Being called "the creep"...

[Raderick]

So a few weeks ago I got an invite for a Labor Day pool party by a friend, noteworthy because this wasn't the person throwing the party. I accept, and I prepare for the party that takes place next day.

 

About a few hours later I get a Facebook message from the person who is throwing the party (I've been to this person's house maybe once only because he lived with some of my once-close friends), saying that some people don't want me attending and one person particular had said "he's a creep who's creeping on me" about me. This person won't tell me who said this, nor will he tell me who didn't want me invited, nor will anyone tell me why this person thinks I'm a creep. ****, I don't even know who in the world I could possibly be creeping!

 

Ever since then my invites to hangouts and parties with this group of friends has gone down to pretty much zilch, so my feeling is that this got around to various people and it turned them off me. So I simply decide to not talk to anyone from this group of friends until:

 

1. They approach me

2. Someone tells me what the hell is going on with me being called a creep

 

Ok, granted, I'm really quiet when it comes to get-togethers and I often don't partake in what everyone else is doing, which usually is the hookah or smoking marijuana (both make me wanna vomit) or chatting (not a talkative person). Also I tend to stare at objects at fairly long periods of time (it's a habit of mine since my teens for reasons unknown, it just happens). Maybe that is why, I don't know, but I find this a really lousy excuse for anyone.

 

I feel really let down since I really like several of these people and enjoy their company. Now I'm scared that if I try to make new friends, they will think that over time that I'm whacked in the head and I'm a creep.

 

Yikes.

Edited September 28, 2010 by Raderick

[carhill]

A good rule of thumb is to always send regrets to hosts who share what other people think of the invitations they extend to you. Great life lesson

[Raderick]

A good rule of thumb is to always send regrets to hosts who share what other people think of the invitations they extend to you. Great life lesson

 

Care to expand on that?

[carhill]

Nope. Others might though. Personally, I'd never give a host who told me that the time of day ever again. YMMV.

[Els]

Did any of those 'objects' that you stare at happen to include women? :/

[Raderick]

Did any of those 'objects' that you stare at happen to include women? :/

 

No. I see an object, and I look unless I'm provoked or I shrug it off. The only time I've been caught looking at an woman for longer than 5 seconds have been in middle school, and everyone's been guilty of that.

[Raderick]

Nope. Others might though. Personally, I'd never give a host who told me that the time of day ever again. YMMV.

 

Makes sense, thanks.

[Els]

I didn't mean that as sarcastically as it sounds. You said you stare at 'objects' for fairly long periods of time. However, it's often difficult for people to tell exactly where someone is looking. If you are staring at a table next to a woman, for example, she might think you're staring at HER, because why would someone want to stare at a perfectly normal table?

[Raderick]

I didn't mean that as sarcastically as it sounds. You said you stare at 'objects' for fairly long periods of time. However, it's often difficult for people to tell exactly where someone is looking. If you are staring at a table next to a woman, for example, she might think you're staring at HER, because why would someone want to stare at a perfectly normal table?

 

I understand the intent of the question. It's a weird habit of mine since high school, I'd stare at, for example, a book on a shelf in a classroom for minutes at a time for no good reason at all other than it might be an interesting-looking cover. Some have accused me of being autistic because that is one of the symptoms (to my understanding) but no, I don't stare at people like that.

[Dazzel]

No offense dude but the first thing I thought when reading your posts was Autism or Asperger's syndrome. Just because you stare doesn't mean you have it, but they way you put it can understandable creep people out. But unfortunately, a lot of people are creeped out people with those mentioned syndromes.

[Raderick]

No offense dude but the first thing I thought when reading your posts was Autism or Asperger's syndrome. Just because you stare doesn't mean you have it, but they way you put it can understandable creep people out. But unfortunately, a lot of people are creeped out people with those mentioned syndromes.

 

I've actually been to the doctor while I was being treated with depression many years ago to see if I had either one but came back negative.

[Green]

I was actualy throwing a party once where this exact scenario came into play. A girl comming to the party refused to come if a certain guy she didn't like was to be showing up. The guy just annoyed her because he had tried to add her on facebook or some lame **** like that. In the end the guy who annoyed her couldn't make it so I didn't have to upset either person or give some awkward "don't come to the party call."

 

You really should have just gone to the party anyways because then it would be obviouse who thought you were a creep. At this point just assume the host of the party who called you thinks you are a creep.

 

Really these are not people you want to be friends with. Creep is something women call men. Seriously I look foward to being called a creep.

[LoveAintEverything]

Seems like you need to find some new friends that appreciate who you are

[Tayla]

Since you admit entirely of this habit that is less then welcomed you may want to be more ALERT to the overall environment and not go into a staring zone. It takes a concerted effort.

Its 99% of the time a sign of discernment around others or indifference to the environment you are existing in. Learn to live in the here and now...zoning out or zooming into an object is a mental (brain habit) that stalls time...(escapism).

 

I sincerely hope you at least get an MRI to see if you do have activity in some areas and less so in others...There are medicines (medically prescribed) and brain workouts to help...

[Not the love ace]

I appreciate you being open and honest about this habit you have. I particularly wouldn't find it creepy since I'm used to dealing with people who kind of had this issue like yourself however it does make you seem very shy, scared, insecure and to say the least-creepy.

 

When you're at a social environment, like a big party and there's lots of people and you're in the middle of the conversation but not taking place IN the conversation just look at everyone and let your eyes go from person to person. Don't stare just look at everyone, it'll make you seem like you're into whats going on and at least that you're there. Just work on your social skills more, try to engage with people. Walk up right, sit up right, look people in the eyes when you talk to them. Be polite, welcoming when you meet people, SMILE.

 

Its understandable not to engage in the drug use because I myself don't do that but try and find people who aren't and hang with them until the smokers stop.

 

Overall though, just find a new group of people to hang out and think of it as a new beginning on changing some of your social skills and bringing it into the new people you hang with. Don't lose who you are but improve on who you are.

 

I hope things go well and really hope your social life gets better. I would hate to be called a creep but just let those words roll off of you and sooner or later people won't be saying that of you.