Update: Not Dating American Women Anymore

[tigressA]

And FWIW I have read many posts in which you demonstrate careful language as well as intelligence. Of course your thread starts out as inflammatory, how hard is it to say that you're turned off by popular American culture in general, and are trying to date outside of it? Wouldn't that have said the exact thing you're trying to say, without maligning all the women in an entire country? Personally I have a lot of problems with a lot of the current aspects of American culture too, as it applies to both men and women. Fortunately I am able to see the many, many American men and women who exist and function outside of trash culture parameters.

 

Bravo. Particularly the bolded. QFT.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Cooking a meal or doing something else nice for a guy doesn't make me feel like his mother....but cooking a week's worth of meals? I just can't quite get my head round that. It sounds a bit unusual....but if it's working out well for both of you, then that's the main thing.

 

My job requires a lot of driving, and many times other people buy me lunch, but it's never anything healthy, always like a sit-down restaurant type of place.

 

So, she decided to cook some healthy food for my lunches. It's funny because I feel like I have more energy.

 

Don't get too overly eager. We have our share of shallow women (men, too).

I will say though, most of the American women who've moved here for work recently that I've met do have this entitlement complex that was mentioned. One in particular went on three dates in the past week and was very upset that all of the men expected her to pay for herself for the most part.

She earns a very good salary, so I don't understand the problem.

Different cultures, I suppose.

 

I'm not unrealistic about things.

 

It's not just meal paying that they are expectant about... it rolls into almost everything in a relationship. If you don't bow and scrape and do whatever they want its a greenlight to cheat.... and obviously it's your fault for being bad. Or... you can just act a complete a$$ and treat them really poorly, which often gets a good response too, but will eventually end in her getting tired of it and cheating.

 

Untouchable Fire I am happy for you that you finally got someone you can trust. It really is a shame that you judge an entire group of women by the few you have dated but that's okay. American women are awesome and beautiful and the entire world knows this. We won't lose one wink of sleep because we are wanted by men all over the world. I wish more American men who think like you would date foreign women and stop complaining all the time. It's getting really sad.

 

Sorry, but I've had over 10 serious relationships, lasting anywhere from 2-3 years on average. I've dated well over 100 women here. So, it's not like I just havn't had experience. In fact I think the way I do BECAUSE of the experience.

 

In regards to you losing sleep... I've been around this board for a while and I know where your coming from. So when I say I'm not happy with U.S. women who are cheats... I can understand why that offends you.

 

I think you should be spending your sleepless nights pondering your own life and personal choices. Especially for someone who is old enough to be my mother!

[tincanman99]

I am a guy and am not buying the OP's thread.

 

You are looking at foreign women through rose colored glasses. If you dont think they have issues than I have a bridge to sell you.

 

I can unequivocally say that some ethnic groups (not going to name them out) other than Americans are EXPERTS at manipulating men via sex, doing favors, tasks, etc.... Dont even try to tell me its not true because I have been in it and seen it first hand. .

 

If you dont mind me asking, where exactly is she from?

 

I was born and raised here in the US and you are making very broad and sweeping comments regarding women here. Not buying it. Sure there are bad seeds but there are bad seeds everywhere of both sexes.

 

I wont lie and say all my experiences have been great but I can bet many women will say the same thing about men here. Both sexes have to shoulder some of the weight if you start pointing fingers.

 

There are good/bad women just as there are good/bad men. I think its ridiculous to generalize that a whole cultures females are bad. Its like labeling some ethnic groups are alchoholics or are cheap. Sure there are some that are like this but there are others that arent. The same with women.

 

In my experience when a person starts to blame others for their issues they fail to look inwards at themselves and recognize that the one commonality is them.

 

Good luck to you. You are going to need it.

[Tiberius]

You gotta know what to look for in a girl. If you marry a hot piece who has a divorced mom who took daddy to the cleaners in divorce court, well a certain result is likely.

[Mad Max]

I'm a Québecer, so I feel the need to comment here. There is a significant cultural different just between Canada and the United States. But, I'm not going to bash all American women. There are many American women with the entitlement complex and princess mentality and that is evident in many threads on LS. But, there are also many American women that do not have the princess mentality or have the entitlement complex.

 

One thing I will say is for the women that were defensive in this thread, they usually do fall under the stereotype, no offense. There are many American women that are not princesses and I acknowledge that. But, there are many that do fall under the stereotype.

[theBrokenMuse]

What's wrong with you?

Well actually I have been feeling a bit under the weather lately but thanks for asking. In all seriousness though how about we keep this restricted to said woman that you are dating as going on about me (while perfectly enjoyable to me) isn't going to be of any help to you.

