Do all personal trainers act this way?

[mr.jekyll]

The girl I've been dating a few weeks told me that her trainer is terribly friendly and they've gotten to know each other like friends. The trainer is a little flirty but she doesn't think it a problem because she says that's just his nature.

 

When I went to pick her up from the gym a few days ago, I saw how he looked at her, examining her features, and I didn't feel that comfortable. I'm not sure she noticed that and I didn't want to bring it up and show how insecure I am.

 

Is it just a trainer trying to keep a client or is there something more?

[carhill]

'So, Mr. Trainer, are you gay? I ask because, if you're straight, the kind of attention you're giving my wife/girlfriend is inappropriate. Assuming you want to keep her as a customer, I hope you'll bear my opinion in mind. Thanks'

 

This has nothing to do with insecurity, rather enforcement of healthy boundaries. My best friend's daughter is a massage therapist and the type of 'personal' service she provides is a great example of how a proper professional demeanor comes across. It was part of why she surprised me when she 'slipped up' away from work wrt boundaries, as she had always been properly professional with me prior. This helped me determine the 'differences'.

 

My quote above is pretty confrontational and not likely productive, but IMO the subject *is* something you should speak with your GF about. Use 'I feel' statements.

 

Now, on your part, and having been married myself, a man must become used to other men 'looking' at his wife/GF. It goes with the territory. Humans, men and women, look. Do you have a problem with other men looking at your GF? Men on the street? Men in stores? Men at the club or bar or wherever you two hang out? Everywhere there's some guy looking.

 

Is this trainer one of those men and you're just uncomfortable in general, or is his behavior specifically tripping your spidey sense? Why?

 

If you're normally a comfortable and confident man and this attention seems off, IMO, have the talk. If you're generally insecure, you have work to do on yourself. Enlist your GF to help you. Couples are a team. You work together.

[Leigh 87]

I had an interesting experience with a hot trainer at my gym. I am re covering from an eating disorder so I did not feel desirable enough for a trainer that was this hot to find my physically attractive.

 

When we had our consultation, he said I had a hot body, and when i talked about the fact I wanted to do the squats and lunges to target my butt he was l;ike " okay, I am looking at your butt" and then went on to say I had a nice butt.

 

He said he was honest and would not bother saying I was hot if it were not true. While on the rowing machine later, he asked if I was single. I was taken aback totally, as I did nto think he would be remotely interested in this, I thought he would only ask a girl who he would find appealing enough to have sex with; at this point, i still did not think he thought i was hot enough to have sex with.

 

He continued to say he thought I was gorgeous the next few encounters. He said he never approaches girls usually, and that he lives at the gym ( it is his life) and studies and doe snot drink or smoke, and does not really approach girls much at a all, and is not the player type in spite of his incredible physical condition.

 

it so happens that I have not had sex in years so one day i was like " well why dont you act on your feelings if you actually mean them". He knew I was sexually frustrated and was looking for a no strings attatched f*ck, yet he declined.

 

I am a pretty ncie person, and he knows this, and he said he would not feel right about sleeping with me. fair enough. he also said he was seeing a girl, although it was not official. He went on to say he found things about her annoying and that he was not sure it would last.

 

I have not been to the gym since that day and have not heard from him since.

 

So DO traines, like him, try to fausly instill confidence in girls JUST so they feel better about their bodies, and come bck to them for business?

 

I am not sure exactly what happened with my trainer; I never paid for his servives, his first consultation with me was part of my gym membership, and there on after, he gave me about 3 half hour sessions of hsi time. just to talk to me. Mostly about sex. because I am an honest kind of a girl who talks to guys about it.

 

IS your girlfriend hot? If she is slim and attractive enoughm, there is a chance the trainer is looking at her body, and does enjoy checking her out. ON the other hand, there is still the possibility that he may not be attracted to g/f.

