Update: Not Dating American Women Anymore

[soserious1]

I am worthy of a loving relationship, FWB is "hey, your not ugly and I'm horny, commere". I've been there, done that. I want and deserve more. I'd rather do with out (or do for myself) than go down that road again. So no, it isn't a win/win.

 

And what the heck does the poindexter remark even mean?

 

You are not "unworthy" & I hope nobody is suggesting that. What I am saying is that you're looking for something that will be hard to find, you are also sending out conflicting messages as to what you want.

 

You say you don't want marriage & imply that you'd like a pleasant relationship with the man having presumably zero involvement with your kids or your day to day affairs. That sort of relationship is generally a casual FWB situation, granted some FWB are more respectful than others but you will need to weed out the crude to find them.

 

 

Finding someone again, is also going to be harder for you simply because of the age demographic, a lot of single men without kids in their early to mid-thirties are going to want to pursue relationships that will lead to marriage & the production of children.. you don't want the same things from a relationship.

[brainygirl]

You are not "unworthy" & I hope nobody is suggesting that. What I am saying is that you're looking for something that will be hard to find, you are also sending out conflicting messages as to what you want.

 

You say you don't want marriage & imply that you'd like a pleasant relationship with the man having presumably zero involvement with your kids or your day to day affairs. That sort of relationship is generally a casual FWB situation, granted some FWB are more respectful than others but you will need to weed out the crude to find them.

 

 

Finding someone again, is also going to be harder for you simply because of the age demographic, a lot of single men without kids in their early to mid-thirties are going to want to pursue relationships that will lead to marriage & the production of children.. you don't want the same things from a relationship.

 

FWB are situations of convenience and completely disposable. There is no loyalty, no real affection, no tenderness. That isn't what I want in my life.

 

I feel like a relationship should be able to grow over time, maybe years. Guys I meet want to be on a marriage track with in a few months or they want to be FBs with no commitment or love.

 

Why can't I just DATE someone for a while without saying "yes, this is definitely going to marriage" or "no, lets not even be loyal to eachother because this is going nowhere"

[soserious1]

FWB are situations of convenience and completely disposable. There is no loyalty, no real affection, no tenderness. That isn't what I want in my life.

 

I feel like a relationship should be able to grow over time, maybe years. Guys I meet want to be on a marriage track with in a few months or they want to be FBs with no commitment or love.

 

Why can't I just DATE someone for a while without saying "yes, this is definitely going to marriage" or "no, lets not even be loyal to eachother because this is going nowhere"

 

 

I totally get why you don't desire marriage & went down that road myself but it comes with a price. You can have a friendly, casual relationship that will allow you to parent your children without interference but you cannot expect the deepening emotional intimacy you'd get in a relationship heading towards marriage. What's more, going into a relationship with a specific, hidden agenda & barriers built in but expecting somebody who does desire to marry & have kids to patiently just hang around for "years" isn't a fair expectation imho.

[Zed]

FWB are situations of convenience and completely disposable. There is no loyalty, no real affection, no tenderness. That isn't what I want in my life.

 

I feel like a relationship should be able to grow over time, maybe years. Guys I meet want to be on a marriage track with in a few months or they want to be FBs with no commitment or love.

 

Why can't I just DATE someone for a while without saying "yes, this is definitely going to marriage" or "no, lets not even be loyal to eachother because this is going nowhere"

 

Brainygirl, you may have to go a lot older to find the right mix that you stated. A committed relationship without the expectation of marriage is doable but you have to be upfront about it. I have seen relationships like that work, but it is usually people who are staunchly childfree, have liberal values, and/or there may be a significant age gaps. And like the OP who renounces American women, Northen European or certain German men with liberal values (and strong ethics obviously) may actually be what you need.

[Untouchable_Fire]

OP,

It sounds like you are more interested in a mommy, than in a mate.

You want someone to cook your meals, be at your beck and call, do your homework for you, and coo, and fuss in feigned interest regarding your job.

And did it ever occur to you that someone with that kind of time on her hands is likely looking for a meal ticket?

 

Your clearly an American.

 

Look, she has gone back to college to get her nursing degree and she is between quarters at the moment.

 

Besides... it takes her 3 hours tops to cook a whole weeks worth of meals. I do all the dishes and cleanup plus I help prep the food.

 

I've actually never met a woman as efficient at cost and time effectively creating a whole weeks worth of food. But thats probably because such things are considered demeaning by women like you.

