conscious or what?

[sara]

when ever i tell someone no, i feel so guilty so that i either give in or suffer. simple things that don't take no energy like a back rub or getting something from the fridge for someone, i don't want to do, then i feel so ashamed and so guilty. i try to reason with myself but to no avail. how can i stop the guilt without feeling like i'm being selfish for not wanting to do something so simple for a loved one?

[Tony T]

There have been many books written about this problem. The most popular is: Why Do I Say Yes When I Mean To Say No.

 

It was published quite a few years ago but is probably in your public library.

 

There are many reasons why we say yes when we don't want to, mainly fear of being rejected, disliked, unloved, etc. However, YOU have to love YOU first and foremost. If you keep saying yes when you don't want to, you will NOT like yourself and nobody else will either.

 

When you start being strong, you will love yourself and people will stop taking advantage of you. I think there is a middle ground. You don't have to stop being nice altogether and telling everybody NO...but you can cut the Yeses WAY DOWN.

 

Assert yourself, do what you want, and don't care what other people think. If people are going to get mad at you or reject you for not doing something they ask you to do, to hell with them...you absolutely don't need them in your life.

 

You are just going to have to start practicing saying NO. Say it to yourself as often as possible and say it when you feel like saying it to someone when they ask you to do something you don't want to do.

 

Get a piece of paper and write NO, 1000 times. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ON NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO....GOT THE IDEA???

 

You are an adult now...you are grown up...you are able to act responsibly. When you want to do something kind for somebody, do it, whether they ask or not. And when you don't, tell them Tony said to tell them not only NO, but HELL NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO....I like the way you say that, did you know that?