He questions MY "commitment" ?!?

[KarmasTestDummy]

Sb,

He refuses to tell W it's over.....because it isn't. My DM did the SAME thing. He let her file, and never did come out and say he was never coming back. It's part of not definitively choosing either woman. This is precisely the wushu washiness that had him taking xw with his kids on vacation behind my back post-separation. This is what caused him to lie to his xw about our engagement post-divorce. Don't you see?

 

The IC is telling him to go home because he is telegraphing that that is what he wants. My DMs therapist told him to be with me. Had he advised otherwise I know he would have gone back to xw because he needed someone else to guide him. And at least he made it clear that he wanted to be with me in therapy. You're mm isn't even doing that. It's very worrisome.

 

EEG is right on so many things. And she knows what she's talking about.

 

I do agree with that 100%. ic would not be telling him to go home and endure more years til his son is gone unless that is the vibration he is giving the counselor about what he wants to do. If the counselor ever suggested that to me' about xh I would have been adamant absolutely not even a remote possibility and we would have move on to my alternative options based on what was reasonable to me'. It is a suggestion because it is still an option and hurts the least amount of people and costs the least expense. So, u can see why an ic would give it as the best recommendation. It would have been mm's place to make that clearly unacceptable.

[carhill]

With this type of situation, I think you're guaranteeing yourself that if he becomes unhappy with your R at any time, he will seek out another before cutting you loose. You very may well be on the receiving end of this some day

IIRC, and apologies if incorrect, the MM's wife was his OW in a prior M. Perhaps I have threads confused. OK, I checked...here's a quote by the OP in this thread in response to one of my posts:

 

He has done this before. He had an OW for 3 years on and off during his first marriage: he moved out twice for her but they didn't work out. He had other OWs during his first marriage. Then his current wife was his OW.

 

So, apparently, there is some sort of pattern. BTW, I saw this pattern with the 'friend' in my journals. Right around the time I started sliding off her radar, I had made the comment, listening to her talk about her current BF, that 'he cheated on his ex-wife'. What I hadn't yet put together was who he had cheated with. Ta da...

 

People reveal who they are over time. It's up to us whether we accept their truth as healthy for us. Good luck

[Confused4Now]

I tell you this because when a man wants to leave, he leaves and gets divorced. He doesn't sleep with his W, go on vacations with her, or say that he misses her. When a man loves his OW and wants to be with her, he is. He stops making excuses and starts making it a reality.

 

And his feelings are normal of men conflicted in their love lives. Not normal of men who have made a hard decision to leave a M. I know that man and he is not conflicted at all. The conflicted ones are the ones that waffle, break your heart into a trillion pieces, ruin your reputation and then go back to their W's unscathed. The ones who leave say they miss you and love you and then SHOW you and the world that's the truth.

 

EEG

Yup this is right in bold....I've said many times....I'm the MM who left my W cause I wanted to leave and I did love my OW with all my heart. But at the same time I knew back in my mind I could very well end up without either and I have come to grips with that. I can say...I stopped making excuses to everyone in my life...my friends, family and my xMW. When it was time it was time.

 

How sad to be a part of a small percentage of males. I sometimes I wish I could meet all these MM who are conflicted and slap them across the head. Tell them to make a decision and with stay married or get out. I have no tolerance for cowards.

[UntoldStory]

I sometimes I wish I could meet all these MM who are conflicted and slap them across the head. Tell them to make a decision and with stay married or get out. I have no tolerance for cowards.

 

Confused - I think there are a lot of us here who wish you could do that too!! Thanks for being proof that there are guys out there who are not afraid of making the hard choices.

[jennie-jennie]

I see, thanks for explaining.

 

No, I don't think mine does provide me with enough today. That's why I walked away but then he keeps promising a future... ok... when LOL. I do not want to be in an affair, I want to be in a real relationship. An affair was "enough" for me at one point... in that I knew he was married and I really had no idea what we were getting into... but now it's not... ironically because he has repeatedly told me that he wants to be with me and only me, and that makes silly little me think that he will act on what he says! I wish he would just be honest with me like your MM... but then I would walk... so I guess that's why he doesn't say the truth, which I believe is something like "I love you and want to be with you but I can't decide if I can actually go through with a divorce."

 

I've been following your thread as much as I have been able to, I have been kind of busy, and I keep having trouble keeping you and Karma apart.

 

It looks to me like you have started to look at your own issues in all of this. That is good.

