Nothings worse than the feelings of being replaced

[rattled]

Coping over a break up is one thing. You think you're doing well, working on yourself, NC, the whole nine-yards. Then you hear news that you've been replaced by a new SO and all the pain just resets but amplified by 10.

 

God this hurts like a bitch. I've never felt more pain in this whole ordeal. Everything I've done with her in the past 5 years has now come and gone. Like it never happened to her.

Edited September 29, 2010 by rattled

[ohno89]

Coping over a break up is one thing. You think you're doing well, working on yourself, NC, the whole nine-yards. Then you hear news that you've been replaced by a new SO and all the pain just resets but amplified by 10.

 

God this hurts like a bitch. I've never felt more pain in this whole ordeal. Everything I've done with her in the past 5 years has now come and gone. Like it never happened to her.

 

I hear ya aaaall too well Rattled...some days I'm like, meh..who cares, my ex wasn't that great anyway (this was after I finally knocked him off that pedestal!) but other days, if I think about it too much....it would be impossible to not be devastated, like who am I tryna kid...?! He didn't even waste any time to replace me, he basically chose her over me..he literally fast-forwarded with her to the point of where we were - pretty much living with her within like a month - and now she is doing all the things I was supposed to be doing with him...it's awful.

 

Like you, I've never know pain like it...I'm feeling emotions I only thought I could feel by a death of a close relation...hurt I thought bullies at school could only make you feel...not the person you loved and stood by for a year and half...literally just been tossed aside...can't help but feel she must be such a perfect little package for him, everything he's ever wanted in a woman....but then I remind myself that if this woman knowingly got involved with someone in a R, offered him things he couldn't refuse (he's into drugs...she offered him free drugs and a free place to stay abroad) and went ahead and kissed him while he was still someone elses BF...how decent of a person could she be? They're R is based on cheating and lies and drugs.

 

Rattled - sorry for the negative start to this post and for my ranting (I've had an awful morning, needed to vent, sorry!) but you know what....no one can replace you. Or me. People are not objects, they can't be replaced and certainly no one is perfect. Just remember that you would've probably excelled as a bf in areas that her new one doesn't..everyone gets over the honeymoon phase eventually and everyone loses they're novelty where they won't be so perfect anymore. Just think, if you're R still had problems after 5 [i'm guessing loving] years, it sure as hell can happen to her next R...why couldn't it? I'm not saying you should wish ill upon her next R but...if it makes you feel better - coz this is something I dwell on a lot - no R is perfect, no one person is perfect; not your ex and not her new bf.

 

I read something that made me feel better the other day...hopefully it sums up what I clearly can't and am just rambling! http://soyouvebeendumped.com/blog/?p=503 Take care. x

Edited September 29, 2010 by ohno89

[rattled]

No need to apologize ohno. Pain is pain. And I definitely hear you on the fast forward part. All the things I've built with her over time, the new bf was granted within a short few weeks.

 

And thanks for the link it was a good read and momentarily brought a little positivity which is always great.

[durkadurka]

No need to apologize ohno. Pain is pain. And I definitely hear you on the fast forward part. All the things I've built with her over time, the new bf was granted within a short few weeks.

 

And thanks for the link it was a good read and momentarily brought a little positivity which is always great.

 

Now that's just the worst part hey. Riding on the coat tails of your hard work.

 

Took 2 weeks for my ex to find my replacement.

[rattled]

I'm sorry to hear that durka. My ex was replacing me while still seeing me. The transition seemed so smooth for her. She tried to tell me that nothing would become of the two of them. Obviously lied to try and set me down more gently (obviously failed).

[durkadurka]

I'm sorry to hear that durka. My ex was replacing me while still seeing me. The transition seemed so smooth for her. She tried to tell me that nothing would become of the two of them. Obviously lied to try and set me down more gently (obviously failed).

 

Yeah my scenario was similar, supported her through her ****ty time (we broke up because of a family situation for her and she needed to move home 3000 miles away), the second I leave from visiting her she starts seeing someone else.

 

Now she wants to be my friend. What kind of self respecting person puts up with that? Not me that's for sure.

[health]

Coping over a break up is one thing. You think you're doing well, working on yourself, NC, the whole nine-yards. Then you hear news that you've been replaced by a new SO and all the pain just resets but amplified by 10.

 

God this hurts like a bitch. I've never felt more pain in this whole ordeal. Everything I've done with her in the past 5 years has now come and gone. Like it never happened to her.

 

 

Yup. Well in my case that is what I had to cope with at the start!

I was with my girl for 5 years and 4 months - she rebounded 3 days after our break up. I think alot of people who think they are just breaking up and both are being alone - I think sometimes someone has a another person ready on hand. I guess it's better to know the truth right away.

[health]

I'm sorry to hear that durka. My ex was replacing me while still seeing me. The transition seemed so smooth for her. She tried to tell me that nothing would become of the two of them. Obviously lied to try and set me down more gently (obviously failed).

