Update: Not Dating American Women Anymore

[Mad Max]

So if someone makes a remark about how they won't date Jews anymore because Jews are always after money and pinching pennies, would you get up in arms over it or would you sit and calmly reflect on it since it doesn't apply to you?

 

 

I'm half Jewish and no, I'm not going to waste my energy going up in arms over it. I laugh at the ignorance and go on with my life. It's their loss if they see things that way. Just like when some women here bash men, I don't throw hissy fits. I know I'm not like the men the OP described and I remain rational.

 

It's part of body language and I was taught this growing up. If someone is accused of something and they go absolutely apesh*t over it, there's a good chance they're guilty of it. Just like I mentioned earlier how cheaters get overly defensive when accused. Same thing.

[flying]

Because it's offensive.

 

Does it apply to you when people make racist remarks about East Asians or African Americans or Indians or Muslims? So if someone makes a remark about how they won't date Jews anymore because Jews are always after money and pinching pennies, would you get up in arms over it or would you sit and calmly reflect on it since it doesn't apply to you?

 

Exactly. And, I wonder, how can American women who do not fit the OP's stereotyped vision of American women and who disagree with the stereotype respond to this thread topic without being labeled feminazi or whatever? It's lose-lose for the ladies, this kind of thread. Yippee.

 

Honestly, I can't see any other purpose for this kind of thread than to piss people off. But regardless, I'm certainly not interested in validating or normalizing the OP's comments. If I do decide to write, I'll say I think he's full of it, because I do.

 

I mean, for real, he can date whomever he likes, more power to him, and it's obviously important to him that his partner is an avid cook. Yay, he found one. And how unfortunate for him that he's had bad experiences dating women in the past, who I'm guessing were all or mostly American, because he himself is American, so the law of averages, you know.

 

But seriously. This stuff is getting old. It's just a lot of strawman arguing and posturing that isn't convincing but sure is irritating because inevitably people will jump on the bandwagon, and then we're off to bashing land, and it's not like people need much encouragement to hate on each other on this board.

 

So, no sympathy here. Yay for his happy relationship, but boo for the BS "context" in which he chooses to place it.

 

If the OP wants to post stuff like this, then he'll just have to accept the responses he gets.

Edited September 27, 2010 by flying

[aerogurl87]

I gotta agree with the whole cooking you a week's worth of meals in one day may be a bit over the top. It seems a bit much in my opinion, not to mention that leftovers taste no where near as good as fresh made food.

[Untouchable_Fire]

No. My assumption is that my experience is every bit as valid as yours, and in my experience a majority of women do not act this way. My opinion can also be used with validity.

 

I think I can back up my opinion with cultural references and even some potential studies. Now I understand that it will still be an opinion, but I think I have the edge on you in terms of validity.

 

Technically the earth being round could be an opinion... if you choose to ignore all evidence of the world around you.

 

Let's see. First of all, of course, I never said a word of this. This is what's known as a classic strawman argument: You put words in my mouth, then tell me why they're wrong.

Since I never said any of this, and certainly don't think it, I do think that the rest of your "opinions" are suspect on these matters.

Garbage, indeed.

 

Um... it's not quite strawman. I made a general assumption of knowledge. If you don't actually have that knowledge then technically, I put information in your brain as opposed to words in your mouth.

 

So it seems instead of arguing with you... I should instead focus my efforts on educating you.

 

Check back and I will provide some solid examples of the threads I'm talking about, once I have time.

[theBrokenMuse]

You just assume its simply an attempt to win someones affection.

Well on the whole (speaking in terms of the general population) it has been shown to be an existent issue. You use the word, attempt though as though the person is aware of this behavior, when often times it is more of a deeply rooted subconscious behavior - not something people are trying to use it as a means of trickery.

 

I think there are a lot of people who are just naturally that way and enjoy giving.

People enjoy giving but there are psychological reasons behind the enjoyment that usually tie into some underlying selfish motivation - very few actions in this life are truly altruistic.

 

I don't appreciate it when people with your attitude

I am a realist. If that upsets you, I don't know what to tell you.

 

bash them and assume it's manipulation.

