Walked in on bf in bed with another woman..

[NayWinter]

we'll have to agree to disagree there.

 

 

 

 

glad you said that.....cuz he put his hands on her first.

 

Yes he did put his hands on me first. There was a time I arrived at his house and he was in the shower and the screen door was locked, so I waited in my car. When he got out of the shower his exact words to me were this " I have no idea how the door got locked but if that ever happens again and I don't hear you or am not home, jerk the handle as hard as you can, you'll get in."

[Dexter Morgan]

Nah...I didn't miss that. I read well. But yea let's pursue that. He restrained her. Ok? Maybe YOU missed the part where in no state of USA is cheating on a non married partner a crime.

 

what does that have to do with assault? nothing.

 

 

Now, punching in the face and oh yea, forced entry...yea that's jail time in most parts.

 

sure, he may be able to have her jailed for forced entry, but she can also have him for assault...forced entry or not.

 

 

Get a grip on cheating. Be upset. Be hurt. Be embarrassed. Be gone. Hitting? Breaking and entering, no comparison.

 

again, she was wrong to go in, even with implied permission. but he was wrong to shove her up against a wall.

 

either way, moot point...she left his sorry cheating ass anyway.

[NayWinter]

nah...i didn't miss that. I read well. But yea let's pursue that. He restrained her. Ok? Maybe you missed the part where in no state of usa is cheating on a non married partner a crime.

 

Now, punching in the face and oh yea, forced entry...yea that's jail time in most parts.

 

Get a grip on cheating. Be upset. Be hurt. Be embarrassed. Be gone. Hitting? Breaking and entering, no comparison.

 

all rise for judge mental!

[NayWinter]

Nah...I didn't miss that. I read well. But yea let's pursue that. He restrained her. Ok? Maybe YOU missed the part where in no state of USA is cheating on a non married partner a crime.

 

Now, punching in the face and oh yea, forced entry...yea that's jail time in most parts.

 

Get a grip on cheating. Be upset. Be hurt. Be embarrassed. Be gone. Hitting? Breaking and entering, no comparison.

 

Once again, I stated that the way I reacted was wrong. I also asked to please go easy on me as I was in a state of severe trauma and wasn't able to think rationally.

 

But if it makes you feel better to turn a thread about pain and emotions into a "crime thread" it's a free country, by all means do it. I just didn't realize we were here to discuss crimes. All that is over now, so I don't think I'll be getting arrested as the loser said he deserved it, and has begged for me to come back. But I'll be sure to let you know if I ever get arrested so that you can get your rocks off.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

when you give someone a key to your place, you are giving them permission to enter as if it was their place too.

 

Apparently not. As in, not when he's there with a different gf and has the screen locked. Again--if OP thought she had legitimate right to be there all she needed to do was ring the doorbell. Either he 1) lets her in; or 2) doesn't. It's not up to her to break the screen door if he chooses not to let her in in answer to the doorbell. She apparently decided that she was entitled to get in regardless of whether he wanted her to, or not. Unless she's a legal resident, she simply doesn't have the right to enter or remain on those premises against his wishes. It's very simple and I'm not sure why you're having such trouble grasping the concept.

 

As a matter of fact, he's fully entitled to arbitrarily set the limitations on when she can and cannot get access to his place, with or without her own set of keys. Remember--she doesn't actually live there. So she has no legal right to be there against his wishes.

 

 

if screen door was locked, so what?

 

It means he didn't want anyone coming in--obviously because he was being intimate with his other gf. That's "so what." Again--if OP thought she had a legitimate right to enter against his wishes, she should have simply rung the doorbell. The bottom line is: It's not her house.

 

 

 

and when she got in there, he grabbed her first and pinned her against the wall.

 

Yes because she was making a beeline to go attack the other gf. She admits that. When he lets go of her she punches him not once but twice in the face. That's not self defense, esp. because she admitted she then went to go after the other gf again, and he had to restrain her again.

 

 

Now with the permission of giving her the key, and him physically restraining her first.....he did assault her.

 

Nope. Not given all the facts as she has described them. She broke into the house because she certainly didn't have a key to the screen door, and that was locked. She then had to be restrained from attacking the other gf, but when he let her go, she punched him twice in the face, she didn't try to flee--and then she still tried to attack the other gf. If she really believes he assaulted her and not the other way around, she should def. file a police report. She probably would, too, except she knows that might not have such a happy outcome for her.

