sasy lawyer Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 I have been best friends w/ Jess since grammer school. She moved out of state and we attended different high schools but we always kept in contact and visited eachother... I have been w/ my boyfriend for over three yrs and I have always told her every up and down that I have been through w/ him. She would always speak negatively about him, but I always respevted her decision and advive as a friend. But, throughout the time that I have been with him, she has made it a point to broadcast my problems to her her other friends, which I consider more as aquaintances to me. I always tolerated it b/c she was my best friend. But lately, I ve been getting sick of her having me look like a fool just so that, from my view, she can make herself look and feel better about all of the negative experiences she has had with guys constantly dissing her. Recently, I have been trying to work stuff out w/ my boyfriend, although I admit we have had our problems. But I feel that as a friend, she should support me in whatever decision I make regarding him. Lately, I have been shutting her out from my life, not telling her any of my business concerning him, and basically rejecting her invites to go out because everytime i;m w/ her or her friends, I feel uncomfortable. Am I being petty? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 You are doing the right thing, but I also think you should tell her why you are moving away from her if you haven't already. If you don't want to confront her in person, write her a letter and let her know you have enjoyed her friendship for many years. But let her know she has breached confidences and overstepped the bounds of a friend by discussing your personal matters with others. You trusted her as your closest friend and she did not honor the friendhship by keeping those things to herself. It is important to forgive her. A lot of people have big mouths. You can continue to be a friend to her but your friendship can no longer be close now that you are aware that she can't be trusted with initimate details of your life. That is such a shame. Your friend has serious psychological problems, self esteem problems and other issues to deal with. I wouldn't abandon her totally but I would downgrade the frienship to just a notch or two above aquaintance and leave it there. You really don't need to have a lot to do with her right now. But people are human and they make mistakes. If you put her on notice, you give her the opportunity of learning the consequences of her actions and working to better herself. If you pull back and say nothing, you leave another busybody to screw up somebody else's life. Link to post Share on other sites
Jen Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 Friendships are really important in life, but as Tony says, they take many different forms and maybe now is the time to consider if it is better that she plays a different role in your life. From a best friend you should expect support. He or she may challenge you but it should be constructive. It does sound like her own issues prevent her from providing you with that kind of unconditional love and respect. I can well understand that this must be causing you a great deal of unhappiness and anxiety - I've been there myself in a similiar situation recently- but friendships do change over time, and unfortunately not always for the better. I think she can still be a friend, just a different one. Share the good times with her, but find another to share the good and the bad, knowing your secrets are safe. I wish you well; both with her and your boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Rogue Posted July 28, 2000 Share Posted July 28, 2000 A friend of mine once used to "forget" about his girlfriend for a while to go do stuff with me. He would never compromise our friendship over any girl.I asked him why on earth would he do this,since I'm just a friend and it's clear a girlfriend makes more of an impact on your life than a mere friend would. He simply said "Girlfriends come and go,but my friends always stay with me." Then I realized he was right.I outlasted 5 girlfriends,2 fiancees and I am now around to see him get married. If he pushed me aside for every girl he met ,he'd have very few friends. Don't lose your friendship with your best friend. Her behaviour in part is based on concern for you over your boyfriend. You should tell her to keep your private life between the two of you only,and let her know how much it hurts to have it broadcast over all your social circle. But find a way to make up with her! Link to post Share on other sites
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