavy. So I was there with the stuff while my arm is hurting a bit (now I can do some carrying but obviously a man would make things easier when it comes to physical strength), my mother was helping out with the other stuff and he stood there doing NOTHING....

 

However, having said that, does he actually expect you to buy him stuff in the first place? Its one thing if he expects to be showered with gifts while giving nothing in return and its another thing if he actually doesnt want you to give him gifts but you keep giving him stuff (that he probably doesnt want anyway) and expect him to return the 'favor'.

He's no longer my boyfriend. I send him to hell as this was really getting tedious and quite boring. I have also send him items a couple months ago which he never even bother picking up. Now that was the final straw and I basically exploded and was like ''You know what, go to hell cheap loser.... you never did anything special to me''.

 

Besides, buying a guy a perfume is more like you buying something for yourself because you want him to smell a certain way. Its not really a gift for him. Its like dads getting 'ties' for Father's Day. Pretty pointless.

That's way better than the time he attempted to come empty-handed on my b-day had it not been for my mother's harsh talk. She was making a point and reacted like any would have if a man treated their daughter like absolute crap.

[skydiveaddict]

I agree with Woggle, but at the same time there is something inside me that would never allow a woman to pay for a date. It just seems wrong somehow

[JustJoe]

Personally, I give gifts that I think will mean something to my GF. Cost is not a issue. But if I found out that cost was her criteria and that she was so shallow that the expense of the gift was more important than the meaning of the gift, I would dump her in a second.

[samsungxoxo]

Personally, I give gifts that I think will mean something to my GF. Cost is not a issue. But if I found out that cost was her criteria and that she was so shallow that the expense of the gift was more important than the meaning of the gift, I would dump her in a second.

In my case this ex went to far with the cheapness thing.... not even making an effort on special occasions that only happen once a year is extreme and inconsiderate.

If a man isn't even going give out something on those occasions then at least taking her to a dinner night out would be cool.... but no he would give out nothing and only would come to my house for free.... and it was me making something in the kitchen, which I'm not good at it but tried my best. In my father's point of view (he never liked my ex either) he saw I was the giver and he the receiver.

 

How about this: Him telling my my mother how he brought a golden accessory to an ex... complaining how she was always demanding. My mother sure didn't like this. Why would he mentioned his ex while going out with me? And for what?

Edited September 26, 2010 by samsungxoxo

[jamesum]

Indeed and if you think that's all, this is even worst. One day as my mother, my ex and I were walking out of a store with our somewhat big package of CD's guess who had to carry that? Well he did for a few seconds and had the nerves to pass it up to me because according to him it was too heavy. So I was there with the stuff while my arm is hurting a bit (now I can do some carrying but obviously a man would make things easier when it comes to physical strength), my mother was helping out with the other stuff and he stood there doing NOTHING....

Im kind of on the fence about the gifts thing since he seems to not want gifts in the first place but you somehow kept shoving it down his throat.

 

However, I have to say that this guy is not a normal person with manners for not helping you and your mom carrying heavy items. With that said you made the right choice for kicking him to the curb.

[JustJoe]

In my case this ex went to far with the cheapness thing.... not even making an effort on special occasions that only happen once a year is extreme and inconsiderate.

If a man isn't even going give out something on those occasions then at least taking her to a dinner night out would be cool.... but no he would give out nothing and only would come to my house for free.... and it was me making something in the kitchen, which I'm not good at it but tried my best. In my father's point of view (he never liked my ex either) he saw I was the giver and he the receiver.

 

How about this: Him telling my my mother how he brought a golden accessory to an ex... complaining how she was always demanding. My mother sure didn't like this. Why would he mentioned his ex while going out with me? And for what?

I admit that does sound pretty cheap, but do you have the whole story? There isn't anything he needs his money for, is there?

[loverofloveandstuff]

Wait, so you bought him a birthday present, and he bought you one... That sounds fair

 

You said he didn't get you anything for Christmas or New Years... did you get anything for him?

 

He does sound like a jerk but I don't think it's that big a deal he didn't get you anything for Christmas or New Years. Unless you got something for him... Then he probably should've returned the favour.

[samsungxoxo]

I admit that does sound pretty cheap, but do you have the whole story? There isn't anything he needs his money for, is there?

For himself only for the most part. As I mentioned before, he was decorated with jewels and once had several shopping bags while I just stood there like an idiot.... tolerating this BS for years..

 

After throwing him to the curb, his ridiculous reply was that ''You girls don't have patience''. I was like ''Excuse me but I've been the most patient one of all, the average girl would have probably only tolerated you for a couple weeks, not 4 years.....

 

In addition his way of explaining things was ridiculous. He was into the ''But you girls get all mad if we do something wrong or don't do what you want

but can't stand it if we're upset at you''...... well obviously our brains process information as well as emotions differently... I'm not a man.... so idiotic how a man expects us to have the same reactions and expectations as them....

