colliejoanie Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 I have an amazing connection with this guy I met online. We've texted 4000 times this past week and a half and talked every night. When we talked I noticed he sounded feminine, but thought I would wait to "judge"when I actually meet him. I met him yesterday. Not only did he sound feminine, he had very feminine mannerisms.......I thought "well, he's gay. at least I've met a new friend". Then the date went on, and either his gay voice went away, or I stopped noticing it. We had an amazing time. He was very complimentary of me and my female body.......he didn't seem gay. He talked about guy things. Then he gave me a huge hug and a delicious kiss goodbye. Is it possible that a straight guy SOUNDS like a gay guy??? Can I ask him about it??? Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 (edited) Is it possible that a straight guy SOUNDS like a gay guy??? Can I ask him about it??? There have been times I've assumed a man was gay because of the way he spoke, and been surprised to learn that he's married/partnered up with a woman. Then subsequently he's come out as gay. That's just my experience, but now I always assume that if a man sounds gay then he most probably is. Though it's something I keep to myself. My feeling is that it's up to people whether or not they want to discuss their sexuality, and it isn't something I'd broach with them. If a man is demonstrating romantic interest in you, then he's presenting himself out as heterosexual. To share with him your perception that he might be gay suggests that you think he's lying about his sexuality - either to you or to yourself. I wouldn't recommend it for that reason, but I can definitely appreciate that you must be feeling confused about this. You seem to be really into him, so perhaps all you can do is hope for the best but be prepared for a disclosure. BTW - 4000 texts??? That must have cost a fortune. How on earth did you find the time and energy? Edited October 2, 2010 by Taramere Link to post Share on other sites
Author colliejoanie Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 Thanks, I really appreciate the advice.....I wish you'd said something like "yes, my husband has been accused of sounding gay but we've been married for 20 years and I'm the happiest woman on the planet". 4000 texts...haha! an exageration, but we do talk a lot. I am into him.......and I really wish I could ask him why he talks like that. Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Hold your horses, many girls make this mistake. I have been accused of it (or people have hinted it), and there was never a man born more straight than I am. Things like: caring for others, soft speech, being interested in you as a person and not just meat, laid back approach to romance, may give an appearance of homosexuality, but that does not make someone gay. There are guys who are aggressive sexually, act manly, and are 100% gay. You should worry if he gets really physical with guys though: likes to hug them, likes to physically touch them playfully, talks about them in strange ways (he's cute, sweet), then I would be worried. I've known too many girls that will label a genuine caring nice guy as gay just because he doesn't make sexual moves on her right away. Don't be one of those dummies, take your time and don't be so judgmental unless you have actual reasons to think he's gay. Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 If he quacks like a duck... he's a duck.. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 It's possible, and I couldn't live with it. One of the things that initially attracts or repulses me is a man's voice and if he sounds very feminine or gay, then I can't be with him. Some may think it's shallow but it is a deal breaker for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 I second what Sagetalk is saying. My workplace is heavily gay (my boss is a drag queen in his spare time), my roommate is gay, and I have dozens of friends and acquaintances who are gay. I am bathed in gayness on a daily basis. You really can't use stereotypes to know if someone is gay. In fact, my gay friends don't often know if a man is gay or straight, if he's flirting or being friendly. And more than once, I've hit on a guy who turned out to be gay & then I introduce him to my gay friends. Unless he's very private, he'll let you know if he's gay or not by telling you. Or if he doesn't say anything, just ask. Link to post Share on other sites
sagetalk Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 It's possible, and I couldn't live with it. One of the things that initially attracts or repulses me is a man's voice and if he sounds very feminine or gay, then I can't be with him. Some may think it's shallow but it is a deal breaker for me. I can't really say I've ever met anyone that isn't shallow in some way when it comes to dating. Some women only date "fun" guys, some only date big guys, some only jerks, some only alpha males, some only date guys with deep voices. They are all equally shallow and meaningless for a happy long term relationship. For men it's usually body fat, booty, and breast size. Face it, people are shallow when it comes to dating, it's one of the reasons why so many marriages fail. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 He's efeminate. That's not going to go away. He may not be gay but there comes some other social issues about taking on an efeminate male. Most others will THINK he's gay and the question is are you really willing to brave all this potential noise for him (gossip, admonitions from friends and family to not trust him)? Just sayin'. Many people quickly spout that they don't care what other people think. But the real question is will you "feel" how they act and think? And that won't go away either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author colliejoanie Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 That's exactly what is bothering me. Sure, I can SAY I don't care what other people think, but people WILL think he's gay. Second date is scheduled. Jury is still in deliberation, but I really hope my second impression is different than the first. I'm hoping he was nervous or something>>>?????? Thanks for all the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Knittress Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 (edited) My ex was really effeminate. It bothered me a tad, but he was