 

 

 

Now its a moot point because she obviously isn't going to press any charges and has moved on. Which is what I would do, and have done in almost this same situation.

 

Well if her ex-bf has any sense he will be hiring a lawyer and pressing charges against OP and/or getting a restraining order, as will the other gf. That's fine and if it happens the OP can explain everything to a judge as to why she is the victim and not the perpetrator. Let the court decide. As I said earlier, this would be a "moot point" if OP was a MAN because he definitely would have been locked up by now were the situations reversed.

 

My X in college gave me a key, I walked in on them having sex. My initial reaction was to jump on the bed and start wailing. But I took a big breath, and slammed the door shut so hard it broke the door off the hinges.

 

You didn't break and enter the premises. Also, did you punch anyone in the face? Twice? Did you go to attack the third party and have to be restrained? No. You said it yourself: you took a deep breath.

 

common sense took over and it was better to just leave and blow her security deposit than assault someone.

 

Obviously if she had wanted to bother you could have been on the hook for those costs as well as criminal mischief charges and a restraining order. You're very lucky she didn't pursue those charges against you. It doesn't make your property destruction "right."

 

 

 

oh really? what do you think will happen when a completely unarmed girl enters his pad and he shoots her? you really think he'd have been deemed justified? ask any cop and they'll tell you that isn't how it would go down.

 

"It" already went down. OP is an extremely VIOLENT person who needs, first of all, to get control of her temper. She also needs to get a lawyer, pronto. She will need it. There's no way she's not going to wind up in court over this incident.

[Dexter Morgan]

all rise for judge mental!

 

don't worry about it, you know what you did was wrong.

 

just alot of people here that will want to tear you down for having feelings and emotions that sometime get in the way of better judgement....and they will defend a cheating bf that shoves you up against a wall and my guess is that they are probably cut from the same mold as your bf.

 

you got rid of him, its all done. you are better off.

[reservoirdog1]

I'm not going to wade into the fray over whether or not the OP's actions met a textbook definition of breaking and entering, or whether or not her actions or his were assault, or self-defense, or whatever.

 

Based on what she discovered once inside, I'm prepared to give her a free pass on the other stuff. And it's not an "ends justify the means" thing, either.

 

So, let's go with this. Entering his home the way she did was, at best, not polite or terribly savvy. At worst, it was breaking and entering. However, she had a suspicion, and it's now confirmed. The BF's story is one big steaming pile o' shyt. Top marks for creativity and effort, tho.

 

Considering that the chick the BF was playing hide the salami with could have any number of diseases, and considering that by screwing her he's putting the OP at risk for those, and considering both the emotional turmoil the OP was in while working to confirm her suspicions and the ridiculous emotional shock she probably got when she saw them in bed together, I'd say her actions were pretty much reasonable. I never went through that with XW; she admitted to her cheating. Can't even fathom what I would've done if I'd walked in and found her in bed with one of her OMs. And it's probably best we never found out.

 

All of this, IMHO, makes what might technically have been "breaking and entering" in this situation seem pretty insignificant in context.

[Dexter Morgan]

You didn't break and enter the premises. Also, did you punch anyone in the face? Twice?

 

nope, because nobody touched me first.

 

 

Did you go to attack the third party and have to be restrained? No. You said it yourself: you took a deep breath.

 

yup, I didn't let my emotions get the better of me. OP has feelings and emotions and it hurt to where she couldn't control them. It was wrong of her.

 

But you all are acting like she is some sort of b!tch for having these feelings and having a lapse in judgement.

 

She should have simply realized he wasn't worth it.

 

 

Obviously if she had wanted to bother you could have been on the hook for those costs as well as criminal mischief charges and a restraining order. You're very lucky she didn't pursue those charges against you. It doesn't make your property destruction "right."

 

 

she could try, but she'd be spending more than what she'd be getting back. besides...the guy whose d!ck was in her can fix the door:)

[NayWinter]

don't worry about it, you know what you did was wrong.

