Worst blow ever

[Owned]

It has been 4 days after finding out the woman I planned to surprise with an engagement ring on Christmas (one major reason I was saving money too) cheated on me with my so called best friend from my kiddo years. Why, out of so many men she could have gone behind my back why did it had be with him? He was considered as a brother and now I have no answer when my whole family starts wondering why we're no longer friends. In addition, they don't know I beat him up

 

I found out through an email left opened. She was acting suspicious by not answering my calls or sometimes claiming to be busy. I knew something was on but decided to ignored until I accidentally took a peek. The content was stating their affairs and in there he suggested meeting her again the next day in his flat.

I pretended not to know anything and instead suggested having a reunion. As soon as both showed up that's when all hell broke loose. I obviously confronted my ex and she denied it until I handed her the printed email letters. At this point she started crying saying I'm sorry and from then on I went up to my friend and started pounding him. It didn't took long to give him a nose bleed.

As for my ex I yelled out all sorts of names and spat in her face (must admit there was a single second I wanted to hurt her for doing this to me but guilt overtook me and so I went after my ex friend instead). I still feel terrible for even thinking about it but she hurt me sooo badly. How can one acted so calmly after this?

I would wish to have an answer as to why my now ex fiancee cheated on me with my best friend out of so many men?

 

Obviously I don't ever want to see their faces and now my ex is begging me to take her back. Did I overdo it with beating my friend and spitting in her face? Part of me wants to possibly give it another chance but I don't know. I was thinking of marrying her but now all I think is her being touched by him. I think of nothing but those disgusting images I can't get rid of.

[flying]

Ugh, that's awful for you. I don't know why she'd go for your best friend, except maybe she really wanted to hurt you. Sounds like you're better off out of this relationship; I hope you're not considering taking her back after this.

[Owned]

I hope you're not considering taking her back after this.

This is what I'm struggling. While part of me hates her for what she did, there is this other side that still has feelings.

I'm have been going NC with her but almost broke it yesterday. I answered the phone but quickly hanged up.

She has been doing nothing but begging for another chance in her tearful messages saying I'm the best thing that happened in her life and that she'll never do something like that again if I can just forgive her.

 

If there was a way I would know it's true and those horrible images of them would go away then I would consider giving it another shot but what if I become a jealous and possessive man?

[Owned]

Another issue in mind is how sorry is she? What if I never would have gone through her email and not found about what they did?

 

Is she really sorry because I caught her lying ass or because of total remorse, shame?

[karnak]

She's sorry because she got caught. She's like a child, "promising mommy they'll never make the mistake again". Until she does it.

 

That's harsh, man - being betrayed by 2 of the people in the world who you trusted the most.

 

You have my sympathies. I hope you start to feel better soon. You didn't deserve that.

 

Most people are really scum (sigh).

[Owned]

She's sorry because she got caught. She's like a child, "promising mommy they'll never make the mistake again". Until she does it.

This is what I was thinking. What if I finally were to give in, take her back and it was only a good acting on her part until it happens again? I never experienced cheating in the family nor been cheated on before. This is new to me and even though I've always told myself how I'll never take back a woman who cheated, I'm having a difficult time now. This isn't as easy as I thought it was.

 

Has anyone taken back a cheater and it got better? Not that I'm planning to as those images of them together still hunt me (even though I didn't caught them in the act but I'm picturing them together now) but how is it possible to trust back someone who hurt you sooo badly?

How can it be a mistake if this was carried for a while until I found out?

Edited September 30, 2010 by Owned

[johan]

Maybe you feel the urge to take her back because it would be a way to turn back the clock. It definitely wouldn't fix your anger or mistrust. And she respects you now, but how would she feel about you if you took her back? How would you feel about someone if you really jerked them around and they overlooked all that just to be with you? And does she want to come back because she wants to feel better about things, or because she actually wants to be with you?

[Quest]

Not that I'm planning to as those images of them together still hunt me (even though I didn't caught them in the act but I'm picturing them together now) but how is it possible to trust back someone who hurt you sooo badly?