 

If she helps me with my work she is selling herself short? If she cooks a meal it's because she feels unworthy? WTF?

 

*sigh* Um, no you didn't say she cooked you a meal. You said:

 

She came over on Saturday and cooked me an entire weeks worth of meals.

 

There is a difference between cooking a dinner or lunch for two and trying to prepare an assorted menu for a week's worth of meals for another person. The latter sounds like someone trying way too hard to impress. I honestly don't understand how you don't see it.

 

She is going back to school, so I help her with homework assignments, on the weekends I take her out to expensive restaurants, and on day trips to the beach, and hiking trips, and even kayaking 1 time.

I'm not interested in what you do for her. I am not inferring that you have leeched off of her in any manner. I merely stated that it sounds as if she may be going overboard on the helpfulness front because I know the type up close and personal... and a the dinners thing sent off a blaring, red flag in that direction when I read it.

 

The real question is this. Do you really think that being a woman you can't do anything nice without devaluing yourself?

Where in my posts did I even suggest that doing nice things is bad? I suggested that being overly nice and overly helpful could be indicative of a person with some insecurities about being liked, which is true.

 

That explains a lot of stuff in your posts.

What explains about what in my posts? Clarification needed.

 

Maybe you should take some time and evaluate how self centered you are vs. how self centered you force yourself to be.

I have healthy boundaries, neither a doormat nor an ice queen and that is exactly where I need to be.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Please read more carefully. No women here have suggested that simply cooking a meal for a man is wrong or debasing, what they have suggested is that cooking a man a whole week's worth of meals and then doing his work projects for him is kind of--over the top--for anyone who's not trying desperately to sell themselves, in pretty much any culture, unless they're already in an established relationship with that man or closely related to him.

 

I think they have... I think that when I talked about how nice she is to me... many female posters got upset, because they feel it's debasing.

 

Let's say I wasn't doing much in return. Would her actions still be wrong? I don't think so. I don't think she would date me very long, but the nice things she does are about her and who she is... not about me.

 

Why is it that in our culture if a woman sleeps with me on the first date... that's just her being a liberated woman to most women who post here. Yet... if she cooks me some meals, she is suddenly trying too hard and not valuing herself?

 

 

You never brought up having done any reciprocal helpful things, and your OP very much made it sound as though you were just sitting back rubbing your belly and raking in the benefits of subservience. If you are in fact helping her with her projects as well, that does change the tone of your post and the reader's perception of your budding relationship. It was definitely worth mentioning.

 

I've done the same basic stuff in most of my relationships. I feel like doing more in this one because she is doing nice stuff for me too.

 

The point of the post wasn't about what I'm doing. I'm not doing anything that different. I'm just getting something very different in return.

 

And... that is, was, and will be my point in this thread.

 

And FWIW I have read many posts in which you demonstrate careful language as well as intelligence. Of course your thread starts out as inflammatory, how hard is it to say that you're turned off by popular American culture in general, and are trying to date outside of it? Wouldn't that have said the exact thing you're trying to say, without maligning all the women in an entire country? Personally I have a lot of problems with a lot of the current aspects of American culture too, as it applies to both men and women. Fortunately I am able to see the many, many American men and women who exist and function outside of trash culture parameters.

 

Simple, my first post is typically emotional and then followed by progressively more logical posts.

 

I think unlike other posters once I open up about something it begins to dissipate.

 

If you've found a woman you like and appreciate who likes and appreciates you and makes you feel good again, that's great. Enjoy it.

 

Thank you. I'm not just going to enjoy it... I'm going to appreciate it and work to keep it.

[aerogurl87]

I find this funny that you think all American women are materialistic and don't know how to cook as I'm American and quite the opposite. I love to cook (cook my boyfriend pancakes from scratch in the morning when we're together and serve it to him in bed) and I'm not materialistic. But hey if you found someone that works for you, then that's great.

[tigressA]

One thing I will say is for the women that were defensive in this thread, they usually do fall under the stereotype, no offense. There are many American women that are not princesses and I acknowledge that. But, there are many that do fall under the stereotype.

 

No offense? That doesn't take away the insult. Ever. I'm surprised you would even bother saying something like that.

 

And just because some of us women here have commented, saying that we are AGAINST the OP BASHING AN ENTIRE GROUP OF WOMEN when he could've just said he was turned off by American dating culture, it's likely that we fall under a negative stereotype?

