Desparate! This is bad as it gets! Is there any hope at all?

[onedayatatyme]

If your preference is to have her in your life then try this. Try agreeing with everything she says. Dont fight, argue or tell her she is wrong. Even if she is wrong. Tell her she is right, that you agree with her and you will think more about it. tell her you agree and keep it short. The key here is to always agree with her, always. If your preference is to have her in your life, then by doing this you avoid conflict and you will achieve your preference.

 

I HAVE GOT to call b.s. on this. Do not take this advice. Avoiding conflict is one thing. Agreeing to crap that is totally false will backfire. I listened to this advice from others on ls.org and friends. I ended up agreeing (and believing to a degree) that I was a poor husband, neglectful of her needs and emotionally abusive. She believed those things and was adamant with me about it. So I agreed to avoid conflict. What do you think was brought up in court during our temporary orders hearing?

 

If a lie is repeated enough times, it becomes the truth. It will even plant its seed in your own head. It happens easily because your self esteem is shattered right now. Always, always, calmly but firmly speak the truth. You will retain your self respect and your keep your own perspective on reality intact.

[tank]

Well we all have opinions. Thats the beauty of this place. What works for one doesnt work for all.

 

ODAAT, just so I can defend my opinion and my advice. I have tried everything, I have improved myself, my family situation both financially and emotionally. I have seen an IC, my Priest and now a FC with the kids. For the last 5 days I have not disagreed with my wife on anything. I kept my answers to her short and agreed and told her I would think about things later on my own time. By agreeing with her i took the normal reaction away. She was able to stop and realize the full extent of the conversation. I know that having her home is more important to me than being right. She has actually started to defend me to me. After 5 days i got this message this morning.

 

W: "I just did the smartest thing in my life this morning"

M: "what was that"

W: " I watched you place that card in my car this morning and walk down the driveway. I just packed everything i owned into my car and drove to work, walked in and told them I quit. I want to come home, I will spend the rest of the day looking for a new job close to home. I have spoken with your mom and she said I could move in there for a little while til we know what to do."

M: what about OM?

w: He does not know, I realized this morning how much I love you and how much I screwed up.

M: so OM knows nothing and you still have to have that conversation with him, whats going to happen when he tries to convince you to come back?

W: I left him a note and his key. I took everything I own and I quit my job so you know how serious I am about this, so you can feel comfortable that I will have no contact with him ever again.

M: Well I am a little shocked by this change of events, I appreciate your actions and I will have to talk to you later about this.

w: I love you, you are the man for me and if it takes a lifetime to prove that then I will do so.

M: I need the week to think this over, all visitation stays the same, do not talk to the kids about this, and respect my boundaries for this week. After Thanksgiving Dinner next monday (Canadian) we will talk and see what happens next.

 

So my advice might not be good for everyone, but it was for me. It accomplished what i needed to happen. She quit her job! This is a Government job, $35000/year and she only works 4 hrs a day. She wanted to give me a committment as strong as I was giving to her. She needed to see that i wouldnt force my will or my thoughts on her. Now my situation is a little different, but my advise was as good as others.

 

Sorry for the post jack.

[Ballerfamily]

You need to get out and fast. If you give her time after you file, this type of woman will try to destroy you. She will paint you out to be an abuser,etc. Don't reveal anything, till you have filed and protected yourself. These woman will go back and forth forever. They are broken, unfixable. You are in for unthinkable heart ache and pain if you continue.

She will make you feel bad, and try to rope you back in. Don't fall for it. Look up narcissism. Run , baby, run. And if she parties, I'm sure she is a drinker, you can then add triple the pain

 

Take it from me, you can not imagine.

 

Good Luck

Edited October 4, 2010 by Ballerfamily

[bluemoon1514]

I say get out ASAP....I found out that my ex was having late night chats on facebook with a person that wast my friend. to top that off....it was one of my sons friends mom...

 

Good luck

[spacedowt]

Please leave!!! She is not the one for you and you deserve so much better. I applaud your efforts to hang in there but sometimes, you have to let a relationship go--especially when it's detrimental to your health as it is proving to be.

 

Please, please leave. Nothing in life is worth this. She is just a woman. There are others and definitely others better than this lying sack of evil.

 

LEAVE!!

[DarthJasper]

Oh my Lord... TAKE OFF THE SKIRT!!! Dude, it's over. This woman is not the woman you thought she was. Not the woman you fell in love with. That woman never existed. You are in love with a lie and a farce. She is laughing at you. Personally I would try to hook up with her friend and send her pictures...

[BlueMoonshine]

Man, I feel for you. But you need to stop NOW and get out and save yourself. She will take you down emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. She has zero respect for you. There's nothing left for you.

 

Some awesome advice has been given in this thread....please follow it.....and I'm not talking about the poster who suggested you agree to everything she says to avoid conflict (WTF!).

 

Best of luck...