Will my passion ever return?

[trippi1432]

Sigh.....all I can think of really...just "sigh". Maybe I'm just reading between the lines, but truly hope I am wrong in what I am thinking here.

[tojaz]

Not sure how to use this information now. The OM's wife txt me this week and asked when I had talked to the OM and I told her not since March which was the truth. Well come to the end of the conversation she has left him and said I could take a go at him now. It was Wednesday. I have had some time to think it Thur. I Haven't contacted him and not really sure if I want to but it has put some negative thoughts in my head about my H. The things that really bother me about him seem to be coming out again. You know how your mind and attitude can make you see things differently.

 

I told the OMW that he loved her and that we had all been through a lot of pain and I hoped she didn't make it all in vain. He chose her and I didn't think that he would cheat on her again. I said she had to learn to trust him and forgive him that I knew it was hard but when it all went down thats what she wanted and that it would be worth it. I answered some other questions she had for me and apparently he lied to her about the way things played out. Oh well.

 

I guess though it isn't sweet revenge in the end. I was bitter because they all decided how it was all to end and I had no say so in it. Well now in the end I really do have control than I thought.

 

Thanks for the input on the passion part though and I am trying of work back to where we were and what made me attracted to him in the beginning.

 

But he hasn't even told me he loves me today.

 

 

Harellest Im gonna keep this one short because I think its all you need to hear at the moment. Earlier in your thread in telation to your H I told you that nobody wants to be the consolation prize. Well? From the little bit I have been able to gather about you, I would have to say that you don't deserve to be the consolation prize either! Thats what you would be my dear.

 

NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU ARE JUST AN OPTION IN THEIRS! What has OM proven???

 

TOJAZ

[harrellst]

Yes, I know your both right I know it isn't whats right or what I need. I do want my marriage to work. I know he will love me unconditionaly till the day I die. I think of that everyday and of all the sweet things he said when we were split. How much I hurt him and I realize what I am doing is right. Still working on it but some days are very diffacult. Instead of speaking up I just keep saying in my head if he don't care I don't either, let it go, don't argue......etc etc. I know thats how we got in this mess to start with. Oh btw i hate football season. I always thought women that bit..ed about football were just being hard to get along with but omg If I got half the attention that the TV did during football season I might be happy. What gets me is he thought I was mad at him this weekend because I didn't sit on the couch with him. I sure can find better things to do with my time.

 

I just had to get that off my chest too. Time will pass and the OM situation will fade too. It's not my problem. I guess I can say I am glad he is hurting because of all the pain that he helped bring on. Not nice but its the way I feel and I said it so maybe that thought will go away too. I thought about meeting the OMW for lunch and letting her know for sure that we were done and answering any other questions. I do really wish him happines in his life.

 

Oh well thanks for letting me vent. Oh yea, I hate football. LOL

[IfiKnewThen]

there are some ppl i wish i could talk to on the phone around here lol. i do relate to a lot of what you are going through

[tojaz]

Y Oh btw i hate football season. I always thought women that bit..ed about football were just being hard to get along with but omg If I got half the attention that the TV did during football season I might be happy. What gets me is he thought I was mad at him this weekend because I didn't sit on the couch with him. I sure can find better things to do with my time.

 

Well there is a reason that football season is shorter then most sports, they say its for the health of the player......nah its for the wives of football fans!

 

I am going to throw this out Harrellst, yeah I'm sure you do have some better things to do with your time. For me, football time is my time, if theyre handing out stacks of money outside my door, their still waiting til halftime!. Might try watching a game with him though, maybe learn a little about it.

 

Gestures like that are usually repayed. The way you feel about football is how i feel about the mall, or her many business functions. I still went though and surprisingly we usually managed to have a pretty good time.

 

I dont know how your H is, but to have you sit down and watch a game with me, would mean an awful lot.

 

As for the OM, good for you! I dont think talking to the OMW would be bad at all actually.

 

TOJAZ

[blizzard]

What prompted OMW to contact you? Especially if she had been lied to about the affair?

 

You really have to decide whether or not you love your husband. In the end, that's all that matters. Love and commitment are the glue. Football games are just apart of his inner happiness. Let him enjoy it. I always went a seperate way because my husband turns into an evil yelling monster...a side I never see until the fall season. We have that understanding. And I have my own hobbies. My own fun. Unfortunately, we don't have any "fun" things to share together. We are complete opposites. And that among 100 hundred other things have destroyed our marriage.