 

Your MM has indicated that he is leaving soon, has he not? He has in fact already started the process, right? You might want to consider making a time line how much time you are prepared to give him. A time line for yourself, not an ultimatum, nothing you share with him. This way you can keep your own goal of not becoming a long term OW and yet give him a chance to prove himself.

[Star_Bright]

I've been following your thread as much as I have been able to, I have been kind of busy, and I keep having trouble keeping you and Karma apart.

 

It looks to me like you have started to look at your own issues in all of this. That is good.

 

Your MM has indicated that he is leaving soon, has he not? He has in fact already started the process, right? You might want to consider making a time line how much time you are prepared to give him. A time line for yourself, not an ultimatum, nothing you share with him. This way you can keep your own goal of not becoming a long term OW and yet give him a chance to prove himself.

 

Ha ha re: similarities between me and Karma. I guess we/ our MMs are a lot alike, but she is smart enough to be done with hers and I'm still in the thick of things.

 

Yes, he indicated that he would be leaving and has in fact left (some would beg to differ depending on the definition of the word "left" -- he moved into his out-of-country friend's house). But shows me signs of wavering/ being undecided, which according to many means that he will head back home.

 

That's a good idea. I know I can't do this for very long. I could if he were actively pursuing a divorce but he seems to be leaving it in his wife's hands, which worries me.

Edited October 5, 2010 by Star_Bright

[Star_Bright]

Confused - I think there are a lot of us here who wish you could do that too!! Thanks for being proof that there are guys out there who are not afraid of making the hard choices.

 

Yes, Confused, you are a rare example, I think. Good for you.

[jennie-jennie]

Ha ha re: similarities between me and Karma. I guess we/ our MMs are a lot alike, but she is smart enough to be done with hers and I'm still in the thick of things.

 

Yes, he indicated that he would be leaving and has in fact left (some would beg to differ depending on the definition of the word "left" -- he moved into his out-of-country friend's house). But shows me signs of wavering/ being undecided, which according to many means that he will head back home.

 

That's a good idea. I know I can't do this for very long. I could if he were actively pursuing a divorce but he seems to be leaving it in his wife's hands, which worries me.

 

Or you are smart enough to believe in giving love a chance.

 

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

[fooled once]

when I came back out he was talking to his wife. I could hear her on the phone and she seemed concerned about him. She said, "I just wanted to see how you were doing" and he said he's not doing great, but it was nice to talk to his son, and then he told her he was going to "go grab a bite to eat."

 

I guess I got paranoid because it sounded so normal, I started to wonder if he was really moving out, he had only brought one work outfit and a bag of sundries to his friend's house. I talked to him about it and he said his wife's reaction baffled him; she had been mean and cold to him before and now she seemed to be having a change of heart.

 

At one point he mentioned an event coming up in three weeks and said he would bring me, and said that by then things would be more progressed and we would be an out and in the open couple.

 

....and then he started talking about how it baffled him that his wife sounded so different on the phone yesterday. He said the reality of him leaving is sinking in. I said maybe she had a change of heart. He said that in the past she's said he F-ed up and she can't forgive him or take him back because he would never do that if the roles were reversed. He said at one point she kept saying she couldn't be with him so he said fine he'll move out. Now she was being nice and concerned about him.

 

see above where I got the 3 week thing....

 

We have been in a PA for four months. Actually one of those months I was out of state visiting my family after his wife found out about us. But the PA started four months ago. It was an EA for quite awhile before that, about a year. I didn't always know it was an EA, it snuck up on us as I guess these things do, and then at some point I did realize we were in some kind of an affair even though it wasn't physical-- spending as much time together as we could, sharing private information about our lives with each other, little jokes and "accidental" touches etc. So I can't say exactly when it started but as soon as we met there was chemistry and connection. Maybe a messed up kind of connection but there it was.

 

I think your advice to get ready for him to go back home is probably right. Honestly I think I will be glad because I just want this to be over with. I want it be resolved one way or the other. But when you say the fact that he's not emotionally okay with it speaks volumes-- I find it hard to believe that someone leaving a 17-year marriage with kids would always be emotionally okay with it. Sometimes he is resolved about it and other times he feels guilt and sadness.

 

 

You truly believe after a 4 month physical affair he is going to leave a 17 year marriage? Yikes!

 

If he was so unhappy, he would have left already. If he was as unhappy as you say, then IMHO he would be emotionally okay with a divorce. I about danced a gig when my ex finally moved out! I was MORE than emotionally ready!! I honestly haven't met any one who wasn't! Divorce isn't something most take lightly.

