He questions MY "commitment" ?!?

[fooled once]

I really hope you mean it this time.

 

Good luck.

[Angel1111]

Maybe his extreme jealousy and possessiveness is a result of his guilt and fear about cheating and/or ending his marriage.

 

You can analyze his behavior until the cows come home but the truth is, all the arguments, distrust, jealousy and everything else is about only one thing: power. You need to understand this so that you know what he's doing and why. Abusive people LOVE the way bullying makes them feel. They love that feeling of control over other people because it makes them feel powerful. You can't understand this because you don't think like he does - but that's actually your downfall in this situation and that's how he blindsides you. That is the way he is. The sooner you can fully wrap your mind around this, the better. You're off to a good start and I think it's great that the veil has been lifted.

 

My guess about his homelife is that his wife has given him an ultimatum and they agreed to a temporary separation. He's probably using her words when he describes it as 'toxic'. These guys are so ridiculous it's laughable.

 

I hope you know that even when you tell him that it's over, it won't be over in his mind. It will create a new game that he likes to call 'let me see if I can get her back'. And then if/when he does get you back, he'll play a new version of the same old game called 'i got her back, now I'm going to destroy her just a little more'.

 

Be prepared for the biggest act in the world shortly after you end it. The first game he'll play is 'I will ignore her and play on her ego and self-esteem for awhile' and then when reality has sunken in and she's really, really missing me, I'll play the game of 'come back full-force, be self-effacing and declare my eternal love for her'. All games. As I say to many others who are with guys like this, sit back and watch the show. He'll pull every trick in the book: call you 40 times a day, act disintersted, act devastated, act heartbroken, cry, get angry, pout, walk away - everything. Be prepared...and please don't buy into it.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

Edited October 8, 2010 by Angel1111

[jennie-jennie]

I really hope you mean it this time.

 

Good luck.

 

I know you mean it. But if you aren't able to follow through, we will be here for you anyway. The bond to the one you love (or loved) is strong and not easy to break, even when you decide it is for the best.

[Star_Bright]

You can analyze his behavior until the cows come home but the truth is, all the arguments, distrust, jealousy and everything else is about only one thing: power. You need to understand this so that you know what he's doing and why. Abusive people LOVE the way bullying makes them feel. They love that feeling of control over other people because it makes them feel powerful. You can't understand this because you don't think like he does - but that's actually your downfall in this situation and that's how he blindsides you. That is the way he is. The sooner you can fully wrap your mind around this, the better. You're off to a good start and I think it's great that the veil has been lifted.

 

My guess about his homelife is that his wife has given him an ultimatum and they agreed to a temporary separation. He's probably using her words when he describes it as 'toxic'. These guys are so ridiculous it's laughable.

 

I hope you know that even when you tell him that it's over, it won't be over in his mind. It will create a new game that he likes to call 'let me see if I can get her back'. And then if/when he does get you back, he'll play a new version of the same old game called 'i got her back, now I'm going to destroy her just a little more'.

 

Be prepared for the biggest act in the world shortly after you end it. The first game he'll play is 'I will ignore her and play on her ego and self-esteem for awhile' and then when reality has sunken in and she's really, really missing me, I'll play the game of 'come back full-force, be self-effacing and declare my eternal love for her'. All games. As I say to many others who are with guys like this, sit back and watch the show. He'll pull every trick in the book: call you 40 times a day, act disintersted, act devastated, act heartbroken, cry, get angry, pout, walk away - everything. Be prepared...and please don't buy into it.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

Thanks, Angie.

 

He just now tried to call me at work.

 

Last night I had told him I couldn't handle how he was acting and didn't think we should be together anymore. (It wasn't the complete Jekyll & Hyde stuff like before but he was being jealous and possessive and unreasonable and irrational and not listening to a word I said and telling me I needed to change if I wanted him to stay with me. I told him I don't want to change who I am for him, I was this way when we fell in love and he didn't think there was anything wrong with me then.) Anyway when I said we needed to not be together anymore he was like, "Good because I don't want to be with you either." Then he told me to "go date all these guys that will treat you like a tramp." I said, "at least they won't be married," which I know was a low blow and immature, but, it just came out. He said, "No they won't be because this guy is done with you." I said "Okay. We are done. Then don't call me tomorrow, I mean it." He said, "Oh don't worry, I won't call you tomorrow or ever again."

 

And now his cell phone number comes up on my office phone (no voicemail).

 

WHATEVER. He is so full of it.

 

PS I also told him HE treats me like a tramp. He was oh so mad at me and needed me to change to stay with me but he couldn't possibly bring that up until AFTER he had had sex with me. Jerk.

Edited October 8, 2010 by Star_Bright

[Star_Bright]

I know you mean it. But if you aren't able to follow through, we will be here for you anyway. The bond to the one you love (or loved) is strong and not easy to break, even when you decide it is for the best.

 

Thanks Jennie. Also thanks for your PM, I tried to write back but it wouldn't go through. I appreciate your support.