A step-back; a break with my lover - need collective experiences about reconciliation

[poopierabbit]

Hello,

 

I have been silently reading the different forums on Loveshack and none seem to be applicable in my particular circumstance. "Break and Breaking Up" tend to be filled with younger people that may be in a different place in their life and a result, perhaps the 'reply posters' are geared towards providing advice towards that angle.

 

That is why I am posting here - our relationship was very committed to the point of marriage and for full disclosure, I am 40 and she is 42. We have shared a home for over four years now.

 

I orginally bought the house so that she could go to school and complete her program to become a RN, which she has done with flying colors. In the meantime, I transitioned jobs from a small tech startup located within commuting distance to a very large tech corporation that allowed me to telecommute most of the time.

 

This is where problems began. I was always stressed working from home (believe it or not, it doesn't work for me) and I was going nowhere in my career. I felt I was being left behind with little or no real presence for the opportunities that co-workers tended to have onsite. Also, it is not in the corporate "DNA" to have telecommuters which always put me a little on edge.

 

In addition, my son (I have raised him from a very small child) was coming into his own with regard to teenage years and getting into trouble. This caused additional stress. I felt I had to be a buffer between my girlfriend and son to keep the peace, discipline him, but not ostracize him.

 

There were other issues in the relationship. I felt she never really committed herself in the relationship and she was never an engaged partner. Communication was a problem, or I felt it was a problem.

 

The last year we all lived in the house, things had spiraled down and it felt like there was a constant war between her and my son. I had to separate the two because it did feel like the relationship was coming apart by the seams.

 

Ultimately, I found a job in Silicon Valley with a large tech firm. and my son decided he wanted to move in with his Mom for his last year before going to college. This put the girlfriend and I on opposite coasts. I moved in the latter part of May (this may provide an idea of the timeframe). I felt there may be a rejuvenation for our relationship and I was very hopeful. She flew out to the Bay Area in June and we had a wonderful time exploring San Francisco and making future plans with regard to "just us with no kids."

 

About the middle of August I flew back to the East Coast and immediately picked up on something that felt wrong. It was just a small voice in the back of my head, but I felt it. Eventually, we had a fight and it all came out. She wanted to move out of the house and into an apartment. She wanted to take a "step-back" and evaluate what she wanted at 42. She admitted she was never able to fully give me her heart and she wanted to take some time to consider whether she could and have no regrets about marriage in the future. She also mentioned that "more than likely we will be back together." She wanted us to remain monogamous, but the timeframe was open-ended, or we never talked about it.

 

For the week I was there, things were awkward. I was obviously very upset and cried, and tried to compromise and negotiate with her. She didn't budge and she felt pressured and started to pull away. I flew back to the Bay Area and we had two brief phone calls, and sporadic email. Here is one of the longest and complete email exchanges (for your viewing pleasure):

 

ME:

I hope you are doing well. UPS will be dropping by boxes to place the DVRs and remote controls in. They must be returned. I would appreciate it if you could do this. Please turn off power to the house as well.

 

HER:

I am doing fine, just in the middle trying to get packed.

 

Since I bought the patio table that is staying here, I'd like to work a deal out regarding the console table in the hallway and the small round table in front room. Would you willing to sell those for a reasonable price?

 

Let me know.

 

 

ME:

Are you breaking up with me?

 

HER:

I am not happy, nor have I been happy for a while. I'm over the stress in this relationship and just want to move out. I need this for my own sanity. I don't know what the future holds right now. I just know that I've not been happy. My intent to find some peace in my heart.

 

I have needed to distance myself and focus on the changes taking place. I want to talk to you soon and discuss what is going on.

 

Right now I'd like to know about the furniture if you'll consider it.

Can we please discuss this later and will you please address my question.

 

<END OF EXCHANGE>

 

I did not reply back to her regarding furniture. I felt that while I'm an emotional pile of goo, she wants to discuss furniture? No! It felt very insensitive and small-minded. I decided to cut off communication to her after this exchange and she has not called, and I have not called her.

 

Things are not likely to proceed well from this point on, but I'd like to know from more mature posters if there have been successful "breaks" with good reconciliations. This may provide me with some hope, or it may not. All I know is that I love my girlfriend very much and I'm willing to attempt to fix the problems we have. But what self-respect and dignity I do have, I will keep and not go pining after someone that doesn't want me during this time. This is my time as well for reflection and self-improvement as well.

