Walked in on bf in bed with another woman..

[2sunny]

Also your question about whether or not I ever cheated is completely irrelevant.

 

The OP's ex-bf is NOT a cheater, as it turned out, YOU PROVED that if anyone is a "cheater," it is OP herself. (You produced her first post a month ago stating that she is or was until recently, married. Bravo good detective work.)

 

So now go attack OP for being a cheater, since you're claiming that matters to you.

 

So now sunny, it is your turn to answer directly your OWN question: Why would YOU support OP, who apparently is a cheating spouse? Were YOU ever a cheater?

 

Go ahead, see how deep you can dig the hole you're standing in.

 

nope, never cheated. was with my husband 23 years... never cheated.

 

i think i answered your other questions in my post above this... i was ahead of you...

[bittermelon]

People! What was supposed to be a place for others to provide support and guidance for someone who was hurt emotionally and felt that she could turn to people here at a time of need has turned into a place where everyone is discussing the legalities of what happened at the house!

 

Can we please drop the legal discussions and focus on the thread here? If you want to debate the issue of breaking and entering and domestic violence, please leave and go somewhere else! I know this is not my thread but I can see by reading all your postings that this is not helping anyone! By doing this, you guys are not being supportive at all!

 

Until you have something like this happen to you, you are in no place to judge her for acting the way she did.

 

For the record, when I went over to confront my cheating ex about a dating profile of him that I found online (No, I was NOT looking for myself, I had my suspicions) I went over to his place, middle of the night, with the key that he gave me, found a strange car on his driveway, went inside, lo and behold found him in bed with another woman. She left graciously - even told me how she didn't know he had a gf, how she's sorry for coming between us, how they just started seeing each other, etc - I even thanked her when she wished me luck and left the house. Yes, others would have gone another route with her, but I know she was simply another girl and could have been easily replaced with another chick. I know the problem lies with him, not her.

 

But she left, and I went up to him, smacked him across the cheek, proceeded to whack him with my fist and pillows while he covered his face. I threw objects across the room. I took a drink of water and splashed the rest on his face. Am I proud of what I did? No. But when you turn my heart inside out and lie to me and hurt me so profoundly do you expect me to act rational? No. I'm sure there are people who would have had the strength to turn around and walk away and never look back but I'm sorry if I'm not that strong. But at the end of the day, the stinging on his cheek will go away but my heart forever aches.

 

I'm not saying violence is the way to go, but please don't judge unless you've been in that situation. And if you can't understand or have empathy and all you care about is the legalities of what happened, i don't think this thread is for you.

 

Naywinter - i can't pm you either. my thread is about 15 below yours entitled "Am i in denial about what happened?" hope you are doing better today will find a way to be in touch with you later

[aerogurl87]

You know you can't say what you would've done in the same situation unless you've been in it before. I would've never thought I'd breakdown and beg for a guy back if he left me for another woman but I did. You can never truly know what you'll do in a situation until that situation arises.

 

As for the OP, if he told her to jerk the screen door open till it opened if it was locked before, then he gave her the go ahead to "break in". Then he gave her a key, free entry as well. Then he restrained her to the point where she almost lost consciousness. Well that's assault as you can't restrain someone you invite into your home. He's not gonna take her to court for this because even if he is an idiot he probably has the sense to know that if he takes this crap to court the judge will laugh in his face. What she did wasn't right, but at least she got to see that scumbag's true colours.

[sanskrit]

People! What was supposed to be a place for others to provide support and guidance for someone who was hurt emotionally and felt that she could turn to people here at a time of need has turned into a place where everyone is discussing the legalities of what happened at the house!

 

If she didn't want her violent tendencies discussed, she would not have made them such a big part of her OP. Cheating is bad, violence is worse, end of story. People ARE being supportive of her by focusing on the violence, it's a big issue in her personality that she needs to deal with.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

these are two separate issues...

 

it was your justification of his cheating that made me think it.

 

LOL I didn't justify anyone's "cheating." For some reason, simply because I've been critical of OP's domestic violence, you've chosen to view that as an endorsement of her ex-bf's alleged "cheating."

 

The extreme irony of your untenable position is that now you've actually PROVEN that OP actually was herself cheating on her own husband for the three years she was in a relationship with her bf, by finding her Aug 27 post:

 

August 27, 2010

 

 

A word of advice.. I'm married to a man who tip toes around his ex for the sake of the child. THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE. If he is like this now, trust me, he will continue to be this way whether he is divorced, or not.

 

....

 

 

September 26 2010

 

I had been dating my bf for 3 years. We've both been married before, myself more recently than he, and I wanted to take things slow. We were very serious, I just wasn't ready to live with him yet. I have a lot of trust issues and always have with him, and for good reasons. Anyway, sometimes I would spend the night at his house, and I have keys to his house that he encouraged me to use all the time. He always liked it when I would come over in the morning while he was sleeping, and surprise him.