 

Sheesh.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Well actually I have been feeling a bit under the weather lately but thanks for asking. In all seriousness though how about we keep this restricted to said woman that you are dating as going on about me (while perfectly enjoyable to me) isn't going to be of any help to you.

 

Ah, well... I hope you feel better soon.

 

There is a difference between cooking a dinner or lunch for two and trying to prepare an assorted menu for a week's worth of meals for another person. The latter sounds like someone trying way too hard to impress. I honestly don't understand how you don't see it.

 

What is that difference? A few hours time?

 

Where in my posts did I even suggest that doing nice things is bad? I suggested that being overly nice and overly helpful could be indicative of a person with some insecurities about being liked, which is true.

 

Your basically saying that a woman putting in some effort is Ok, but putting in a lot of effort is weakness.

 

I think your problem is that you have this wall up, and you make the mistake of thinking it's the correct way to be.

 

I have healthy boundaries, neither a doormat nor an ice queen and that is exactly where I need to be.

 

Let me suggest something to you.

 

You can't expect someone to love you, if your unwilling to love them first. That goes for friends, family, everyone.

[Mad Max]

No offense? That doesn't take away the insult. Ever. I'm surprised you would even bother saying something like that.

 

And just because some of us women here have commented, saying that we are AGAINST the OP BASHING AN ENTIRE GROUP OF WOMEN when he could've just said he was turned off by American dating culture, it's likely that we fall under a negative stereotype?

 

Sheesh.

 

 

What insult? I actually defended your gender and being a foreigner, I have the experience of having lived in multiple countries and able to notice a difference. Being against the bashing doesn't make you defensive. But comments such as

THANK GOODNESS for ALL the women born in the US!

and

Perhaps I am overly cynical but she sounds like she may be the kind of person that feels like they have to overcompensate in order to 'sell themselves as someone of worth' to others by being overly helpful. If so, then it really isn't a cultural trait as much as it is a personality type.

is what I'm hinting at. I didn't even think your post was defensive. Hell I actually agreed with it, but now I'm reluctant to come to your defense anymore.

[GooseChaser]

What insult? I actually defended your gender and being a foreigner, I have the experience of having lived in multiple countries and able to notice a difference. Being against the bashing doesn't make you defensive.

Women get offended when they are called princesses or told that they are entitled, especially if they believe they don't deserve it.

[tigressA]

 

One thing I will say is for the women that were defensive in this thread, they usually do fall under the stereotype, no offense.

 

There's your insult right there. If you say "No offense" after something, it's clear that you know what you said would be offensive and insulting to at least some people.

[Untouchable_Fire]

I find this funny that you think all American women are materialistic and don't know how to cook as I'm American and quite the opposite. I love to cook (cook my boyfriend pancakes from scratch in the morning when we're together and serve it to him in bed) and I'm not materialistic. But hey if you found someone that works for you, then that's great.

 

My Xwife is an amazing cook... even at 22 she was just fantastic.

 

However, she felt cooking meals was menial labor, so she would only do it for special occasions with her family.

 

She once said that she would rather work an extra 10 hours a week and order out than cook, as it made her feel Old Fashioned

[sanskrit]

You may find that other cultural aspects of foreign women are not so appealing, namely that they are not natives and there may be some culture gaps or shocks. Hopefully the woman you are dating won't be this way, and it will work out for you.

[sweetjasmine]

One thing I will say is for the women that were defensive in this thread, they usually do fall under the stereotype, no offense. There are many American women that are not princesses and I acknowledge that. But, there are many that do fall under the stereotype.

 

Wait, what? I was born in Latin America, and you probably have no idea who else in this thread may or may not be American. So why exactly are you saying that "women that were defensive in this thread" probably fit an American stereotype?

 

I think they have... I think that when I talked about how nice she is to me... many female posters got upset, because they feel it's debasing.

 

No, you're not understanding how your first post came off. It sounded like, "I'm not dating those American pieces of trash anymore. I've been seeing this foreign woman, and check out all the stuff she does for me! And she doesn't expect anything of me, either. It's awesome!" Upon clarification, that's not what your situation is like, but it certainly sounded that way in your OP.

[Mad Max]

Women get offended when they are called princesses or told that they are entitled, especially if they believe they don't deserve it.

 

 

I'm offended when women on here bash men, but I think it's more comical than anything else. Of course when women bash men here, they get sympathy and if any guy calls them out on it, he gets bashed.

 

The women here have every right to be offended. But a select few have gone overboard in their comments. I even came to the defense of women in my original post. Of course, that gets overlooked.