 

If he's telling you he misses his W, that is where his heart ultimately lies, no matter if he moves out for a short while.

 

If she let's him back, he will go.

 

I tell you this because when a man wants to leave, he leaves and gets divorced. He doesn't sleep with his W, go on vacations with her, or say that he misses her. When a man loves his OW and wants to be with her, he is. He stops making excuses and starts making it a reality.

 

You are happy that he is being honest with you. But I don't think he is. I think he doesn't just miss his W, but loves her and is in over his head here. It's only been 4 months of a PA. Men don't leave that soon unless they were leaving anyway and it sounds like he has been pretty happy with his life as he knows it. The counselor info is a little tidbit so that you'll step aside and say "Ok, a professional thinks that's best." Have you ever been to a session with him? I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even have an IC.

 

I tell you this because you sound very sweet, caring and loving. And you deserve someone who will reciprocate your love.

 

And his feelings are normal of men conflicted in their love lives. Not normal of men who have made a hard decision to leave a M. I know that man and he is not conflicted at all. The conflicted ones are the ones that waffle, break your heart into a trillion pieces, ruin your reputation and then go back to their W's unscathed. The ones who leave say they miss you and love you and then SHOW you and the world that's the truth.

 

EEG

 

Excellent advice and I truly believe he will be back with his wife before the year is out - heck, I think he will be back with her before the month is out.

 

And I really hope you DO leave when he does the angry abusive trick again - because he will. He will blame it on the stress of the situation. Just more excuses!

 

 

I don't know why he didn't/can't just tell her, I'm sorry but it's over, I'm leaving to be with SB. If he really wanted to be with me for sure, he would just do that. I guess it's as simple as that, so why am I wasting my time?

 

Because he isn't done with her.

 

And I see most of your explanation are excuses for him and for his lack of action/backbone. You are excusing his behavior, just like you excuse his abusive ways.

 

 

Sb,

He refuses to tell W it's over.....because it isn't. My DM did the SAME thing. He let her file, and never did come out and say he was never coming back. It's part of not definitively choosing either woman. This is precisely the wushu washiness that had him taking xw with his kids on vacation behind my back post-separation. This is what caused him to lie to his xw about our engagement post-divorce. Don't you see?

 

The IC is telling him to go home because he is telegraphing that that is what he wants. My DMs therapist told him to be with me. Had he advised otherwise I know he would have gone back to xw because he needed someone else to guide him. And at least he made it clear that he wanted to be with me in therapy. You're mm isn't even doing that. It's very worrisome.

 

EEG is right on so many things. And she knows what she's talking about.

 

Great post!

[KarmasTestDummy]

Or you are smart enough to believe in giving love a chance.

 

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

 

Exactly! Had mine not thrown me' under the bus I would have kept playing his game...but he made his choice.

[Brokenlady]

Sb,

You mentioned people are saying his wavering is a sign he will go home, but I beg to differ. Going home would be a choice but what he's showing you is that he won't make one. I thought my DMs wavering would make him gohome too. It didn't, it was instead a sign of the fact that his energies were being spent on keeping us both rather than trying to move on with me alone as he claimed.

 

Tbh, I am more worried that it's a sign you'll get jerked around like I did. That is so much worse than him making a definitive choice to go home because you never know whee you stand and can't heal.

[Star_Bright]

Thanks Fooled Once, BrokenLady, and everyone else who's taken the time to post in my thread. I have an update, of sorts, I think.

 

I've been talking to him for a long time yesterday and this morning about what I need and why. I said I need him to be sure he is done with his marriage before we can be together, and I don't think he is. He told me he feels strangely okay with everything, and that it's going much smoother and easier than he thought it would. I told him maybe he's in shock/denial and maybe the severity of the change will hit later. He agreed. I said I feel that his window of opportunity to save his marriage is limited (he agreed) and that he may regret spending all this time with me instead of really working on things on his own or trying to make things work with his wife. I said that could come back to bite us later and as much as I'll miss him I really need him to take some time on his own and decide what he really wants to do, before he can move on with me (IF he can move on with me).

 

Well finally, this morning, he said he thinks I may be right. That as hard as it may be he needs to decide. He said, but what if he needs to talk to me about his decision and where he's at? I said that would hurt too much- I need to start living my own life without him. (I have been so unhappy lately-- gained weight, house is a mess, can't concentrate at work, etc.) He said he needs time to process things, which is why he gave himself eight days to move out (although previously he had said his wife had asked him to stay until her out-of-town weekend friend's visit... whatever), and can we have through the weekend together? He said that after the football game on Sunday we will take our break.