 

As for the MM, I wouldn't be in any rush. You have come to some peace in that situation. I would leave it alone until you have come to grips with what you want. MM is going to have a crap load on his plate anyway. It's doubtful he will even want to jump into anything serious with anyone. If he's smart he won't. He's not going anywhere. Take care of you.

 

Oh, btw. Don't have lunch with her. Let it go. She will only open wounds. You are so lucky that it is out in the open now. Be satisfied with that. And move on. BS can find her own peace now.

[trippi1432]

I'm out there on the lunch thing with the OMW, not sure what good it will really do either one of you actually unless it helps both of you with closure on that situation. I never spoke to the OW's husband, had no reason to really, and from what I hear he hates my son just by proxy that he stays there with both our ex's. Don't think he is someone I would want to meet to discuss how our ex's pulled the wool over our eyes.

 

As to football, it actually grows on you....I've had my favorite team for years. :D Won't mention them here though, since I might get "hated on". LOL!!

 

I will agree with Blizzard though, my ex turned me so totally off watching a game with him. It wasn't just yelling and screaming, but all out rage...and the blaming...:rolleyes: I was not allowed to sit near him during a game...if I tried to sit on the couch to watch a game with him, he insisted I sit on the other side of the couch so I didn't invade his "space". If his team was doing badly, he would tell me I was bad luck...and he really meant it too. I thought he was joking when he first started doing that. He had his sister near tears one day because his team lost a game after she drank out of his team coffee cup. I literally had to leave home for four hours one time while he calmed down after I moved his team towel from the shower one time. He spent those four hours on the phone telling his family how I made his team lose. Oh, the list is endless and was put on the kids too. It's amazing though, how much power I had that I didn't know about...I had the power to take down a pro football team...wow!! :confused:

 

I know that not all men are like this though....gives me hope that one day I might actually get to cuddle on the couch and watch a game with a good man one day.

 

Harrellst - not going to hurt sitting down and watching a game with him especially if you don't have to put up with the above...that makes all the difference in the world. So you spend a little quality time with him doing something he likes, that's a good thing. I'm sure he will appreciate it and you will benefit from that as well.

[harrellst]

If I knew the......Yes your right I wish the same about phone talk.

 

Tojaz.......I do watch some football with him. I enjoy it but damn all day for 2 days is to much for me. I even planned a trip this weekend to a college game. It is gonna be fun. I also learned all the NFL teams names and where they were from. I do my best. I do super bowl parties and Game day parties when we can. I get into it and I'm not really asking for the attention on game day but like I said if I had only half the attention and thought he put into the way the teams are playing and what the out come is gonna be I would be happy. He has no idea what I even like to do but shop and work. I asked him today. What does that say after 22 years of marriage. He hasn't tried to hard to find out. Pretty much says he doesn't give a s**t. I enjoy lots of the same things he use to hunting, fishing, four wheel riding etc. I even Thur out there that I would go to a college game at Dallas Stadium I would by the tickets I was off that weekend I would love to go. He had an excuse NOT to go. To expensive, didn't want to take a vacation day YaYaYa. I'm getting the feeling he doesn't really want to take the time to go with ME! Wouldn't you?

 

Blizzard......Your right I am gonna just leave them both alone. I have my own problems and I for sure don't need theirs. My glue is thin but I am trying.

 

Trippi.......Well I am amazed that people can be like that about football but I have heard that their out there. Sorry for you. But another point I started a business working form my home so I could sit on the couch and spend time with him. I love it though and today he suggested I get a real job so I could work all day while he works at night. Guess hes saying he doesn't want to see me. I mentioned it before that he doesn't/didn't really support me in it. I am just scared that if I give it up and do get this minimum wage job I am gonna resent him for it. Maybe even if I decided to go to school to learn something new if its only because I succeed that he doesn't like it.

[tojaz]

Tojaz.......I do watch some football with him. I enjoy it but damn all day for 2 days is to much for me. I even planned a trip this weekend to a college game. It is gonna be fun. I also learned all the NFL teams names and where they were from. I do my best. I do super bowl parties and Game day parties when we can. I get into it and I'm not really asking for the attention on game day but like I said if I had only half the attention and thought he put into the way the teams are playing and what the out come is gonna be I would be happy. He has no idea what I even like to do but shop and work. I asked him today. What does that say after 22 years of marriage. He hasn't tried to hard to find out. Pretty much says he doesn't give a s**t. I enjoy lots of the same things he use to hunting, fishing, four wheel riding etc. I even Thur out there that I would go to a college game at Dallas Stadium I would by the tickets I was off that weekend I would love to go. He had an excuse NOT to go. To expensive, didn't want to take a vacation day YaYaYa. I'm getting the feeling he doesn't really want to take the time to go with ME! Wouldn't you?