 

If he's cheap for no good reason then obviously like any women... I feel he doesn't appreciate because he either doesn't care that much about me or I maybe I'm not that pretty in his eyes....

 

If a man can't get that... he's not worth my time.

[samsungxoxo]

Wait, so you bought him a birthday present, and he bought you one... That sounds fair

But I could tell it didn't really come from him but out of pressure after having that argument with my mother.... so it's pointless.

In addition he stopped taking me out and would postpone dates all the time. Once my mother step in, then he started changing a bit (still being cheap) but visiting me more at home during the daytime. It was only short-lived though.

He does sound like a jerk but I don't think it's that big a deal he didn't get you anything for Christmas or New Years. Unless you got something for him... Then he probably should've returned the favour.

I think it is to me so is it wrong for me to demanded to be treated like a lady?

We had the Christmas presents ready but my mother told me to only give it to him if he bought one for me. I never thought he would come off empty-handed so we end up giving it to someone else. As for New Year, he preferred spending time with his buddies than with me...:mad:

 

Oh I forgot to mention something. On my birthday when he gave me $50, the next day he asked for them back... WTH..... since when do you demand your present/gift back if it was given???

 

So it's like it wasn't really a surprise present but a show so my mother would shut up and not intervene.....

Edited September 27, 2010 by samsungxoxo

[jamesum]

Okay I agree that that guy is obviously an idiot.

 

But honestly I cant say I like you either though.

[samsungxoxo]

Okay I agree that that guy is obviously an idiot.

But honestly I cant say I like you either though.

I see myself as a fair, patient woman... where could I have gone wrong??

There wouldn't have been any reason to dump him if he haven't behaved like a completely immature jerk.

 

We're not like guys either that will be satisfied easily without any effort done to impress us. Perhaps a man can be given an old scarf and he won't make a big deal out of it but us.... we'll maybe you don't care about us as you claimed to. If we're doing our work fixing ourselves to look our best for the man then he has to do something about it too...

 

How about if I came all ugly looking with messy/smelly hair, old clothes and didn't even bothered shaving my armpits.. around a date or future boyfriend..... my guess is any man would go run down the hill immediately as he would think I'm being careless or simply not care about him at all (indeed it would be the greatest offend to a man)..

 

That's basically the same way we feel if a man is sooo cheap and doesn't even bother trying to impress us while having it all for himself only....

Edited September 27, 2010 by samsungxoxo

[jamesum]

We're not like guys either that will be satisfied easily without any effort done to impress us. Perhaps a man can be given an old scarf and he won't make a big deal out of it but us.... we'll maybe you don't care about us as you claimed to. If we're doing our work fixing ourselves to look our best for the man then he has to do something about it too...

I get your point that girls are high maintenance. They are like children who expect to be treated like Disney princesses.

 

I dont know where you are from but here in SoCal the guys take care of themselves like girls as well.

 

Comparing how you take care of yourself for him and him spending money on you is pretty skewed. Thats like him liking you for how you look while you liking him for his money.

 

If you dont like how he looks then tell him to take care of himself more or find a more handsome boyfriend.

Edited September 27, 2010 by jamesum

[samsungxoxo]

I get your point that girls are high maintenance. They are like children who expect to be treated like Disney princesses.

 

I dont know where you are from but here in SoCal the guys take care of themselves like girls as well.

 

Comparing how you take care of yourself for him and him spending money on you is pretty skewed. Thats like him liking you for how you look while you liking him for his money.

 

If you dont like how he looks then tell him to take care of himself more or find a more handsome boyfriend.

So I should go on crappy, cheap dates... accept cheap men forever and be happy about it???

The reason I made the comparison about how we care take of ourselves vs the quality and time a man spends on a woman is because that's the closest it can get to. Men are mainly visual and looks is a must on their list while we're into qualities, traits and characteristics for the most part.... not just looks like you men are...

Too many people already said but it doesn't matter if the man gives you nothing for Christmas and spends little on you, it's what comes from him. blah, blah... really...

Then I should say the same thing if I'm horribly dressed-up and make myself as unattractive as possible.... ''Oh it doesn't matter that I'm smelly terribly and with awful appearance as long as I have good personality the right man will come along and accept me like that''.... yes it does... at some point it does matter...

 

On the other hand I wouldn't date a man who's always on huge debts because he spends too much on me. That being said everything done or not done in excess is bad... there is always a balance to everything....

Edited September 28, 2010 by samsungxoxo

[Tayla]

yes that is exactly what folks are telling you...Go on the dates because the value of a person isnt based on the wallet! I had fabulous dates with someone who didnt spend a dime! We went for a stroll thru a park, stopped and listened to a band and walked home in the moonlight followed by a light drizzle of rain. It was lovely beyond any compare to an expensive restaurant or paying for a major concert that lined someone elses pocket. Some day you'll get it that the amount of money someone splurges doesnt equate to love. You cannot BUY love...PERIOD!

