CycleOfLove Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 Just wondering, anyone else suffers from Relationship OCD and is in a long distance relationship? or am I the only one here?.. ( I hope for your own sake that I am the only one. ) Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 What does "Relationship OCD" mean?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 1, 2010 Author Share Posted October 1, 2010 oh boy.. I don't even know where to start . Basically when you obsess weather you feel you love your SO or don't, where you question yourself about your feelings towards your SO,asking your self is she\he the one? where You feel like you love him\her but after 5 minutes you just freak out and wonder "or do i..? " "Do i really want this?" and just feel empty inside. but after few hours feel happy and In love again. Its.. hard.. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaLee Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 No. Never. If I've ever been sure of anything, it is that I love him immensely. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 I would never be with my fiance if I experienced that. What drives me to be in our relationship, that makes me able to spend every night without him, is that I love him completely. I haven't doubted that since the moment I realised how in love with him I was. What would you get out of a relationship you're not 100% in? Link to post Share on other sites
electricity Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 (edited) Honestly? Yes. I had plenty of doubts, especially when we first started dating. I think that reflects more on me as a person though - I can't even buy an apple at the grocery store without considering the condition of the apple I have in my left hand vs right, or maybe I need more vitamin C and I should get an orange? It's strawberry season though so I should get those... oh but bananas are on sale! Therefore, I think it's only natural that I obsess over the boyfriend. However, he's the only guy I've continued to obsess over. Other guys... I consider their pros and cons, and eventually get bored of thinking about them. The good thing is, I may over-think decisions before making them, but once I've made up my mind, I very very rarely change it (the kiwis I bought yesterday are delicious, thank you very much ). I think it's really hard in an LDR. I haven't seen him for two months, and our schedules are such that we only get to webcam on weekends. I constantly wonder if I should give up my career and move to him. I wonder if I should give up on him and focus on my career. I wonder when we'll be together, what kind of sacrifices that will entail, if we'll be willing to make those sacrifices. I wonder if we'll find we're incompatible when we're not LD. I wonder since I eventually plan to put my career on the backburner to be with him, why I refuse to to do it now, and when I'll know I'm ready. I wonder if there's someone better for him/me. I wonder what we're missing out on when we don't look for relationships in our own cities, when we turn down plans with friends for our webcam dates. I think that's OK. At this very moment, I love him and I'm willing to keep turning over all these thoughts about him. If I didn't care about him that much, I wouldn't constantly be trying to fit him into my present and future life. (Also, it helps to discuss all these concerns with him.) Edited October 1, 2010 by electricity Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 I'll admit in the beginning I had doubts. I was wondering do I really want to be with this guy because of who he is or because I really miss being in love. But over time it's matured to where I have no doubts I love him and he loves me. I know he's the guy I want to be with and I never wonder anymore if what we feel is real. Time and circumstances have proven that our feelings for one another are strong and are not the product of us just trying to fill a void. If I didn't love him as much as I do there is no way in hell I'd be in a LDR and going months without seeing him. I just wouldn't be able to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 (edited) You don't get it. Doubting your love towards your SO, and ROCD are totally 2 different things. The problem with Rocd is that it will follow you around. even If i happen to breakup with my boyfriend which i REALLY truly love and move on and get a new boyfriend my rocd will pop again. Its really complicated to try and explain it to you guys, If you like Google it. "What would you get out of a relationship you're not 100% in?"Its kinda rude of you to assume I am not 100% into my relationship, When you have no clue what people with ROCD are going trough and how their mind works. i KNOW I love my SO, but I suffer from ocd and it makes everything harder. but I guess I can`t blame you guys If never experienced Relationship OCD, Just thought would be nice to find people who are in Long distance relationship and suffer from rocd I can relate to. My bad then Edited October 2, 2010 by CycleOfLove Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 Thanks for your respond, and I do discuses with my SO about my ocd, hes understanding and patient with me Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Cycle- I sincerely hope you reconsider your comment to Citizen as she is really giving of experience and with that comes some wisdom....I doubt that she meant any disrespect to your dilema so much as validating that her love is not questionable at this stage. Perhaps you are at a different stage in the LDR...I dunno. OCD is a medical condition not the right of way to dismiss others who happen to share here....Be a wee bit more kind to us and I think you will find we can aide in a supportive way even if we ourselves do not truly experience ur every day symptoms...We do experience LIFE and LOVE and that can be what counts sometimes...Find the middle ground. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 I sincerely hope you reconsider your comment to Citizen as she is really giving of experience and with that comes some wisdom The problem is that she have no experience with ocd and she Jumps to conclusions. I asked if there are some people here with ocd who are in a long distance relationship, didn't ask anyone to answer my questioning and doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 The problem is that she have no experience with ocd and she Jumps to conclusions. I asked if there are some people here with ocd who are in a long distance relationship, didn't ask anyone to answer my questioning and doubts. If you're only going to take advice from people with OCD, you should probably go and find a forum that people with OCD tend to flock to. My point was that I couldn't be in my LDR if I was uncertain of my feelings for my fiance. They're hard enough. And THAT I have experience with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 I know I am not in the quite right forum I understand that. I didn't come here to ask about my ocd and why I have these thoughts on my mind. I don't see what you guys getting "pissy" about. again, all I asked for is there is anyone here who is in a long distance & suffer from OCD, simple as that. I never said you guys dont have expericnes with love& life come on now.. