Help...Friends w/ a female, but wanting to take it up to another level..thanks

[oec6305]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here, but i have read a few and this forum seems to be filled with creative minds, so imma give you people a shot and see what i can gain from this.

 

Well, i met this young beautiful female six months ago, and we went on a blind date. She is 20 and I turn 19 in a month. Age is not a factor, and that has been discussed already. At first, she had no interest in me, but i really liked her. After the first 2 weeks of being friends, well, she began to fall for my personality. Time kept on passing and we became really close, to the point where everything we did we we were always together. In a matter of 2 months, it was as if we were in a relationship except without the title and all the kissing n so forth. During this time, she always tended to meet other guys, either online or at school. She would then speak to them on the phone and go out with them maybe once. Throughout all this, i was falling in love with her. I did let her know, and after 5 months she came to me and said we should just be friends.

 

I said ok. I mean, me and her share every secret and every problem, we talk about things we wouldnt tell our parents. We trust each other, we care about each other. But she refuses to risk a friendship for a relationship. I have empahized to her that life is a risk and you must take risks in order to proceed to the next level whether at dating or in anything you do in your life. Yet , her mind hasnt changed.

 

At this point and time, she continues to meet other guys and she talks to me about them, telling me the good and bad and asking me for my opinion. I do give her advice, i mean, we are friends. but at the same time, i am hurt, because i love her so much and i want to be with her, but i see all these guys coming in and out and her not giving me a chance. I have written to her on it before, yet nothing has changed...We still hang out alot and speak all the time with each other. When her or I go out for a weekend we miss each other a lot. Its just hard being her friend, but i also dont want to lose her friendship, because she is part of my life and i care about her and her family. In 6 months that i have known her, well, i have met practically everyone in her family and they are all loving and caring.

 

Any advice on my situation would be helpful, and i hope to hear from someone soon. Thanks again to all..and Take care.

[Arabess]

If her mind hasn't changed about 'just wanting to be friends', you can tell her how you feel, but chances are...it won't chance the way SHE feels.

 

This has nothing to do with if her family is wonderful or if she is afraid to risk friendship for more....this has to do with her not feeling as strongly about you, as far as having a relationship, as you do her.

 

People don't have that sort of control over their hearts. They can't MAKE themselves love someone.....regardless of all the great times they share with that person.

 

Any manipulation or continuously approaching the issue WILL kill the friendship. Use your own wisdom in this area and don't over-do it.

[mstckh]

Its best to let nature take its course. If is meant to be it will happen. IF you continue to push you may loose both. The friendship and the girl that you are in love with.

She may be scared to loose you as a friend and values your friendship as well. Just do little small things to show what she means to you but don't push to hard or over due it. The risk are always there.

Again If it was meant to be it will happen.

 

 

Best of luck

[jmargel]

I was kinda in the same situation with you.. This 'friend' of mine is now my fiancee.. Follow my advice, it may help you and help her realize things about herself.

 

Right now you have become her emotional tampon, which won't change if you continue to do the same things you've already done. When I first met Brandy, she had a bf of eight years, who treated her bad. She was through alot. We did everything couples would do, yet I didn't have the title. We would even kiss at times. At this point I got frustrated and split contact from her for a month and dated someone else. She did get upset that I didn't contact her anymore and did get upset that I had sex with this other woman. I told her though she had no right to complain. But it didnt work out, my heart was with her.

 

As the next two months went by we got closer still, but things didn't change. I then sat her down one day and told her that I didn't think I could see her anymore. That this was just way too hard on me, that I am in love with you but I don't see things change. She got really upset, asking why can't things stay the way they are. I then told her it was just too much for my heart to handle. I then took the weekend and did a lot of thinking. When we talked next I told her that this wasn't her fault and I would be selfish and stupid to let a friendship go. But I was still in love with her.

 

During this time she was falling for me, but was confused. She didn't truly know how serious I was I guess since she was used in the past. Then it all happened one weekend.. She went out with a friend on a Saturday night, and called me about 1am. She was probably expecting me to tell her I just stayed home, but I kinda surprised her when I told her I went out to a club with a female friend. I got a shocked 'Oh' response from her. She didnt say much, until two days later after I came down to visit her. I then got the 20 questions, like what does she look like, etc.. I then knew Brandy had an interest in me. I just played it cool..

 

We went to a fair and we went to her dad's place first. I never met him and she told me not to be affectionate cause she was still with him. So I didn't. Her family really took a liking to me. On the drive over to the fair she put her head on my shoulder and said "I wish you were my bf". I then said, 'Whats stopping you?', and left it at that. During the fair she was extremely affectionate to me and when we met up with her dad, she was hugging and acting like she really wanted to be with me. Her dad was a little shocked and so was I. Finally after all these months of praying, things might be coming true..

 

She spent the night at my house, we slept in the same bed, but didn't have sex. The next morning as she was leaving she told me she's in love with me. Actually when she told me I didn't respond because I wasn't sure what she said. I remember her giving me this sad look and leaving. As I was walking upstairs, it hit me.. Did she say what I thought she did? I called her on her cell to ask, and got the answer I was hoping. Things have been awesome between us, mainly because we were best friends before. It was weird having sex the first time, but we are so close to each other I know its going to last forever.

 

So my suggestion to you is this. She needs to realize that you won't be around forever. Even though you are in love with her and it may go against all your natural instincts, it's time to show her this: You need to go out with another female. And during your conversation with the girl you are in love with, just mention it casually. I'm not saying use this other girl, but just go out for a nice time. Right now she's comfortable in knowing you will always be around and doesn't realize what you have to offer.

 

If you don't do this I can guarantee that you'll end up with a truly broken heart and a girl who never found out what she was missing.

[ldybg51]

I agree. It seems like she just thinks you will always be there for her as you are. She may not know how she feels about you deep down, but if she does have those feelings for you then you are going to have to bring them out by backing off and showing her that you arent going to always be there if she doesnt take you now. This will help in one of several ways. She will see you as someone she wants to be with and realize what she could lose. She will continue to feel the same way and you will move on from her after you have spent some time getting to know other girls. Of course there are many scenarios but these are the two most likely I think. Either way, give her more space than she knows what to do with. You said she misses you if she leaves for a weekend so give her two or three weeks to miss you and then see how she feels. And while she is asking your advice on guys ask her advice on girls. Especially if you start talking to someone else specifically.