Update: Not Dating American Women Anymore

[jamesum]

During my marriage I was the sole breadwinner, I have to say that the nastiest, most scathing comments about this situation were directed at me overwhelmingly by other women!

The number one enemies of women are other women.

 

It seems to me that women are most likely to be judged for what they do by other women not men.

 

For example if an adult woman sleeps with a lot of men, it is usually other women who will start calling her names, not the men.

 

Basically yeah, what happened in high school simply carries on.

 

Yeah, I think my mom is trying to influence me that way. I'm not going to let it get to me though; I'm doing just fine. I'm not a doormat for caring.

Why would a mother teach her daughter such a thing? Did she have awful experiences with men or what?

[that girl]

The number one enemies of women are other women.

I think this thread and several others prove that isn't true.

 

Way too many men on this forum have a deep dislike of women. The OP is just blaming American women, but depending on how this relationship goes that could change.

[aerogurl87]

I have no interest in anyone else. If it comes to that point I will just end the relationship with respect and keep my dignity.

 

I believe this relationship will last a long time... hopefully forever.

 

 

Aww should I cue the wedding bells and get the celebration confetti ready?

 

But seriously I'm glad your happy and hopefully she will do right by you and you will do right by her and you two will be happy together. Finding a compatible partner who puts in alot of effort because they really care for you is unfortunately rare in this day and age.

[tami-chan]

Sorry I was on a personal rant about that earlier. I get the point though. Most people I think are upset though because instead of just saying she did this and this and is awesome, he had to put down a whole group of people to elevate her.

 

Ah...personal rant-well you addressed your post to me-so it did not make sense. Perhaps for personal rants you should start your won thread? I agree with you on the bolded part...OP did not really have to go there-it was unnecessary.

 

Also although it may be a cultural thing to cook a week's worth of meals in a day, you have to still look at the motive for it.

Why? Ok, so what if she has a motive?

 

Was she doing it because she cared or because she really wanted him to like her?

So what if it is both? What is wrong with it? We all have motives...nobody is truly altruistic. It is actually really silly to think that people do nice or good things for the sheer doing of it...as if they do not derive anything from it. Even Mother Teresa did good things because she wanted to go to heaven.

 

Culture doesn't fully answer that question because just because things are done a certain way in a specific culture it still doesn't answer the question of was it done from the heart or was it done begrudgingly because she felt it's what was expected of her.

We are limited with the givens the OP presented. The things you brought up are a reflection of the kind of thinking you are used to, it seems.

 

So that's actually a valid question when asking did she do it just to impress him or did she do it out of the kindness of her heart.

Two things:1) IMHO, Nothing wrong with doing it for both reasons. 2) Some

people do not even really spend an excruciating amount of time thinking, scheming and planning to do nice things to their SO because it is what they are used to or it is what they saw their the elders in the family or community and doing is expecting. People only do begrudgingly it they have not accepted it as part of the process. Obviously, many on the board do not accept it because it is not natural to them. Heck, cooking is not natural to me and I suspect if I have to cook, it will be done begrudgingly.

[Allisha]

deleted.

 

Just read his "summary" above - explains a little bit more where he was coming from. Glad you said not all American women are bad, as it was quite offensive.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Allisha

[Untouchable_Fire]

Right, so I've read a few pages of this thread. It's almost 4am here, so please bear with me. I'm actually shocked at this, so just to be sure I'm getting this correctly...

So, what you're saying, OP, is that you've had quite a few bad experiences with some American women...

...which therefore means that every single other American woman deserves to judged on the actions of individuals? Perhaps the problem lies in the sort of girls you go for and/or attract? Or would that be beyond the realms of possibility?

 

I've dated so many different personality types. I'm pretty sure it's a cultural thing. It's not a new phenomenon. I think the Guess Who sang a song about it.

 

Also... I'm not alone in thinking this. When you think of women produced by our culture it's Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Brittney Spears... and so on...

 

I'm totally shocked by this. I'm part American, and some of my good friends are American women, who would make just as good a girlfriend as whoever it is you're seeing. I'm quite offended. Offended enough that a part of me hopes this relationship fails. Just to teach you a lesson.

 

Ok.. I get that your offended.

 

How about you tell me what makes women from America great? Name some positive characteristics that are often emphasized by our society.

[Woggle]

Nowhere did he say that American woman are all bad with no exception but American and western culture in general tends to create women that are pretty much impossible to form a healthy and lasting relationship with. There are some people who are their own person and resist what society tries to tell them to do but not many.

