First post

[moulin_wings]

Hey. So I've always been curious about posting here and getting honest opinions from unbiased people.

I do apologize for how long this description is....

Well I am in a relationship with a guy, for about a year. Things were fantastic for the first 6 months (technically 4) of our relationship. One day I was browsing through his laptop to find a movie to watch, because he was busy at work and he was staying over for the week. I accidentally deleted a file and went into the Recycle Bin to find it. In the Recycle Bin, I found pictures of a girl, on his bed. She was naked, and the pictures were clearly posed.

I was confused but thought they were old pictures... But then noticed things about his room that were changed after we started dating (ie: christmas lights were hung, a flag was up over his bed). I looked at the "properties" on the pictures and they were clearly taken while we were together. I freaked out and called him at work. He seemed calm and said that he was glad I confronted him, but that he was having issues with his camera so the date of the pictures would be all messed up. And that they were taken a while ago. I tried to believe him but I had all these weird feelings.

I pick him up from work later, and tell him how I'm so worried that he's lying. So he finally admits to having taken those pictures while we were together but that he didn't sleep with her. That he did it to get back at her for something she did years ago. Whatever. It doesn't matter though... What he did was clearly wrong, and I broke up with him. We took a little break, but I missed him so we said we were going to work on the relationship.

Things weren't going so well, and I had a lot of trust issues. He would complain that it was taking me too long to get over this, so we took another break. On this break, he hung out with his "ex". Let's call her Carrie. I put it in quotes because they would always just hook up whenever they were single, and even if she wasn't single, they'd hook up. She's pretty much his "go-to-girl" and she had never made an effort to be my friend. Well, I was upset they were hanging out, but he said I had nothing to worry about but that he'd call me when he got home.

Well it gets to be 3 am, 4 am.... 7 am... 9 am. No call. I couldn't sleep at all, so I call his house (he doesn't have a cell). Apparently he didn't come home last night. I'm freaking out because I feel like he cheated on me again. Well he calls me around 10am, and apologizes for "passing out" at her place the night before. I'm so hurt at this point that I don't know what to do. We spend some time apart, but we still want to work on things.

About a month or two later, I start seeing inappropriate messages from his friend on his FB wall, and I ask him about it. He said he didn't know what they were about so I let it slide. I was still suspicious. A few weeks later I found a conversation between the two of them saying that if she wasn't in New Mexico and he wasn't in New York, they'd be together. And that she was the one who got away. And that he will carry her in his heart wherever he goes. Yes, it was mostly prompted by her, but he didn't really bring me up or say "listen I have a girlfriend, stop". But I also know that men love to have their ego stroked.

So I confronted him about this, too. He was so mad that I found the conversation but I pointed out to him that he had no right to be mad, especially after the things he said. So, he and I, after fighting, decided to send her a message together saying that she had no right to do those things and that she should back off. She, needless to say, flipped out. But that doesn't matter, because they don't talk anymore. He has blocked her, etc. But there was still trust issues.

So things started to finally get better, he would spend more time with me, the sex was great, but again... When I'd leave his house at night, he'd say "Oh I"m gonna go hang out with Carrie now". And even though I'd get upset, he'd say "Well at least I"m being honest". Things got worse and worse and worse (and it didn't help that he's bi-polar and stopped taking his meds due to financial issues), and he dumped me a few weeks ago.

First it was just "lets go on a break and take a step back", and then it was "I have to find myself", and then it was "this doesn't seem to be working. I'm changing the status of our relationship."

I don't know if he ever really slept with anyone else, but he was always lying to me. Granted, he'd admit to them after I questioned him (kinda like Sam in Garden State), and that he also has his own mental issues but at the same time... How do I deal with that? He's also been spending 85% of his time now with "Carrie", even though he still talks to me.

I'm considering NC, which is probably the best. I'm also back in therapy and back on anti-depressants, so that should help me. I just don't want to lose him because I have done SO much for him, and our relationship and worked on so much... for what.. For it to just be over? I need help moving on but I don't want to give up at the same time, bc he also still talks about us having a future.

I'm so confused.

[TigerCub]

Honestly, this guy sounds like more trouble than he's worth.

Even if he denied it, I don't buy the camera date mix-up BS. Also, this girl was naked on his bed, and he didn't f*ck her?

Even if he didn't and according to him, he took naked pics of her to get back at her for something she did a long time ago - what did he do post them on the web? Do you really want to be with someone that's so vindictive and immature and petty?

 

I just don't want to lose him because I have done SO much for him, and our relationship and worked on so much... for what.. For it to just be over?

 

People who keep investing in a bad car feel the same way - that's why they keep wasting their resources.

[PegNosePete]

He is a cheat and a liar. Get rid of him. There is someone out there who is so much better for you. The longer you let this loser play his games with you, the more time you waste finding the right person!