 

I feel so many different things! Like I'll be sad and lonely and miss him. Mostly I feel relief that I am being let go from this mess. I have been so unhappy trying to understand everything and deal with his issues and now I am looking forward to focusing on myself and getting my own life in order and not worrying about what he's doing or not doing and why. Relief that I no longer feel like I'm trying to force him to end his marriage. I also feel nervous leading up to Sunday thinking, this is almost it... that's so strange, I don't know why he said wait until Sunday. Perhaps he is planning to go back home on Sunday and doesn't want to tell me. Perhaps that was the plan all along. Who knows. I am just DONE worrying about it. I just want to feel peace. Thank you all so much for helping me work this out. I'm glad he finally agreed because it's so much easier if he thinks it was his idea, then before when I was trying to walk away and he kept not letting me (because I was giving in).

Edited October 6, 2010 by Star_Bright

[UntoldStory]

SB - It's so hard. But you should feel really good about the fact that you are doing the right thing, for both yourself and MM and his family. There is no question about that. And what will be, will be.

 

I don't know what to say about the "let's start Sunday" thing. I've never been one to delay the inevitable, but... that's just me.

 

Kudos to you - I'd say you've earned yourself a massage and a really good margarita with friends.

[Star_Bright]

SB - It's so hard. But you should feel really good about the fact that you are doing the right thing, for both yourself and MM and his family. There is no question about that. And what will be, will be.

 

I don't know what to say about the "let's start Sunday" thing. I've never been one to delay the inevitable, but... that's just me.

 

Kudos to you - I'd say you've earned yourself a massage and a really good margarita with friends.

 

Thanks, UntoldStory! Luckily today is one of my good friend's birthdays. She is out of town but this weekend we are going to be celebrating.

 

I don't like the Sunday thing either, I don't get him, I am beginning to think he is just weird. Why would he agree to a break and then say, not until Sunday? Just to play with me. I don't know. I feel angry about him right now.

 

I do feel it is the right thing for me to do for both myself and his family. I felt like I was interfering and that doesn't make me feel happy.

[carhill]

Stalling is a manipulator's way of hedging bets that time and opportunity will present more potentials for 'changing your mind'. MW's are great at this. Glad to see it's gender neutral

[Star_Bright]

Stalling is a manipulator's way of hedging bets that time and opportunity will present more potentials for 'changing your mind'. MW's are great at this. Glad to see it's gender neutral

 

So you think he agreed to it but then is biding more time so he can get me to change my mind? Why would he have agreed to it in the first place???

 

Wow this is confusing.

[Star_Bright]

Just to get me to shut up about it?

 

To get me to feel like maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all because I'll miss him?

 

I don't get it.

[carhill]

OP, he's an experienced MM, with multiple marriages. In order to have that kind of success, he's likely successful at other aspects of life, and that necessarily includes how to 'convince' people, aka manipulate them. It's what successful men do, even if benevolently. I watch them in action every day in business.

 

He's giving you what you want but on his timetable. It appears he's giving you want you want. He's agreeing, but tabling final dispensation until Sunday. Tic-toc. A lot can happen between now and Sunday, right?

[BB07]

He probably thinks when he gets you into bed that he can convince you that you can't go on without him, plus it is feeding his ego that he is the one who is calling the shots on the when.

 

I think this is a bad idea SB, it's gonna hurt you to be with him that one last time.

[UntoldStory]

He probably thinks when he gets you into bed that he can convince you that you can't go on without him, plus it is feeding his ego that he is the one who is calling the shots on the when.

 

I think this is a bad idea SB, it's gonna hurt you to be with him that one last time.

 

Agreed. I would tell him no, it starts now. He probably just doesn't want to think about being lonely over the weekend. Poor guy.

[Star_Bright]

OP, he's an experienced MM, with multiple marriages. In order to have that kind of success, he's likely successful at other aspects of life, and that necessarily includes how to 'convince' people, aka manipulate them. It's what successful men do, even if benevolently. I watch them in action every day in business.

 

He's giving you what you want but on his timetable. It appears he's giving you want you want. He's agreeing, but tabling final dispensation until Sunday. Tic-toc. A lot can happen between now and Sunday, right?