Edited September 26, 2010 by poopierabbit

[tornandmarried]

well u sound very mature about it.....do the 180, basicly just let it go and get on with your life...let her miss u for a while...the fact shes asking for a break instead of breaking up means shes not 100% she wants to end it...she doesnt want to burn any bridges just yet.....(small chance its a lame excuse for seeing someone else, but dont be concerned with that)....just accept it best u can and move on be happy on your own...maybe shell come running back before u know it

[poopierabbit]

Firstly, I *am* a good guy and she knows it. We are not dealing with dysfunction and complete chaos. This too I believe she knows.

 

Secondly, she is the most honest person I know. If she claims she will be monogamous, then she will definitely be monogamous. Her honesty is one the qualities I love about her.

 

But really, I'm looking for successful reconciliation experiences and what led up the reconciliation. For example, what was the length of time of absence? Was there communication? Did your significant other really use that time to reflect and ultimately reflect on their contribution to what led to the "break"? What changes did they make? Do you find that your relationship is much stronger after reconciling?

Edited September 26, 2010 by poopierabbit

[2sunny]

honest or not - it seems she's probably seeing someone else and doesn't want to tell you.

 

your gut triggered you for a reason - she was distancing herself from you and has probably been seeing someone in her area.

 

her cold response to your message is calculated and cold hearted - she didn't even bother to engage you - and didn't intend to tell you she was breaking up. that is NOT honesty or loving behavior. why are you excusing her bad behavior as ok? call her out on her crap - tell her you don't like the way she has behaved - the woman she has changed into.

 

she spent years with you and doesn't have the courtesy of a simple conversation as to her intentions not to be with you anymore. she used you to get her schooling finished. she's not nice.

 

tell her how wrong that is. she should own her bad behavior.

 

you should want more for yourself. i hope you find a gal that thinks of you more than she has. seems you were the giver and she was the taker - good balance doesn't look like that in a healthy relationship.

 

review your time together and see if it seems about right. be honest with yourself about what was actually happening. you may discover that she was pulling away long before your visit. something changed... the answer is usually that she met someone else she became interested in more than you.

 

she was just too selfish and self centered to tell you the truth.

 

good luck - you seem nice. go find someone equally as nice and giving as you are.

[poopierabbit]

This simply is not my girl - I do trust that she will remain monogamous, just as I will. While I agree with some of the faults she does possess (you had laser sharp accuracy in that regard), I am willing to at least deal with them in counseling, if we ever get to that point.

 

So I'm really hoping for successful reconciliation stories.

Edited September 26, 2010 by poopierabbit

[2sunny]

This simply is not my girl - I do trust that she will remain monogamous, just as I will. While I agree with some of the faults she does possess (you had laser sharp accuracy in that regard), I am willing to at least deal with them in counseling, if we ever get to that point.

 

So I'm really hoping for successful reconciliation stories.

 

 

i know you are - but your hope isn't allowing you to see the reality of your situation.

 

my laser sharp accuracy works well in many areas. take my advice. things aren't what you think they are. i've been here enough years to understand when someone is being fooled and when they aren't. you seem to be in denial.

 

the mere fact that she hasn't had the decency to call you to explain what she has had going on and why she pulled back is enough for anyone to understand = she met someone else. she also lied - because she DID say she'd call to explain... then didn't call - but that was only after she tried to use you one last time by getting your furniture cheap. she used you. she will only use you further if you step back into it anytime in the future.

 

she hasn't even time or decency to tell you what happened... that is unforgivable - in my book.

 

write her off- and consider yourself lucky.

 

google walk away wife - that concept may give you some good info.

[You Go Girl]

Must agree with Sunny.

A person who loves another doesn't break up with them by announcing they want their furniture with some time apart and still wanting reconciliation. Nope. Never.

If there wasn't somebody else she would be hurting. Furniture would not be paramount in her mind. Getting into MC would be. Moving out wouldn't be. Getting into MC would be. Tears would be there, not a desire for furniture.

[poopierabbit]

I cannot conclude she is seeing someone by a simple email exchange. There just isn't enough information to make that leap (in my opinion). Also, to lump her into a generic category of women that may cheat isn't fair either. A sex kitten she is not - she had a hysterectomy in her mid-twenties and indeed sex is very much an issue now at 42.