brilliant, loving, had big pretty eyes, and we just really clicked emotionally/intellectually. Thing was, in my youth and inexperience I didn't really understand what I wanted sexually or realize that a lot of his behavior turned me off - I thought it was my problem, honestly. As we got older, I became more confident which seemed to make him more insecure and even MORE clingy/passive ( I wanted him to 'take me' and he wanted me NOT to shove him against a wall, stick my tongue down his throat and demand he take me. He liked it "nice." ) - it was SO not working, for either of us... (Then again, maybe he IS gay. Hah!) So what am I saying? Right! Don't ignore your nagging doubts just because you like someone and don't want to reject them. If it bothers you, it bothers you. Because it's won't bother you LESS with time, and perhaps like me, you'll grow into your sexual tastes and it'll be an awful shock when you realize the person you love is the last person on earth you want to sleep with. Edited October 2, 2010 by Knittress Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 My ex was really effeminate. It bothered me a tad, but he was brilliant, loving, had big pretty eyes, and we just really clicked emotionally/intellectually. Thing was, in my youth and inexperience I didn't really understand what I wanted sexually or realize that a lot of his behavior turned me off - I thought it was my problem, honestly. As we got older, I became more confident which seemed to make him more insecure and even MORE clingy/passive ( I wanted him to 'take me' and he wanted me NOT to shove him against a wall, stick my tongue down his throat and demand he take me. He liked it "nice." ) - it was SO not working, for either of us... (Then again, maybe he IS gay. Hah!) So what am I saying? Right! Don't ignore your nagging doubts just because you like someone and don't want to reject them. If it bothers you, it bothers you. Because it's won't bother you LESS with time, and perhaps like me, you'll grow into your sexual tastes and it'll be an awful shock when you realize the person you love is the last person on earth you want to sleep with. "Big pretty eyes"?!?! OMG, if that isn't a flamer what is? LOL, no woman better describe me like that, lol, "alex has big pretty eyes"!! yeap, sounds gay lol.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 "Big pretty eyes"?!?! OMG, if that isn't a flamer what is? LOL, no woman better describe me like that, lol, "alex has big pretty eyes"!! yeap, sounds gay lol.. My most masculine boyfriend had big beautiful eyes and about the longest eyelashes I'd ever seen on a man. And he was almost caveman hetero. In a situation like this, I think you have to give it a little time. Your intuition will speak up more and more moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Knittress Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 (edited) (What?! Double-postyness. Grrrrr.) Edited October 2, 2010 by Knittress Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 "Big pretty eyes"?!?! OMG, if that isn't a flamer what is? LOL, no woman better describe me like that, lol, "alex has big pretty eyes"!! yeap, sounds gay lol.. Aww, come on. That's a nice thing to have said. I've had it and it didn't make me feel like a swish, I mean, a lesser manny man. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 "Big pretty eyes"?!?! OMG, if that isn't a flamer what is? LOL, no woman better describe me like that, lol, "alex has big pretty eyes"!! yeap, sounds gay lol.. No no, you don't understand. Eyes are the defining piece of a person. No good eyes = no attraction, no matter what the rest of the body looks like. Link to post Share on other sites
alexlakeman Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Aww, come on. That's a nice thing to have said. I've had it and it didn't make me feel like a swish, I mean, a lesser manny man. Oh I agree having nice eyes is a plus for a guy, but not "pretty eyes", lol.. I've been told I have nice eyes.. but not "pretty" .. no way Link to post Share on other sites
Knittress Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Oh I agree having nice eyes is a plus for a guy, but not "pretty eyes", lol.. I've been told I have nice eyes.. but not "pretty" .. no way I think the phrasing says more about me than it does him. Perhaps that I'm a tad unconventional and I prefer my men softer. ::shrug:: Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Oh I agree having nice eyes is a plus for a guy, but not "pretty eyes", lol.. I've been told I have nice eyes.. but not "pretty" .. no way Pretty, nice or pretty nice. All works for Frisky. I think I got that "pretty eyes" complement as a response to my telling my longest love that she had "pretty eyes". She's say: "no, you have preety eyes". She grew up being teased and tormented by a family member who made her think she had bug eyes. Whoever that was must have just been jealous. Her eyes were perfectly gorgeous to me--even when closed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author colliejoanie Posted October 3, 2010 Author Share Posted October 3, 2010 So, if he's gay he is sure fighting hard against it. Our date was last night. It was amazing. He was amazing. Great kisser. We kissed a lot. I just kept thinking "can I get over the fact that I'm afraid he's going to come out of the closet soon". He did sound gay again......not quite as much, but still annoying. Well, I'm just going to ride this one out....so to speak . I'm smitten......with a gay guy........ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Knittress Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I'm smitten......with a gay guy........ It happens to most of us at some point or another. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 So, if he's gay he is sure fighting hard against it. Our date was last night. It was amazing. He was amazing. Great kisser. We kissed a lot. I just kept thinking "can I get over the fact that I'm afraid he's going to come out of the closet soon". He did sound gay again......not quite as much, but still annoying. Well, I'm just going to ride this one out....so to speak . I'm smitten......with a gay guy........ My cousin is a tad efiminate. To make matters worse he feel awkwardly in the tub and lost a testicle because of it. I haven't heard him speak since. But he did get married last year. Link to post Share on other sites
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