When did I bash anyone? When referring to the girl you are seeing I used the words MAY BE and IF SO when discussing a possibility. I made no definitive declarative statements whatsoever about her as a person.

 

I'm saying that you seem far too worried about someone trying to take advantage of you

Where did you glean this idea? Is it because I looked at someone else's behavior and said it looks possible that this person could fit into this particular category or because I stated that I have healthy boundaries? I'm really trying to figure out where you are deriving this notion from. Edited September 27, 2010 by theBrokenMuse

[elaina]

I gotta agree with the whole cooking you a week's worth of meals in one day may be a bit over the top. It seems a bit much in my opinion, not to mention that leftovers taste no where near as good as fresh made food.

 

I don't think it's over the top. One of my friends, who is Filipino, does this kind of thing. She's an awesome cook and in her culture, feeding people good food is one way to show one cares for them. At Christmas and Thanksgiving, she brings over lots of pies and goodies that are so good, and once she made me some food cause she didn't like that i was eating microwaveable meals lol. I really appreciated that. In the Latina culture too, many of the women love to cook meals for people.

 

This lady who Untouchable Fire knows is just doing a cultural thing which shows a lot of caring and thought. It makes me think that maybe I should do something sort of like that for my man when I see him. I'm not a great cook, but maybe I can make a big amount of something he likes and save it for him!

 

There are American women who do this too, but I think they normally make a week's worth of food for their kids or families, but there are many women who are great cooks and their thoughtfulness in spending their time doing this kind of thing is really admirable.

Edited September 27, 2010 by elaina

[Mad Max]

You sure seem to be wasting a lot of energy in THIS thread.

 

 

I don't recall ever being overly defensive. And you can make an argument that plenty of people are wasting their energy. This is a forum. If you think I take any of you seriously, you're highly mistaken.

[GooseChaser]

I don't recall ever being overly defensive. And you can make an argument that plenty of people are wasting their energy. This is a forum. If you think I take any of you seriously, you're highly mistaken.

Aw.

 

10 char

[naya1]

to sphere: how can a nationality make u "pretty"? where exactly did u get the statistic?? lol ridiculous

[that girl]

Cooking a week's worth of meals so the guy has something to eat for lunch everyday is very wifey. I can see a serious girlfriend doing it, but a woman you have been dating a month? I kind of wonder if this is made up.

 

And I say that as a woman who cooks every single day and regularly bakes. I've brought loads of food to work and think around the month mark is when I would start inviting a guy over for a home cooked meal.

 

I could see doing it if the guy had done something really helpful, like helped me move, but it doesn't seem like you have.

 

I'm sure you're thinking I'm just horribly selfish, but most of the time you don't know someone that well after a month.

 

And these generalizations about evil American women are as ignorant and sexist as they were the first time.

[Woggle]

It speaks volumnes how many women view actually treating a man as well as being a doormat. It doesn't degrade a woman to actually be good to the man she loves.

[theBrokenMuse]

It speaks volumnes how many women view actually treating a man as well as being a doormat. It doesn't degrade a woman to actually be good to the man she loves.

Who said anything about love, last time I checked the only words used was 'like' and they had only been dating for a month and Woogle, while I can't speak for every woman here, I honestly and truthfully do not think anyone here is objecting to women treating men well and if they do then they are downright daft.

[tami-chan]

I don't think it's over the top. One of my friends, who is Filipino, does this kind of thing. She's an awesome cook and in her culture, feeding people good food is one way to show one cares for them. At Christmas and Thanksgiving, she brings over lots of pies and goodies that are so good, and once she made me some food cause she didn't like that i was eating microwaveable meals lol. I really appreciated that. In the Latina culture too, many of the women love to cook meals for people.

 

This lady who Untouchable Fire knows is just doing a cultural thing which shows a lot of caring and thought. It makes me think that maybe I should do something sort of like that for my man when I see him. I'm not a great cook, but maybe I can make a big amount of something he likes and save it for him!

 

There are American women who do this too, but I think they normally make a week's worth of food for their kids or families, but there are many women who are great cooks and their thoughtfulness in spending their time doing this kind of thing is really admirable.