 

For full disclosure, her second marriage fell apart because her husband left her for another woman. I am certain sex was a central issue in the divorce. So I don't believe she would do it to someone she is involved with (or was).

 

Also, she wants a "break" and not a "break-up". I'd fully expect a call from her if she wanted to "break-up" and she hasn't.

 

She is selfish and self-centered. Those are some of the things you overlook when you love someone -- you take the good with the bad. If I couldn't have accepted some of the faults with the good qualities, we'd have never ended up sharing our lives with each other. So it's my own call with regard to what I can accept or not.

 

I also agree that she seemed stoic and distant, however, I don't want to judge her based on her perceived behavior through email. The reader tries to read between the lines with email and may conclude something entirely different than the writer intended or even thought of. That is the danger with impersonal forms of communication.

 

Lastly, no one has "lied". She didn't give me a specific date to call, just that she would "call soon".

 

I really just wanted to find stories and experiences of successful reconcilation? I believe she and I are both mature enough, intelligent enough, and brave enough to actually attempt it. It just brightens my day to read those stories - can't I just have that? After all, I can give you what you've really been dying to read -- "yes, I'm the victim." Can I have a bit of respite now from my own internal hell? Yes, I feel like I'm dying inside and the life I thought I would have is now very much in question.

[poopierabbit]

January 10th, 2005 a beautiful woman walked into my life with a glow and a smile on her face. On October 4th 2010 this same beautiful woman that I loved with all of my heart walked out of my life.

 

My only hope right now is the hand of God care enough about this infinitismally small speck of dirt in the universe and scoop out my soul. Let me die - there are far worse things than death and I am experiencing one of them.

 

I love her so much that I want to keep whatever respect I have with her intact so that when she does give momentary pause to the memory of this man, it will be a good and loving memory with a touch of melancholy. Therefore, I am resolved that I must not communicate with her again. The forks of our lives have separated into their own destinies.

 

My wish is for her to have a happy, fulfilling life filled with joy. I want nothing less than the best for her and although it pains me to the pit of my core, I want her to find a good man that she loves until her dying days. May they share the good times, the love making, and overcome the bad times.

 

What other expression of love is there? To love, to let go and wish the best for your lover - rather than the vindictive, bitterness of a love scorned. That is the difference between selfless and selfish love.

 

To all the heartbroken out there - it's an excruciating painful feeling. Waves of grief strike at the most inconspicuous times and at the most inconvenient. But do the right thing for your love - let them go. Let them go out with love in their heart for you and keep your own dignity and self-respect. Love the memory, and move into your own destiny. If anyone wants to keep this thread alive by sharing experiences of selflessy giving their heart in a selfless act of love, please share.

[poopierabbit]

I have no evidence that she is seeing someone now, but both posters were correct that she was distancing herself long before the sky came crashing down.

 

I apologize for anyone I may have been "snippy" to in the thread. It is over now and I realize that the posters description were pretty accurate.

 

While I do believe she has the capacity to be wonderful, she could not give me her heart in the 5 years we were together. Perhaps that was the result of coming out of her marriage too soon.

 

In any case, I'll never talk to her again, because at least for me, I'd rather have the memory than the reality.

[2sunny]

get busy doing new things. take a class or a group that you have an area of interest.

 

 

i do believe if you had started looking into her behavior - you would have realized that she has been interested in and seeing someone for some time. a woman doesn't usually walk away like that unless there is a strong interest in another man.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

In any case, I'll never talk to her again

 

Well I think you and your quote might be onto something! To me it's sounds like a fairly good idea to just walk away and leave this the h*ll alone! You are going to be just fine big guy, just buck up and kick it where it burns!

 

I think forum member 2sunny is onto something here, I agree "get busy"! Heck, seeing that you are currently located in the Greater San Francisco Area, soak up the sights and sounds of the city by the bay.

 

Why don't you go and visit Golden Gate Park, why not drop in and check out the Palace of fine arts, if your into crazy things go visit the Exploritorum, why not book a nice bay cruise on the blue and gold fleet. Take a trip out to Alcatraz and visit the place. Why not venture to down town and find the TransAmerican building, get in the elevator and go up to the top where they have a very nice restaurant and eat a quiet and peaceful dinner 80 stories up the air above the city. Why not park your car on the Maine County side of the Golden Gate Bridge and take a nice stroll across it, you'll love it! Why not visit my favorite place in the city, that's "China Town" go visit people of oriental culture, why not treat yourself to some real Chinese food. Why not stop by a temple, enter it, shoes off of course, pick up a in scent stick, sit down and burn the stick and let it's aroma fill you and imagine your life's problems drifting away upon the smoke!