 

 

Well I guess you're in the same baot as me. That sucks.

I feel you man. Just read this book called Rebuilding after your relationship ends.

[Username37]

I feel ya buddy.

 

I was doing fine. Really fine. That was because she gave me the idea that "she wouldn't date for a long long while" so I was like "okay, I can get over this and once she does fine a new person I can totally be cool with that"

 

Three weeks after the break up. BOOM she hooks up with someone and she was stringing me along. I then went full NC after she told me not to contact her. She broke it 4 times while I didn't and now, she got a new boyfriend.

 

I feel used. I feel like an old toy. She doesn't know the pain I'm going through. She's happy at my own expense.

 

We'll get through this.

[rattled]

Well I guess you're in the same baot as me. That sucks.

I feel you man. Just read this book called Rebuilding after your relationship ends.

 

How long since you broke up with your ex? And how did you find the book? Helpful at all?

 

I feel used. I feel like an old toy. She doesn't know the pain I'm going through. She's happy at my own expense.

 

I feel exactly the same way. Totally used as a leaping pad to the next guy. When we were NC for a month back in May, she couldnt bare it and broke nc and begged for me back. I was really hesitant to take her back because I was worried she'd just throw me to the sidelines again. But I thought this time was different. Sure enough it happened. The first guy that she meets she ups and leaves me.

[carhill]

LOL, yeah, I know, I felt that way too, twice, seeing pictures of my exW with two new boyfriends and all my former friends (our couple friends) and then shuddered and thought 'why am I feeling this way? Those poor b@stards don't know what they're getting into', which has been borne out by my ex'es consistent behaviors as we're divorcing. Whoa, foolish of me to have that emotional response. Probably globsmacking myself for my own foolishness. Anyway, it'll pass. Good luck

[pandagirl]

Interesting how every one who has responded on this thread is a guy!

 

From a woman's perspective, it seems like most of these "relationships" are rebounds. Personally, I'm still stinging from my breakup and love my ex, but if a nice guy came around, I would probably date him. And here's another story: my friend is absolutely beautiful. I've never seen a woman attract more men than her. She told me the other day she's been dating this guy for a bit and he basically lives with her, except she said, "The problem is, I still love my ex." Her bf from a year ago.

 

I guess, what I'm saying is, you have to stop feeling bad about being *replaced*. But it has nothing to do with you, because you're still awesome!

[rattled]

Interesting how every one who has responded on this thread is a guy!

 

From a woman's perspective, it seems like most of these "relationships" are rebounds. Personally, I'm still stinging from my breakup and love my ex, but if a nice guy came around, I would probably date him. And here's another story: my friend is absolutely beautiful. I've never seen a woman attract more men than her. She told me the other day she's been dating this guy for a bit and he basically lives with her, except she said, "The problem is, I still love my ex." Her bf from a year ago.

 

I guess, what I'm saying is, you have to stop feeling bad about being *replaced*. But it has nothing to do with you, because you're still awesome!

 

Perhaps you could give me (or us) a little bit of insight from the female perspective because I REALLY don't understand how this works. What does this have to do with then if not partially us? How does one live with someone (and in essence be stringing them) and still be in love with their ex? It really doesn't make me feel any better that an ex could potentially still be in love with their ex AND be with someone else. Lose-Lose all around. I think that's the only thing that keeps me chugging is that there is no win situation when it comes to my ex.

[rattled]

Another question. If officially broken up since February, contact on and off until May, then June-July was intimate relationship with no title but doing everything we did as a couple (I thought we were "seeing each other", she deemed she was still "single"). Then started talking with current bf behind my back whilst "seeing me". Is this still a rebound?

[carhill]

FWIW, as a dating guideline, perhaps impelled by feelings of being situationally 'replaced' in a woman's psyche while she is with me physically, if I don't get the overwhelming sense that she is calm with and accepting of her prior relationship/marriage ending, I'm out of there. If she can't share her history in a balanced way 'yes, the R/M ended; we both had issues and it didn't work out and I'm comfortable with that' (as an example), then I know we're not on the same page. Most men likely would not care and bang her anyway, and that is her good news. I want her to move on to more compatible men who are accepting of such imbalances. I've 'rescued' enough for one lifetime and the weariness of being replaced has been replaced by wariness

[pandagirl]

Perhaps you could give me (or us) a little bit of insight from the female perspective because I REALLY don't understand how this works. What does this have to do with then if not partially us? How does one live with someone (and in essence be stringing them) and still be in love with their ex? It really doesn't make me feel any better that an ex could potentially still be in love with their ex AND be with someone else. Lose-Lose all around. I think that's the only thing that keeps me chugging is that there is no win situation when it comes to my ex.