 

I do not know what went on in the mind of my trainer, he is nto the type to be open with girls about his feelings for their bodies - it juswt so happened that I am very open and comfortable with talking aboutr exactly how myself, and another person feels about bodies and sex and issue smost ppl are not honest about.

 

I think he thought I was attractive at first, but di dnot necessrily want to bang me because of it, so when I offered, he did not find me atractive ENOUGH to go thruogh with it. I did tell him that I liked myself enough to not care if it were due to him not wanting to, but he insisted that he WOULD do it if the situation felt right.

 

OH - the only clear cut situation, is if a girl looks like a model and is very attractive, then of course a lot of trainers would like to have them, but the professional ones would of course contrain themselves.

[Leigh 87]

Basically, he said I was hot and talked it up, I told him I would not ever pay for a training session, but I think he did not want to upset me and make me think he was lying about thinking I am attractive, so felt obligated to let my downslowly, and give me a session or two free to not seam like he was lying about my looks to make me feel better.

 

It does make me question the motives of your girlfriends trainer - but I do not think my trainer lied when he said he was nto the type to approach girls. Although many trainers are that type of character, I am sure.

[mr.jekyll]

'So, Mr. Trainer, are you gay? I ask because, if you're straight, the kind of attention you're giving my wife/girlfriend is inappropriate. Assuming you want to keep her as a customer, I hope you'll bear my opinion in mind. Thanks'

 

This has nothing to do with insecurity, rather enforcement of healthy boundaries. My best friend's daughter is a massage therapist and the type of 'personal' service she provides is a great example of how a proper professional demeanor comes across. It was part of why she surprised me when she 'slipped up' away from work wrt boundaries, as she had always been properly professional with me prior. This helped me determine the 'differences'.

 

My quote above is pretty confrontational and not likely productive, but IMO the subject *is* something you should speak with your GF about. Use 'I feel' statements.

 

Now, on your part, and having been married myself, a man must become used to other men 'looking' at his wife/GF. It goes with the territory. Humans, men and women, look. Do you have a problem with other men looking at your GF? Men on the street? Men in stores? Men at the club or bar or wherever you two hang out? Everywhere there's some guy looking.

 

Is this trainer one of those men and you're just uncomfortable in general, or is his behavior specifically tripping your spidey sense? Why?

 

If you're normally a comfortable and confident man and this attention seems off, IMO, have the talk. If you're generally insecure, you have work to do on yourself. Enlist your GF to help you. Couples are a team. You work together.

 

 

 

Thanks. I get what you mean about the enforcement. I just wanted to come onto LS to get a sense whether what the trainer did was really crossing the line before I make a "fool" of myself by jumping to conclusions. So was he really crossing the line?

 

I would say I'm generally a confident man but I'm not going to pawn my gf for everyone else to look at.

 

This trainer probably made me question his motives because I've seen how he looked at the girl I'm dating. It's not leery but more of admiration. It still doesn't seem right. Add to that the fact that they seem comfortable with each other, I'm on tenterhooks.

[mr.jekyll]

When we had our consultation, he said I had a hot body, and when i talked about the fact I wanted to do the squats and lunges to target my butt he was l;ike " okay, I am looking at your butt" and then went on to say I had a nice butt.

 

Did you feel he was hitting on you when he said that? It could be a straightforward statement, no?

 

 

 

 

He said he was honest and would not bother saying I was hot if it were not true. While on the rowing machine later, he asked if I was single. I was taken aback totally, as I did nto think he would be remotely interested in this, I thought he would only ask a girl who he would find appealing enough to have sex with; at this point, i still did not think he thought i was hot enough to have sex with.

 

The bold part is what I don't understand. Are all trainers like that?

 

 

 

 

it so happens that I have not had sex in years so one day i was like " well why dont you act on your feelings if you actually mean them". He knew I was sexually frustrated and was looking for a no strings attatched f*ck, yet he declined.