 

Just find something to do, heck if you stay here long enough on L.S. and get "private messaging" privileges, we might look into the idea of hooking up on one of the times I'm in San Fran. I visit China town about once every two months, who knows.......

 

Take care and keep posting here on L.S., we are listening!

[habs53]

She is gone pal. Im sorry. She is a run away wife like others say.

[You Go Girl]

I think Zen's ideas are good ones. Get out there and do whatever--where you remember to be amazed at the planet, nature, man's creations, whatever. The world didn't start spinning with this girl, and it won't end with her leaving either. Same goes for your life, and your soul.

 

You'll get through this...we all do. Temporary setbacks are expected now and then, but they are temporary. Post that on your monitor. Remind yourself that they are temporary, if you can somehow remember that thought when in the middle of one.

One day at a time...some good days, some not so good days. The thing is that each day you are healing, even if you don't see the progress. You will. 4 months of living separately, I am feeling better, and much better than 3 months ago.

[poopierabbit]

Do you look back at seemingly pivotal moments in the relationship and think "Yep, this added to the problems." or "This was the clincher - the beginning of the end."

 

I almost feel compelled to find the answers of what went wrong. This break-up I can only analogize to a foundational shift and reanalysis of my entire life.

 

I really saw myself getting old with her, and I know that she felt the same.

 

What happened?! It is driving me up the wall. My heart is still breaking, and I miss her so much, even though the destiny we once shared is gone, replaced by two distinct ones.

 

I'm lamenting. Could I have saved this in some way? Was this break-up my fault? What things could I have done differently? "Sadness" as a word doesn't even describe what I'm feeling right now.

 

I really believe life provided a set of obstacles that we could not completely overcome. She finished school, and immediately found a job that she loved. Her parents got sick at the same time. She was all consumed and I tried to help her through it. The "beginning of the end"

(at least for me) was a six month stretch without sex. Everything seemed to change. I really asked her to go with me to see a councilor about the problems we had. We went for a couple of sessions, but she drifted away from it like leaves in the fall. Why? Why couldn't you have worked on the relationship then, rather than hoping happiness and relationship success would fall in your lap???

Edited October 8, 2010 by poopierabbit

[The-Zen-Warrior]

 

I almost feel compelled to find the answers of what went wrong. This break-up I can only analogize to a foundational shift and reanalysis of my entire life.

 

I really saw myself getting old with her, and I know that she felt the same.

 

What happened?! It is driving me up the wall. My heart is still breaking, and I miss her so much, even though the destiny we once shared is gone, replaced by two distinct ones.

 

First off, stop, stop this right now! I don't care how "compelled" you are to try and find your answers "right now", you need to back off. I'm not trying to come across rude or anything, but right now is not the time for answers, now is the time, at least in my opinion to just concentrate on you, and no one else. Trust me your answers are floating in the wind somewhere out there, and when the time is right, namely you being in the right frame of mind, those answers might unveil themselves to you.

 

In my opinion, now is not the time for answers, the time for settling in and being as comfortable as you can with the way things are currently is the key. When I was in your shoes, long ago, I try'd to seek out the answers, but I was "rushing things" to much, to much in a hurry to find the answers, some to the same questions you have now. I learned the hard way, that until we pull out mental heads out of our a**es and buck up and try to make the best of things at the time of their happenings, looking for answers will do no good.

 

Slow down here a little bit, you didn't get into this problem "over night", it took time and some effort to get where you are now. Don't fool yourself into thinking that the magic answer is looming right under your nose, and when found, "over night" things will be perfect. Answers will come in time, in what I believe through my craft, that when the universe thinks you are ready, it will expose some of your answers, but not all at once, it more than likely will give them to you in small manageable doses! And as your answers come, no matter what the speed, you then at that time should feel "compelled" to work on them then.

 

I'm not promising anything here, but if you slow down, just focus on you and only you right now, and try to make the best of your current situation, your answers may come. I still maintain my original thoughts contained in a prior post........