[GooseChaser]

Wait, what? I was born in Latin America, and you probably have no idea who else in this thread may or may not be American. So why exactly are you saying that "women that were defensive in this thread" probably fit an American stereotype?

Hehe, good point!

[stillafool]

Sorry, but I've had over 10 serious relationships, lasting anywhere from 2-3 years on average. I've dated well over 100 women here. So, it's not like I just havn't had experience. In fact I think the way I do BECAUSE of the experience.

 

In regards to you losing sleep... I've been around this board for a while and I know where your coming from. So when I say I'm not happy with U.S. women who are cheats... I can understand why that offends you.

 

I think you should be spending your sleepless nights pondering your own life and personal choices. Especially for someone who is old enough to be my mother!

 

Wow! You're really angry aren't you? I don't have sleepless nights. Why would I be offended because YOU aren't happy with U.S. women? How would this possibly affect me? Maybe you should have dated 100's of women from all cultures and maybe then you would have found your girl a lot sooner.

 

When I read posts like yours it screams of bitterness. If everything is so "good" why wouldn't you come here and write something like "Hey I met the most incredible girl who cooks for me and treats me fantastic and by the way she is from _______________." At any rate, again, I am happy for you and wish more American men would follow and find happiness once and for all.

[aerogurl87]

Women get offended when they are called princesses or told that they are entitled, especially if they believe they don't deserve it.

 

I'm gonna be honest, I do have a "princess" mentality in my relationship but that's because I put alot into being with my boyfriend. I treat him like a king and I expect to get the same treatment back. He's number one in my life and I'm number one in his. My boyfriend also calls me princess but I won't get into that on this thread.

[GooseChaser]

I'm offended when women on here bash men, but I think it's more comical than anything else. Of course when women bash men here, they get sympathy and if any guy calls them out on it, he gets bashed.

 

The women here have every right to be offended. But a select few have gone overboard in their comments. I even came to the defense of women in my original post. Of course, that gets overlooked.

Both sides should try to be fair and not be too offensive in their opinions that they post about large groups of people. Things don't always work out that way, though. You can always do the same as the overlooking women, and overlook their posts too, as you say there are only a few of them.

[Mad Max]

There's your insult right there. If you say "No offense" after something, it's clear that you know what you said would be offensive and insulting to at least some people.

 

 

Not an insult, stating a fact. Most of the women here were not overly defensive.

 

 

Wait, what? I was born in Latin America, and you probably have no idea who else in this thread may or may not be American. So why exactly are you saying that "women that were defensive in this thread" probably fit an American stereotype?

 

 

Because if it didn't apply to them, why would they be up in arms over it? It's the same thing with cheating. When a cheater is accused of it, they often go "I would NEVER cheat!!! How DARE you accuse me of such a thing"!! See what I'm getting at? The majority of the women in this thread were not overly defensive. Only a select few were.

[sweetjasmine]

Because if it didn't apply to them, why would they be up in arms over it?

 

Because it's offensive.

 

Does it apply to you when people make racist remarks about East Asians or African Americans or Indians or Muslims? So if someone makes a remark about how they won't date Jews anymore because Jews are always after money and pinching pennies, would you get up in arms over it or would you sit and calmly reflect on it since it doesn't apply to you?

[theBrokenMuse]

What is that difference? A few hours time?

The difference is that to some, giving is a tactic used to try and secure other people's affections. This becomes more likely to be a possible factor if lavish amounts of time are spent doing 'favors' for friends or doting on loved ones. It's comparable to someone who tries to buy a child's love with tons of fun trips or toys.

 

Your basically saying that a woman putting in some effort is Ok, but putting in a lot of effort is weakness.

I am saying that there are healthy limitations to all things.

 

I think your problem is that you have this wall up, and you make the mistake of thinking it's the correct way to be.

 

You can't expect someone to love you, if your unwilling to love them first. That goes for friends, family, everyone.

Are you suggesting that because I said I have healthy boundaries when it comes to giving that I am incapable of loving someone because if so, I want to know how you logically made the leap from having healthy boundaries to that conclusion because it's quite a doozy.

[stillafool]

Because it's offensive.

 

Does it apply to you when people make racist remarks about East Asians or African Americans or Indians or Muslims? So if someone makes a remark about how they won't date Jews anymore because Jews are always after money and pinching pennies, would you get up in arms over it or would you sit and calmly reflect on it since it doesn't apply to you?

 

True. It's as if they are trying to be offensive. Everyone is happy for anyone who finds true love, but why do people have to bash another? I have never seen women starting threads about how awful American men are. Never! The way some of the men on this forum hate American women it makes you wonder if they even love their American mother.