Update: Not Dating American Women Anymore

[Untouchable_Fire]

LOL it actually bothers you that some guy on the internet you don't even know doesn't want to date the kind of woman that you perceive yourself as identifying with.

Are you having that much trouble getting dates, honey?

 

Meh... forget about this one. Just bitter from years of cheating.

[tami-chan]

Suggesting that someone might be overcompensating in some area to get someone to like them is hardly the worst and if you think it is then you seriously lack any shred of an imagination.

 

LOL...well, at least I do not inject negativism right away and question why the person is being good or kind or sweet. Your imagination "stretches" to the negative and it is reflective of how you are. Is there ever a time that you can just appreciate nice things people do without questioning their motives?

 

Why should commenting on something to do with a complete stranger affect my mood whatsoever?

 

You tell me...<shurg>

 

Yeah, it did look like a flat out assumption, as it turns out to be, but I really wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

Gee, what is your "motive" for giving me the benefit of the doubt? Is it so you would appear "fair"? !

 

 

Sorry, I figured you were speaking about something that was highlighted in the block of text. So, let me get this straight... because I can look at someone else's actions and come up with other plausible motivations for said actions, that must mean that *I* embody those same motivations? Umm, okay......

 

I am glad we are in agreement.

 

Once again, who cares if something is negative? Something being negative doesn't negate anything. We are all adults here and we should all be able to handle the fact that unpleasant stuff exists. If dealing with the fact that there are unpleasantries in life is enough to give someone the vapors then they might want to refrain from conversing on the internet... Just Sayin'.

 

Apparently, you do...as you deem it necessary.

[allina]

Since your throwing out false stereotypes.

 

 

Your basically saying that a woman putting in some effort is Ok

 

Ok.. I get that your offended.

 

 

:laugh:Your Joking Right?

 

 

The only thing that is actually irritating about your posts...

An fyi http://www.wikihow.com/Use-You're-and-Your

[Knittress]

Oh. Hey guys! Thought I'd just pop into this thread, it's a bit long though. What's going on? Have things trailed off into snarkin-territory already?

[Mad Max]

Surprised this thread is still going. If any of you want a change of scenery, come back with me to the Luc. We don't have these issues in Canada. This was actually one of the things that disturbed me greatly when I moved to the states. I came here and there's so much hostility between genders. Feminism has actually done more harm than good.

[Knittress]

I came here and there's so much hostility between genders. Feminism has actually done more harm than good.

 

o.O Feminism =/= hostility.

Ok, yeah. Sometimes. But in actuality those people are just b1tches looking for a little ideological justification. Don't blame feminism. There are plenty of traditional b1tch-folk too.

 

Neither is there any gender war outside of LS.

[aerogurl87]

I can't really comment on the "liberal white women" thing because I'm black, lol. But I can say that there is truth in that most black women don't care if you say you don't want to date them. They'll just move on most of the time.

[GooseChaser]

Yes, all of this MUST be the women's fault. It couldn't possibly be the women that people choose that are bad-- no, no, they are ALL terrible. The problems are only compounded repeatedly because they are American, and often white. It is ALL their fault.

[Woggle]

I am not one to normally defend feminists but Nancy Pelosi was once a stay at home and has been married for decades to the same guy so I wouldn't include her in this. I actually think Sarah Palin would be more likely to cheat than Pelosi.

[Mad Max]

o.O Feminism =/= hostility.

Ok, yeah. Sometimes. But in actuality those people are just b1tches looking for a little ideological justification. Don't blame feminism. There are plenty of traditional b1tch-folk too.

 

Neither is there any gender war outside of LS.

 

 

There's b*tches of all kinds. I'm not saying there's a gender war, but I definitely noticed some tension between genders when I arrived via Montréal. This wasn't the case in Canada.

[theBrokenMuse]

LOL...well, at least I do not inject negativism right away

Once again, why are you so hung up on negativity?

and question why the person is being good or kind or sweet.

It's fine to take things at face value if one feels so obliged but there is no need for all the hullabaloo if someone prefers to look deeper into the intricacies of human behavior.

 

Your imagination "stretches" to the negative and it is reflective of how you are.

So whatever our imagination stretches to is a reflection of who we are?! That's nonsense and you are intelligent enough to know why.

 

Is there ever a time that you can just appreciate nice things people do without questioning their motives?