 

Do you think because he knew you were sexually frustrated that he made a move?

 

 

 

IS your girlfriend hot? If she is slim and attractive enoughm, there is a chance the trainer is looking at her body, and does enjoy checking her out. ON the other hand, there is still the possibility that he may not be attracted to g/f.

 

She's not bad. Not supermodel hot but she turns heads.

 

 

 

OH - the only clear cut situation, is if a girl looks like a model and is very attractive, then of course a lot of trainers would like to have them, but the professional ones would of course contrain themselves.

 

 

Maybe this one isn't professional enough?

[Leigh 87]

Situation: your girlfriend is attractive, and he finds her attractive, and in addition to them BOTH finding each other attractive, they also get along well. It is rare that this is situation in which you shoulf feel comfortable with. There is something not right about it.

 

Personally, if I had a boyfriend, and was in this situation, I would stop seeing the PT; two people cannot help it if they find each other attractive and also happen to get along well. But lets face it, is is HARD to just " hang out" when two people feel this way, even if it is in a profesional training session; it is not right to feel mutural attraction for one another if one of you has a partner. Even if your g.f would never act on it.

 

Or it could more one sided, and trainer could like your girlfriend on a personal and physical level. It is likely he does check her out during the sessions.

 

I would not feel alright if a fit trainer was looking at my girlfriends body. Even if he is a good person, men are biologically designed to want to mate and want sex so he will probably have inapropriate feeings so long as your g/f keeps seeing him.

[mr.jekyll]

Situation: your girlfriend is attractive, and he finds her attractive, and in addition to them BOTH finding each other attractive, they also get along well. It is rare that this is situation in which you shoulf feel comfortable with. There is something not right about it.

 

Personally, if I had a boyfriend, and was in this situation, I would stop seeing the PT; two people cannot help it if they find each other attractive and also happen to get along well. But lets face it, is is HARD to just " hang out" when two people feel this way, even if it is in a profesional training session; it is not right to feel mutural attraction for one another if one of you has a partner. Even if your g.f would never act on it.

 

Or it could more one sided, and trainer could like your girlfriend on a personal and physical level. It is likely he does check her out during the sessions.

 

I would not feel alright if a fit trainer was looking at my girlfriends body. Even if he is a good person, men are biologically designed to want to mate and want sex so he will probably have inapropriate feeings so long as your g/f keeps seeing him.

 

 

 

This sounds more serious to me than I thought, even if I don't think it's completely innocent.

 

Some of my friends tell me that many personal trainers just look but would never dare act on anything. I hope that is true.

 

I haven't seen him check out her body specifically. I've only seen the way he looks in an admiring way at her face or features.

 

I don't know whether both of them find each other attractive. The girl I'm seeing hasn't put it that way. She just sometimes tells me what they talk about and what goes on during the sessions.

[Leigh 87]

My trainer said I had a good body and asked if I was single before he knew I was sexually fruistrated; it is only AFTER he found out I missed having a sex life, that he shut down and backed off.

 

I think that he just thought I was slightly attractive, nothing to write home about, sensed I was honest and could have an open dialogue about the thoughs in our heads that most normal ppl do not say at loud, and continued to talk matter of factly about things; he did think i was hot, but nothing special, and nothiong he actually WOULD have sex with.

 

i think it unusual for a womne to be so foward with a guy, and say say " well if you find me hot why dont you hook up with me?". He must have realized he was not interested after all.

 

Or he may never have been interested to begin with; I am alittle different to most girls, he may have been interested at first, but eventually waqs not phsycially attracted enough to want to hook up with me.

 

Sorry, I type fast, this is your thread and I have ended up talking about my own predicamant. Well., it is not any more, as I have not even gone to the gym for 2 weeks or talked to him or thought about him lol.

 

I think your girlfriend should stop seeiong ths trainer out of respect for you. SOmething is off about this situation. if she is half way decent looking, and you see him checking her out, then she is hanging out with a trainer who thinks about her naked. DO you feel comfortable with this?