 

just alot of people here that will want to tear you down for having feelings and emotions that sometime get in the way of better judgement....and they will defend a cheating bf that shoves you up against a wall and my guess is that they are probably cut from the same mold as your bf.

 

you got rid of him, its all done. you are better off.

 

I couldn't agree with you more. Thank you.

[atlnay]

The screen door was locked. I didn't "break it in" I pulled on the handle hard enough to open it. I'm assuming the handle is broken, yes. I also had a standing invitation to use MY KEYS to go into his house whenever I wanted.

 

all rise for judge mental!

 

Seriously OP? This? Childish.

 

And no one, in my reading so far, has slammed her for having emotions. As I ended my post. I said, be upset...be hurt...get mad...whatever...those are not crimes. You'll get empathy for his cheating ways and you're hurting heart...blah blah blah blah blah...what I have an issue with is the tacit approval of the "assault" aspect. But whatever. He didn't file charges. You are done with him all should be right in your world.

 

Were it me? I already posted that.

[atlnay]

yup, I didn't let my emotions get the better of me. OP has feelings and emotions and it hurt to where she couldn't control them. It was wrong of her.

 

REALLY?

 

Maybe OP's dude had sexual feeling and emotions HE couldn't control. Is that really how you wanna defend the OP? Isn't the "outrage" at cheating all about the sorry sod who just can't "control" himself?

[Dexter Morgan]

Seriously OP? This? Childish.

 

And no one, in my reading so far, has slammed her for having emotions. As I ended my post. I said, be upset...be hurt...get mad...whatever...those are not crimes. You'll get empathy for his cheating ways and you're hurting heart...blah blah blah blah blah

 

 

ya, blah blah.....you are simply poo pooing her. You could care less...don't try to act like you would have.

[NayWinter]

I'm not going to wade into the fray over whether or not the OP's actions met a textbook definition of breaking and entering, or whether or not her actions or his were assault, or self-defense, or whatever.

 

Based on what she discovered once inside, I'm prepared to give her a free pass on the other stuff. And it's not an "ends justify the means" thing, either.

 

So, let's go with this. Entering his home the way she did was, at best, not polite or terribly savvy. At worst, it was breaking and entering. However, she had a suspicion, and it's now confirmed. The BF's story is one big steaming pile o' shyt. Top marks for creativity and effort, tho.

 

Considering that the chick the BF was playing hide the salami with could have any number of diseases, and considering that by screwing her he's putting the OP at risk for those, and considering both the emotional turmoil the OP was in while working to confirm her suspicions and the ridiculous emotional shock she probably got when she saw them in bed together, I'd say her actions were pretty much reasonable. I never went through that with XW; she admitted to her cheating. Can't even fathom what I would've done if I'd walked in and found her in bed with one of her OMs. And it's probably best we never found out.

 

All of this, IMHO, makes what might technically have been "breaking and entering" in this situation seem pretty insignificant in context.

 

Thank you. I know my reaction wasn't the best way to handle things, but people just don't know how terrible seeing something like that is until it happens to them. He may have put my life at risk. I have to be checked for STD's. I can't see why some people want to rip me to shreds over something that tore me apart and hurt me beyond words.

 

Thank you for not being one of them.

[atlnay]

ya, blah blah.....you are simply poo pooing her. You could care less...don't try to act like you would have.

 

Lol you and I agree on something. I DON'T care. I don't know OP and if you do actually, truly care. Um...that's great.

 

But no where here did I "act" like that. I said she'd get empathy, but it wouldn't be from me.

[Dexter Morgan]

Lol you and I agree on something. I DON'T care. I don't know OP and if you do actually, truly care. Um...that's great.

 

then leave her alone.

 

 

But no where here did I "act" like that.

 

uh.........i showed where you did.

[NayWinter]

Lol you and I agree on something. I DON'T care. I don't know OP and if you do actually, truly care. Um...that's great.

 

But no where here did I "act" like that. I said she'd get empathy, but it wouldn't be from me.

 

Well since you don't care.. You could stop posting your hateful comments and go away. Just some kindly advice, since you don't care.

[atlnay]

then leave her alone.

 

 

 

 

uh.........i showed where you did.

 

Ok why don't you also show me where her lack of control for acting on her "anger" feelings trumps his lack of control for his "sexual" feelings. (he allegedly boned another chick) so show me that too.