 

Well, he is a very successful manipulator at work, and yes I guess with me and with relationships. This is so stupid. Everytime I talk to him, I get more and more confused. He tried to call me and I told him via messenger that I couldn't talk at work because I don't want to get upset. So then we had a stupid message conversation and this is how it went. I don't know what to think about anything. He asks like I promised him I would stay with him until Sunday but that didn't happen. This morning he told me he agreed with me that we should take a break but he wants us to stay together until Sunday, after the football game, because he needs time to process things. I don't remember agreeing, I was just like, what?! You agree we should take a break, okay great! I asked why Sunday and he said it takes him time to be okay with his decisions (although in the past he has told me he likes to act instead of sitting back... which seems more true). So I was just confused. So now he says this.

 

----------------------------------------------

 

MM: I have reconsidered the break issue. I agree. [This is AFTER we discussed this this morning; he had already told me this in person.] It will be hard but none of this is easy. Nor should it be. Love you.

 

MM: Thank you for being patient with me. And agreeing to how we do it.

 

Me: I guess I am the opposite of you. I like to get things over with.

 

MM: You are so certain we won't be together that you are accelerating that outcome.

 

Me: Well what is the point of waiting until Sunday? I want to start getting used to it.

 

MM: Your view is so fatalistic baby. I see us differently. Because I really believe in us.

 

Me: Ok so prove it to me.

 

MM: Prove?

 

Me: Yes, start the divorce process and let [wife] know it is over and you are with me. I understand if you're not ready to do that but until/unless you are then I think my view of us is spot on.

 

MM: [starBright]. I truly want to be with you. Your way would ensure [wife] would be done. But that's not the only way to end my relationship with [wife].

 

Me: You confuse me. Let's just stick to you figuring out things on your own and when you have decided for sure and taken action for sure then we can resume.

 

MM: But not till Sunday, right?

 

Me: What is the significance of Sunday? Are you going back home on Sunday?

 

MM: No I am not going home on Sunday. I don't know when or if I'm ever going back.

 

Me: I feel like I've been putting my life on hold for you. Since we can't be together for real yet if at all, I need to start focusing on myself. I'm not sure why Sunday.

 

MM: I want to experience this week with you. The more I'm with you the more I want. But I understand why we need it now. Please don't break your promise to me. [i have no recollection of making any such promise to him. I should have told him that. I was so confused about why he kept talking about Sunday.]

 

Me: How are you going to be okay to break on Sunday if the more you're with me the more you want?

 

MM: I will abide by my promise of Sunday. Ok. But give yourself to me until then please. Deal?

 

Me: I am suspicious, what is happening on Sunday? You are driving me crazy.

 

Me: I was shocked this morning when you agreed to a break. I wasn't sure you were serious because sometimes no offense but you talk out of your [butt]. So now I'm wondering what happened, if you talked to [wife] about Sunday or what. I don't want you to play with me.

 

MM: There is no grand scheme. No event. No meeting. No plan. No nothing.

 

MM: No games baby. I can let go if I prepare my head. That's all I'm asking. I told you this morning how I wanted to do this. Sunday was not preplanned. I just wanted to be able to share time with you before our break. And savor our time.

 

Me: That seems selfish to me, I don't want to feel used.

 

MM: I want to feel what it's like to sleep and basically live with you. So I can know what I will be giving up if I don't take "action." Nothing else baby. [Grrrr this part made me so very mad.]

 

Me: So it's a test run. I think you know what you will be giving up.

 

MM: No. Not a test run. We haven't had the opportunity to be together like we have been this week. I want more of you.

 

MM: You want a break. We haven't been together like this before. This is a reasonable compromise since we see things differently.

 

Me: In the meantime [wife] is also waiting. I want you to do what's best for you and your kids. I don't want to interfere any longer, this makes me unhappy. I can't be happy while we are so tumultuous. I want to be happy either on my own or with you the right way, not the wrong way. That's how I feel.

 

MM: Please give me what I'm asking for because I'm giving you what you're asking for. There is no game here. I just want more/all of you before the break.

 

Me: You have had all of me for a long time! I feel like you just want to use me more before going back home.

 

MM: [starBright]. I would not have left home to "use" you for a week. A day. A month. I am breaking from [wife] to be with you. We differ on the means but not the end.

 

MM: I'm listening to your views. So I agreed to a break. I asked to see you for a few more days and you agreed. Why can't we just leave it at that. No more pressure after that. I need/want more time with you.

 

Me: You agreed to a break because you agreed it was a good idea because you need time to think.

