She's trying to destroy my self worth

[Murat]

Long story short - my LDR girlfriend of almost 4 years turned 21 five months ago, and has since broken up with me, dated someone else and slept with him, and begged for me back.

 

We've been back "together" for about 3.5 months and I'm not sure what to make of it. Our communication has dropped to a few texts every day, some of which she never even responds to. We used to webcam every night and/or talk on the phone every day. Now we only talk online if she's literally stuck at home with nothing to do. Phone conversation is non-existent.

 

It's been 6 months since we've seen each other and we attributed the distance between us to how long it's been. She booked a ticket to come see me this weekend, but canceled on Wednesday because she had a waxing accident which she needed stitches for. She said that she can't move around much for a week because of it, so it made no sense coming, since we'd be stuck at home all day. She canceled the ticket that night, and has gone out drinking for the last 3 nights.

 

A few days ago while we were talking (Im not sure if it slipped or if she meant to say it), she told me that she used to look up to me. She said that she was weak and lost when we got together, and that she looked up to me for direction and guidance, i was a role model. However, now that my life has hit a low point (and it just so happens that I literally can't do anything for her monetarily) she has, in her words, "surpassed me" in life. She said that she's losing hope every day, and that she's going somewhere, fast.

 

Personally, I feel like if she doesn't actually love me. She just doesn't want to see me move on without her, which is why she holds onto me by making me think we're together while she lives her life. I feel like she's insecure about herself and unsure of her direction in life, so she tries to break me down by reinforcing how good HER life is compared to mine, to make herself feel better.

 

Does this make sense to anyone else?

[TaraMaiden]

Yes.

you are her "backburner" guy.

her safe bet until something better comes along. (And by the sound of it, she thinks anything else will be better, regardless....)

You are her 'soft place to fall'.

 

In essence, and in a word, you're her doormat.

 

if you're happy with her wiping her feet all over you, then carry on as you are.

She's making you feel this way, because you've basically given her carte blanche, the go-ahead, and full permission to do so.

 

She's not destroying your self-worth.

 

Nosiree, not a bit.

 

You are.

 

So quit now, and get a grip, get a life and get out of there.

 

Like, yesterday.

[Romance]

I think you should break up with her, she doesnt seem to respect you.

[LuckyLady13]

I have a question - Has your relationship been long distance for the entire 4 years?

 

If it has, do you two have plans to be together or get married or anything like this? I mean real, concrete plans.

 

If not, I can see her feeling stagnant with your relationship and possibly wanting all of the things a non LDR has. It sounds to me like she isn't consciously trying to destroy your self worth but with the stagnation of your relationship, she wants to move onto something more tangible and wants that with you but if she can't have that with you, she sounds like she's looking around for someone else but keeping you on the hook just in case.

 

Also, she doesn't look up to you like she did in the past because she's in a stronger position in her life now? People do grow and change and it sounds like she's changed and grown and would really like for you to still be up on that pedestal when she looked up to you (which is why she mentioned this directly to you).

 

If she mentioned she's losing hope every day directly to you, she's trying to tell you she doesn't want to lose hope and she wants to see you climb back up on that pedestal again. But...can you do that? Or do you want to do that?

[aerogurl87]

2 words come to mind when reading your post: Door mat and gold digger. She's a gold digger looking for the next best thing which is why she feels she wants more since you're no longer financially able to give her what she wants and until she finds someone willing to give her all the monetary things she desires she'll use you as her doormat to boost her ego.

[Murat]

I don't disagree with the idea of her holding onto me until something better comes along. But, if that's the case why didn't she just hold onto the other guy? I mean she told me how much money he had (a lot more than me lol)

 

Also, I can't help but feel like there's either jealousy or insecurity at play, and a lot of it too. During the same discussion where she said that she surpassed me she also told me:

"You just think you're too f*****g good for everything. You can't just get a good job because you graduated from college with honors. Nobody gives a s**t."

"You have it so easy. You're so pampered because you don't have to pay for anything, your parents give you everything you want."

"You're in for a surprise [when you start looking for a job] is all I have to say"

 

The conversation then went from this to her asking me if I care about what she does with her friends, and she started sending me facebook photos.

 

Anyone else confused yet?

 

Edit: thought I'd throw this in there, I DO have a job. I work for my parents; they make a ton of money but pay me around $3 an hour because I have "no expenses." My girlfriend was referring to when/if I move back to the US.

Edited September 27, 2010 by Murat

[LisaLee]

Your gf sounds horrid. Why do you even bother with her? If someone talked to me like that I would dump them in a heart beat.

[aerogurl87]

Well the other guy may have made alot more, but he probably didn't let her wipe her feet all over him either. That's why she's back to you.