 

I have a mom... I don't need another. However, I would like to have kids in the future... and I find the ability to BE a mom an attractive quality. Too bad women like you think that makes them MY mom.

 

In regards to being a "meal ticket"... I doubt it. She is in school to be a nurse, and she will make plenty once she graduates.

 

FWB are situations of convenience and completely disposable. There is no loyalty, no real affection, no tenderness. That isn't what I want in my life.

I feel like a relationship should be able to grow over time, maybe years. Guys I meet want to be on a marriage track with in a few months or they want to be FBs with no commitment or love.

Why can't I just DATE someone for a while without saying "yes, this is definitely going to marriage" or "no, lets not even be loyal to eachother because this is going nowhere"

 

BG,

 

I think the issue is less what your looking for, and more how you communicate it to men.

 

You seem like someone who is very dateable... but you don't want a FWB situation, yet you don't want the expectation of marriage. Seriously... I'm really confused about what you want and why. I'm sure most guys you meet come to the same conclusion.

 

If you don't want an FWB situation... which I think is commendable, then what is the difference with just dating someone without the possibility of marriage? That's pretty much what the FWB situation is by definition.

 

Here is what I think. I think you don't want the Pressure and Expectations involved with a super serious relationship. The good news is most guys don't want that either. So instead of saying you don't want the "expectation" of marriage, frame it in the positive and say... I'm looking for the "potential" of marriage.

 

I'm hoping that I'm close with that one.

[that girl]

I'm Québécois and grew up in Canada just like Michael. Just comparing Canada and the states, there is a huge difference. Like I mentioned earlier, it was the one of the first things I noticed 5 years ago when I moved. It was also rather disturbing. The people in general(men and women alike) have entitlement issues and the media has way too much of an influence.

Only because I just read it in another thread, aren't you 22? I think it is a little iffy to generalize between high school students in Canada and college students/young adults in the US. Not that I don't believe that there are cultural differences between similar countries but I think the bigger differences have to do with age and stage in life.

 

I've lived in more than one country and travelled widely and I've never felt like Americans are at each others throats in comparission to others. What I have noticed as the bigger differences are things like dating expectations, who pays, what someone expects when they are invited to your place, etc.

 

Besides... it takes her 3 hours tops to cook a whole weeks worth of meals. I do all the dishes and cleanup plus I help prep the food.

If you're doing 40% of the work, that is a totally different situation that what you initally described.

 

I've actually never met a woman as efficient at cost and time effectively creating a whole weeks worth of food. But thats probably because such things are considered demeaning by women like you.

 

I have a mom... I don't need another. However, I would like to have kids in the future... and I find the ability to BE a mom an attractive quality. Too bad women like you think that makes them MY mom.

Please. There is a massive home cooking movement going on right now. Lots of American women cook more than their mothers did because it is increasingly trendy to cook. Liking a woman who cooks is reasonable, but it isn't US women vs. the rest of the world.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Only because I just read it in another thread, aren't you 22? I think it is a little iffy to generalize between high school students in Canada and college students/young adults in the US. Not that I don't believe that there are cultural differences between similar countries but I think the bigger differences have to do with age and stage in life.

I've lived in more than one country and travelled widely and I've never felt like Americans are at each others throats in comparission to others. What I have noticed as the bigger differences are things like dating expectations, who pays, what someone expects when they are invited to your place, etc.

 

I think you don't sense that to a degree because being female in the U.S. generally means a near legal immunity to responsibility or consequence. This primarily extends to divorce, child abuse, and statutory rape.

 

There is a very adversarial attitude to dating and marriage in the U.S.

 

You should be able to tell just by reading some of the statements in this thread. It's been nothing short of a "Me First" attitude, where you have to make damn sure you get more than you give.

 

If you're doing 40% of the work, that is a totally different situation that what you initally described.

 

Fact is that I simply didn't mention some of these things, and the vast majority of females just made an assumption.

 

Please. There is a massive home cooking movement going on right now. Lots of American women cook more than their mothers did because it is increasingly trendy to cook. Liking a woman who cooks is reasonable, but it isn't US women vs. the rest of the world.

 

It's more about the attitude than the singular action.

 

I could care less if she cooked or didn't cook, but the fact that her attitude shows she is not ashamed to do what women raised here seem to find "subservient" or whatever.