 

I am Asian,of Japanese descent....while I do not do the things that OP's "foreign" woman does, I do know quite a number who do...and yes, most of them are Filipinos. It IS cultural.

 

I think it is offensive that someone here said that maybe OP's friend is doing the things she does to be "more worthy". She does the things she does because that is how she knows how to show she cares about him. Some women are just not bogged down about "equality" in this aspect of the relationship....perhaps they understand or accept that in the end it all evens out.

 

It is interesting ( and glaringly shows the difference in attitude) that some women here think that it is ridiculous to cook food for an entire week for someone you care about. This is really not that unusual. My brother's wife when they were still dating did this every Sunday and she labeled all the containers, too.

 

I think instead of taking offense perhaps there is lesson to be learned here. But I'd pass .. cooking has never appealed to me that is why I am attracted to men who can cook !

 

Comments like ..".OP, perhaps next time , tell her the bathroom needs cleaning, too"---is absolutely uncalled for. Obviously, whoever said that, missed the point. The point is that, OP gf, cares enough about him that she is willing to cook for him and help him out with his project. So refreshing for him to be with someone who is not keeping scores, I bet.

[gypsy_nicky]

Not quite what I was getting at. It's just a cultural norm here that a guys value lies primarily in his ability to pay. It's not that big of a deal because it's like that world wide... and I think a guy should pay for a date.

 

I've been on over 100 dates in just the past 10 years.... I almost always go to at least the 2nd date... and I can't really recall the last time it felt like a girl actually appreciated my paying. The attitude always seems different. I've had lots of dates where the woman offered to pay for her half.

 

I can't really recall a single incident where the woman offered to pay for me too... at least during the first 5 dates.

 

 

are you taking back what you said then?? Because your contradicting your first post with this one.

[aerogurl87]

I don't think it's over the top. One of my friends, who is Filipino, does this kind of thing. She's an awesome cook and in her culture, feeding people good food is one way to show one cares for them. At Christmas and Thanksgiving, she brings over lots of pies and goodies that are so good, and once she made me some food cause she didn't like that i was eating microwaveable meals lol. I really appreciated that. In the Latina culture too, many of the women love to cook meals for people.

 

This lady who Untouchable Fire knows is just doing a cultural thing which shows a lot of caring and thought. It makes me think that maybe I should do something sort of like that for my man when I see him. I'm not a great cook, but maybe I can make a big amount of something he likes and save it for him!

 

There are American women who do this too, but I think they normally make a week's worth of food for their kids or families, but there are many women who are great cooks and their thoughtfulness in spending their time doing this kind of thing is really admirable.

 

Elaina I love cooking, but if I'm gonna be cooking a week's worth of meals it will be a new meal everyday. Maybe that's because I like my food freshly made to order and I don't know what I'll want from one day to the other. I'm not a big fan of leftovers or stuff that has to be reheated, especially chicken.

[aerogurl87]

Tami chan maybe it is cultural. But when he said meals I was thinking dinners. Ok lunch I can understand, but really who wants some reheated chicken? Make it fresh so it stays juicy and doesn't dry out. Maybe I'm just saying this because I had to come home today to my mom making chicken and me having to reheat it and pour some water in the bowl to get the chicken to not be dry like a desert.

 

Anyway, I don't think there's anything wrong with her cooking for him or doing anything for him even if they haven't been dating that long. Hell I bought my boyfriend a $80 Valentine's Day present after dating him for 2 weeks. So I'm all for showing the love, I just hate food that has to be reheated.

[flying]

I think I can back up my opinion with cultural references and even some potential studies. Now I understand that it will still be an opinion, but I think I have the edge on you in terms of validity.

 

Technically the earth being round could be an opinion... if you choose to ignore all evidence of the world around you.

 

What? No it couldn't. Science recognizes a difference between empirically determined data and a hypothesis. We have empirical objective evidence that the earth is round. We do not have empirical objective evidence that all or most American women don't like to treat their men well, or are spoiled princesses. That is your opinion/hypothesis. You don't have enough data to make it a theory; believe me when I say that by no means do you have the "edge" on me in terms of validity. For every study you choose to throw out there is at least another that discounts it. It's just a hypothesis...albeit one that you're a bit overly fond of (really a no-no in science).