 

Blizzard......Your right I am gonna just leave them both alone. I have my own problems and I for sure don't need theirs. My glue is thin but I am trying.

 

Trippi.......Well I am amazed that people can be like that about football but I have heard that their out there. Sorry for you. But another point I started a business working form my home so I could sit on the couch and spend time with him. I love it though and today he suggested I get a real job so I could work all day while he works at night. Guess hes saying he doesn't want to see me. I mentioned it before that he doesn't/didn't really support me in it. I am just scared that if I give it up and do get this minimum wage job I am gonna resent him for it. Maybe even if I decided to go to school to learn something new if its only because I succeed that he doesn't like it.

 

My apologies harrelst. Was imagining the typical H/W scenario that is so common during football season. Ignore my last post entirely. Reading this post I have to say your H is being an idiot! He wanted this marriage to work, but hes not putting much into it and you seem to be trying very hard. I would let him know that! A marriage is a partnership, that means EQUALITY! hes not giving you that. Still a lot of work to be done and it sounds like a lot of it is his.

 

TOJAZ

[trippi1432]

Trippi.......Well I am amazed that people can be like that about football but I have heard that their out there. Sorry for you. But another point I started a business working form my home so I could sit on the couch and spend time with him. I love it though and today he suggested I get a real job so I could work all day while he works at night. Guess hes saying he doesn't want to see me. I mentioned it before that he doesn't/didn't really support me in it. I am just scared that if I give it up and do get this minimum wage job I am gonna resent him for it. Maybe even if I decided to go to school to learn something new if its only because I succeed that he doesn't like it.

 

Harrellst - It's great that you were able to start a business from home, it gives you that much more time to spend with your husband and family. That is very smart and takes a lot of sacrifice. Have you talked to your husband about how that would make you feel to give it up and take a job?

 

It may not be that he doesn't want to see you...it may feel like that, but maybe he is thinking that it would be good to have someone home with the kids at all times. Might not be a bad idea though to look into school as well.

[harrellst]

Trippi......My kids are 15 and 19 and I am here with the youngest most days. She is at her boyfriends when I am not here. Oldest off at school. But I do like the school idea. I never went and don't know what I would like but I may look into it after the first of the year. I sell jewelry so this is my money making time and I told him I was saving it all for a family vacation next summer. It may be our last year as just the 4 of us.

 

I have told him that if I did get a job that I wouldn't be home with him but he says we didn't have these problems when I was working outside of the home. Well at the time he wasn't working nights either. Thing is I don't get much ME time. I start to feel like I am taking care of everyone else and no one is taking care of me. We get up at 10:30 I cook lunch most days or we go out then we H and I are together till 1:45. I do my best to give him the attention if he turns the TV off I turn the computers off. If he suggests something I do it. Then he leaves so for 1 1/2 hours no one is here so I try to do some work. Then I get my daughter and I spend all night with her. My rules for kids are NO TV or Computer on weekdays but we do spend some time on them together. Then she goes to bed at 10 and I work some more, do house work or work out till 1 when he gets home and we talk till 2. Repeat the next day. My daughter is a big help but you know running a household with teenagers is not easy. So I do get frustrated that there is no ME time. I guess thats why the football business gets me. I'm running around the house getting things done and he is setting on the couch. It use to didn't bother me when I was home more but now that were working the same amount I get frustrated. I will say he does more chores than he use to and I thank him all the time for it. He washed the bed sheets and made the bed back up this weekend during all that football and I thanked him for it. Thing too, there is no favorite Team he watches them all. College and NFL.

 

Anyway again thanks for letting me vent.

[harrellst]

Months ago I made the commitment to work this out. I am still going at it. I get knocked down so often It hurts to get up. It is so hard to put on the happy face to only be knocked back down. How many times can I keep doing it. I wanted to be able to communicate but I just keep pulling back. Just letting it go back to the way it was. When I get alone I seem to keep wishing I could die. There is no way out and no light that I can see in this future. But I am doing the RIGHT thing right? Its what I am suppose to do right. Its the best for everybody. The commitment is met.

Anyway HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

[IfiKnewThen]

hi do you have gmail chat in england? thought maybe we could talk there sometime. saw your post

[imagine]

Harrellst,

 

I'm so happy to hear that you are continuing the good fight. Your marriage should become once again a passionate romance.