 

"Why don't you go and visit Golden Gate Park, why not drop in and check out the Palace of fine arts, if your into crazy things go visit the Exploritorum, why not book a nice bay cruise on the blue and gold fleet. Take a trip out to Alcatraz and visit the place. Why not venture to down town and find the TransAmerican building, get in the elevator and go up to the top where they have a very nice restaurant and eat a quiet and peaceful dinner 80 stories up the air above the city. Why not park your car on the Maine County side of the Golden Gate Bridge and take a nice stroll across it, you'll love it! Why not visit my favorite place in the city, that's "China Town" go visit people of oriental culture, why not treat yourself to some real Chinese food. Why not stop by a temple, enter it, shoes off of course, pick up a in scent stick, sit down and burn the stick and let it's aroma fill you and imagine your life's problems drifting away upon the smoke!"

 

You need to get out there buddy, you really need to focus in on something else right now, go explore your city by the bay. Get out there and meet new people, in China Town expose yourself to people of oriental culture, heck go check out Pier 39 or stroll down Fisherman Wharf, go take a tour of the city via a cable car. At this point in your situation I would strongly advise you to stay out of your head for a while. If you can just work on keeping things in the "moment" right now, I feel that this will pay you some major dividends in the long run.

 

Just remember this famous quote...

 

"What does not kill me, will only make me stronger"!

 

or, one that my primary Master for the past year has been drilling into my head........

 

"The mountain does not bow down the breeze"!

 

I am the mountain, my problems, my issues, my dark thoughts, my misgivings, my flaws are the breeze and they are not to be bow'd down to!

 

Your going to be fine, just go explore your city, meet people, see new things and try to live in the moment and I think for now, that will do the trick!

[Crazy4what]

Have you tried to work things out? A persons Pride sometimes can cause a barrier.

 

Reconciliation needs to be done in a different place different scenarios away from all where problems started.

[poopierabbit]

I would have loved to work things out. It takes two for something to work and even more, it takes two to put in the hard work necessary for a committed, loving relationship. That includes the open communication and honesty with your partner. Those qualities it seems she was or is lacking. Perhaps she just doesn't have the capacity - either way is speculation on my part and is a moot point. Ultimately we have gone from a "break" to a "break-up" after giving her a month of soul-searching.

 

During our October 4th break-up (which by the way was done at work which, for anyone else that may be in the same situation or contemplate doing it on a Monday - my advice is "don't do it." Give yourself at the least weekend to recover from inevitability, if you feel it has arrived) I left the door open for future reconciliation, however, she didn't take it.

 

I sent further mixed signals by telling her to have a good, happy and fulfilling life. So unless God shines down in my favor, I don't expect to ever hear or have any contact with her again. It is very unfortunate and sad and I am struggling with that reality right now - "How do you forever say goodbye to the partner with whom you've loved and lived life with for years?"

 

This is by far one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, however, I stand by my committment to giving her a loving, dignified memory of me without the begging, pleading and crying that span stretches of time and completely push a lover away until the spurned lover has finally come to the realization it is no more. What good memory is left then?

 

I do this out of love and hopefully a small piece of real estate in her heart will always be dedicated to me. That is the best I can hope for unless by some miracle she wakes up and understands that I do love her and we would have a chance if she could commit herself to help make it work.

 

As the adage goes - "It takes two to tango."

 

If you have any suggestions, I'm open to them. I always want to hope that there's a chance, but knowing her, I know that she's pragmatic in her view point on life, and not a dreamer. Therefore, it's doubtful sending flowers will do the trick in this particular case.

 

I have some consolation that during our last departure we did hug each other and kiss telling each other to "take care." This was immediately preceding our "break" at the time, but everyone generally has a good premonition of how this goes down in reality - I was hopeful for a time that we could reconcile given her statement "there's a 99.9% chance we'll be together again" however, I realized shortly thereafter she had drastically put emotional distance between us as she even claims in her email to me. Once that is done, I'm left convinced there is no hope left.

Edited October 9, 2010 by poopierabbit

[giantfan]

Most honest person and that was one of the things that I admired. Read my posts. Facebook>old friend>affair. Her affair was with an old friend that was divorced his first wife because she had an affair. I confronted his wife and told her about them. She said he cried like a baby when his first wife did it to him. I guess it was ok for him to do it to his new wife. My wife went from the most honest person I knew to the most untrusted person I know. She has taught me that I can never or will never trust anyone again. I didnt want to believe she was capable of an affair even though all the signs pointed to it.

