Should I be annoyed by this?

[Not the love ace]

Here's another dramatic part of my episode with my "friends":o.

 

Well, one of my very close friends-or-once very close friend has been really distant with me lately. She never contacts me unless I contact her, and never really mentions any time to hang out. I've been trying to initiate hang outs but we just haven't and I think she's taken some offense that I haven't hung out with her lately but hung out with other friends. Which is not the case for me because its just been timing between us and that's simply all.

 

Her and I have had some episodes lately but she's been acting pretty distant and kind of elusive with me. Two weeks can go by since I contacted her and she won't even bother contacting me back but once I contact her, she'll respond immediately.

 

To get to the point she just haven't been having any sort of communication with me whatsoever and I was gone over the weekend. This past weekend a few friends of ours from the same social circle invited me to hangout with them but I was away and couldn't and she was at the get together which was totally fine. The day before that though, she planned a get together at her boyfriends house (whom I am also very close with) but she just didn't even send a text to hang with her and usually I'll be the first to know since we were so close. However, when I get back one of my friends whom I am (hopefully) growing close with has invited me out to a bar this Friday and she even invited me to dinner with her and my other close friend and her boyfriend, along with two other friends.

 

I'll tell you why this bothers me, today was the dinner and she was the one who planned it and tomorrow is the bar night and she was one of the ones who planned it but she never mentioned a thing to me. I heard about this through another friend. Now, I'm not saying she needs to tell me, I'm not saying that I deserve special privileges and I'm not trying to come off clingy or needy but it just bothers me that if we are supposed to be such close friends, why am I not being invited? Why isn't she even mentioning anything to me?

 

I asked her, "what are you doing Friday?" which is the day they are supposed to go to the bar and she replies "Hanging out with a group of people I haven't seen in a while" which is bull****. The only person who I know that is going who she hasn't seen in a while is a friend who continuously flakes out and always cancels on her, especially leaves her high and dry last minute but she always makes it work with her.

 

Yet, I am the friend who always came through for her last minute, helped her with the most stupidest, minuscule things and always supported her. When she needed someone to talk to on the way to work, I would talk to her, when she needed to vent I would listen and let her cry her heart out and not to toot my own horn but I always went above and beyond for her.

 

I'm nothing but a good friend I feel and she just pretty much cancels and outcast me out from these events and I might sound crazy but I feel like she's trying to get me out of the group of friends. Most the people in the group or friends whom she known before me and I met them through her, and I know how she works and she does like to outcast people if she feels a certain way about them.

 

I tried asking her bluntly whats wrong and told her exactly how I felt but she says there's nothing wrong. However, I feel like she just doesn't want to deal with having an argument with me because she knows that I'm probably in the right. She's just been giving me vague answers instead of direct answers and I feel she's trying to just avoid any squabble with me.

 

If I ask her if I am a good friend she gives me "when you're capable of being a good friend" and some other very vague and passive aggressive answers and/or attitude. About a month ago we got into a little argument but it wasn't that bad (at least I think) but I think she took it hard or something because since then her attitude towards me has been a lot different.

 

Its just bothering me that she's making plans with everyone else but isn't making any plans with me. Like I said, I don't feel like she's entitled to telling me things frst and always inviting me out. There's been times where she hung out with just her and her man (and respectfully so) and times where she hung out with another friend but I wasn't present but she'll at least tell me (not that she had to) that she was hanging with that person. I'm just saying as best friends that what her and I usually did. If I knew about an event that was going down she would be the FIRST person to know and she would usually do the same in letting me know first or even letting me know at all. Now, she just seems to not contact me and her boyfriend oddly hasn't been responding to me at all.

 

ONE MORE THING: Their anniversary (my best friend and her boyfriend) is next week and I brought them an anniversary card and wanted to buy them like some chocolate however, I'm second guessing even delivering it to them because I'll feel like a fool if I never even get a thank you or any type of appreciate and they not even bother contacting me. Another part of me wants to deliver it to them (by leaving it as a surprise at their house) just so they can know that I keep them in my thought and I love them and wish the best for them but sometimes I don't think that crap matters in this day and time.

 

Whats your opinion? Do I have the right to be mad or not?