 

Many guys will look at other guys girlfriends and think about them inappropriately, however, do you really want your girlfirnd regularly hanging with one?

[Leigh 87]

I am sure your girlfriend has no intention of doing anything with that trainer, but things can still get trickey when a trainer looks at a girl in such a way; on a darker note, I have felt a feeling / been in situations with guys in the past, where I was attractive but not super hot, yet if a trainer thought i was hot, I would feel weird; I would f eel some how validated and tempted on some level, to do the wrong thing with him.

 

This is weird psychology I am referring to, but within myself, I have been in the position where hot guys would validate me if I had a b/f already, yet they sought after me; the act of haffing a sort of affair is tempting; when something is off limits, it can make it more exciting and appealing.

 

By the way, your gf is prob not even considering the trainer AT ALL, and at the most, would be flattered IF he oggled her, and IF she found OUT he thought she was hot.

 

She would prob never act on his admiration for her and you have nothing to worry about. On the other hand, I do feel that you are interested to heart the darkest possible scenario too.

[mr.jekyll]

My trainer said I had a good body and asked if I was single before he knew I was sexually fruistrated; it is only AFTER he found out I missed having a sex life, that he shut down and backed off.

 

I think that he just thought I was slightly attractive, nothing to write home about, sensed I was honest and could have an open dialogue about the thoughs in our heads that most normal ppl do not say at loud, and continued to talk matter of factly about things; he did think i was hot, but nothing special, and nothiong he actually WOULD have sex with.

 

i think it unusual for a womne to be so foward with a guy, and say say " well if you find me hot why dont you hook up with me?". He must have realized he was not interested after all.

 

Or he may never have been interested to begin with; I am alittle different to most girls, he may have been interested at first, but eventually waqs not phsycially attracted enough to want to hook up with me.

 

Sorry, I type fast, this is your thread and I have ended up talking about my own predicamant. Well., it is not any more, as I have not even gone to the gym for 2 weeks or talked to him or thought about him lol.

 

I think your girlfriend should stop seeiong ths trainer out of respect for you. SOmething is off about this situation. if she is half way decent looking, and you see him checking her out, then she is hanging out with a trainer who thinks about her naked. DO you feel comfortable with this?

 

Many guys will look at other guys girlfriends and think about them inappropriately, however, do you really want your girlfirnd regularly hanging with one?

 

 

No, thanks for writing about your own situation. It helps me understand it from a female/client point of view.

 

Do you think it would have been different if you hadn't had the open dialogue with your trainer? I'm not saying it was wrong but I wonder if the girl I'm seeing hasn't had such conversations with hers, he wouldn't act on anything?

 

The reason I'm here on LS before talking about it with her is because I don't really want to start off so soon in our relationship by telling her what she should or shouldn't do. She has a healthy body image, wants to tone up on top of her own workout regime. I support her.

 

But I probably should still ask her more about it and discuss it in a mature way.

[mr.jekyll]

I am sure your girlfriend has no intention of doing anything with that trainer, but things can still get trickey when a trainer looks at a girl in such a way; on a darker note, I have felt a feeling / been in situations with guys in the past, where I was attractive but not super hot, yet if a trainer thought i was hot, I would feel weird; I would f eel some how validated and tempted on some level, to do the wrong thing with him.

 

This is weird psychology I am referring to, but within myself, I have been in the position where hot guys would validate me if I had a b/f already, yet they sought after me; the act of haffing a sort of affair is tempting; when something is off limits, it can make it more exciting and appealing.

 

By the way, your gf is prob not even considering the trainer AT ALL, and at the most, would be flattered IF he oggled her, and IF she found OUT he thought she was hot.

 

She would prob never act on his admiration for her and you have nothing to worry about. On the other hand, I do feel that you are interested to heart the darkest possible scenario too.

