Will it always be like this?

[roflmao]

Hey Forum

 

During my teen years, I had this same story repeated twice, and it's kinda tearing my hopes apart. Let me explain (sry if it gets kinda long):

 

I'm an average 18 year-old guy. And I had 2 big crushes in my whole life (I just told her my feelings a week ago to the 2nd one. Here's the story if you want further detail: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t247056/ ). With both girls, I've built up a steady friendship during 2 years +/-. As you may imagine, I began knowing them better and started having feelings for them. The thing is: it never worked!

I get myself in either two positions: I fall in the "friend-only" spot, and I get afraid of ruin a 2 year friendship, or they get a bf meanwhile, leaving me in the "I hear all of your problems" guy.

 

I'm sick and tired of building something step-by-step over the years and see something tearing my hopes apart. Not only it messes with my mind, but also with my heart.

I can say I'm a sensible guy, and I care about strong feelings a lot. I'm not the kind of guy that goes out to a disco every week and make out with any girl, while drinking a mix of liquor with vodka. It just isn't me. In fact, I have a simple goal in my life: find a woman that I'm both emotional and physically atracted to, build up a family and be there for them. Anything a guy in his 40's has today. Is it that hard?

Of course you may say "Relax dude, it isn't certain that the girl you may find this year will be your wife". Yup, it isn't. And I'm not searching for potencial wives. I'm searching for girls who I can identify with share a reciprocal consumate-love.

 

I don't considerer myself to be extremmely good-looking, and I'm sure some girls won't even consider me as " a lil preety". I wear glasses, dress kinda normally, average weight. I don't have those defined muscles women use to love, unofortunately.

 

I'm kinda getting pissed of with myself, because I feel I'm not achieving a goal that anyone else acheives with ease. I'm 18, and still haven't got a gf nor a first kiss in my life. I get that feeling that I'm not loved (excluding my family, of course). I just entered college this year, and I was hoping I could find some new people, but it seems luck isn't by my side.

 

I've tried to stop, look at myself, and see what can I change to improve myself. I've changed a little bit during the years, and I'm sure I can be even better. But...isn't suppose to someone love you for who you are, and not for who you pretend to be?

 

Well, thanks for hearing me out. I really appreciate any comment, as any tip will certainly help.

[worlybear]

Hey. IMO you're trying too hard! Relax and concentrate on building a wider circle of friends- get out there, go bowling, dancing, join a few clubs- you've not met "the one" yet 'cos you haven't met enough people!

There's stacks of time- enjoy the journey!

[roflmao]

thanks for your reply, worlybear.

You know, it's kinda curious, because I wrote the post and left for college. And on my way to college, I noticed that I had that exact same problem ^^

 

But you know, I've always chose my friends carefully. I have a small circle of friends, and, inside that small circle, there's 1 (maybe 2) person I can really call a friend.

I don't usually open up with people. I had some traumatizing experiences during my early teen years, and that made me a selective kinda guy.

Fortunately, I've tried to fought that during the years, and I'm a lil bit better now ^^

 

As I entered college, I saw an oportunity to meet new people and make new friends (not potencial dates, just friends). However, it has been 2 weeks since I joined college, and I don't wanna make friends right away just because it'll give me a better chance of finding a gf. I believe friendship with other people will come out naturally (although it may take a while, since I'm really shy =X)

 

Another thing it worries me (and please tell me if this is pure stupidity!), is: college is the last step until I get a real job. When I get a job, I assume I should have a steady relationship by now. I'm staying in college for the next 5 years, minimum. I know it's a lot of time, but it still worries me. I don't wanna be a 30-year-old single who still lives with his parents.

[redmelon]

how does not making friends right away give you a better chance of finding a girlfriend?

[roflmao]

how does not making friends right away give you a better chance of finding a girlfriend?

 

it COULD give a better chance: more friends = more people you get in touch with = better odds of finding someone to relate to. It's pure math LOL

 

of course, and as I said earlier, my point in trying to know people isn't getting a gf, but to find people (male or female) I can relate to. I'm not aproaching a girl like "Hi! We have a lot in common! wanna be my gf?" LOL

[GorillaTheater]

I think you're making a mistake by forsaking possible friendships in oder to what? Make yourself more available for a hypothetical future girlfriend? As you seem to acknowledge, broadening your social circle is going to increase your chances of meeting girls. But don't make friends in order to meet girls. Make friends in order to have friends. Friendships usually last longer than girlfriends, anyways.

 

And don't invest time, not 2 years, not 2 weeks, in being "friends" with a girl in some effort to move the relationship to a romantic level. First, it's not that honest. Second, it will usually result in an epic fail. Of course you were friend-zoned. You were her friend. Except not really because you appeared to have ulterior motives all along.

[LoveAintEverything]

Do you think your problem is that you build these 2 year friendship relationships and do not present them to the girl fast enough that you want more then friendship?

[roflmao]

Do you think your problem is that you build these 2 year friendship relationships and do not present them to the girl fast enough that you want more then friendship?

 

During those 2 years, I manage to be closer to them. The thing is, I always get in that "just friend" area, who listens to all of their problems and tries to help them, so they can have a better relationship with their bf's....

 

I kinda feel like left behind in those moments...