Gee, I don't know. Is there ever a time that you can refrain from making bald assertions?

 

You tell me...<shurg>

I can't tell you as you are the one who dreamed it up, not me.

 

Gee, what is your "motive" for giving me the benefit of the doubt? Is it so you would appear "fair"? !

Actually, no. I considered the possibility that I could have been wrong in that matter as the way you wording things was more subtle than most open declarations.

 

Apparently, you do...as you deem it necessary.

An idea being negative is not a point of contention for me (obviously) as it appears to be for you and yes negative ideas and concepts are necessary if we are going to live in reality, as they exist here.

[tami-chan]

Once again, why are you so hung up on negativity?

 

I guess negativity does not bother you? well, glad that you are comfortable with it...

 

It's fine to take things at face value if one feels so obliged but there is no need for all the hullabaloo if someone prefers to look deeper into the intricacies of human behavior.

 

Intricacies..lol...nah..it's just yo-, expressing what seems to be natural to you.

 

That's nonsense

 

is it really?

 

Gee, I don't know. Is there ever a time that you can refrain from making bald assertions?

 

Bald? meaning....?

 

 

An idea being negative is not a point of contention for me (obviously) as it appears to be for you and yes negative ideas and concepts are necessary if we are going to live in reality, as they exist here.

 

<yawn> made my point..and not interested in you backpedaling !

[amerikajin]

Surprised this thread is still going. If any of you want a change of scenery, come back with me to the Luc. We don't have these issues in Canada. This was actually one of the things that disturbed me greatly when I moved to the states. I came here and there's so much hostility between genders. Feminism has actually done more harm than good.

 

No, you shouldn't be surprised. If you see a thread titled "American women are ________", it's guaranteed to be a 15-pager. FACT! The only thread guaranteed to be longer and more acrimonious is "I cheated, should I tell my partner?" or "My boyfriend's into porn."

[flying]

No, you shouldn't be surprised. If you see a thread titled "American women are ________", it's guaranteed to be a 15-pager. FACT! The only thread guaranteed to be longer and more acrimonious is "I cheated, should I tell my partner?" or "My boyfriend's into porn."

 

I guess I can't help but wonder why it is so hard for people just to start a thread like "I found the one for me, and here's why I like her: She does x, y and z and that makes me happy."

 

Why throw in the snark to begin with, in the very title? It's just going to cause trouble, and there's no way a person wouldn't know that going in. I just don't see why, unless that was the aim, a person would do that.

[Untouchable_Fire]

The only thing that is actually irritating about your posts...

An fyi http://www.wikihow.com/Use-You're-and-Your

 

If that is the only thing that irritates you... I'll just count myself lucky.

 

Oh. Hey guys! Thought I'd just pop into this thread, it's a bit long though. What's going on? Have things trailed off into snarkin-territory already?

 

Pretty much.

[tigressA]

I guess I can't help but wonder why it is so hard for people just to start a thread like "I found the one for me, and here's why I like her: She does x, y and z and that makes me happy."

 

Why throw in the snark to begin with, in the very title? It's just going to cause trouble, and there's no way a person wouldn't know that going in. I just don't see why, unless that was the aim, a person would do that.

 

I agree with this sentiment, though there are people--myself included--who will sometimes make the title/opening post of a thread somewhat inflammatory just to grab attention and make it more likely for them to receive feedback. I did that with my thread about my younger brother dating a "cougar".

[Taramere]

I guess I can't help but wonder why it is so hard for people just to start a thread like "I found the one for me, and here's why I like her: She does x, y and z and that makes me happy."

 

Why throw in the snark to begin with, in the very title? It's just going to cause trouble, and there's no way a person wouldn't know that going in. I just don't see why, unless that was the aim, a person would do that.

 

The American men who complain about American women often strike me as introverted types...which must be difficult in a country like the US, where self confidence is often more important than any other personal quality.

 

Maybe they've spent years blaming themselves for perceived inadequacies. Feeling that they don't cut it in a society that very clearly and ruthlessly separates people into winners and losers. The successful, confident American woman represents that ruthless aspect of American society perhaps. The understanding, supporting, traditional foreign woman almost being like a cop-out of the rat-race.

 

I agree with you that when a man seeks to snark about and downgrade a particular group of women in the context of talking about his new relationship, that suggests strongly that he's still emotionally investing way too much in something he professes to despise. That the woman he's with is being valued in a negative way for what she's not, rather than in a positive way for who she is.