[that girl]

I think you don't sense that to a degree because being female in the U.S. generally means a near legal immunity to responsibility or consequence. This primarily extends to divorce, child abuse, and statutory rape.

*Eye roll* Just to give you one example, women who committ statutory rape actually seem to get slightly harsher sentences. http://www.slate.com/id/2134158

 

Fact is that I simply didn't mention some of these things, and the vast majority of females just made an assumption.

 

You posted

She came over on Saturday and cooked me an entire weeks worth of meals.

You did not mention that you helped with prep or clean up. There is a big difference between a new gf randomly cooking you 7 meals and you and your new girlfriend cooking 7 meals together.

[sanskrit]

*Eye roll* Just to give you one example, women who committ statutory rape actually seem to get slightly harsher sentences. http://www.slate.com/id/2134158

 

Citing Slate as authoritative on anything is as bad as citing Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck.

 

But OK, you do realize that these high profile statutory cases involving older women are all -teachers- right? Does that raise any distinction at all in your mind as opposed to the typical statutory rape case? teachers? Do you have any idea what happens to male teachers who engage in same? Can you say "thrown under the jail?"

[Untouchable_Fire]

*Eye roll* Just to give you one example, women who committ statutory rape actually seem to get slightly harsher sentences. http://www.slate.com/id/2134158

 

Does that mean you agree with the idea that women rarely get punished for child abuse and typically gain monetarily in divorce?

 

I find the article interesting, and I would be willing to hear more on the topic... but the author has a blatant tendency to lie and exaggerate. Additionally Slate fails to be objective in any way.

 

So... I'd like to see conclusions from a more independent source. Although the information as presented did strike me as making sense.

 

You did not mention that you helped with prep or clean up. There is a big difference between a new gf randomly cooking you 7 meals and you and your new girlfriend cooking 7 meals together.

 

To the point of this thread... it doesn't matter. I've never had a woman even consider doing this type of thing either with me or for me.

 

I feel like the longer I date this woman... who is nothing short of amazing ... the more I'm starting to feel like an abuse victim from my previous dating experiences.

 

My friend was asking about it today. I gave some basic examples of the fantastic things she does... the straightforwardness... ect. He actually called me a liar. His GF is a Yale grad, and very pretty... but also insanely demanding and controlling, with a gang of expectations for him that I believe are unachievable. She seems very typical.

[donnamaybe]

My friend was asking about it today. I gave some basic examples of the fantastic things she does... the straightforwardness... ect. He actually called me a liar. His GF is a Yale grad, and very pretty... but also insanely demanding and controlling, with a gang of expectations for him that I believe are unachievable. She seems very typical.

And it speaks to his feelings of self worth to accept her behavior. He should man up and dump the self absorbed little snot. What's so difficult to understand about that?

 

See, real women don't care for the limp wristed saps who would take abuse like that.

[donnamaybe]

Women from poor Countries know that western males are starving for sex and female approval

Now THIS would be hysterical - if it weren't such a pathetic load of crapola.

[Disillusioned]

I was just watching a history video called Ancients Behaving Badly. Too bad we're not living in the 12th century.

 

Specifically, I was watching the chapter about Genghis Khan. Whenever he was feeling a little hot, he'd go out and find a city to conquer, slaughter all the men and the kids, and seize the women for himself. If they didn't want to do it with him, no big deal... he'd just have them beheaded.

 

Result: 32 million Asians walking around today with DNA that can be traced to Genghis Khan.

[donnamaybe]

They also don't take too kindly to men like me who is the complete opposite to the man Untouchable Fire is talking about. So, I suppose it boils down to the happy medium, eh, Donna?

Exactly. Like I've been saying, my guy is very toughtful, kind and generous, but he also expects to be treated in a certain way and won't settle for less.

 

I really respect and love that man!

[donnamaybe]

I expect a woman to feed me grapes and know how to sing and if she doesn't, I send her to the chokey! Aren't I the Draconian one, Donna?

LOL!

 

Well, I can sing like nobody's business, and I might feed you grapes depending on what you've fed me lately.

 

I give my sweety back rubs on days when the remodeling has taken a toll. Is that too subservient?

[Tony]

I can't remember when this thread was last on topic. A thread is not like a personal conversation, where you can move about with what you want to talk about. It's a grouping of posts about ONE SUBJECT, the subject as defined and considered in the original...or first...post.

 

Please try to stay on topic or go to your room!!!