D Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 I am 22 years old, and got into a very beautiful relationship 4 months ago. I have not had a real GF in life, only one night stands here and there, and have not felt anything towards the opposite sex. Well I have not cared for anything, and my life was simple. Basically have not been committed to anyone, and it seemed that my life was OK. I would satisfy my sexual desires, and that is it. Now with this girl, I noticed I have been behaving differently, she is the first lady I have ever had a desire to give flowers to, and take out to a romantic dinner, but the problem is I got very emotional with her, and am noticing that I might break down emotionally, meaning that I am not protecting myself at all, I am giving in totally, without realizing that there is a possibility that she might hurt me BAD, and I don't know if I could recover form that easily. I usually don't get very close to anyone, for the reason of not getting hurt, cause after all she is not my family or blood, so we could just break up for one reason or another, but I noticed that I have been thinking of her as my soulmate, someone that I would want to spend my life with and someone that I would want to be the mother of my children. So now I don't know what to do. I can not really tell what is she up to, she is a simple girl, living one day at a time. Now i can supposedly control my feelings and back off and take her less seriously for the purpose of not getting hurt. But everything that I have been doing has been natural, and I am afraid, she might see me very easy to come by and step over me.......this is really hard for me. I have falled for her seriously, I dont ever want to go back to the past and date girls around. I dont even think I will ever get so close with anyone, if this wont work out, simply bcause I will probably be hurt so much, that I would not be willing to have anything serious with anyone. So I just need some general advice as to how should I proceed. I am crazy about her, I am very confused. Keeping distance from her will feel so unnatural. She was in a 3 year relationship, and I have noticed, that due to the fact that her heart was broken, she may not be taking things seriously lately. SHe gets into it, then i notice she has mood swings, and backs out, and reason she states is that, she does not wanna get in to it seriously, cause then she will go home and miss me very much. I get in to it, and miss her at night,,,,what is wrong about missing someone at NIHGT????? Should I back off too, and just DATE her, even though it would not feel natural.....???? Cause i suppose I can handle it. but why not go all the WAY!!! why should we think of getting hurt???? dont know what to do HELP!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Nina Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 D - The first thing you need to do is take a step back and try to evaluate the situation objectively...without emotions. That's a very difficult thing to do. Love is a wonderful thing, but too often people find themselves getting hurt in relationships because they want one thing while the other wants something else. When you're in that passionate wave of love, it's hard to try to be objective about what your partner is feeling. You want so much for them to feel the exact way that you do that sometimes you can fool yourself into thinking they do, when they actually don't. Follow me? Four months isn't that long. It can feel like an eternity, though. Since she jsut got out of a long-term relationship, your girlfriend willprobably be reluctant to have another serious, involved relationship. Just try to relax. If it is meant to happen, it will happpen. If not, there is someone else who might be better suited to you out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Taressa Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 Those doubts in your mind show you have got a keen intuition. Listen to them now and back off just a bit on the relationship until you develop the trust and freedom that only time can bring to a relationship. Your girlfriend is most likely a little afraid of being hurt again and she, too, will only benefit if you allow the relationship to grow slowly. Hold off on the sex and let friendship grow. Time will prove love. Be patient; if it's love, it's worth waiting for. Link to post Share on other sites
Help Me Posted August 10, 2000 Share Posted August 10, 2000 I must say that Shakespeare says it best, "Tis better to have lost and loved than never loved at all." That prettymuch sums it up, i think Link to post Share on other sites
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