 

 

 

 

Even if OP got divorced on August 28 2010 and is no longer actually married, she was obviously married for the three years prior to Aug 27 that she was "dating" her "boyfriend." Unless of course nothing she posts can be trusted? I guess will have to wait to hear OP's explanation of all this, if it's ever forthcoming.

 

 

 

 

 

the dv part is separate and uncalled for in my book. unacceptable even. but that's not what she asked about.

 

What did she ask about? How to deal with a cheating bf? Well since she apparently cheated on her own husband for three years, isn't the "real" issue OP's failure to take responsibility for her own actions; blame shifting; and dishonesty--as well as her violence? You see OP's "dilemma" has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with what her ex-bf did or didn't do, nor how she wishes to portray that. It has to do with her fundamental lack of honesty and integrity. The same personality characteristics that permitted her to cheat on her own husband, are what permitted her to break into someone else's house; attack that person; then attempt to attack another woman she saw as a romantic rival; then spin things seeking sympathy; and then fail to acknowledge that she herself was a cheater, for three years, when posting about it in this thread.

 

Be my guest, give her all the sympathy and props you want, but don't expect me to do it. I'm not that gullible, sorry.

 

 

 

 

you focused on trying to minimize his behavior given the info about a committed relationship. then focused on her behavior.

 

His behavior is completely irrelevant. They were not in a "committed" relationship, because OP was MARRIED to another man during the vast majority of their "three year relationship." I suppose if OP posts again (rather than changing her screen name/account login as she's admitted doing) she may have some explanation for stating she was married only a month ago, yet being upset because her "bf" "cheated" on her; but of course it's not going to make too much sense.

 

 

i actually commend her for breaking up with him. he's a rat! he never even apologized. held her down too - until she couldn't breathe. then expected her to take him back.

 

Except for the fact that OP's version of what did/did not happen is unreliable. Please try to be rational and realistic--she broke into his house, attacked him, punched him in the face, attacked his other ("real") gf--you actually believe he would want to take her back after that? Why? So she could do it again?

 

Let's be real here. She was a married woman, cheating on her husband for three years. To her "bf" she was probably just one of his many women, a hot piece. She finally finalizes her divorce and like so many other women in similar scenarios the reality that her "bf's" involved with other women hits home, and she just blows her stack. She goes "bunny boiler." That's what happened here, now we know the truth, she was a cheating spouse, you know it, I know it, everyone knows it.

 

You accused me of cheating. Why? I guess just as an ad hominem attack. But since you think it matters, it's time for you to chastise the OP. Not overlook it simply because you've outsmarted yourself. She's the cheater. Not me.

 

 

 

the fact that she realizes that he's not the man she THOUGHT he was - is HUGE!

 

Um, he's a man who has no problems banging a married woman who's cheating on her husband. He sounds like EXACTLY the man who she "thought" he was.

[sanskrit]

Well that's assault as you can't restrain someone you invite into your home.

 

You most certainly can if they are violent and out of control. You can take any reasonable measures. If he had felt reasonably that her punches to his face were a prelude to life-threatening violence he could have shot her dead and been within his rights in every state of the union.

 

The law allows homeowners lots of latitude in their homes when faced with a surprise visit that turns very violent.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

She was not invited into his home. She was locked out of it. She admitted breaking into it, having seen the other woman's car in the driveway, and admitted she "knew" what that "meant." If she was unsure that her presence was or was not welcome, knowing the screen was locked, and knowing that he and someone else were in the house, she could have rung the doorbell. She didn't. She admitted that while claiming he supposedly told her (in one of her backtracking follow up posts) that her ex bf told her it would be ok to force the screen door handle, that was only if no one answered the door. As for example if he happened to be taking a shower. Assuming you believe that part of her story. So did she ring the doorbell? Did she knock first? Did she do anything to announce her presence? No.

 

 

Her specific intent in breaking into the ex's home was not simply to be an innocent, invited guest. Rather, it was malicious--with a specific intent to do whatever violence she could upon her ex and his other gf. Obviously a homeowner when confronted by a violent person whose presence is unwelcome and is threatening, is entitled to use reasonable force to restrain them, and that is exactly what her ex did. In fact he did not use ENOUGH force to restrain her because she punched him "several" times when he let her go, the first time. Therefore he had to use MORE force to restrain her the second time, in a way where HE would not be hurt and SHE would not be hurt. The only way to do that in that situation is basically using one's body to press on the other's body, if there is no one to help impose the restraint. She was not hurt, and he did not try to hurt her.

 

She says she could not breathe? She had enough wind, apparently, to jump up and try to attack the other woman again.

 

The only thing that endorsing ANYTHING the OP did in this particular situation would be to feed into her personal delusion, which is harmful, extremely harmful, because SHE IS VIOLENT.