[atlnay]

Well since you don't care.. You could stop posting your hateful comments and go away. Just some kindly advice, since you don't care.

 

OP report me for my hateful comments. Simple.

[NayWinter]

OP report me for my hateful comments. Simple.

 

No, simple is you going away. You're not doing anyone any good.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

Ok why don't you also show me where her lack of control for acting on her "anger" feelings trumps his lack of control for his "sexual" feelings. (he allegedly boned another chick) so show me that too.

 

Actually for me the key to the whole situation is not when she punched out her ex-bf--it's that she would have actually attacked the other woman had the ex-bf not restrained her.

 

How on earth could anyone justify THAT?

[atlnay]

No, simple is you going away. You're not doing anyone any good.

 

Wait. So you want me to go away from reading a forum from a computer that I paid for and an internet connection that I pay for and stop reading something I want to read and stop replying to something that I don't want to stop replying to...not going to happen. At this point you are engaging in dialouge with me and I am replying. You can ignore me, you can report me (and if the fine folks who run this site read the thread in it's entirety and agree with you 100%) well that'll make me really gone. At least from replying. But yea, something about replying to me just makes me reply back.

[wuggle]

Naywinter, please don't get too upset by some of the comments here. LS is like this sometimes, you ask for brutal honesty and often these threads get 'carried away with themselves'. Take it from me Dexter is one of the most brutal hard bast*rds on this site, if he aint got a problem with what you did, take it from me you aint done too much wrong.

 

Take the support and listen to the negatives but don't let them get you down, sometimes people can be a bit harsh, sometimes they project etc, whatever, don't take it too much to heart.

 

For what it's worth, from what I have heard, I don't think you should be so hard on yourself, I'm a pussy (as Dexter knows) and I don't think you did anything wrong.

 

take care.

[atlnay]

Actually for me the key to the whole situation is not when she punched out her ex-bf--it's that she would have actually attacked the other woman had the ex-bf not restrained her.

 

How on earth could anyone justify THAT?

 

The attacking the other female is what truly bothers me but that angle is moot since she didn't touch her. It made me think, if I were the other chick, and some woman puts her hands on me over a man? Yea she's going to jail.

 

And considering how "sneaky" the boyfriend was with the OP, why can't it be presumed, he was just as "sneaky" with the woman in the bed. Yet she was going to get pummeled without so much as a jury trial...lol...I wish I was a lawyer sometimes.

[harmfulsweetz]

Essentially, the majority of 5 pages of this thread are quibbling over the rights and wrongs of OPs actions. We can all agree that it is wrong to assault (on either a man or a woman, by a man or a woman) force entry but that's by the by. We ALL do things that perhaps, in hindsight, we wish we didn't, and we know are unjustifiable. Such is life, such is emotions and the cr*p that come with them, don't we all wish we could act like exemplary model citizens, that behave just so?

 

In regards to the original post, I think his story was a load of tosh. Even if they didn't have sex, unlikely, he still broke your trust. Sharing a bed, IMO, is a very intimate thing. He shared that intimacy with someone else. At best, it was an emotional affair, at worst, a physical one. One way or the other, he cheated/betrayed your trust/ assaulted you and well, good for you for dumping his sorry behind.

 

atlnay, shut up, seriously. Don't care? Leave OP alone then. Stop harping on about the rights and wrongs, as if it means something. It, er, doesn't. Your posts are grating on me, because I can't quite frankly, see the point in beating a dead horse. OP is well aware her actions were wrong, give it a rest.

 

I'm going to quote Thumper on this: "If you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all."

[NayWinter]

Naywinter, please don't get too upset by some of the comments here. LS is like this sometimes, you ask for brutal honesty and often these threads get 'carried away with themselves'. Take it from me Dexter is one of the most brutal hard bast*rds on this site, if he aint got a problem with what you did, take it from me you aint done too much wrong.

 

Take the support and listen to the negatives but don't let them get you down, sometimes people can be a bit harsh, sometimes they project etc, whatever, don't take it too much to heart.

 

For what it's worth, from what I have heard, I don't think you should be so hard on yourself, I'm a pussy (as Dexter knows) and I don't think you did anything wrong.

 

take care.

 

Thanks Wuggle