Julia Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 I spose if you have seen my posts over the last week you know that I am in the first week of a 1 month break with my boyfriend of 4 months. I just cant do anything, ive hardly had a smile on my face since it happened (and im usually such a happy person) The only time i had a smile on my face is when i saw my good friend tonight and saw another friend (guy) who made me laugh to cheer me up. I go to uni, and try to forget about it, but when I get home all i want to do is nothing. I've never felt so unmotivated in my whole life. I just want to get myself used to this situation, as it prolly will end up like this, but i want to give him the benefit of the doubt, and i might get pleasantly suprised. I've been trying to go out, but no men meet up to anything that I set myself, and I dont seem to be interested in anyone except my bf, cause we got a long so well..... I just need help......sorry for bothering u guys again Julia in Australia Link to post Share on other sites
Taressa Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 Oh Julia, I understand that broken heart. You've got to gather friends around you now. Loneliness keeps us from seeing straight. Call your friends and make sure you have some plans for this weekend, especially for the times you would normally have been with your boyfriend. Pining after love makes us idealize that person to the point that we're willing to sacrifice any part of ourself to have that love back. Refill your empty heart by giving your time and energy to the things that made you happy before you met him... what hobby did you enjoy?... what people did you hang around with?... what thing might you have stopped doing when you started spending time with him? Find something fun/interesting to do and invite someone to do it with you. You'll survive this and will come through it stronger and much wiser if you don't let your sad feelings defeat you. I spose if you have seen my posts over the last week you know that I am in the first week of a 1 month break with my boyfriend of 4 months. I just cant do anything, ive hardly had a smile on my face since it happened (and im usually such a happy person) The only time i had a smile on my face is when i saw my good friend tonight and saw another friend (guy) who made me laugh to cheer me up. I go to uni, and try to forget about it, but when I get home all i want to do is nothing. I've never felt so unmotivated in my whole life. I just want to get myself used to this situation, as it prolly will end up like this, but i want to give him the benefit of the doubt, and i might get pleasantly suprised. I've been trying to go out, but no men meet up to anything that I set myself, and I dont seem to be interested in anyone except my bf, cause we got a long so well..... I just need help......sorry for bothering u guys again Julia in Australia Link to post Share on other sites
Julia Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 Tomorrow is going to be hard....... I had planned things with my friends and they cancelled on me. Its a night that I usually spend with him (like thursday, but i kept myself busy) Im just going nuts, but i dont want to give up on him, i wanna give him the benefit of the doubt Link to post Share on other sites
Taressa Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 You know, Julia, it would be okay NOT to give him the benefit of a doubt. A man who knew how to love would not put you through this hurt. Please try to find something to do tomorrow: browse your local bookstore... visit the library.... watch tv with your parents.... call your favorite Aunt and Uncle.... go to the local department store... go to the park and make up stories about the people you see... Find something to do, please, and take joy in the victory of not letting sadness dictate your life. Time will bring perspective, healing, and strength. Make every effort to make each today good. Link to post Share on other sites
Julia Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 Im going to see my mother for lunch, and my sister may come around after work late night...... but I will find it so hard.......but hey I got my study books and the net and my fantasy mills and boons....... I know I dont have to give him the benefit of the doubt...but i choose too.... his friends are taking me to the movies on sunday night, and I cant wait for that..... Link to post Share on other sites
billy the kid Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 first off your not bothering us.... ok.. we have all been there and know where your coming from.. so what to do?? yes gather your friends. look at what you did before him as before mentioned.. also go out and walk, at the mall make yourself do it then go to the park and walk, to get exercise and fresh air.. ask a friend to go with you. go to the library and get a book for when you are home with nothing to do..rent some funny or action videos to watch, stay away from the romantic ones for now. ask a friend to take a trip with you and leave town for the weekend.. just try and cheer up things will get better, but you have to make your self do some of these things. Oh Julia, I understand that broken heart. You've got to gather friends around you now. Loneliness keeps us from seeing straight. Call your friends and make sure you have some plans for this weekend, especially for the times you would normally have been with your boyfriend. Pining after love makes us idealize that person to the point that we're willing to sacrifice any part of ourself to have that love back. Refill your empty heart by giving your time and energy to the things that made you happy before you met him... what hobby did you enjoy?... what people did you hang around with?... what thing might you have stopped doing when you started spending time with him? Find something fun/interesting to do and invite someone to do it with you. You'll survive this and will come through it stronger and much wiser if you don't let your sad feelings defeat you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jen Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 Dear Julia, I know just how you're feeling; I thought I would never get over my boyfriend of 12 years, when he finally left me while I was at work, four years ago. I won't pretend it was easy because I had made him my whole life. I would have laid down my life for him; he was the centre of my universe. I gave my ex the benefit of the doubt around 150 times over those 12 years, and I suppose he did me because neither of us could admit that what we had once had was over. Only you can know whether yours is worth even one more chance. I have had to work really hard over these last fours years to build a new new life for myself, to make new frineds because many of the friends I knew before him had moved on, and to work on myself a lot to find out who I am (and I'm still learning) because I lost my sense of self while we together and felt like just an empty shell after he walked away. Four years on, he crosses my mind occasionally but the hurt and the anger that I felt got a lot less as time went on. I set myself little milestones; congratulated myself for each night I didn't cry myself to sleep; made a new friend; did something new; didn't think about him; when I had coped a day, week, month, six months, one year without him and so on. While I still very scared of long term committment, and havene't felt able to committ to anyone yet, I can now say (and I've been able to say it for a while now) that I am truly better off without him, even when things aren't going so great. Try the things the others have suggested; it will be hard and there wil be days when you will feel like doing nothing other than being in bed curled up with the light out, but you'll survive those days, and come out on the other side a stronger person. I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
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