[OpenBook]

:laugh: Your Joking Right?

 

No, I'm serious. I'm very glad you've decided not to mess with American women anymore. It's a blessing.

 

I was under the impression you only chased after Married Men. I've got no ring... so I was never in your dating pool. I suppose if I ever take the plunge again you'll be after me like a dog in heat ... but until then there is no shortage of guys with wives and without morals.

 

Then you got the wrong impression. Especially about your own moral superiority.

 

Why not go back to Trolling in the OW forum?

 

No thanks, I like it here just fine.

 

LOL it actually bothers you that some guy on the internet you don't even know doesn't want to date the kind of woman that you perceive yourself as identifying with.

 

Not anymore! As I said, I'm very glad he's off the American market and I wish him the best of luck.

 

Are you having that much trouble getting dates, honey?

 

You will never know the answer to that. Honey.

[theBrokenMuse]

I guess negativity does not bother you? well, glad that you are comfortable with it...

I can just discuss it, accept it and/or deal with it like a healthy adult... that's really nothing unusual.

 

 

 

Intricacies..lol...nah..it's just yo-, expressing what seems to be natural to you.

Intricacies... Yeah. As in the psychology that drives people's actions and no not natural to me in particular... and we've gone over this before. Your insistence to keep asserting how I feel or think after being specifically told you are not correct in your assumption on that issue is really starting to feel like an intentionally intellectually dishonest tactic because as I said before you are far from stupid so I really don't think it's a comprehension issue.

 

is it really?

Well yes, unless you don't see the least bit of the absurdity in stating we are what we are able to perceive in this world.

 

 

 

Bald? meaning....?

Asserted as fact without having a logically sound basis.

 

 

<yawn> made my point..and not interested in you backpedaling !

How did I back peddle when I simply restated the same exact thing that I have been saying the entire time Tami? I am not the one with a problem dealing with reality on it's own terms, both good and bad.

[BS76]

For all the guys that have been frustrated by dating in the U.S. you should read this update.

 

About a month ago I stopped dating women born in the U.S. and started dating women from other cultures. Mostly because I felt my chances of getting a faithful woman from this country is very difficult.

Now that I've switched I can tell you that there are some other cultural differences that are huge positives.

 

I've been seeing 1 woman in particular quite a bit. I have noticed over the past month or so that she is MUCH less shallow and MUCH less materialistic than the previous girls I've dated.

 

She also comes over and cooks! Yes she actually cooks... and it's really good. She came over on Saturday and cooked me an entire weeks worth of meals.

 

She doesn't play games and is very upfront with her feelings. She told me straight out that she liked me. No waiting 3 days to call or any of that junk... I can call anytime I want to talk to her.

 

She doesn't expect me to pay for everything. This also seems to be a huge change. Previous dates have often had a very expectant attitude. I've been on lots of dates where I felt like I hired an escort instead of made a date. I still pay for everything... I've just never had a woman offer to pay for both of us before... only herself.

 

She helped me put together a presentation for work. It took 3 hours and she did some of it at home without me. This almost blew my mind. I've never had an American girl even act interested in my work so long as my paychecks show up on time.

 

There are lots more differences.... I mean a TON! For all those stereotypes about guys going for foreign women... it's mostly BS. It really feels like that's just a scare tactic as a deterrent from showing you the truth!!

 

Good for you! I've encountered the same things as well, it's why I prefer foreign women as well. However, I have noticed that the ones who have been here for years tend to get westernized just as bad, and subsequent generations are pretty much like the rest. By the 3rd generation they're usually just the same. That's why I liked going overseas so much. No chance for them to become westernized and develop that nasty entitlement attitude/princess mentality.

[Woggle]

I guess I can't help but wonder why it is so hard for people just to start a thread like "I found the one for me, and here's why I like her: She does x, y and z and that makes me happy."

 

Why throw in the snark to begin with, in the very title? It's just going to cause trouble, and there's no way a person wouldn't know that going in. I just don't see why, unless that was the aim, a person would do that.

 

Because after years of dealing with crap in our relationships many men can't believe the difference when they date a woman from another culture.

