My Best Friend Has Become Distant To Me

[thatmusicdude]

My best friend is a girl I met back in the eighth grade. We use to be so close but within the last year things began to go down hill. She began smoking, drinking, and having sex; all of which she was against.

 

She began dating these guys that must of been the scum of the earth. All they wanted was sex. They never loved her. She was just there toy to get what they wanted. She would always ask my advice and I would tell her. She usually ended up dumping the guy and moving on.

 

Then one day she informs me that she had a one night stand with a guy in Canada while she was drunk. The worst part, she did not use protection. I could not believe this because she use to be better then this. She never was like this and always talked down those that were.

 

Anyway she finally meets this really great guy who I really like. I was so happy that she finally found a great guy. But like she had done before, she wanted sex and she so wanted to relationship to move faster. I tried convincing her to slow down and take her time with this one. She can make it last if she takes it slow.

 

Well, We did not hangout that much because she was always working and our schedules conflicted, or so I thought.

 

I eventually find out about all these times she went out with friends and never invited me to come. She always left me out. She never called me anymore unless she wanted something. This really hurt, because we use to be so close and such best friends. I would speak up and say something and she would promise not to do it again, yet she kept on doing it. She also became a frequent user of lies. She would always make promises to me and then go ahead a break them. I would stay up later to get the phone call she said she was going to make, only she never made it. She did this at least 15 times. There was also the time I found out she had smoked pot. Something I really could not handle at all. Because she would never have done something like that.

 

Finally after much pushing I think I finally gave her a wakeup call. Now she says she is working so hard to get better because she does not want to lose me as her friend. Yet I do not see any results. She still seems distant toward me even though she acts as though she is not.

 

She gets mad at me know because I am so distant toward her. She really hurt me inside and with far more then just the things I listed here. Because there is a lot more that I am just going to leave out. I'm afraid to ever let her be close to me again because the weird thing is that sometimes it actually hurts to be around her. I have never in my life had someone hurt me as bad as she did.

 

I still have no idea what to do or what I am doing wrong. I just want my best friend back. The person I loved being around and hanging out with and the person that treated me like her best friend. I feel as though I've lost my bestfriend. Sure she is getting help from a shrink and also taking her meds again. But I still don't understand what I should do next. I hope you can all help me. Thanks.

 

Derrick

[dyermakerr]

You had a nice friendship with a nice girl.

 

The nice girl made not-so-nice choices, and you no longer saw her as a nice girl. Your relationship suffered as a result of her acting out.

 

You can choose to reminisce positively on the nice friendship you had with her, or you can let the fact that people change, sometimes in not-so-nice ways, ruin your self-worth.

 

The niceness of life is the sum of all nice experiences. Enjoy the nice times, and avoid and overcome the not-so-nice times. Chances are, she'll continue to be not-so-nice of a person, and you'll have a not-so-nice relationship.

 

Pain is inevitable, but sometimes people change. I know exactly how you feel, and I held it against the same nice girl I went to eighth grade with, that she HURT me, and that she NEEDS my help. It's one of my greatest regrets.

[dreamyluv7]

Hi, it seems to me that your "so called" best friend maybe going through a major change in her life right now.

 

The reason she maybe growing distant from you is probaly becasue since you have been pointing out her wrongdoings and giving her advice she may percieve you as a parental figure. In this case, it is pushing her away.

 

Does she ask for your advice?

 

She probably is having a hard rationalizing her actions and she know that you care about her and that you are right about what is giong on. However, she is going through it's fun to be bad stage and figures nothing bad can happen bad me as a result.

 

So until she realizes what she has gotten herself into, she may be stuck there for awhile and as for having her as a best friend, you may need to move on and find someone who is worth your time.