 

I see that you have been to the marriage builders site. Do you still read their articles?

[tojaz]

Months ago I made the commitment to work this out. I am still going at it. I get knocked down so often It hurts to get up. It is so hard to put on the happy face to only be knocked back down. How many times can I keep doing it. I wanted to be able to communicate but I just keep pulling back. Just letting it go back to the way it was. When I get alone I seem to keep wishing I could die. There is no way out and no light that I can see in this future. But I am doing the RIGHT thing right? Its what I am suppose to do right. Its the best for everybody. The commitment is met.

Anyway HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

 

Welcome back Harrelst. Sorry to see you have use for your thread once again.

 

What is knocked back mean? Who is revering to the way it was, you, him, or a little of both?

 

But I am doing the RIGHT thing right? Its what I am suppose to do right. Its the best for everybody. The commitment is met.

 

This worries me harellst and I feel it may be at the heart of what your feeling. Why are you doing this? Obligation? Guilt? Or do you honestly want it to work? There is no Right or wrong written down on some stone tablet somewhere, thats up to you and your situation and for you to decide.

 

Is he holding up his end? I remember your story very well Harrelst and he had plenty of blame to carry for himself, and plenty of things of his own to work on. It sounds like your trying, but he needs to as well and you need to let him know that, you cant carry the burden alone.

 

TOJAZ

[khallani]

Marriage is not for every one sometimes in a marriage you do want to step out and sleep with the man you wish you could have married in my case i do i have been unhappily married for seven years but i have been faithful..

 

I had an affair with my high school sweet heart last year for four months. We both have been married over 20 years. Being with him made me realize that I had lost all the passion in my life. I wasn't use to anyone being nice to me like he was. When we were together I told him I realized that I had to make some changes in my life with or without him in it. I thought I was happy in my life before I met up with him again but he made me feel so much more alive and passionate. Like I could change the world if I wanted too.

We both left our families and the last thing he told the last night we were together was for me to remember that no matter what happened he would always love me. That is when he went back home to talk things through with his wife and she threatened to take his kids and everything he had. He emailed that next day and said he had to stay with his family and that I needed to go home and work things out with mine. We talked a few times after that but decided that NC was the best for the both us. I know that even if we both did go Thur a divorce and get together that the relationship would have been under a strain and hard to work out. That doesn't keep my heart from aching for him. The what ifs and the what could have beens.

I know it's time to move on and get on with my life but when I try to I just keep coming back to I don't know where to go or what to do. My husband loves me dearly. I knew I was gonna break his heart when I left and I did but I didn't care. I was doing what I wanted for me. I am back with him and I can only tell him that I am here thats all. I don't feel anything or want anything. I just want to be alone. I am doing my job as wife and mother. I just haven't cared what happens. They all got what they wanted but I didn't. I know this is really selfish of me but I am a giver. I have always lived my life to make everyone else happy. I thought that it made me happy to make others in my life happy but when is it my turn? I know that makes me a different person to them since I am not running around trying to make everything in their lives perfect. We are all different now.

I realized the other night when my husband said that he didn't think we would make it till the end of the year that he was giving up on me. I am just about to push it all to far and I don't know if it matters to me. I do care deeply for him but I don't know if that is love anymore. I know the one thing that I am here for is my kids. I want them to be able to say their parents are still together Thur all these years. I want them to value the meaning of family.

I guess that's why I am here on love shack. I have read the forums Thur this hard time in my life and understand so much more. I just felt that if I got my story out of my head I could move on. I feel wrong for all that I have done and am still doing. I know it is hurting and has hurt the ones most dear to me. I know being happy is something you make up your mind to be and I should be happy. My husband has given me everything I could ever want. He works hard and is a good man. He doesn't deserve this. He is good to me in his own way and I really don't know what else to tell him. He has tried everything I suggested to make me happy. But like I told him when I first came home I can't turn him into something that he isn't.

I guess I keep thinking it will all just work out and I guess it will if I want it to end. I don't have the passion to change my life much less the world.

Thanks for listening to my pathetic story.

[khallani]

I am so sorry for the mistake. I meant nothing by it. I feel bad and I hope I haven't offended you. Simple type O or spell check did it for me. Not sure.

Girl dont feel bad at all just know you have tried it's high time you choose what road you want to take you are now at a cross roads it's no use to living in confusion over and over...i cant do it life's too short...to many good men out there...