 

 

You've articulated it quite well. I know because I'm a man. On the other hand, I've heard of trainers using flattery or charm to keep their clients. So I'm not sure if this is the case.

[Leigh 87]

Who really knows what is going on. The guy might genuinly look at a lot of women in admiration. Your girlsfriend id probably a nice, pretty, and pleasant person to be around, and some people such as her trainer may look at her in a way that shows how he does think she is a pretty, nice girl.

 

But she has a b/f and they probably will both leave it at that. He may enjoy her company and vise versa. I have also felt in the past, that having a git guy enjoy your company reinforves you rself esteem;' it is good when fit, positive people seam to get along well with you, because you must be decent enough yourself to made such people enjoy your company.

 

The little things runing through peoples heads, which can be quiet abundant when two attractive people of the opposite sex come together, are usually just that; thoughts and fantasies, never to be played out.

 

On second thought, let your g/f just continue with him if it is just early days in your relationship. She is probably too happy getting to know you at this point that she will not consider any thing with the trainer; it is mroe the trainer I would be worried about.

 

everything is probably fine, only worry after a few more months, if you start to feel increasingly uncofmortable with this trainer.

 

Sorry about my spelling, I type very fast, hence the long responses.

[tman666]

The girl I've been dating a few weeks told me that her trainer is terribly friendly and they've gotten to know each other like friends. The trainer is a little flirty but she doesn't think it a problem because she says that's just his nature.

 

When I went to pick her up from the gym a few days ago, I saw how he looked at her, examining her features, and I didn't feel that comfortable. I'm not sure she noticed that and I didn't want to bring it up and show how insecure I am.

 

Is it just a trainer trying to keep a client or is there something more?

 

While I think how you described his actions is a little unprofessional, there might be a business reason behind it.

 

Women (and correct me if I'm wrong, you women out there) love to be noticed and made to feel sexy. If she's getting a little bit of an ego boost from his flirtations, she'll be more likely to continue with his business. That said, it's a fine line he walks between giving subtle ego boosters and creeping her out/stepping over the boundaries of what is acceptable.

 

Why not go to the gym with her? Not to spy on her or anything, but more to make your presence known, get a good workout, and have it be something you guys do together.

[mr.jekyll]

While I think how you described his actions is a little unprofessional, there might be a business reason behind it.

 

Women (and correct me if I'm wrong, you women out there) love to be noticed and made to feel sexy. If she's getting a little bit of an ego boost from his flirtations, she'll be more likely to continue with his business. That said, it's a fine line he walks between giving subtle ego boosters and creeping her out/stepping over the boundaries of what is acceptable.

 

Why not go to the gym with her? Not to spy on her or anything, but more to make your presence known, get a good workout, and have it be something you guys do together.

 

 

I definitely hope it's a business reason. I'm aware of that in general.

 

It's a little difficult to get the image of the way he looked at her though.

[tman666]

I definitely hope it's a business reason. I'm aware of that in general.

 

It's a little difficult to get the image of the way he looked at her though.

 

Yeah I hear you man. That would definitely weird me out too. If I were in your shoes, I'd be working out at the same time, and the same gym. You don't have to pester them or anything. Just be over there working hard in the squat rack and talking/laughing/staring off into space to yourself. That should get the message across...

[Tiberius]

The girl I've been dating a few weeks told me that her trainer is terribly friendly and they've gotten to know each other like friends. The trainer is a little flirty but she doesn't think it a problem because she says that's just his nature.

 

When I went to pick her up from the gym a few days ago, I saw how he looked at her, examining her features, and I didn't feel that comfortable. I'm not sure she noticed that and I didn't want to bring it up and show how insecure I am.

 

Is it just a trainer trying to keep a client or is there something more?

 

Yes they do and yes you should be worried.

[mr.jekyll]

Yes they do and yes you should be worried.

 

 

I don't quite get you. They do try (to keep a client) or they do (something more)?