[poopierabbit]

I really scares me to think that this world is full of cheats. That is the one thing I loved about my lady - she was not and I don't believe she ever will be. I completely trusted her and was not an issue in our relationship.

 

They say the success or failure of a marriage depends in part on the intelligence both partners have - I firmly believe this as well. If both have the capacity to understand, and have the empathy it doesn't take a genious to figure out cheating causes too much pain and it isn't worth it if you really love your significant other.

 

Unfortunately, I don't think the world is full of these devoted types, which is both sad and scary.

[giantfan]

My wife and I hated everyone that was a cheat. From celebrities to people we know. She had some view on what tiger woods deserved. When we first met 21 years ago her fiancee cheated on her and my friend was cheating on his wife. She absolutely hated it and because of it I thought she would not do it. Boy was I wrong. She spun everything around to make me feel like I was crazy to even think something was going on. Hate to say this to you but I felt exactly like you and now I have to pay the price for her actions. Read my story. I felt so guilty about thinking she was cheating that I couldnt even hire a P.I. to follow her even though I knew she was having an affair. One thing that I hoped for was that the guilt would get to her and maybe she would confess. Atleast that happened and I dont feel crazy.

Edited October 9, 2010 by giantfan

[poopierabbit]

I have been very good about no contact after "our" (to be truthful it was her) break-up. Today I get a call from her after two and half weeks.

 

We have a lengthy phone conversation where we revisit what was wrong in our relationship, who shared blame, etc.

 

What was odd to me is we are somehow past the break-up and now she is talking about needing a "break" and needing "space" yet again. Also, she needs to figure herself out alone and dismissed any possible reconciliation "right now" but left open the future by leaving it dangling.

 

What does this mean? Why the phone call and why now?

 

I'm really trying to go through the stages of healing, and this phone call didn't help.

[Owl]

PR, I've got to agree with others...she's seeing someone else. She's calling you and doing the whole "space" thing and all to ensure she's got sufficient distance from you to "get away" with what she's doing.

 

Here's my thoughts.

 

You've already realized that you've been sending mixed messages.

 

My thought is this...have you ever noticed the "rubber band" effect when people talk? One person steps a little too close to the other...the other person, without realizing it, steps back to maintain what they feel is appropriate personal space. The first person, feeling it's too far away, steps in without conscious thought. And the dance goes on across the room.

 

That 'dance' works in relationships...and it also works in the opposite direction.

 

I personally think that you should give her that space.

 

Don't call her. Don't go out of your way to see her. If she calls, be distant, distracted. Act like you're not focusing on her, not paying much attention to the conversation. If she asks if anything is wrong...tell her no, then find an excuse to get off the phone saying you'll call her back later. Then don't call her back.

 

If you "step away" from her...she'll feel uncomfortable with that, and "step closer" without even realizing what she's doing.

 

She'll stop pulling away from you...instead, she'll be the one initiating contact.

 

Now, this isn't a 100% foolproof concept. But it has the beauty of also preparing you a little better for not having a life centered around her. Around becoming more comfortable with more space between the two of you.

 

On the rare occasions when you do interact with her, make sure you're well-groomed, well-dressed, and wearing a cologne you know she likes. And make sure to keep those interactions very short, acting distracted and like you've got to get somewhere.

 

It'll attract her interest more, without her even realizing it.

 

Remember too...women can't fall in love with a man that they don't respect. A man who is DYING to be with her doesn't command respect. But a well-dressed/groomed man who's got his own life going...that is easier to respect.

 

She won't respect someone she can walk all over...but she will respect someone who's self-sufficient and doesn't "need" her.

 

Just my thoughts, my friend.

[fltc]

What happened?!

 

She probably met someone else as others have told you.

 

I know it's hard to admit but there are signs if you'll look for them.

 

Sorry, I know it's hard but try to move on with your life...

[poopierabbit]

I've been busy in the last couple of months, probably not doing positive things. I am sleeping with three different women and my heart is not open to any of them.

 

I feel dead inside. Becoming a martyr by abstaining and waiting hopefully for my partner will fix nothing in a dying and dead relationship, so I'm trying to move forward.

 

Have any men had this same experience? I have a strong desire for sex, but I want nothing to do with an emotional attachment because my emotions are still centered around the woman I love.

 

I offered to take her (my girlfriend) to Europe and she declined the invitation.

 

She called a little less than a month ago and wanted to maintain contact, but on her terms. I'm less inclined to believe that will happen much anymore.