subtitled Posted February 26, 2004 Share Posted February 26, 2004 well, i have a friend who is also my editor (i write for a non-profit music webzine). I've only been one of his writers for 6 months, but since then i've become one of their main writers. There was a time when i would tell him things going on in my life, such as issues i had with boys i was interested in or later, my boyfriend. He was always there to talk to and it was cool because i wasn't all that close to him so didn't feel strange getting his advice, also he is 5 years my senior. Since then, things have changed. First of all, i'm currently single, but there are things which suggest that he's interested in being more than friends (at SOME stage, not necessarily now) and i'm just wanting to confirm it and get advice on what to do. so Is he wanting something more? Here are the facts: -when i first started talking to him on msn i remember him saying he didn't think he'd ever go out with anyone again unless he was their close friend first. -we have met up in person a number of times (probably about 7), one of which he payed for me, drove me there and back and kissed me on the cheek goodbye, but not just an air kiss, actual lips on my cheek. When i came home that night we talked on the internet and he ended the conversation "night *hugs* and a big sloppy one! *kiss*" he has said *hugs* since then too. -other times i have met up include - i once went back to his house to watch a dvd, this was a night he invited me over to his place as part of a listening party he was having that didn't end up going ahead. -we went to a big music festival together, he asked to meet up with me, even though i'm certain other people from the webzine were going. We hung out and i put my head on his shoulder, which he didnt really respond to, he didnt act for or against it. -At this festival he took a photo of the two of us, and i caught him taking a photo of me when i wasnt lookking, although this might've been because my back was sunburnt. -On msn, he always used to greet me "hey gorgeous" and once even "hey babe" to which i replied "hey mr hasselhof lol" and since then he hasn't done it.. weird. -When he was studying for an exam he asked if i wanted to join him for his lunch break. -I asked him to my 18th party, which he said he "wouldn't miss", despite having another party on the same night, and then gave me a huge present, including a personalised mixcd and a book which he wrote on the inside cover "much love, ___". -The card that he gave me for my birthday included a long message, in which he gave me many compliments. -He often kisses me on the cheek goodbye, or hugs me hello. -We often talk about Christianity because i'm not Christian, and he is. I'm interested in religion and he gives me lessons in theology at length, and lends me books. -He invites me out to gigs and the movies (he's invited me to a private screening of The Passion) every now and then. -He tends to give me cds and interviews for the webzine more commonly than many of the other writers, and often the better cds. Facts against him wanting more: -He's 23 (i'm 18) and is in a job which moves around the country and my city alot, although he is in my city for the next 6 months and his main house is based in my city. -He has a strange manner, not overly smiley gregarious, and sometimes comes accross as being sort of indifferent. -Often on the internet he will talk only sporadically to me. I know he is busy, but sometimes i think he would probably be more considerate. So does he want something more? I'm not sure how to act around him. One part of me really likes him, thinks i could go out with him, he is a kind soul and has alot to offer. The other half of me says, but you never considered him like this before, and maybe i only like him because he is giving me this affection. Any feedback would be helpful, thankyou Link to post Share on other sites
dolphinsunshyn Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 No guy, friends or not, would go through as much trouble and consideration for your birhday present if he didn't like you in that way. I have a LOT of guy friends and most of them wouldn't even consider getting me (or even better yet MAKING me) a birthday present or even giving a card with an in-depth complementary message written in it. Guys don't normally go out of their way like that. In fact, the only guy that has ever went through that much thought and consideration was my (ex) husband. Even most boyfriends in the first few month don't go out of thier way to that extent. He is definatly into you! And, it sounds like he would be a keeper! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 The other half of me says, but you never considered him like this before, and maybe i only like him because he is giving me this affection Or maybe you didn't know him as well before and that's why you didn't consider him that way. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 This guy likes you and he is looking for more but does not have enough courage to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