[johan]

If your girlfriend is attractive and friendly at all, she's probably getting attention from guys all the time.

 

What can you actually do about it if the trainer is interested in her? I don't think there is much. Tell her you know better than to think he's just a nice guy. Tell him she is yours and so she's off limits to him. Then go home and cross your fingers.

 

Crossing your fingers never actually keeps you from worrying though.

 

Will nothing ever happen between her and one of them? No one can promise you that. You can only trust her so much, but you can never be sure. There is a line between being trusting and being completely naive.

 

You have to face the fact that she's going to face temptations all the time. Maybe at some point, one will work on her, and she won't be yours anymore. Trusting her won't change that. If you want to feel better about these things, then you need to trust yourself, not her. You are the one you need to be able to rely on.

[tman666]

What can you actually do about it if the trainer is interested in her? I don't think there is much. Tell her you know better than to think he's just a nice guy. Tell him she is yours and so she's off limits to him. Then go home and cross your fingers.

 

I agree with your post except for the above. Talking to the trainer about it would just be a douche move, make him appear weak, and possibly turn his girl against him. If he feels the need to talk about it at all, it should be to his girlfriend.

 

All the OP can really do is make his presence known, be a good guy for his girl, rock her brains out in the bedroom, and keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary between her and the trainer. Again, I think the OP should go to the same gym at the same time as his girl's training sessions. Spying on her or chaperoning her would be lame and counterproductive, but training at the same time would at least make his presence known and it might make him feel better about what's really going on.

[mr.jekyll]

If your girlfriend is attractive and friendly at all, she's probably getting attention from guys all the time.

 

What can you actually do about it if the trainer is interested in her? I don't think there is much. Tell her you know better than to think he's just a nice guy. Tell him she is yours and so she's off limits to him. Then go home and cross your fingers.

 

What I'm trying to understand, if possible, is whether he's really interested in her. Of course I just saw him looking at her that way, not that I have concrete proof that he likes her that way.

[johan]

I agree with your post except for the above. Talking to the trainer about it would just be a douche move, make him appear weak, and possibly turn his girl against him. If he feels the need to talk about it at all, it should be to his girlfriend.

 

No argument here. It's an option, but not a good one.

 

What I'm trying to understand, if possible, is whether he's really interested in her. Of course I just saw him looking at her that way, not that I have concrete proof that he likes her that way.

 

What you want is to KNOW for sure. Well you can't. No one here knows. Your girlfriend apparently doesn't know or won't admit it. And the trainer is not going to be forthcoming about it. On top of that, if someone here said he's not interested in her, you wouldn't really believe it or feel better about things.

 

You can talk to her. You probably shouldn't talk to him. Neither of those actions is going to help.

 

So I think the question is: Given that nothing anyone is going to do or say will help, how are you going to deal with this? And what are you going to do the next time you think some guy is being extra friendly to your girl? It's going to happen.

[SpillinItAll]

every time I have had a trainer at a gym they have hit on me. This is why I don't work out at gyms anymore because I want to be able to focus on a workout and not worry about what my trainer is focusing on. And I am not just talking about one trainer at one gym, I am talking about maybe 5 trainers at 3 different gyms. I almost wonder if thats why they get into training.

[mr.jekyll]

So I think the question is: Given that nothing anyone is going to do or say will help, how are you going to deal with this? And what are you going to do the next time you think some guy is being extra friendly to your girl? It's going to happen.

 

Well, because personal training is a little more personal.

[mr.jekyll]

every time I have had a trainer at a gym they have hit on me. This is why I don't work out at gyms anymore because I want to be able to focus on a workout and not worry about what my trainer is focusing on. And I am not just talking about one trainer at one gym, I am talking about maybe 5 trainers at 3 different gyms. I almost wonder if thats why they get into training.

 

 

Then that could be a problem with the industry or profession, not so much the person?