[Woggle]

Good for you! I've encountered the same things as well, it's why I prefer foreign women as well. However, I have noticed that the ones who have been here for years tend to get westernized just as bad, and subsequent generations are pretty much like the rest. By the 3rd generation they're usually just the same. That's why I liked going overseas so much. No chance for them to become westernized and develop that nasty entitlement attitude/princess mentality.

 

I agree and that is why it is best to find a woman who can think for herself and is not sucked in by pop culture feminism. They might be hard to find but they are out there.

[flying]

Because after years of dealing with crap in our relationships many men can't believe the difference when they date a woman from another culture.

 

No, this is not a satisfying answer to my question, Woggle.

 

I, too, have had my fair share of unhappy relationships, and as it happens they've all been with American men. Let's see...my father abused and then left my mother, classic walkaway husband I suppose. My exH was a completely opposite personality...BUT he was a liar and a cheater.

 

So, I suppose if I really were looking for the one thing the disappointing men in my life all had in common, I suppose I could point to the fact that they're all American. Since it didn't work out, that must be why, right?

 

Except...I think that's ridiculous. I think they were just individually jerks, and that for some reason (possibly because of my dad) that's who I was drawn to, because dating is a learning curve. It's that old people-picker thing. I'm prepared to have - shudder - perspective.

 

It's not because they're men, and it's not because they're American. I would never dream of starting a thread suggesting either of those things, because I think it's just silly. People are complex. We are large; we contain multitudes.

 

And that is why I think I will never understand the impulse to do this. Just not going to understand it, I suppose.

[donnamaybe]

But OP did not say American women were "no good."

Oh, so when an American woman reads:

"I felt my chances of getting a faithful woman from this country is very difficult," she wouldn't take that to indicate that he is stating that most of the women in America are cheating sluts? Or perhaps when he says, "I have noticed over the past month or so that she is MUCH less shallow and MUCH less materialistic than the previous girls I've dated." (So American women are materialistic and shallow)

 

"Yes she actually cooks... and it's really good." (Oh, and we're also lazy or, when we actually get off our arses, we're incompetent)

 

"She doesn't expect me to pay for everything. This also seems to be a huge change. Previous dates have often had a very expectant attitude. I've been on lots of dates where I felt like I hired an escort instead of made a date. I still pay for everything... I've just never had a woman offer to pay for both of us before... only herself." (And now here comes the "selfish" label)

 

"I've never had an American girl even act interested in my work so long as my paychecks show up on time," (And now we don't care about anyone but ourselves)

we're supposed to look at his comparisons to "American women" and JUST because HE has a lousy history of choosing decent women, that is the fault of American women as a whole and we're gonna just say, "Oh, sure. Go ahead and label us, as a group, a bunch of materialistic, greedy, selfish, lazy, incompetent, cheating sluts. We don't mind." Not a chance.

 

 

Your response does, as well--it's an overly defensive distortion.

 

You can be as belligerent as you want, and you're just "as good" as any other woman on Earth. However--a belligerent woman who always has to "win" an argument is MUCH LESS desirable to the average man as a potential mate.

First of all, where in my prior posts was I belligerent? You probably got me there NOW with your grossly overexaggerated labels and accusations, but I merely pointed out WHY many women who are involved in this thread were put off from the get go. You don't care? Well, then, maybe THAT is the reason you guys can't find a decent American woman. As for "winning,' YOU (a "man") are the one who brought up THAT concept, not me. I've no need to "win" anything. I thought, perhaps mistakenly, that the OP might be interested in why many of the women in this thread were put off. Perhaps I was wrong. Again, if he doesn't care how his rhetoric comes across to many folks, then perhaps we now know why he couldn't find a decent American woman.

 

I've been chased by arrogant jackasses before, as well as the milquetoast saps who I could walk all over with my spiked heels, and they'd come back for more. I didn't want either, so I waited until my guy came along. He cares about the common good of all, is generous and kind and intelligent, BUT he would NOT take any crap off anyone. In other words, he commands respect. He doesn't DEmand it He COMmands it. BIG difference, but I doubt either of you could discern it. A good American woman certainly can.

 

Yeah - finding that combination took time, but it was worth the wait. If someone has to go to another country or find a woman of some kind of subservient culture in order to be able to get along with them, then perhaps that is saying more about THAT person than the people they've dated in the past.

[Sphere]

I like American women to cheeseburgers. They're nice once in a while, but you wouldn't eat them every day.

Edited October 1, 2010 by Sphere