Decisions, decisions

[Stung]

Parents of multiple children, how/why did you decide to have another one after the first? Parents of single children, how/why did you decide to stop after one?

[TaraMaiden]

If I had my time again, I would seriously consider the wisdom of having any children at all.

 

I have two daughters, so I am not saying I wish I hadn't had them.

That's completely different.

I'm just questioning the sanity/wisdom of having had children in the first place.

 

 

And as a by-the-by, I'm incensed that the Government here pays child allowance with no means-testing at all.

It doesn't matter if you have six-figure earnings or live on the edge of poverty. you get the same amount of Child benefits. That's dumb, Gubbmint!!

 

If people want kids - they should fund them themselves. If you want kids - you should make sure you can afford them first.

 

Having one child, is understandable. having a second... well, I dunno.

Having a 3rd/4th/5th....?

Not something I can get my head round, frankly.

 

By the way, to talk to me, and in the presence of children, or parents with children, you'd never know I had this opinion.

I'm very civil, and keep my opinions during such encounters, to myself.

I may be opinionated, but I'm not stupidly tactless.....

[GorillaTheater]

Parents of multiple children, how/why did you decide to have another one after the first?

 

My wife and I love kids, the more the better. We even looked into fostering children, but found the red tape a little daunting.

 

And I see Tara's point, but can't say I'm fully prepared to give up that Child Tax credit just yet.

[KikiW]

I only ever wanted one child. I was certain that I would not make a good mother to multiple children, that I would feel overwhelmed and did not look forward to sibling rivalry. It has been reinforced over and over when I see other parents with multiple children who are frazzled, angry, depressed and anxious (one mother I know has 3 boys and although I know she loves them, OFTEN expresses all of the above emotions). Additionally, I am marrying a man who has a daughter from a previous relationship, and the meshing has been difficult. No I certainly expected no less, and I work very hard to maintain fairness and diffuse emotional outbursts between the girls, but it just further reinforces my decision. My fiance and I have discussed a future child, but I do not see it in the cards. We are in no financial situation to handle a baby, nor do I see becoming so in at least the next 3-4 years. By that time I will be 40, and I am almost certain I will not want to have a newborn then.

[sb129]

I have been debating this issue myself lately.

 

I love my daughter to bits, and I wondered if we should just stop at one, because the thought of having another one sounds quite stressful.

 

Funnily enough, I saw that film "Mother and Child" and it was such a tearjerker, but it made me want to have another baby, because all the people on it were only children and it looked so lonely- a sibling can be a source of support and friendship once you get over the jealous kid phase.

 

I would like my daughter to have that- I have one brother who is disabled and I often wish I had another sibling.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I never wanted a house full, but I always knew that I wanted kids. After my DD was born I was pregnant (by surprise) again in 4 months. That baby was a boy and was stillborn full term. Pregnant again 5 months later and again, boy, stillborn full term. I felt incredibly guilty that I wasn't able to give my daughter a sibling. I loved my sisters and couldn't imagine life without siblings. I couldn't however put myself or my family through losing and burying a baby again.

 

A little over 8 years later, another surprise. I stayed in the bed for the last 6 months and our baby boy was born a month early and happy and healthy save a few minor initial problems! So finally my dream of giving my daughter a sibling came true, I was so thrilled, and relieved! Imagine my surprise when by the time he was 5 (despite a 9 year age difference) they wanted to kill each other!

 

All is well, now though! I think we always knew that we wanted more than one, and two worked out just perfectly for us, though it wasn't our intention to have two "only's" which is kind of what you get with a 9 year age difference.

[turnera]

I wanted to have 3 boys and adopt 3 more kids. My husband only wanted one, a girl, and he 'stopped' after that. Secretly, I think it's because I didn't lose the weight I gained having her; he was afraid I'd keep on gaining. I wish I had more, but I love having just the one - we are so close. Plus, we waited 10 years to have her, had the fun childless married years out of the way first.

[Stung]

I'm just questioning the sanity/wisdom of having had children in the first place.

.

Totally feel you on that one, TM. I have always loved kids but I dithered around worrying about whether to ever have one of my own, for many years.

 

 

Funnily enough, I saw that film "Mother and Child" and it was such a tearjerker, but it made me want to have another baby, because all the people on it were only children and it looked so lonely- a sibling can be a source of support and friendship once you get over the jealous kid phase.