 

Me: I don't remember agreeing to Sunday or promising to be with you until Sunday. I was confused what Sunday had to do with anything but I was glad you were seeing things my way about the break.

 

Me: Argh my head is spinning let's just stop talking about this crap for the moment.

 

MM: Agreed.

 

------------------------------

 

So, there it is. I am really mad that he said he wants to see what he would be giving up if he doesn't take action. I have given him my all but I guess that's not good enough. I am just getting really sick of him.

[Star_Bright]

Agreed. I would tell him no, it starts now. He probably just doesn't want to think about being lonely over the weekend. Poor guy.

 

I had this thought too. Like maybe Sunday is the absolute earliest his wife would let him come home (that will have been a week). And he doesn't want to be alone all weekend. I feel very strongly that if I walk away he will go back home. So I think he is trying to get as much time with me as possible before I walk away (but then why not just wait until SUNDAY to agree to a break?), OR he can't go home for awhile and so he is trying to stay with me until then so there are no gaps in time where he would have to be alone. I hate that I am so paranoid and suspicious of everything now. Even if I just go by what he says, I don't like it. He is flat out telling me he just wants to be with me for a few more days before letting me go. What a stupid thing to say.

[Star_Bright]

He probably thinks when he gets you into bed that he can convince you that you can't go on without him, plus it is feeding his ego that he is the one who is calling the shots on the when.

 

I think this is a bad idea SB, it's gonna hurt you to be with him that one last time.

 

Yes, it will hurt me, and every minute of even talking to him is annoying and frustrating and angering me.

 

Last night he was so insistent we not break up, he said to just relax and enjoy our time together and trust him that he is leaving. Then this morning we make love and then he gets all serious... I think he has a hard time in the morning and he talks about how he would usually go and wake up his son for school... but he was saying he is okay with being out of the house and it's not bothering him as much as he thought it would, or should, and he wonders if this means he is a bad father. He said he needs me here for support because I'm a good listener and I help him. Then in the SAME CONVERSATION, after I tell him that I just feel like I'm a distraction and I'm getting in the way and these feelings might fall on him later, he says, I think you're right, I think we should take a break. I had been saying that he should either make sure he can't work things out with his wife if he has any inclination to, or he should just stay alone while separated to really feel everything on his own with neither her or me to cloud his judgment of what he really wants to do. Honestly I think this option would be the least appealing to him because he hates to be alone. But at this point he said he thinks I'm right and he hates when I'm right and we should go on a break.

 

I said okay. I was like, wow, finally. Because before he had told me that if I want out, even temporarily, he is done because that shows me I'm not there for him in his hard times. Now he is agreeing it is best. Total turnaround, so I was like, okay, good.

 

Then he asked what time it was, got up to take a shower, and then while IN the shower he said he thinks we should start out break on Sunday.

 

WTF. He is the most confusing man I have ever known. I don't even think I can try to figure him out anymore. I have to think about myself and yes, it would hurt to think every day is almost the last, and on Sunday I will feel so sad knowing this is our very last time together, probably forever. I just want to end it now. We have had teary huggy goodbyes before and they didn't end up sticking AT ALL. So why shouldn't I just make a clean break and hopefully this time it will stick. I will have to make it stick because I am tired of this.

[UntoldStory]

From the text convo you posted above, he does indeed sound like a smooth talker. I'm sure that was very attractive at one point and I'm sure it works for him at work and in his other R's.

 

He has made it 100% clear. He does not care about your feelings. He wants to you to make him feel good for as long as you're willing to go along with it. It's not fair, it's not cool. It's selfish and you deserve someone who knows how hard the last few days until Sunday would be for you, knowing that you'll be taking a break, maybe forever. That person would say, "you're right, it's not fair to you. I'll get to work on figuring this out once and for all, and I'll let you know when I know what I want."

[Star_Bright]

From the text convo you posted above, he does indeed sound like a smooth talker. I'm sure that was very attractive at one point and I'm sure it works for him at work and in his other R's.

 

He has made it 100% clear. He does not care about your feelings. He wants to you to make him feel good for as long as you're willing to go along with it. It's not fair, it's not cool. It's selfish and you deserve someone who knows how hard the last few days until Sunday would be for you, knowing that you'll be taking a break, maybe forever. That person would say, "you're right, it's not fair to you. I'll get to work on figuring this out once and for all, and I'll let you know when I know what I want."

 

Yes!! That is what I want him to do. I guess he is not going to do it so I am just going to have to do it for myself. I guess he is just plain selfish and I've been just plain fooled by him.