[aerogurl87]

Ok I'm lost. Where are we getting these quotes from exactly? Did I miss something?

[Pickles4Breakfast]

Ok I'm lost. Where are we getting these quotes from exactly? Did I miss something?

 

 

What "quotes" are you talking about? Be more specific.

[aerogurl87]

You most certainly can if they are violent and out of control. You can take any reasonable measures. If he had felt reasonably that her punches to his face were a prelude to life-threatening violence he could have shot her dead and been within his rights in every state of the union.

 

The law allows homeowners lots of latitude in their homes when faced with a surprise visit that turns very violent.

 

She punched him after he restrained her, so once again it was assault. She didn't punch him before this, she just yelled it seems and he restrained her then fists started flying.

[aerogurl87]

What "quotes" are you talking about? Be more specific.

 

The thread quotes somebody put up on the previous page.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

She punched him after he restrained her, so once again it was assault. She didn't punch him before this, she just yelled it seems and he restrained her then fists started flying.

 

You obviously don't know what constitutes an "assault." An assault is an intentional attack with the intent of doing bodily harm or putting the other person in fear of bodily harm. That perfectly describes what the Op did. It does NOT however describe what her bf did in "restraining" her, which was NOT an intentional effort to inflict harm upon her, but rather to PREVENT her from harming him and the other woman, albeit he was somewhat unsuccessful.

[Pickles4Breakfast]

The thread quotes somebody put up on the previous page.

 

I asked you to be "specific." Use the quote function, that's what it's there for. I have no idea what you're talking about otherwise. There are lots of posts and lots of quotes in this thread.

[aerogurl87]

She was not invited into his home. She was locked out of it. She admitted breaking into it, having seen the other woman's car in the driveway, and admitted she "knew" what that "meant." If she was unsure that her presence was or was not welcome, knowing the screen was locked, and knowing that he and someone else were in the house, she could have rung the doorbell. She didn't. She admitted that while claiming he supposedly told her (in one of her backtracking follow up posts) that her ex bf told her it would be ok to force the screen door handle, that was only if no one answered the door. As for example if he happened to be taking a shower. Assuming you believe that part of her story. So did she ring the doorbell? Did she knock first? Did she do anything to announce her presence? No.

 

 

Her specific intent in breaking into the ex's home was not simply to be an innocent, invited guest. Rather, it was malicious--with a specific intent to do whatever violence she could upon her ex and his other gf. Obviously a homeowner when confronted by a violent person whose presence is unwelcome and is threatening, is entitled to use reasonable force to restrain them, and that is exactly what her ex did. In fact he did not use ENOUGH force to restrain her because she punched him "several" times when he let her go, the first time. Therefore he had to use MORE force to restrain her the second time, in a way where HE would not be hurt and SHE would not be hurt. The only way to do that in that situation is basically using one's body to press on the other's body, if there is no one to help impose the restraint. She was not hurt, and he did not try to hurt her.

 

She says she could not breathe? She had enough wind, apparently, to jump up and try to attack the other woman again.

 

The only thing that endorsing ANYTHING the OP did in this particular situation would be to feed into her personal delusion, which is harmful, extremely harmful, because SHE IS VIOLENT.

 

I don't think she's a violent person. I think she was put into very intensive emotional shock and her thinking wasn't straight at the time. It doesn't mean she's a violent person although she succumbed to an act of violence. In that case everyone's violent as everyone on this Earth has something that would trigger a violent reaction inside of them.

[aerogurl87]

LOL I didn't justify anyone's "cheating." For some reason, simply because I've been critical of OP's domestic violence, you've chosen to view that as an endorsement of her ex-bf's alleged "cheating."

 

The extreme irony of your untenable position is that now you've actually PROVEN that OP actually was herself cheating on her own husband for the three years she was in a relationship with her bf, by finding her Aug 27 post:

 

August 27, 2010

 

 

A word of advice.. I'm married to a man who tip toes around his ex for the sake of the child. THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE. If he is like this now, trust me, he will continue to be this way whether he is divorced, or not.

 

....

 

 

September 26 2010

 

I had been dating my bf for 3 years. We've both been married before, myself more recently than he, and I wanted to take things slow. We were very serious, I just wasn't ready to live with him yet. I have a lot of trust issues and always have with him, and for good reasons. Anyway, sometimes I would spend the night at his house, and I have keys to his house that he encouraged me to use all the time. He always liked it when I would come over in the morning while he was sleeping, and surprise him.

 

 

These quotes ^^^

[Pickles4Breakfast]

Also, how come now there is complete dead silence on the critical fact that it appears as if OP was actually cheating on her husband throughout most of her relationship with this ex-bf?