[aerogurl87]

Ah...personal rant-well you addressed your post to me-so it did not make sense. Perhaps for personal rants you should start your won thread? I agree with you on the bolded part...OP did not really have to go there-it was unnecessary.

 

Why? Ok, so what if she has a motive?

 

So what if it is both? What is wrong with it? We all have motives...nobody is truly altruistic. It is actually really silly to think that people do nice or good things for the sheer doing of it...as if they do not derive anything from it. Even Mother Teresa did good things because she wanted to go to heaven.

 

We are limited with the givens the OP presented. The things you brought up are a reflection of the kind of thinking you are used to, it seems.

 

Two things:1) IMHO, Nothing wrong with doing it for both reasons. 2) Some

people do not even really spend an excruciating amount of time thinking, scheming and planning to do nice things to their SO because it is what they are used to or it is what they saw their the elders in the family or community and doing is expecting. People only do begrudgingly it they have not accepted it as part of the process. Obviously, many on the board do not accept it because it is not natural to them. Heck, cooking is not natural to me and I suspect if I have to cook, it will be done begrudgingly.

 

Nope I was just summarizing what some other posters brought up when it came to motives. I'm naturally a big giver in relationships. I give and give to my boyfriend and love it. Seeing him happy makes me happy so I like doing things for him although I didn't see this growing up with my own parents who act more like roommates/friends than husband and wife.

[aerogurl87]

Nowhere did he say that American woman are all bad with no exception but American and western culture in general tends to create women that are pretty much impossible to form a healthy and lasting relationship with. There are some people who are their own person and resist what society tries to tell them to do but not many.

 

Actually that may be regional also. For example from my experience, Northerners in general are no where near as nice nd hospitable as Southerners.

[Woggle]

Actually that may be regional also. For example from my experience, Northerners in general are no where near as nice nd hospitable as Southerners.

 

I find it the opposite. The south actually has a higher divorce rate than most of the north and the north but be more rude and forceful but people from NY and NJ tend to be more real and if they don't like you they will tell you as opposed to the south stabbing you in the back. I would rather be punched in the face than stabbed in the back.

[TheBigQuestion]

I've dated so many different personality types. I'm pretty sure it's a cultural thing. It's not a new phenomenon. I think the Guess Who sang a song about it.

 

Also... I'm not alone in thinking this. When you think of women produced by our culture it's Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Brittney Spears... and so on...

 

 

 

Ok.. I get that your offended.

 

How about you tell me what makes women from America great? Name some positive characteristics that are often emphasized by our society.

 

You've got the wrong idea. Do a majority of American women suck, for lack of a better word? Absolutely. But it has nothing to do with them being American. The vast, vast majority of human beings will hurt or betray the ones they love depending on the circumstances, and those circumstances can sometimes seem trivial or inappropriate. I just tend to view the vast majority of people as fundamentally broken in some respect or another, and a very low percentage of these people are able to transcend into something more ideal. When I do find one of these people, however, I tend to keep them around. You should do the same, and so far, you seem to have a good thing going on.

 

Just don't think that because she's not American that she's less likely to turn into a real bitch or cheat on you. The US still has an overwhelmingly conservative viewpoint on dating behaviors, what counts as "casual" as opposed to "serious," what counts as infidelity, and so forth, than many other western countries.

[aerogurl87]

I find it the opposite. The south actually has a higher divorce rate than most of the north and the north but be more rude and forceful but people from NY and NJ tend to be more real and if they don't like you they will tell you as opposed to the south stabbing you in the back. I would rather be punched in the face than stabbed in the back.

 

Hmm, maybe I'm biased being a southerner myself. But I've heard this from a few people I know who come to live down here or visit. I remember when my ex visited me at my university he was astonished cars actually stopped to let people cross the street and he was a Bostonian. Just offering another point of view.

[TheBigQuestion]

I find it the opposite. The south actually has a higher divorce rate than most of the north and the north but be more rude and forceful but people from NY and NJ tend to be more real and if they don't like you they will tell you as opposed to the south stabbing you in the back. I would rather be punched in the face than stabbed in the back.

 

I'll second this, actually. I've heard from many people who have lived in the South that while people may be "nicer" on the surface, there's really no difference as to what their internal thoughts are in comparison to anyone else. Not to mention that the South is the most ignorant part of the whole country, and at this rate, probably the most ignorant region of any Western country.