How can it be a mistake if this was carried for a while until I found out?

 

Don't think you can trust someone who treated you like that. If you took her back you'd be suspicious and on edge the whole time. Don't even think about it! Be glad you found out what she was like before you got engaged. Sure it must hurt but if you got back with her it wouldn't be the same as it was when you thought you could trust her.

[karnak]

 

1 - Has anyone taken back a cheater and it got better? Not that I'm planning to as those images of them together still hunt me (even though I didn't caught them in the act but I'm picturing them together now) but how is it possible to trust back someone who hurt you sooo badly?

 

 

2 - How can it be a mistake if this was carried for a while until I found out?

 

1 - I did. I got burned really bad. It was like giving a permission to damage me even more.

 

2 - It wasn't a "mistake, nor an accident". It was a calculated action. If she had ****ed with him and she really loved you, she would have done it only once, would hate herself for it, and would be the first to confess everything.

[karnak]

And she respects you now, but how would she feel about you if you took her back? How would you feel about someone if you really jerked them around and they overlooked all that just to be with you?

 

An interesting statement, Johan. And one who is too often forgotten here on LS. Usually people with low morals or character tend to loose respect for the ones who forgive them. It's sick and evil, but it's true.

[johan]

An interesting statement, Johan. And one who is too often forgotten here on LS. Usually people with low morals or character tend to loose respect for the ones who forgive them. It's sick and evil, but it's true.

 

I'm not sure low morals or character is the issue as much as human nature is. It's the same way every woman treats a "nice guy". If he'll put up with anything she does, then there's no respect.

 

This is the extreme case. If he takes her back, he's sending the signal that she can do the very worst to him and he'll overlook that to be with her. If he respects himself so little, she will lose respect for him automatically. It's the same response anyone would have.

[reservoirdog1]

No fycking way would I take her back. She's sorry because she got caught, without that she'd have kept right on boning your buddy.

 

And betraying you with one of your best childhood friends... that's pretty bloody low. Of both of them.

 

Making a marriage work is enough of a challenge as it is. Try to imagine doing that when it's already been crippled by a massive betrayal like this. Try to imagine standing at your wedding, saying your vows, and picturing your bride with your best buddy. The memories of this are going to slowly eat you alive if you don't take this opportunity to start freeing yourself of the people who caused them.

 

In a perverse, highly screwed up way, she's done you a monumental favour: you've gotten to find out who she really is BEFORE you married her and before getting out of the relationship requires a lot of legal wrangling. Imagine finding this out after several years of marriage, a few kids, and mortgage payments. (That's what happened to me, except fortunately the OMs weren't close friends of mine.)

 

You have the chance to cut them both out of your life, like the tumours they are, and get a fresh start. I suggest you seek counselling, first of all. Then, use some of the money you were saving for the ring and go to Vegas with a few friends. I guarantee you, that experience will be far more rewarding than marrying her.

 

All the very best mang...

[karnak]

I'm not sure low morals or character is the issue as much as human nature is. It's the same way every woman treats a "nice guy". If he'll put up with anything she does, then there's no respect.

 

This is the extreme case. If he takes her back, he's sending the signal that she can do the very worst to him and he'll overlook that to be with her. If he respects himself so little, she will lose respect for him automatically. It's the same response anyone would have.

 

Not exactly true. I too thought like you for a very long time.

 

Fortunately, I know some women who have real nice guys for husbands. And they treat them with utmost respect and affection. Well, they try to treat everyone with respect as well.

 

I'm a bit suspect though, so I shouldn't comment this kind of thing.

 

The last 5 years have showed me that most people (men and women) are just selfish bastards. It's tough, but I can't see it otherwise.

[Quest]

I'm not sure low morals or character is the issue as much as human nature is. It's the same way every woman treats a "nice guy". If he'll put up with anything she does, then there's no respect.

 

This is the extreme case. If he takes her back, he's sending the signal that she can do the very worst to him and he'll overlook that to be with her. If he respects himself so little, she will lose respect for him automatically. It's the same response anyone would have.

