Author sally06 Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 I guess I have my head in the clouds. I thought maybe he might fall in love with me. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 OP, his words are, in combination with his actions, a form of psychological control. My bet is this started well into the affair, after he'd bedded you and you began to become emotionally attached. This is what womanizers do. Absent positive and proactive actions by you to promote your own health, he will continue to 'see' you until it is no longer convenient for him. That may result from his wife finding out; it might be because he meets someone else. Regardless, he's laid the groundwork for a guilt-free exit. I know how this works because MW's have done the same thing with me over the decades. When it comes to psychological manipulation, the genders are pretty equal IME. I hope you find your way to health. Welcome to LS Wow, I had to take a step back as these were very real and powerful words. If the OP doesn't benefit from this wisdom, I know someone will...so very not in vain. I could not imagine allowing someone to think so little of me into my life, ever. I agree, find your way to health:)...in bold, your estimation is right on the money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally06 Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 They are !! but when you have fallen for someone ? Link to post Share on other sites
lilbunny Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 it means he wants to keep having sex on the side until the possibility his wife may catch him. Stop the presses, it doesn't happen very often, but I read that just like Dexter. Sally- I think he is trying to be honest and upfront with you, there is nothing else on offer. It is clear you have feelings for this man and while you may feel ok about your situation in the short term, there is likely to come a point where this is not enough for you. Are you prepared for that? Honestly, I see heartache ahead in this. If you are that worried about him seeing a bit of mess around the house, how will you handle that? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 I guess I have my head in the clouds. I thought maybe he might fall in love with me. Did you now? Whatever gave you that impression? Was the fact he was already married not raise a big red warning flag for you? Sally - how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally06 Posted October 3, 2010 Author Share Posted October 3, 2010 But what if he does fall in love with me ? Link to post Share on other sites
KarmasTestDummy Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I guess I have my head in the clouds. I thought maybe he might fall in love with me. If this has crossed your mind you can now let it go. He has all but said in the most clear words that you will never have this place in his heart or life. U are a piece of meat and will be discarded as easily as last week's leftovers...and when he does the last thing he will be thinking of is you or the cleanliness of your house. Do not romanticize this by rushing off to throw sensual satin sheets and rose petals on your bed every time he calls. It is raunchy and distasteful and sleeping with dog hair is exactly here he belongs. Sorry to be harsh but I quite frankly think you are naive and simply don't get it. You should read the posts from blog watcher. He is your mm in a nutshell...and he is completely candid about what he wants in his affair. Link to post Share on other sites
KarmasTestDummy Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Did you now? Whatever gave you that impression? Was the fact he was already married not raise a big red warning flag for you? Sally - how old are you? Jut reading into this...Sally06, probably means she graduated high school in 06...making her ummm around 22. That sounds about right for the mentality we're getting here. I'm ashamed to say this...but damn you can only state the obvious so many different ways, and at some point must resign that some people will get what they have coming. At least for her sake she's young and this will hardly be the LOVE OF HER LIFE. so when he's done with her in 6 months or so, she can cry over a quart of haggen daz like most young girls do, then move on to the next most wonderful totally amazing man that rides a motorcycle and makes her heart go pitter patter. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 But what if he does fall in love with me ? He has already made it more than evident that he won't. If he was going to, he would have done so by now. as it is, he's warned you he will drop you at the first sign of 'trouble'. Take it as a pre-emptive warning. This man isn't going anywhere with you. And he certainly won't fall for you in the way you fervently hope..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally06 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 Why do men cheat if they are happy at home with their wives ?? Link to post Share on other sites
KarmasTestDummy Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Why do men cheat if they are happy at home with their wives ?? Boredom typically, but sometimes they're not happy, but not willing to give up years of a life together for a fling, or things are just comfortable the way they are, or there's kids involved, or they don't wanna lose everything they own, or they care what friends and family would think, or they just don't get enough sex or the kind of sex they want. There's a million reasons why men tell ow they can't leave...but if he's told ya he won't u can bet he is being honest. It's better than being told he will and never does...so be grateful for that. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 But what if he does fall in love with me ? Sally it doesnt get better. If he falls in love he will fight his feelings, be confused run scared, come back and go come back and go, resent you for "making him" fall in love with you and eventually he will just be a hideous person to be around. Been there got the T shirt. It does what it says on the tin. It shags you and goes away. Once it starts doing more, the computer malfunctions and you are not going to get hte love you want, you will get a twisted confused selfish man on your hands just when you think you should be having happily ever after. RUN RUN RUN this man will bring you nothing but trouble. And dont see it as a challenge. Its not "if I am good enough if my house is clean enough, if I am pretty enough" Its none of those things. Hes not looking for a new wife. Hes looking to get laid. End of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally06 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 Hmmmmm. Well he did say he had feelings for me, but would not leave his wife as he did not want to loose everything! but surely if you are not happy why bother to stick there ? he kids are all off hand ! so Why be unhappy ? why not get out and live life ? Sally Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Why do men cheat if they are happy at home with their wives ?? variety in sex partners....a new face to #### Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Sometimes they cheat because it is the thrill of bonking someone who isn't the wife and the adventure of trying not to get caught. My opinion is they are all cowards who think with their sex organs and not the common sense God gave them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally06 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 He don't do different people ! he is just scared of losing everything, Why ? is love not greater than belongings ?? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 He don't do different people you aren't different people? you asked if a man was happy at home, why would he cheat. again, because with some men, and women alike, it gets boring sleeping with the same person, no matter how good the sex or home life may be. you are new, not his wife...you ARE "different people" to him. its new...exciting.....one day.......it won't be any more. and then he'd be looking for "different people" again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally06 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 I dunno ! He is alot older than me ! He just comes across like he wants to love me, but it is the guilt complex, does that make sense ?? he really is not a love rat! I know that for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 ya cuz an older married man doing a young thing just cudn't be a loverat like ya know. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 He just comes across like he wants to love me i have to be blunt here.....do you really think he expects to get in your pants if he acted like he didn't? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Sally- You're in trouble. You have completely different expectations than he does of this relationship between you. He told you that when he said that this would last until he got scared. He's telling you that this will last until he's afraid that this relationship costs him something from the rest of his life. The loss of his wife, family, monetary loss due to divorce, whatever. He's telling you that he's only going to invest in a relationship until that happens...and that means that he does NOT want to fall in love with you. He has no intention of expanding this 'relationship' with you. All he wants is what he's getting from you now...as long as it doesn't cost him anything. The good news is that he probably didn't care about the dog hair on the bed...because the only thing he cares about what was he got from you there. He doesn't care about the state of your house because he doesn't care about anything other than what YOU DO FOR HIM. Given that you're already hoping that this is or will become a "love affair"...showing your expectations are completely opposite of his...you're headed for heck in a handbasket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally06 Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 Thanks I did guess. Hey guys thanks for your help! I guess it was never to be X Sally , trying 2 get a grip . Link to post Share on other sites
pizzagirl Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 This is a very troubling map you have presented of your situation. Why is it troubling to me? I cannot know you yet you seem to not want to see the real mess, not your untidy home the pop visit embarrassment caused..the real mess is the emotional situation you are entangled in. I may be reading to much from the map you shared yet a guy who is shagging you until he gets "nervous" is sharing with you a clear map of himself, and his intentions: you mean NOTHING emotional to him. yet you care he sees the mess your home is in and not the EMOTIONAL mess his actions and yours have in your life. If you want to be Valued emotionally his map says HE is NOT that guy. If you want to play house and shag what should you care what he thinks about Your house. he is already messing with your life. I am NOT taking your side. You shared he is married so you need to take responsibility that you are a side dish Only. If you are Hurt he may mouth the words Sorry yet his escape will be so fast that you will wonder what became of him. You are barefoot and paying on emotional broken glass, if you were able to play on that lot i would worry as much for you as him. Do you really Want to become the kind of person that it is ok to be a sidedish. How about moving on and finding a guy who is available instead of settling for being used. Advice on how to be a side dish is as sad as you even considering you cannot do better and wasting a nanosecond on this misanthropic *******. sorry that was My map. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sally06 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 So why do married men and women have affairs ? Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 So why do married men and women have affairs ? It's fun it's exciting, it's daring, an adrenaline rush of something new to escape the drudgery of daily life that justs keeps repeating. A big exciting change of the daily with a huge ego boost. they are someone's everything while they are merely another. Link to post Share on other sites
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