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 The only person getting pissy is you. If you were looking for a bunch of people to say "sure, I'm crazy about my guy but not always, I question it a lot because I have OCD" it's just not going to happen. Especially with people in LDR's because to be frank, they more than likely don't last. Most LDR's don't, the ones that do are successful because both people are crazy about each other PLUS they work at it, are patient and have an eventual end date. I have much sympathy for you if you truly love him and are plagued with these thoughts because of a mental disorder. But plenty of people have these thoughts and it's not put down to OCD, it's because their feelings aren't strong and certain. I've been there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 This is SO not the reason why i came here for actually, for that I have the ocd forums i just wanted to see who else knows what this feels like or am i the only one? this is one big misunderstanding. I agree that most long distance relationship don't work when bad thoughts creep in,and feelings change. But I been diagnosed with OCD and me and my SO are doing the long distance for a year and 6 Months and I am truly In love with him, but when a person suffers from ocd it makes everything so much more complicated. I apologize if i made the impression of " oh please tell me its okay to have these thoughts" I am aware to my disorder and just hoped theres some people out there whos doing the Long distance& have ocd. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 COL, I have some understanding of OCD and I know that it affects people in different ways. If your disorder manifests itself as anxieties about your relationship then a LDR is naturally going to be much harder for you than for others. There may well be others on LS who suffer from OCD, but the percentage is likely to be very low, and even less when you narrow it down to the LDR forum. I can imagine how difficult you must find it being in an LDR but, if your boyfriend is understanding and can help with your anxiety, and it's something you feel able to deal with then hang in there and good luck to you. The replies people give on any thread on LS are generally based on their own experiences and their understanding of the OPs situation. I think all the responses you've had here have shown that, for the individuals concerned, they need a certain level of confidence in their LDR to make the sacrifices necessary. If you can deal with your LDR without that level of confidence, then good for you. It's your relationship and only you can decide whether it is worth the uncertainty that it seems to bring you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 Hey tiger, thanks a lot for answering my thread. Seems like you are the only one who can understand me and see what i meant by posting this. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Hey tiger, thanks a lot for answering my thread. Seems like you are the only one who can understand me and see what i meant by posting this. You're welcome COL. Don't be too frustrated with the other responses though. The nature of OCD isn't easy for people to understand unless they have knowledge of it through training or personal experience. The vast majority of LSers (there are a tiny number of exceptions) give their thoughts in a genuine attempt to help the OP. So don't let a misunderstanding of your situation put you off posting again. LDRs are tough for everyone and this is a great place just to vent or to get some insight into how others are coping. Good luck with your LDR. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 4, 2010 Author Share Posted October 4, 2010 aw thank you tiger *hugs* I really felt like after posting this i shouldn't post here anymore,since people seem to misunderstand me. I guess people don't quite understand what relationship ocd is and its not their fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 I've had OCD in other areas of my life (self-diagnosed, noone sees psychologists where I come from) - not sure if it extends to relationships, but I do tend to overanalyze and overthink everything. Lol @ electricity about the fruit-buying dilemma, I ALWAYS have the same problem! It gets to a point where could I spend the entire day wondering and worrying about an expensive purchase I just made, if I don't nip it in the bud. And by expensive I don't even mean a house or a car... I mean a new winter coat. Geez. OP: I think you shouldn't disqualify your doubts just based on your ocd, however. Without more information about what doubts you have, we can't help you, and I think the pro/con list you made for your previous Rs is a great idea. If the only con is, for example, 'When he's not around I sometimes have hours when I doubt if I'm in love but for no good reason', then you could probably attribute it to your ocd. But if it's something like, "He goes for days at a time without contacting me for no good reason", then it's something solid about your R that should be tackled one way or another. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 Just wondering, anyone else suffers from Relationship OCD and is in a long distance relationship? or am I the only one here?.. ( I hope for your own sake that I am the only one. ) I have witnessed that with some of the younger guys when we were overseas. The constant worry "does she still love me? What if she's with someone else? How can I know? " Usually it just takes a five minute phone call and everything is perfect again. But those calls can be very hard to come by over there. I imagine some sort of the same thing applies to you. Distance can make the heart grow fonder, but it aint easy Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 The only time I get really obsessive over thoughts of whether or not my boyfriend loves me and will stay with me is when we get into an argument. Then I freak out completely. Example, this weekend we got into it over him falling asleep on the phone. He failed to let me know that was what was happening and so I thought his phone service was just messed up. Anyway it escalated too much and I was angry the entire day yesterday. Then he got cold and distant as a result of my behaviour and I freaked out. When he didn't text me back right away I thought "omg I hope he's not gonna break up with me" and the thought kept running through my mind. Well until we talked and everything seemed right again. Those are the only times I freak out and obsess over the status of "us". Other than that I show no signs of being OCD although I must eat my bread a certain way and must look out the front door everytime I pass it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 Elswyth its more like when hes not around I`d sit and doubt everything about us and him for no good reason, when hes the perfect one for me & I couldn't ask for a better man and I have no good reason to doubt anything, and yet I do. I have many forms of ocd sadly haha. Thanks,Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 aerogurl87 "although I must eat my bread a certain way" that made me lol because I do some crazy stuff that I cant explain why i do them. but I just have to do them in my way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CycleOfLove Posted October 5, 2010 Author Share Posted October 5, 2010 Skydiveaddict oh boy,these thoughts are always on my mind and the distance don't make it any easier. But I know I love my SO a lot, I been diagnosed with OCD, sadly enough my relationship ocd isn't the only form of ocd i suffer from, and I am trying to just accept these thoughts but its hard being young and all these thoughts cause me stress and I cant even focus on my work. It almost feels like my brain has its own personality, It never stops thinking thoughts, random,bad,good thoughts playing in my head since the minute I wake up, and go to bed. Link to post Share on other sites
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