 

What you are stating here are just opinions, Untouchable. Not facts. If you choose to be open to the possibility that your experience is not universal, then great. I'm open to it. But then, I didn't start this thread. Nor would I ever start a thread that suggests that all or most men or women anything anything at all. Because if I were to do that, I'd know that it came from a place of unhappiness within me, not from the world outside.

 

Um... it's not quite strawman. I made a general assumption of knowledge. If you don't actually have that knowledge then technically, I put information in your brain as opposed to words in your mouth.

 

So it seems instead of arguing with you... I should instead focus my efforts on educating you.

Oh, ick, to this entire condescending series of sentences. "Educate" me? Yeah, um...no thanks. (I can only imagine how you'd respond if I proposed educating you.)

 

As for the strawman bit...well, since some of the posts seem to have gone bye-bye in this thread, I can't quote again what you wrote. But I can say that the strawman bit I was referring to was where you said something like "you think that something something passive-aggressive is OK if women do it."

 

Well, no, I don't think anything of the sort. Thanks for trying to tell me what I think though, and then telling me why it's wrong. I'd love to see some evidence of this.

Edited September 28, 2010 by flying

[tami-chan]

Tami chan maybe it is cultural. But when he said meals I was thinking dinners. Ok lunch I can understand, but really who wants some reheated chicken? Make it fresh so it stays juicy and doesn't dry out.

 

You are missing the point..it does not matter whether it is lunch, dinner or breakfast...or even if he has to reheat them-the point is she made the effort and the OP appreciated it. Not that difficult to understand, really.

 

Anyway, I don't think there's anything wrong with her cooking for him or doing anything for him even if they haven't been dating that long. Hell I bought my boyfriend a $80 Valentine's Day present after dating him for 2 weeks. So I'm all for showing the love, I just hate food that has to be reheated.

 

Exactly,but telling how you prefer your food is irrelevant to the topic.

[aerogurl87]

You are missing the point..it does not matter whether it is lunch, dinner or breakfast...or even if he has to reheat them-the point is she made the effort and the OP appreciated it. Not that difficult to understand, really.

 

 

 

Exactly,but telling how you prefer your food is irrelevant to the topic.

 

Sorry I was on a personal rant about that earlier. I get the point though. Most people I think are upset though because instead of just saying she did this and this and is awesome, he had to put down a whole group of people to elevate her.

 

Also although it may be a cultural thing to cook a week's worth of meals in a day, you have to still look at the motive for it. Was she doing it because she cared or because she really wanted him to like her? Culture doesn't fully answer that question because just because things are done a certain way in a specific culture it still doesn't answer the question of was it done from the heart or was it done begrudgingly because she felt it's what was expected of her. So that's actually a valid question when asking did she do it just to impress him or did she do it out of the kindness of her heart.

[Dazzel]

This thread rubbed me the wrong way.

 

I am an American female and I don't really like how you felt the need to bash every American woman to make your point. I find it rather insulting. You are basing our mentality on a few women you have dated. If I based all American men on the guys I have seen in the past, I wouldn't have nice things to say. But I still date them.

 

Nothing wrong with dating from another culture. I often find men from other countries to be sexy. But I don't like how you had to be nasty to a whole group of women to make your point.

 

Also, you are suggesting that someone who can't cook isn't worthy. Perhaps your views are old-fashioned but not everyone these days knows how to cook. I don't understand men that expect a woman to cook. I think it should be a shared chore. I am not being defensive because I don't know how to cook. It 's just a rather odd thing to be picky about.

 

I oftentimes find myself spending far more money on my guy than he does me. I pay for meals, do all the driving (getting no gas money). I used to hardly ever get treated myself. I'd usually pay or we'd each pay for our own.

 

As sexist as this is gonna sound, sometimes I feel like I wear the pants in the relationship and I treat my boyfriends as the afformentioned "princesses". It sucks.

[jamesum]

I am Asian,of Japanese descent....while I do not do the things that OP's "foreign" woman does, I do know quite a number who do...and yes, most of them are Filipinos. It IS cultural.