 

I would like my daughter to have that- I have one brother who is disabled and I often wish I had another sibling.

 

I felt incredibly guilty that I wasn't able to give my daughter a sibling. I loved my sisters and couldn't imagine life without siblings. I couldn't however put myself or my family through losing and burying a baby again.

 

A little over 8 years later, another surprise. I stayed in the bed for the last 6 months and our baby boy was born a month early and happy and healthy save a few minor initial problems!

...though it wasn't our intention to have two "only's" which is kind of what you get with a 9 year age difference.

 

FWIW, ladies, I was an only child, and while there have been phases of my life when I have wished I had siblings, there were big benefits too. I learned to be self-sufficient, and to appreciate time alone for solo creative projects rather than feeling lonely, and I reaped the benefit of both parents' undivided attention and focus--though there were times that felt a bit overwhelming, too!

 

IWWH, I'm terribly sorry you went through two stillbirths, what a sad story. I had a miscarriage once many years ago which was very difficult for me, I can't imagine how much more so it would have been if I had carried the life to term and loved it and wished for it. I'm very glad you got a happy ending with the 2nd baby you longed for.

 

My son is my only biological child, but he has a half-sister who is 9 years older than him, so he is already not an only child. As you said, the age gap is profound, however. His big sister loves him and treats him like a big doll and helps watch him, and he absolutely adores her, but they're not exactly being raised in step with each other on similar levels like most sibling pairs.

 

I wish I had more, but I love having just the one - we are so close. Plus, we waited 10 years to have her, had the fun childless married years out of the way first.

 

I wish we had had fun childless married years, frankly. We never got that as we always had my stepdaughter 1/2 of every week and then our son came along a little sooner than expected.

 

I am very close with my SD and so I already kind of have the experience (and the workload!) of having 2 kids, although one of them is only with me half of each week and I am her third-ranked parent and not biologically related.

 

My son is turning 2 soon and 50% of the time I feel a longing for another baby, another little one to race around alongside him, another set of little dimpled elbows and chubby cheeks. I don't feel quite finished, yet, my body wants to make another. But then 50% of the time I think I might need to get my tubes tied and my head examined. My son is a terrible sleeper, I'm exhausted all the time, babies are stressful and I am not a particularly high-energy supermom, although I am long on patience.

 

On the fence. Also, I'm 35 and my pregnancy with my son was high-risk. More factors to consider.

[Stung]

My wife and I love kids, the more the better. We even looked into fostering children, but found the red tape a little daunting.

 

And I see Tara's point, but can't say I'm fully prepared to give up that Child Tax credit just yet.

 

Am I recalling correctly that you have eight? If that's right, you obviously have way more fortitude and better organizational skills than I.

[turnera]

My best friend had 8 kids, and then adopted her younger sister's baby. They're all pretty nice kids, but frankly, she never had time, money, or energy, to give ANY of them any real attention. She was just happy if they graduated high school. The older has 3 or 4 kids, divorced, lives at home. Older sons just work manual labor jobs, live at home; middle daughter is only one who even tried to go to college. The rest are a wash.

 

Very sad.

[sb129]

I never wanted a house full, but I always knew that I wanted kids. After my DD was born I was pregnant (by surprise) again in 4 months. That baby was a boy and was stillborn full term. Pregnant again 5 months later and again, boy, stillborn full term. I felt incredibly guilty that I wasn't able to give my daughter a sibling. I loved my sisters and couldn't imagine life without siblings. I couldn't however put myself or my family through losing and burying a baby again.

.

 

Oh IWWH- thats so sad. I am so sorry for you.

 

:

 

My son is turning 2 soon and 50% of the time I feel a longing for another baby, another little one to race around alongside him, another set of little dimpled elbows and chubby cheeks. I don't feel quite finished, yet, my body wants to make another. But then 50% of the time I think I might need to get my tubes tied and my head examined. My son is a terrible sleeper, I'm exhausted all the time, babies are stressful and I am not a particularly high-energy supermom, although I am long on patience.

.

 

Hear you on that one. I am not a high energy supermom either- I work 3.5 days a week and feel constantly exhausted!

[pureinheart]

Parents of multiple children, how/why did you decide to have another one after the first? Parents of single children, how/why did you decide to stop after one?

