discoqt Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 Hey all. I gotta a question for the guys. I have been dating this guy for about two months now. We get along great, have a lot in common, always have a good time together, and there is a lot of passion between us. I feel (and I have never felt this before) that he is "the one". However, we are taking things very slowly. He just got out of a marriage (it only lasted a few months) and is taking time for himself. Neither one of us was looking to meet someone, but we did and are happy about it. He is doing the "guy" thing right now and going out with friends, playing pool, and other sports, ect. I completely understand how important it is to find yourself after a bad relationship, so I don't mind not seeing him as much. I also told him that so it doesn't appear that I would be one of those demanding, jealous girls if this relationship ever progresses. Basically, he has told me that he really cares for me. Although he is busy, he does want to spend together and will go out of his way to see me. He is considerate, kind, and treats me like a lady when we are together. He calls when he says he will, and is affectionate. But, he has also has said that he wants to get things back in order for himself and is not ready for a serious relationship yet. Oh, one more piece of information. The reason is wasn't looking to date anyone is because I'm currently pregnant (not his). I told him this from the first time we met and he doesn't mind at all. That shows what caliber of character he has. Not many guys would still want to date someone who is pregnant. That is one reason why I really wanted to pursue things with him. My question is this-- if a guy says that he "cares" for you a lot, what does that mean? "Care" is such an ambigious word. I know guys say things alot of the time, but mean something different. By the way I have decribed things, does it sound like he eventually wants a relationship after he get things back in order?? Or does it sound like he is just buying time until someone better comes along?? I feel strongly about him. I have not told him this because I don't want him to feel any pressure or appear that I'm coming on too strong. So I have just been playing it cool. I just don't want to waste my time nor do I want to be hurt. What do you guys think?
Benedict Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 <digging way back in the ol' archives from the dating era, lolol> If it was me saying that, it would mean just what it says: I care about you. More than like, probably much more. But it isn't love. Yet. Could be later; don't know yet. Still too early to tell. Good for you for taking it slow. If he is the one, you won't scare him off. Kids are not for everyone. My wife (for 7 1/2 yrs now) had a 4 yr old when we met; now he's a teenager! Egad! But he is a great kid with a good heart, and I have never regeretted having him in my life as well as her.
Arabess Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 Definitely somewhere between like and love.....but not committed yet.
Errol Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 Care.... I care about you being happy I care about me making you happy and having a good time together I care about your health and well-being I care about your future and your baby's future None of it means that I want to be a permanent part of your life. I may not be able to give you what you want or need and may end up hurting you and because I do care about your feelings, I don't want to do that. I also have to look out for my own feelings and needs and I need to take time for myself so that I can heal from my broken marriage. I care about people in general and don't want to hurt anyone and because I know you and like you, I care about you above others -- but I'm not in love with you right now. -------- That is what I would probably mean in the same situation. But that is me. You need to clarify it with him.
Girlie Posted February 26, 2004 Posted February 26, 2004 Oi. I have to say, I do hate those words sometimes. Of course, many men who've cheated, lied, and betrayed me have used those four little words "I care about you." However, I think what you need to look at is actions. Quite frankly, a guy can say any number of things to you that can mean anything and that can be heartfelt or not. But what do his actions say? Basically, from what you've said about your situation, it definitely doesn't sound like he's just buying time until he finds someone better. It sounds like he's doing exactly what he's telling you. He's dating you because he likes you, but he's not ready for anything serious so he's doing the guy thing. When he says he cares about you, based on his actions, I would take it as just that. He obviously likes you as something more than a friend, but isn't ready for too much yet.
Guest Posted February 27, 2004 Posted February 27, 2004 If I were him, and I were doing all the things you say he is doing, I would mean it if I said "I care about you." The things he is doing, especially considering he's just coming out of a marriage, make it seem like he genuinely wants you to be happy. My $0.02, anyway.
discoqt Posted February 27, 2004 Posted February 27, 2004 So should I wait? If so, how long should I wait before it becomes obvious that the relationship isn't going to move forward? Should I continue to bite my tounge and not tell him how I feel? He is starting to send some mixed signals. One day, he be very sweet and call me cute little pet names and the next he'll be more distant and treat me more as a friend. It gets confusing. He did introduce me to his best friend the other night. His friend said he talks about me all the time. I'm wondering if that is a good thing or not. I'm assuming it is. What do you think? Guys confuse me...LOL I think he is worth waiting for, I'm just not sure for how long. I don't want to be one of those women who sit around and wait on something that might not develop while potentially missing out on something that will with someone else. Not that I'm in any hurry, but I'm wondering what a good time frame to wait is?
dolphinsunshyn Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 I am also in a situation that is almost identical. Too wierd!! I agree it is somewhere between like and love. About waiting....just use your insticts. If you weren't looking for anything anyway, then your not out by waiting. I understand how it could be frustrating not knowing when or where this relationship will lead but it doesn't sound like he would be the type to lead you on. Enjoy the friendship for now and eventually when the time is right (and he is, in-deed, "the one") then you and him will both know for sure where the relationship will go. Best of luck to you. Keep me informed on what happens. I may need advice myself pretty soon! LOL
dolphinsunshyn Posted February 29, 2004 Posted February 29, 2004 P.S. How far along are you in your pregnancy? I'm almost 6 months and it's a girl! I'm still flabergasted about your situation. It is so identical to my own! LOL
discoqt Posted March 1, 2004 Posted March 1, 2004 I'm more confused than ever! I thought relationships (or dating) are supposed to get easier the older you get! LOL Dolphin: I'm 3 1/2 months right now. I found out in December and the dad took off right away. Met this new guy in Jan. I don't know what I'm having yet. My sonogram is scheduled for March 18.
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