 

In my friend's case, I know that they broke up and got back together once or twice. Their issues just never got resolved (I forget what they were), and they weren't ultimately compatible on whatever level.

 

So, for her, I think it's just that she knows they don't work, because they really tried, but it whatever it was, it didn't kill her love for him. So she is trying to move on and get over him, but so far, not yet.

[coloredinks]

Eh, this is something that has never actually bothered me because by the time my ex gets another girlfriend, I've entirely moved on (usually within a few months).

 

I saw my ex with a girl a week ago (he dumped me 5+ months ago), and I didn't give a fck. It felt liberating. In fact, I'm glad to have him out of my life.

[coloredinks]

I have to say there was almost an element of satisfaction in seeing him with this new girl, and this is incredibly immodest, but it's because I know she's probably a lot less awesome than I am and he'll likely never get somebody like me again.

[pandagirl]

I have to say there was almost an element of satisfaction in seeing him with this new girl, and this is incredibly immodest, but it's because I know she's probably a lot less awesome than I am and he'll likely never get somebody like me again.

 

Ha! Yes, this is the right attitude.

[KraftDinner]

Yeah, I hear ya, OP. I was totally over my ex-H... we separated in 2002 and divorced in 2004. At the end of 2004, he admits to me that a couple months after the divorce had been final (which had been in the summer of 2004), he had REMARRIED.

 

What kills me is this: he had put on this big show of remaining friends with me, etc. and we had been chatting the entire time very amicably. And he had never even told me he had been SEEING someone, let alone remarried.

 

I know an ex is an ex, etc. but it hurt so much to think that he had been putting on this song and dance about us being pals and hadn't even told me that.

 

I was devastated. The thing is, I did NOT want him back, at all. When we were done, I was done with him. DONE. But he had moved her into the place we had once owned together, and she even looked like a fatter, less-attractive version of me (not trying to sound mean or like I'm bragging but all my friends, upon seeing her pic, were like, oh, that's like a 'safe' KraftDinner -- he gets to keep you and never have to worry about things ending), and it killed me to think that I was so replacable. Like a burnt-out lightbulb... insert new one and carry on. It hurt my pride, big time.

 

I guess I had thought that although we hadn't worked out together, we had had something sort of special or unique. Turns out I was wrong and that hurt.

 

Maybe my situation isn't the same as yours, OP, because for me it was a matter of hurt pride more than anything. But it really did hurt, big time.

 

They now have a kid together that looks just like him, and whenever I see pics of the kid, I think about how I dodged a bullet, because I wouldn't have wanted a kid that looked like him. Haha, pathetic but it makes me feel relieved.

[coloredinks]

Ha! Yes, this is the right attitude.

 

NC does wonders.

[health]

How long since you broke up with your ex? And how did you find the book? Helpful at all?

 

QUOTE]

 

By this december I will have been broken up from her for 2 years.

The book is extrmeley helpful - it talks about building yourself back up as a song individual. It details the whole process, grieving, acceptance, growth, etc.

[rattled]

Eh, this is something that has never actually bothered me because by the time my ex gets another girlfriend, I've entirely moved on (usually within a few months).

 

I saw my ex with a girl a week ago (he dumped me 5+ months ago), and I didn't give a fck. It felt liberating. In fact, I'm glad to have him out of my life.

 

I wish it didn't bother me. I guess to each their own. How long was your R with your ex? What was your R like? How long after did your ex get into another R after yours? I guess there could be a lot of other factors of why some of us may feel it more than others.

 

By this december I will have been broken up from her for 2 years.

The book is extrmeley helpful - it talks about building yourself back up as a song individual. It details the whole process, grieving, acceptance, growth, etc.

 

I'll definitely look into it. And hopefully we got over this soon!

Edited October 1, 2010 by rattled

[BigProc]

I split up with my ex 5 month ago almost. After a month and a half into the break up i thought i was starting to feel better. Then boom, a mutual friend dropped the bombshell that she had slept with her other ex the night before. All my hard work had gone out of the window. If i thought it was painful when we broke up, this was something else. I have never felt pain like it. I can recall the horrendous night sleep i had that night followed by a hellish day at work the following day. Not good at all :(

[Ajax]

I split up with my ex 5 month ago almost. After a month and a half into the break up i thought i was starting to feel better. Then boom, a mutual friend dropped the bombshell that she had slept with her other ex the night before. All my hard work had gone out of the window. If i thought it was painful when we broke up, this was something else. I have never felt pain like it. I can recall the horrendous night sleep i had that night followed by a hellish day at work the following day. Not good at all :(

 

 

That's rough man. I'm still waiting for the day when I'm replaced. She said she couldn't be in a relationship now, but we all know that shtick. Our friends said she just wants to go on "dates". So we'll see. When she finally does get a new guy though I know I'm gonna feel like dying.

 

Hope things start getting better for you again. Keep us posted on your progress.