 

My wife and I love kids, the more the better. We even looked into fostering children, but found the red tape a little daunting.

 

 

Ahhhh GT...I hear ya, I love kids, grandkids (I especially get along with teens)

 

OP...well maybe this would be a question for my daughters inlaws...they are my family too, I just love them...well my son-in-laws mother has over 50 grandkids and 10 or 15 GGkids (I can't remember the last count). She has a bunch of brothers and sisters and they have A LOT of kids, it is a BIG family.

 

With all of the family together it could easily fill a stadium...we're all close and there is always a party to go to (birthday, wedding, whatever).

 

It's very comforting to know that so many have your back no matter what and everywhere...lol...then there is my family....I feel priddy safe:D

[pureinheart]

I never wanted a house full, but I always knew that I wanted kids. After my DD was born I was pregnant (by surprise) again in 4 months. That baby was a boy and was stillborn full term. Pregnant again 5 months later and again, boy, stillborn full term. I felt incredibly guilty that I wasn't able to give my daughter a sibling. I loved my sisters and couldn't imagine life without siblings. I couldn't however put myself or my family through losing and burying a baby again.

 

A little over 8 years later, another surprise. I stayed in the bed for the last 6 months and our baby boy was born a month early and happy and healthy save a few minor initial problems! So finally my dream of giving my daughter a sibling came true, I was so thrilled, and relieved! Imagine my surprise when by the time he was 5 (despite a 9 year age difference) they wanted to kill each other!

 

All is well, now though! I think we always knew that we wanted more than one, and two worked out just perfectly for us, though it wasn't our intention to have two "only's" which is kind of what you get with a 9 year age difference.

 

OMG, I am so very sorry ....that is a pain that is indescribable...I am so glad you were able to have another baby:).

 

I was an only child and adopted on top of that...hey it worked for me, got my alone time and have always had a million and one friends.

 

I am really glad everything is ok now...I hate to see cool people hurt or hear of their hurt....

[pureinheart]

Hear you on that one. I am not a high energy supermom either- I work 3.5 days a week and feel constantly exhausted!

 

SB, that doesn't sound right...have you been checked lately? Just asking out of concern as I worked a 70-84 hr work week for quite sometime (7 days a week), then it toned down to 10 hrs a day 6 days a week, and had a 4 yr old and 3 mo old.

 

I have always had to try harder healthwise (which is good because I HAVE to take care of myself) as my health hasn't been that great ( I am stubborn though ...lol).

 

Really SB you should have more energy because I am assuming your young ...

[Stung]

Without hearing more detail, SB sounds pretty normal to me. I have cut way down on my client list and only freelance for a few regulars now, I am mostly a SAHM with one toddler all the time and one 10 year old half the time (two more kids in the summers, it's a long story) and I feel like I am always just a little behind on everything. My son, darling though he is, was colicky for a long time, still does not sleep through the night and is often up with teething pain into the wee hours--and during the day he is all go, go, go and little boy mischief and pretty much has to be attended to constantly. I am exhausted most of the time. About half of the moms I know with young kids are also exhausted, the other half were naturally more high-energy to begin with or have those awesome miracle babies who actually sleep a lot. I admit, I was kind of hoping to get one of those .

[Stung]

OP...well maybe this would be a question for my daughters inlaws...they are my family too, I just love them...well my son-in-laws mother has over 50 grandkids and 10 or 15 GGkids (I can't remember the last count). She has a bunch of brothers and sisters and they have A LOT of kids, it is a BIG family.

 

I thought my husband's family was really big, but apparently they are amateurs .

[porter218]

Originally I though I only wanted one. After I had such a great time with my son, the first one, I decided to try for one last one. Three weeks later I find I am pregnant! I made this decision because I come from a large family and always felt that made my childhood more enjoyable. I had 4 built in best friends with my brothers and sister. I didn't want to be outnumbered with the child/adult ratio so I thought two would be perfect. My little girl was born 2 months premature but incredibly healthy. They are 4yrs apart and really love eachother. I have to say two kids is hard even if you have well behaved children. Babysitters are harder to find. I have even tried reading 2 bedtime stories at once, one for my daughter and the other for my son. That was a supermom moment:laugh:. I love it though. I think my son really thinks of my daughter as his own child and it is cute beyond measure!