 

That's so true ... but if he doesn't take her back he'll really boost his self respect - and be less likely to be messed about in the future.

[Owned]

And she respects you now, but how would she feel about you if you took her back?

This has been thinking all day. Does she really want me back and realizes what she lost or is looking for me to turn the other cheek around. If it's the latter (which I'm suspecting it is) then I'll continue going NC on her. I'm not a push-over that can be easily convinced through simple woman tears. I hate to see her crying but don't think it compares to what she just did. Why not cry when she was thinking about cheating with my friend?

How would you feel about someone if you really jerked them around and they overlooked all that just to be with you?

I would probably turn up losing respect for them and think either he/she doesn't care about themselves at all or is up to something. The more I'm thinking about it, the more I hate her now.

And does she want to come back because she wants to feel better about things, or because she actually wants to be with you?

In her tearful messages she keeps saying how she misses me, that it was a terrible mistake and wants me back. What I never got from her was the ''why'' answer but don't think it matters no more. I'm starting to hate her and can't even picture myself touching her again without those images of them in my mind.

[reservoirdog1]

that's so true ... But if he doesn't take her back he'll really boost his self respect - and be less likely to be messed about in the future.

Yes. What he said.

[johan]

Well, I'm sorry this happened. The tragic part of this is not as much the loss of this relationship, which apparently wasn't worth much to her. The tragic part is how it will affect you down the line. Whoever you get involved with next is the one who will have to work with you to get past the anger and mistrust. The person who caused it will just have to miss you for a while and then move on.

 

It's in your best interest to start finding a way to deal with this in a healthy way as soon as possible. If you just put it on the shelf it will jump down and attack you at the worst time. Or if you learn to be bitter and to never trust, you'll have a hard time finding a good relationship.

 

This could be a big turning point in your life.

[reservoirdog1]

Well, I'm sorry this happened. The tragic part of this is not as much the loss of this relationship, which apparently wasn't worth much to her. The tragic part is how it will affect you down the line. Whoever you get involved with next is the one who will have to work with you to get past the anger and mistrust.

Actually, this may or not be a problem. It's strange how it works. I had the exact same thought when XW and I split following her revelations of cheating. But trusting women didn't become a problem for me -- I was able to put XW into her own compartment, rather than making her representative of all women. She cheated because of something to do with her, and every woman is different.

 

I will say, however... OP, you should probably not get seriously involved with anybody else for awhile. You'll be hip-deep in the pain for a little while, so confide in family and friends. Tell them what happened so they can help and support you. Once you've moved beyond the worst of the grief, get out there and have fun. Spend time with friends. Pursue new interests, sports, hobbies, etc. that you've always wanted to try. Exercise. Eat right. Get in shape. Update your wardrobe and hairstyle. Move to a new home that isn't tainted by crummy past memories. Travel if you can. Date casually. "Bang a bunch of hotties", as WhineNot says. Basically, get out there and live just for yourself for awhile.

 

And then, when you're ready, look for a new relationship. It'll be far better than the shattered hulk of the one you're leaving behind.

[grungesponge]

Ugh, stories like this make me sick and you see them on LS all the time. Your slimeball friend got what he deserved. As for why, it is because she has low character. Is there any reason good enough, anyway?

 

Hopefully she learns a valuable lesson from this, but she really won't unless you leave her. Everyone else is right, if you take her back she will walk all over you because she never suffered any consequences. I really hope you can put this behind you and surround yourself with better people going forward. I can't even imagine what a double betrayal like that feels like but I know I would never forgive them or talk to either of them for the rest of my life. That is the lowest of the low IMO.

[Owned]

Making a marriage work is enough of a challenge as it is. Try to imagine doing that when it's already been crippled by a massive betrayal like this. Try to imagine standing at your wedding, saying your vows, and picturing your bride with your best buddy.

No those wonderful images I saw in her before finding out are gone now. I see nothing but a dirty, ugly woman (it got so bad I ripped all of our pictures, can't even look at her without feeling disgusted). I really thought she didn't had the bones to cheat, much less with my ex friend.