[Not the love ace]

Christ, sorry for the long post. I hate doing that because I know people kind of get bored and have a short attention span with these long post.

[Tayla]

Just validating here..I did read your post.

 

May I ask if you or your friend share all the other friends ( meaning you are both part of the same click?) . Sometimes its wiser to have your social friends, close friends and life friends from different groups ....

 

I cannot comment on the scenarios other then it sounds that some people take things to heart ( which seems like you do , and thats a good thing...sign of empathy) and there are those who are more social and allow some things to slide without concern for the sensitve friend....Could that be you and your friends style?

[Not the love ace]

Just validating here..I did read your post.

 

May I ask if you or your friend share all the other friends ( meaning you are both part of the same click?) . Sometimes its wiser to have your social friends, close friends and life friends from different groups ....

 

I cannot comment on the scenarios other then it sounds that some people take things to heart ( which seems like you do , and thats a good thing...sign of empathy) and there are those who are more social and allow some things to slide without concern for the sensitve friend....Could that be you and your friends style?

 

 

Yes, her and I share some of the other friends and are in a click. However, we both do have our own group of other friends as well. Especially her, I'm just more nomadic and a peoples person and like to get all my different friends to hang out if I can and if everyone gets along. I'm not exactly a "cliquish" type of person. She on the other hand likes to control social circles and friends as much as she can for her own comfort and she holds some friends in high regard and with high expectations.

 

I take things to heart in this case because its bothering the heck out of me. and I do care for her a lot. I know it's probably immature and trust me; I really rather not be typing about it but I just don't like being X'd out or her trying to outcast me from the group without a reason. I don't care if its a stupid reason, I just want to talk things over with her but I really feel like she's not telling me something. Especially since I feel and KNOW I've been good friend. I just don't like this stupid high school BS of trying to not X me out instead of not talking to me.

 

Perhaps I done something wrong? I really don't know. If so, I would like to know.

 

She also has the power to do so because she is rather a little manipulative and narcissistic and can probably succeed at having people not socialize with me. She likes to make her friends crawl back to her and "prove" themselves to her when she feels they're falling off but she's not going to get that with me.

 

I don't know, maybe I'm getting too old for these kiddy games and stressing over stupid drama like this at the age of 24. *sigh* I just wish I didn't stress over friends so much, I'm just trying to keep the friends I do have close since I don't have a big social circle or many friends as it is.

[Tayla]

Sorry for not responding sooner...

 

Your vision of things seem accurate of the situation...SInce you know her and her antics, it may be a slight break that is needed to re-group and have her be the one to ask the Friendship questions or address some concerns. Basically lay low with her and above all, Hold your head high, you deserve to be treated kindly by TRUE friends.

 

I can relate entirely as I have friends that are ALL about controlling the GROUP and making sure thigns flow "their" way and "their" way only...the irony in that is that most folks are on to it and consider the person the fool for thinking that anyone has any *power* to control anyone but themselves.

Most of the endearing friends are few and far between....So I appreciate that you recognize the importance of true friendships.

[Not the love ace]

Sorry for not responding sooner...

 

Your vision of things seem accurate of the situation...SInce you know her and her antics, it may be a slight break that is needed to re-group and have her be the one to ask the Friendship questions or address some concerns. Basically lay low with her and above all, Hold your head high, you deserve to be treated kindly by TRUE friends.

 

I can relate entirely as I have friends that are ALL about controlling the GROUP and making sure thigns flow "their" way and "their" way only...the irony in that is that most folks are on to it and consider the person the fool for thinking that anyone has any *power* to control anyone but themselves.

Most of the endearing friends are few and far between....So I appreciate that you recognize the importance of true friendships.

 

 

Please, don't be sorry its enough that you're even responding to it. I appreciate it more than you know.

 

As for my ex-best companion, things are unfortunately done and she pretty much got what she wanted:o, and that's me out of the social circle. I honestly got tired of the crap and just decided today not to hang with anyone because there's just too much drama, too much double standards, too much complication, too much nonsense and dishonesty. I told another friend who I thought I was growing close with how I felt about her actions and she brought it up to my ex-bestfriend (she's a mutual friend so it doesn't bother me) and then my ex-bestfriend just pretty much wanted me X'd out because she convinced everyone that I have ulterior motives and that I'm just being selfish. Whatever.