 

Gifts are given with NO strings attached! Get used to it, its part of growing up and giving without anything in return..( okay I do like a Thank you when I give a gift but that is open to question ....)

[Els]

Besides, buying a guy a perfume is more like you buying something for yourself because you want him to smell a certain way. Its not really a gift for him. Its like dads getting 'ties' for Father's Day. Pretty pointless.

 

Would you say the same thing about a man buying a woman perfume/jewellery/etc?

[Lemontang]

He sounds pretty ignorant really, but that's his problem and you don't have to deal with it now anyway.

 

Maybe I'm losing this in translation but you mean by cheapness that he's simply not being thoughtful in his approach on making you feel special? I've always found that the value of the gift is more in the giving and what went on behind it than a simple $ value.

 

Take an example I was faced with a few months back an ex (who I was with at the time) gave me a Japanese peace lilly (it's a plant), she knew I loved the movie Hot Fuzz and the plants a reference to it. Now that was a cheap gift but worth many times more to me because of the thought that went into it. At the other end of the spectrum this same girl gave me another gift the following day (12 lap rally car course), that was fairly expensive but I felt uncomfortable accepting since we'd only been a couple for a few months and felt it was something you give to someone after you had been with them for a long time, and I felt she was trying to buy my affection, when she already had it (I also felt the other gift to me had more worth emotionally). Needless to say she went on buying me expensive things which I'd protest about and actually turnt me off her to a degree.

 

As cliques as it may sound, sometime the best things in life are free (or damn near close to it). So don't put a $ value on it, but rather the effort that goes into something in the 1st place.

[jamesum]

So I should go on crappy, cheap dates... accept cheap men forever and be happy about it???

The reason I made the comparison about how we care take of ourselves vs the quality and time a man spends on a woman is because that's the closest it can get to. Men are mainly visual and looks is a must on their list while we're into qualities, traits and characteristics for the most part.... not just looks like you men are...

Too many people already said but it doesn't matter if the man gives you nothing for Christmas and spends little on you, it's what comes from him. blah, blah... really...

Then I should say the same thing if I'm horribly dressed-up and make myself as unattractive as possible.... ''Oh it doesn't matter that I'm smelly terribly and with awful appearance as long as I have good personality the right man will come along and accept me like that''.... yes it does... at some point it does matter...

Wow, now I like you even less.

 

Makes me wonder how old you are because your way of thinking sounds teenagerish.

 

Would you say the same thing about a man buying a woman perfume/jewellery/etc?

I never did and never will buy anyone important a perfume. I dont find it very thoughtful.

 

As for jewelry, what about it? I dont think men like buying jewelry for women. I know I dont. The reason men buy jewelry for women is because women like jewelry.

 

yes that is exactly what folks are telling you...Go on the dates because the value of a person isnt based on the wallet! I had fabulous dates with someone who didnt spend a dime! We went for a stroll thru a park, stopped and listened to a band and walked home in the moonlight followed by a light drizzle of rain. It was lovely beyond any compare to an expensive restaurant or paying for a major concert that lined someone elses pocket. Some day you'll get it that the amount of money someone splurges doesnt equate to love. You cannot BUY love...PERIOD!

 

Gifts are given with NO strings attached! Get used to it, its part of growing up and giving without anything in return..( okay I do like a Thank you when I give a gift but that is open to question ....)

You sound like a very sweet woman.

 

For many people, it is so hard to differentiate love from materialism.

 

My parents are kind of well-off, but they arent the most compatible couple and they are not happy. Their relationship really teaches me a lot of things. My personal experience makes me realize that money really doesnt compare to love and personal compatibility. I know people say that love doesnt feed you, but I disagree. I would rather live in a one bedroom studio eating ramens everyday with a person who makes me happy around her than living in a mansion with someone whom I hate to the death. Besides, even if you both start at zero, if you have a compatible partner, you will be able to survive together and probably in the long run improve your life together as at no time.

[carhill]

Aren't cheap men a deal breaker.......

 

Yep, in general, cheap and self-indulgent people are a deal-breaker, IMO. Monetary 'cheapness', a quality aspect rather than a quantity aspect, usually pairs up with similar characteristics in other areas of their personality. It's a Hoover indicator, to me.

[leftfordead2]

Yep, in general, cheap and self-indulgent people are a deal-breaker, IMO. Monetary 'cheapness', a quality aspect rather than a quantity aspect, usually pairs up with similar characteristics in other areas of their personality. It's a Hoover indicator, to me.

 

 

Talking about cheap, I had an ex who asked me what I wanted for a birthday present. I told him a poem/card would be sweet enough for me. Then on my birthday, he told me just a poem would be too insincere and cheesy so he didn't do anything.

[carhill]

Yep, a two dollar card and ten minutes of putting words to how he felt would have made a million dollars worth of difference to *you*. To me, these interactions are really good information about compatibility. In our M, my abilities with words were a tool my ex often used to help her out with personal and business correspondence but she valued them little as an expression of my love. Incompatible