Best friends falling in love? Aack!

[monkeydo]

Hi all, I'm new and I'm hoping you can help. I posted on another forum, but I didn't get much feedback.

 

I really don't know what to do. I have this... person (he's male, I'm female) in my life I've been close with for 25 years, since we were about nine or ten. We grew up sort of like brother and sister, but we never lived in the same town for longer than a few months at a time. I describe our connection like twins. We read each others' minds; when other people are in the room, sometimes we forget and go into our own little world. Since we were kids, we've held hands, cuddled, played footsies... and I guess maybe I thought we'd grow out of it once we were adults, but so far, our relationship and our closeness has only gotten more intense as we've aged.

 

We've both been in long-term relationships-- he, one that was fifteen years, and I, several relationships more than two years long each. Our partners never seemed to mind our "thing" (I think because of the circumstances involved in our friendship) so we just kept it as it was.

 

About a year and a half ago, I broke up from a five-year relationship and, while I've dated a bit, I haven't really connected seriously with anyone. He left his girlfriend about four months ago, has dated one chick, and dumped her because she "freaked out on" him. I don't know what the freak out was about because he wouldn't tell me.

 

A couple of months ago, we were at a weekend-long party and he said something about there always having been an "attraction" between us. I took him to mean a "connection" and didn't really think much of it. until the next morning when I found him spooning me in bed. Now, this wouldn't be weird, except that in the past, I always thought we cuddled in bed because there wasn't another one available, but this was a teeny-tiny single bed (meant for small children) and there was another one on the other side of the room.

 

Since then, we've been kind of flirting through text, and telling each other how much we love and miss each other much more often. We live across the country from each other, but lately we've been making more efforts to see each other more frequently, so we see each other every two months or so, although he has been talking about moving here.

 

I think we've fallen in love.

 

So, my question is: what the heck do I do??? He's being fairly forward, although he described our relationship as "dysfunctional and wrong". I'm mostly playing dumb about the whole thing. I feel like we've got to talk about it, and I am going to see him in a week and a half, but how do we talk about this without potentially killing our existing relationship? We've never even kissed romantically before!!!

 

 

Although now I'm starting to think he's seen things differently than I have for a long time...

 

Does anyone have anything to share? Similar story? Advice? Please help. I can't stand the idea of losing him... but the tension is too great to just ride it out. Help me?

 

Thanks in advance.

[WTRanger]

Be upfront and honest with him. Then accept his answer, whatever it may be. Do not accept scraps and do not let him jerk you around.

 

If your friendship has lasted this long, there is a good chance it will survive this. Though, during the re-adjustment period back to platonic friends you shouldn't talk to him or see him so you can focus on yourself and getting over the romantic feelings.

 

No one that I know has ever regretted telling someone how they feel, regardless of how it really ends up. The only ones I know that have regrets are the ones who kept silent.

[monkeydo]

Be upfront and honest with him. Then accept his answer, whatever it may be. Do not accept scraps and do not let him jerk you around.

 

If your friendship has lasted this long, there is a good chance it will survive this. Though, during the re-adjustment period back to platonic friends you shouldn't talk to him or see him so you can focus on yourself and getting over the romantic feelings.

 

No one that I know has ever regretted telling someone how they feel, regardless of how it really ends up. The only ones I know that have regrets are the ones who kept silent.

 

Thanks for your reply, ranger.

 

As far as him jerking me around, I'm not really worried about that. I know him very well, and he wouldn't do that to me in a million years. I also know we can be very honest with each other, plus there's NO DRAMA ALLOWED in our relationship. 25 years is a very long time...

 

I may be reading it wrong, but your second paragraph suggests you think we won't or shouldn't go forward with a romantic relationship. I'm open to that suggestion, although I would really like to know why you feel that way, if you do.

 

Thanks so much for your time

[WTRanger]

I'm not saying that you shouldn't go forward with a romantic relationship if one should come up. If one comes up, by all absolute means pursue it and be happy. What I am saying, is don't expect it to. You've got this outcome already decided in your mind and if/when reality doesn't meet your expectations you will be beyond crushed.

 

Just talk with him open and honestly about your feelings and go from there. Don't expect him to jump up and tell you he's been in love with you this whole time. If he gives you the, "Gee we're friends and all," line, then you need to accept that and move on with your life. The best way to move on from your feelings for him is to remove him from your life until you can only see him as a friend.

[monkeydo]

Honestly, my expectations are almost nil. I have no idea what to expect, so I think I'll be ok in that respect.

 

Thanks for the advice ranger. I'll update in a couple of weeks.