[GooseChaser]

How about you tell me what makes women from America great? Name some positive characteristics that are often emphasized by our society.

Education, confidence, independence, ambition, search for greater equality with men in society, diversity... to list a few. It's okay if you disagree with a few, but these are my opinions.

[aerogurl87]

I'll second this, actually. I've heard from many people who have lived in the South that while people may be "nicer" on the surface, there's really no difference as to what their internal thoughts are in comparison to anyone else. Not to mention that the South is the most ignorant part of the whole country, and at this rate, probably the most ignorant region of any Western country.

 

I love it down here, lol. Yeah there are some ignorant people who live here but honestly where my ex lived I found him and a few of his neighbours to be more ignorant than most of the people in my city. I would hate to live somewhere like New England but I'm not gonna thread jack.

[amerikajin]

I find it the opposite. The south actually has a higher divorce rate than most of the north and the north but be more rude and forceful but people from NY and NJ tend to be more real and if they don't like you they will tell you as opposed to the south stabbing you in the back. I would rather be punched in the face than stabbed in the back.

 

This is true sometimes, but I also know plenty of Southerners who aren't afraid to tell a person to their face what they really think.

[Allisha]

Nowhere did he say that American woman are all bad with no exception but American and western culture in general tends to create women that are pretty much impossible to form a healthy and lasting relationship with. There are some people who are their own person and resist what society tries to tell them to do but not many.

 

 

Surely by refusing to date ANY American woman, he's implying they are all bad and not worth his time to date? And if he knows there are exceptions in his thinking, surely he should remain open to dating American women?

 

I totally get what he's saying in some respects. I really do. There are some vile, malicious and evil people out there. But there are those sorts of people in all cultures, too.

[Woggle]

I don't know about New England but I have been all around the world and I see still love coming home to NJ.

[Woggle]

Education, confidence, independence, ambition, search for greater equality with men in society, diversity... to list a few. It's okay if you disagree with a few, but these are my opinions.

 

These are well and good but how do they make better partners. Just because I might enjoy working with a woman or being friends with her does not mean I want to be romantic with her.

[Allisha]

These are well and good but how do they make better partners. Just because I might enjoy working with a woman or being friends with her does not mean I want to be romantic with her.

 

Confidence is attractive, to a lot of people

 

 

Independance is vital. Would you like to be in a co-dependant relationship?

[aerogurl87]

I don't know about New England but I have been all around the world and I see still love coming home to NJ.

 

I actually hate my home state because I find it to be boring, but I love Florida and Georgia. And amerikajin is right. If you cross most Southerners the wrong way they are not afraid to tell you exactly how they feel. Sure you have those fake "southern belles" like on that series Real Housewives of blah blah blah on tv. But for the most part, most southerners that I know and have met are nice to you if you're a stranger not because they're being fake but because we're taught to be polite to strangers and have manners. Not saying all Northerners are mean and ill-mannered, because they're not.

[GooseChaser]

These are well and good but how do they make better partners. Just because I might enjoy working with a woman or being friends with her does not mean I want to be romantic with her.

These qualities help a woman or a man to be happy with themselves without needing outside approval, thereby being less needy. It is good if their happiness doesn't completely depend on their partner.

[Woggle]

Confidence is attractive, to a lot of people

 

 

Independance is vital. Would you like to be in a co-dependant relationship?

 

What is initially attractive is not what always makes a good partner. You have to dig deeper.

 

Independence is good but some women have this idea that any romantic connection with a man somehow destroys their independence and it become a big power struggle.

[amerikajin]

One thing that I realized while reading this thread is that American couples, more than others, seem to have confusion over their individual roles in a relationship. I think that becomes a huge problem in American marriages. Men and women end up fighting for control and leverage in a relationship. It gets exhausting.

 

But that aside, I don't buy into the notion that American women are all bad. There are humble and selfless American women. I ended up marrying an Asian woman, but I had my reasons for that. There are probably some American women I could have dated and eventually married had I not found my wife.

[GooseChaser]

What is initially attractive is not what always makes a good partner. You have to dig deeper.

 

Independence is good but some women have this idea that any romantic connection with a man somehow destroys their independence and it become a big power struggle.

Some, yes, but not all.

 

Another good thing about those qualities I listed as far as their worth in a partnership is that it is healthy for two people in a couple to feel like equals: in intelligence, in self-worth, in competency, and more.