 

I think it is offensive that someone here said that maybe OP's friend is doing the things she does to be "more worthy". She does the things she does because that is how she knows how to show she cares about him. Some women are just not bogged down about "equality" in this aspect of the relationship....perhaps they understand or accept that in the end it all evens out.

 

It is interesting ( and glaringly shows the difference in attitude) that some women here think that it is ridiculous to cook food for an entire week for someone you care about. This is really not that unusual. My brother's wife when they were still dating did this every Sunday and she labeled all the containers, too.

 

I think instead of taking offense perhaps there is lesson to be learned here. But I'd pass .. cooking has never appealed to me that is why I am attracted to men who can cook !

 

Comments like ..".OP, perhaps next time , tell her the bathroom needs cleaning, too"---is absolutely uncalled for. Obviously, whoever said that, missed the point. The point is that, OP gf, cares enough about him that she is willing to cook for him and help him out with his project. So refreshing for him to be with someone who is not keeping scores, I bet.

Im in complete agreement with this.

 

As someone who grew up in Asia, I have to say that many if not most Americans treat relationships too much like a business. They are so calculating. They dont give just because they like giving. They give only if they get something first or they are sure they will get something in return. Severe entitlement complex among both the men and women.

 

Currently I live in an immigrant community populated by hispanics and Asians, so the girlfriends I had had were all nice because they werent the typical American girls.

 

Was she doing it because she cared or because she really wanted him to like her?

And what is the difference? What if its both? And whats wrong about wanting to be liked by someone anyway?

 

I have to say so many jealous women on this thread. Its funny that when a man takes care of a woman it is expected and he is being a man. But if a woman takes care of a man all the other women are putting her down and calling her a doormat.

Edited September 28, 2010 by jamesum

[aerogurl87]

Im in complete agreement with this.

 

As someone who grew up in Asia, I have to say that many if not most Americans treat relationships too much like a business. They are so calculating. They dont give just because they like giving. They give only if they get something first or they are sure they will get something in return. Severe entitlement complex among both the men and women.

 

Currently I live in an immigrant community populated by hispanics and Asians, so the girlfriends I had had were all nice because they werent the typical American girls.

 

Well I guess there is something wrong with my boyfriend and I because I feel I'm entitled to being treated like a princess, while he feels entitled to being treated like a king by me.

 

By the way let's just stop with the American bashing people. I've met entitled Asians, Africans, Americans, Europeans, and Hispanics. Entitlement is not bound to a specific region of Earth so let's stop acting like it is.

[aerogurl87]

 

And what is the difference? What if its both? And whats wrong about wanting to be liked by someone anyway?

 

I have to say so many jealous women on this thread. Its funny that when a man takes care of a woman it is expected and he is being a man. But if a woman takes care of a man all the other women are putting her down and calling her a doormat.

 

What's the difference between doing something begrudgingly and doing something out of the kindness of your heart? Well the difference is one you want to actually do and the other is just a pretense to get in good with someone. Honestly if someone is gonna do something for me I want them to do it because they want to, not because they feel they have to.

 

And women aren't jealous, they're just pissed that you and the OP feel the need to generalize a whole group of people. I'm not particularly pissed off about it because I know I feel that I deserve to be treated a certain way because with the amount of work I put into a relationship I sure as hell better be getting the same amount of work back from my partner. And I do so we're both happy.

[jamesum]

What's the difference between doing something begrudgingly and doing something out of the kindness of your heart?

Oh please, you expect too much from a human being.

 

No matter how much we intend to be completely genuine, there will ALWAYS be something inside our heart that hopes that what we do will affect how other people think about us.

 

And women aren't jealous, they're just pissed that you and the OP feel the need to generalize a whole group of people.

I was referring to the women on this thread who talked down on the woman.

[aerogurl87]

Oh please, you expect too much from a human being.

 

No matter how much we intend to be completely genuine, there will ALWAYS be something inside our heart that hopes that what we do will affect how other people think about us.

 

 

I was referring to the women on this thread who talked down on the woman.

 

Yes but if something is done begrudgingly that means you don't want to do it period. Of course you would hope that if you do something it would make that person happier if you really want to do it out of the kindness of your heart, but the motives are very different still.