You have the chance to cut them both out of your life, like the tumours they are, and get a fresh start. I suggest you seek counselling, first of all. Then, use some of the money you were saving for the ring and go to Vegas with a few friends. I guarantee you, that experience will be far more rewarding than marrying her.

Yes he can have her if that's what's he wanted. I'm starting to think I wasted time punching him but was shocked. Maybe it would have been easier if the OM had been a stranger and not a close member/relative. I don't care anymore. He can have her and may they live happily ever after, which I'm guessing won't last very last. She will then try crawling back to me but it's already too late.

[Dexter Morgan]

Obviously I don't ever want to see their faces and now my ex is begging me to take her back.

 

you stay strong and don't do it! You get back with a girl that would so callously eff your friend, you will be expecting more of the same in a matter of time.

 

tell her to leave you the #### alone.

 

 

 

Did I overdo it with beating my friend and spitting in her face?

 

beating the "friend", yes. spitting in her face?...hmmm....I'd still say yes since it could be considered assault. but thats not to say she didn't deserve it.

 

but I'd never do it as I think its disgusting, so yes, you overdid it. Just should have walked away and never looked back.

 

 

Part of me wants to possibly give it another chance but I don't know. I was thinking of marrying her but now all I think is her being touched by him. I think of nothing but those disgusting images I can't get rid of.

 

dont take her back, there isn't anything good to come of it and she doesn't deserve a 2nd chance.

[make me believe]

And she respects you now, but how would she feel about you if you took her back?

 

I think it's pretty clear that she doesn't respect him now, because if she did how could she have f*cked his best friend behind his back?

 

Man....that is just SO LOW. I'm sorry you're going through this, Owned. DO NOT take this girl back!!! Don't even listen to her pathetic messages. She is just freaking out because she was caught. Look, she f*cked your best friend. It wasn't a "mistake," it was a choice that she made many times over. She never felt bad enough to come clean to you and admit to what she had done, and in fact she lied to your face when you confronted her. She is scum, and so is your friend. You need to tell them both to eff off and never contact you again.

[2themoon&back]

He was considered as a brother and now I have no answer when my whole family starts wondering why we're no longer friends. In addition, they don't know I beat him up[/Quote]

 

First --- just because he was considered family does not mean family will not hurt you, they will and you can tell your family what he did, they should understand then why you are not friends.

 

I would wish to have an answer as to why my now ex fiancee cheated on me with my best friend out of so many men?[/Quote]

 

my guess is that he is easily available to her, it sounds like she was going to cheat one way or the other and just took advantage of what she had close at hand.

 

Obviously I don't ever want to see their faces and now my ex is begging me to take her back. Did I overdo it with beating my friend and spitting in her face? Part of me wants to possibly give it another chance but I don't know. I was thinking of marrying her but now all I think is her being touched by him. I think of nothing but those disgusting images I can't get rid of.

 

it has only been 4 days, no one can think clearly after something so traumatic, go for about 6 months and see then if she is still someone you want to spend your life with and if you could ever trust her around your family or friends again.

 

good luck and i am sorry you are hurting like this... do not be ashamed of your actions, they were reactions to being so deeply hurt and disrespected by two people you loved!

[MichiganMan222]

Do what I did when I was considering taking a cheater back. As soon as the urge hits you and you get warm and fuzzy feeling picturing her beautiful smiling face beaming into your eyes, change that image to her kneeling naked with your ex-friends sausage jammed down her throat while she's syphoning the jizz out of his sack. Then picture them both smoking a cigarette afterwards laughing their asses off at you. That will wipe any foolish notion away real fast.

 

Never EVER reward a cheater with the grand prize (you).

[Bryanp]

Don't even think about taking her back. She was going to screw him again the next day. She is only sorry that she got caught. Clearly she was getting off knowing that she was screwing one of your best friends under your nose and behind your back and clearly wished to continue doing it with this guy. If she was not caught she never would have admitted it. She still lied to your face until you showed her the evidence. She played you for a total fool and you would be a total fool if you took her back. Found someone else who can respect you and a commitment to a relationship. It is clear that her actions shows that she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?