 

The whole reason that anyone was supporting OP in the first place was because she misleading implied her bf was a "cheater" and she was faithful. It seems to me that rationale goes out the window if her relationship with her ex bf actually constituted being unfaithful to her own h. She obviously has no moral high ground to stand on, she also mislead the message board about her position.

 

Fine if you all want to criticize cheaters, start with the OP.

[sanskrit]

She punched him after he restrained her, so once again it was assault. She didn't punch him before this, she just yelled it seems and he restrained her then fists started flying.

 

Stating for the final time, she was out of control and trying to get to the other woman after breaking a door. I don't need to see a video to know that a) he never assaulted her because restraining a violent out of control person is not assault, and b) the punches to the face prove that she was in an outward posture that was in need of restraint... no matter when they occured.

[sanskrit]

Also, how come now there is complete dead silence on the critical fact that it appears as if OP was actually cheating on her husband throughout most of her relationship with this ex-bf?

 

That part is actually understandable, as people are waiting for OP to come back and have a chance to reconcile the contradictory posts before putting her in the boiling oil.

[aerogurl87]

That part is actually understandable, as people are waiting for OP to come back and have a chance to reconcile the contradictory posts before putting her in the boiling oil.

 

I would like to see what she has to say also since that sheds a whole new light on the situation. Because if in fact she was married and cheating with her now ex boyfriend, well I hate to say it but you reap what you sow.

[harmfulsweetz]

Hm, it is awfully confusing. I hope OP does return to explain this. I'm not going to speculate on what has actually gone on here, because it's well, pointless.

 

 

It certainly sheds a whole new light on the situation though. If it is the case that she was cheating on her exH for 3 years, well, karma's a b*tch.

 

 

2sunny, I had the same suspicions about pickles4breakfast-seems to be doing a whole load of justification for this dude!

[Pickles4Breakfast]

Hm, it is awfully confusing. I hope OP does return to explain this. I'm not going to speculate on what has actually gone on here, because it's well, pointless.

 

 

It certainly sheds a whole new light on the situation though. If it is the case that she was cheating on her exH for 3 years, well, karma's a b*tch.

 

 

2sunny, I had the same suspicions about pickles4breakfast-seems to be doing a whole load of justification for this dude!

 

 

Not at all. You and a lot of other people were duped by the OP's story, you rose to her defense apparently for no other reason than she was female (that's sexism in my book), trying to rationalize her violent behavior that you would not have accepted for five seconds had the OP been a male, not a female.

 

Even when 2sunny actually found her original post at Love Shack proving OP was married and hence a cheater herself, it was disregarded.

 

Even now you're trying to smear me (!) for being correct.

 

Sorry, you're wrong, and the continued snide insinuations and attacks on myself (and one or two others) for having gotten the correct measure of the OP's behavior doesn't reflect well on you, at all.

[NayWinter]

here is your post in another thread from only one month ago.

 

so are you married or single? i want to know! your first post at LS you say you're married - one month later you say your single but have been dating seriously after seeing him three years, and recently divorced... which is it?

 

Good morning everyone. I was going through and reading everyone's posts, but I wanted to clear this one up right away. NO, I'm not married anymore. I've been seperated for 4 years, and divorced for about 9 months. I mis-typed in that post and didn't notice it. Sorry for the confusion.

[NayWinter]

I don't think she's a violent person. I think she was put into very intensive emotional shock and her thinking wasn't straight at the time. It doesn't mean she's a violent person although she succumbed to an act of violence. In that case everyone's violent as everyone on this Earth has something that would trigger a violent reaction inside of them.

 

Thank you. No, I'm not a violient person. I reacted in a violent way one time in my life.

[NayWinter]

Not at all. You and a lot of other people were duped by the OP's story, you rose to her defense apparently for no other reason than she was female (that's sexism in my book), trying to rationalize her violent behavior that you would not have accepted for five seconds had the OP been a male, not a female.

 

Even when 2sunny actually found her original post at Love Shack proving OP was married and hence a cheater herself, it was disregarded.

 

Even now you're trying to smear me (!) for being correct.

 

Sorry, you're wrong, and the continued snide insinuations and attacks on myself (and one or two others) for having gotten the correct measure of the OP's behavior doesn't reflect well on you, at all.

 

Geez, you call me a "violent person" but it seems you have anger issues all your own. Every post of yours has been spewing venom. I wasn't a "cheater". I was seperated, as in not living with my XH for a year before I met this loser. You're quick to jump up and judge someone over a typo. That was my first post on here in yearrrrrsss. Regardless, I'm not going to respond to your insulting, misinformed, judgemental, hateful remarks anymore. Have a nice da.y

[NayWinter]

what was your prior username here? that back info might help. why did you ditch the old username?

 

I stopped using my old user name because I used that name when I was married and going through a lot of problems. I don't have those problems anymore, I have a whole new set of problems now;). I wasn't an avid poster back then, but it's been years since I posted under that name.