gaia Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Don't worry about why you like him. Go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 he has you in the possibility for relationship category, but he's not in a rush - that's good. keep going on as you have done, and start inviting him to things as a friend. it will happen naturally if it is meant to in this situation, it sounds like. this may not come into crisis until one of you gets asked out by a third party. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 Oh yeah, he likes you. Don't worry about why you like him. I've noticed that guys start looking a LOT more attractive once they start paying kindly attentions to me. This is not a bad thing. Slow is good, especially since you are just 18 and he is your editor. (Is that the same thing as being your boss, or is this just a volunteer kind of thing?) Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 27, 2004 Share Posted February 27, 2004 If this guy is your boss, I would suggest you cool it off and start looking somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 It's a volunteer webzine, so he's my boss in the sense that it's his webzine, but he doesn't pay me and we hang out as friends. Actually at the party, i introduced him to a friend of mine and she said "oh you're the boss!" and he gave me a really strange look, of shock or something... not sure if he was thinking, "ok, you talk about me to your friends", or "you think of me as your boss?"... or maybe he was thinking something else, but it was a strange look he gave me. My friends think he likes me, even ones that haven't heard me talk about him have said 'that guy likes you' and my mum thinks if i'm converted to Christianity he'll be onto me for a long term relationship, which seems kind of scary... last night was our webzine's gig, we had 4 bands playing and the place was packed out. When he saw me he came up to me put a hand around my shoulder and said "how are you doing?" then hung around for a while. he disappeared to talk to other people at the show (he organised the show) but came back to me about 3 times just to talk, and on one occasion i was talking to the guy next to me ( a stranger) and my editor gave me the same look he gave me when my friend said he was my boss = i dont know what the look means, it's like he looks directly at me with no expression, with a slightly furrowed brow... as if he's containing what he's thinking and trying to work out what's going on. When he does it i feel like i have to explain myself, so i said the guy was interested in our website, which he was, so he got chatting to the dude. at the end of the night i went up to him to say goodbye, gave him a hug and a chat, he asked how i was getting home, if i'd be ok. actually when he was talking to me last night, one of the first things he told me was that he had two interviews coming up, offers to go to the US with Microsoft and another IT company, one for 6months, one for 8months. i didnt know how to react so i just said wow and asked about them both. It would mean he wouldn't ask me out before he left, which would be next month. I do think i'm falling for him... i introduced him to another of our writers who is my age and he was chatting to her and had his back to me for a bit and i felt a pang of jealousy... that was a bit of a shock, it made me realise im developing feelings for him. I guess i should just keep acting how i'm acting and give him a really nice going away present, because nothing can happen for a long time... Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 What if he will ask you to follow him to his new place ? Are you ready for that big step. I feel this guy is really in love from the way you are telling us about him and his looks. Let's wait and see. Please tell us of any new news and developments. Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted February 28, 2004 Author Share Posted February 28, 2004 He wouldn't ask me to come with him. I'm off to university this year, we're still young and i've only known him for a short 6 months. Almost a few hours after i last posted he called me up and asked me out to coffee because he was in my area. Nothing much happened, he didnt pay for me, but he picked me up and drove me home, kiss on the cheek sort of thing. If it weren't for the fact he doesn't act as charming as others who have courted me, i'd probably agree and say he's trying to make some sort of move.. but for example, i just logged on to MSN and he commented on my screen name with a joke and i replied, but he hasn't replied since, which was about 30minutes ago. I assume he's off doing something but yeh its just weird sometimes he won't really appear to be interested but other times he is. I'll make some jokes and he'll laugh but others he'll just nod. I'm used to guys that laugh probably more than they should at my lame jokes just because they like me. He's not like that at all. I guess it's just him being honest haha... but mm it's confusing sometimes. Is the on/off thing part of keeping me available, but not wanting to take it further? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 It could just be his way. Not everybody follows a formula. Also, he knows he might be leaving for a while and that you might not want to wait so maybe he's not going out on a limb because of that. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 28, 2004 Share Posted February 28, 2004 May be he is patient and cautious by nature. Also he may think you are not interested enough in him to warant a move from his side given the fact that you are still young as you have said. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolvesbaned Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 I used to have friends in the music business and some were more affectionate than the norm. I'm not saying that everyone into music is flirty but from my experience, affection from people in the music industry shouldn't be taken seriously. With that said, I think most of the examples you posted are very ambiguous. Meaning I can see a person as a "friend" do the same and not just a person that's "into you". There are some examples you posted that is more leaning towards actual things someone interested in you would do: 1 When i came home that night we talked on the Internet and he ended the conversation "night *hugs* and a big sloppy one! *kiss*" he has said *hugs* since then too. 2 The card that he gave me for my birthday included a long message, in which he gave me many compliments. So does he want something more? I'm not sure how to act around him. My suggestion is to act around him like you like him. Because it's the truth Either wait until "he" makes it clear that he's into you. Or you make it clear. But how it's going seems to be fine... let it take its time and enjoy the ride! Have patience and see how it unfolds. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolvesbaned Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Is the on/off thing part of keeping me available, but not wanting to take it further? I say don't pay too much attention to him. It's hard because you like him, I know, but you need to also realize that it's pointless to try to figure out exactly what he means when he doesn't do "this or that". Plus worrying about his actions will affect your current friendship --meaning he might do something to anger you one day and you'll react differently towards him. Because you don't really know his intentions or feelings for you, you don't want to sabatoge what you two now share (whatever it is) because it is possible that it might grown into something more. Just keep yourself busy and talk to him whenever you want, hang with him as long as you're enjoying his company and see how it progresses from there. If you're not overly analyzing his actions, you'll likely have more fun when you're together and you'll be less stressed out to boot! Last but not least: Don't expect anything. Expectations always ruin the fun when you first start liking someone and the relationship is a little "blurry". Also if you start to really like him, I have quote for you: "If you want him to fall head over heels, Give him something to trip over!" -Anonymous Enjoy yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 thanks wolvesband he's not really typical of people in the music industry, he's an Australian born Asian, a generally shy, methodical type. I'm not actually sure if i like him so much i would make it obvious... I was at my best friend's gathering last weekend, and my ex boyfriend was there. We sat and chatted for the whole night, and it was as if it were the night we met again. He and i have that click, that chemistry, x-factor whatever you want to call it. We finish eachother's jokes/sentences off, that sort of thing. However, i went out with him and it didn't work. Also he's one of those charismatic types that makes everyone think they click with him.. well almost everyone. At least the girls he wants to go out with.. The same day in the afternoon, i had been to coffee with the guy this thread is about. There, it was obvious there was no click or chemistry like there is with my ex, but rather everything else. We have things in common and he is all the things my ex couldn't quite be - honest, truthful, philosophical etc. but really, i don't know if i am actually attracted to him. I'm attracted to his honesty and those things, but it seems like we're on different wavelengths at times. I think if i went out with him i'd probably get to know him better and develop more of an attraction to him, but as for now... i'm just letting cruise on by. I do things for him i don't do for other guy friends, like send sms and emails at wanton, that to me indicate i'm interested, but apart from that i don't really want to let him know in a big way. I don't have many expectations, because i mostly think he's not wanting for us to go out any time soon, or maybe not ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 well, i don't know if anyone remembers my thread, but i thought i'd update the situation as it's taken a step forwards. I was over at his house last night watching a DVD, and we gradually sat closer and closer together until he put his head on my shoulder and then we ended up sort of snuggled up together and holding hands. When i went to say goodbye he gave me a kiss on the lips as opposed to the usual cheek. so there you go... looks like things are finally making sense... or either becoming way more complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 what was your reaction ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 external reaction - wasn't really a reaction, just reciprocation. I didn't say anything, just followed. internal reaction - "about bloody time" it's been on the cards for so long it was a relief and i actually really liked it. It felt more natural than the restraint i'd been practising before thought it was weird he only gave me a peck on the lips goodbye though, nothing more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
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