 

I see that's she's just the type of person who doesn't like when people "defy" her and since I'm pretty much the only person who brought up that I will no longer baby her and she needs to be an adult, they all took offense to that. Even though prior to that they were all telling me that I shouldn't be her "second boyfriend" and that it's not my responsibility to be taking care of her like I do. The problem is everyone in my ex social circle gets scared to keep it real with certain people in the circle because they are afraid of hurting anyone's feeling-besides mine apparently. Since I was more of the new guy in the group.

 

I guess they just didn't like the fact that I thought differently and maybe provided a more difficult challenge because to them I was "impossible" at times and I wasn't and simply just not a "yes men or ma'am" type of person. I like to address issues and keep everything honest and I would want the same with everyone else. If I'm wrong or you think I'm wrong, let me know I'm a firm believer in being honest with yourself and realizing mistakes. However I was ALWAYS in the wrong most of the time though they knew I was right(if that made any sense) but since they are used to sugarcoating everything and afraid of confrontation they choose to ex me out.

 

To me this is all too juvenile and high schoolish and I just feel past that crap already. I honestly tried really hard to see where I was wrong in this whole case but I just can't find anything to wrong myself for. I'm just tired of them using "Oh but she's a girl excuse and us women/girls are like that". To me its not a matter of a women or man thing-just simply be an adult and don't expect to get special privileges because you're a woman. I'm tired of them using that as an excuse and trying to get me to be more sympathetic.

 

I feel I've went above and beyond for her and some of the other people in the circle and I'm tired of her thinking she has some ownership over me and I'm tired of dealing with glib people who are just being childish about things and taking sides instead of letting her and I sort it out. Something that's not even really their business to begin with.

 

Does it suck that I'm on the lonely road again? Yes, I hate it:(. At the age of 24 I really should have a consistent social circle but I guess this is just the way my life is and there's probably a reason for all this nonsense. I can't stand being lonely and spending weeknights by myself, it gets seriously depressing. However, I've learned before that its sometimes better to be alone than with bad company. *sigh*

 

At the end of the day I feel like they lost out and I feel like I lost out in a way because I did have some great times with them. They have each other though and I'm nothing to them unfortunately.

[Not the love ace]

UPDATE: My ex-bestfriends boyfriend (whom I was also close to) gave me a surprising call today and asked if I wanted to hang with him tonight. For some reason, though I find it nice that he contacted me-I kind of really don't want to. I don't want to because I'll feel like an idiot in a way. Especially since they went out last night and never mentioned a thing to me and the night before that they went to dinner with all the other friends in the group and didn't mention anything to me and didn't even invite me themselves.

 

I'll feel like a fool if I hang with him but maybe this is also a chance to see where his head is at and if its me and him one-on-one time maybe we can clear somethings out the way and get down to the nitty-gritty and I can see how he feel and whats his perspective. I'm just reluctant to hangout because I'll feel like they are having me around when they want me around. I don't want them to feel like they're doing me any favors.

 

What should I do? Maybe he isn't fully convinced by his girlfriend and the other people in the group and wants to see things from his own perspective.

[Tayla]

Good for you in coming to terms with this and taking the high road!

 

Often the truth surfaces, so take this opportunity to hear folks sides from the aftermath of this drama. I would only caution you to remain neutral with this person who is part of the knitted friends group. Sometimes wolves are in sheeps clothing. Naturally you have a good head on your shoulders and will be able to tell ...go with your instincts.

[Not the love ace]

Yeah, I'm going to be cautious. I think he maybe, MAYBE wants to know whats going on and hear a different side to the story. He never liked these group of people to begin with and always felt they were too dramatic and at one point tried to keep his girlfriend away from them, things can change though. He can sometimes think for himself so I'm hoping that we can bring somethings to the surface. He considered me one of his only true friends (prior to this) so I'm just curious if I can bring up some of this nonsense with him. I'm not going to try and get him against his girlfriend; because I'm not like his girlfriend but I'm just hoping that maybe he doesn't become a sheep like the rest of the people.