Found my BF's post on here. So I joined to tell my side:

[Untouchable_Fire]

well i've been busy and haven't checked back. made the sperm comment after my boyfriend dumped me the night before. we obviously got back together. i agree with bruces position on opposite sex friends. there are benefits to engaging with other human beings that have nothing to do with sexuality. some people don't see that. you guys can post all you want about how i am so evil. a nd that's fine. but i know i'm not. and this just proves that it will be extremely hard to find someone who shares my views on opposite sex friends within a relationship. i by no means think i should have any male friends that are kept from my boyfriend. p.s. all contact with the people my bf is uncomfortable with has diminished to almost nothing if not none at all. though i still don't agree with it. i do it because it's not worth the fight..

 

You clearly can't handle opposite sex friends. You use them for emotional validation, attention, flirting... ect. Why do you even bother having a BF? Just to help pay your bills?

 

Meh... IMO... your not GF material.

[lkjh]

well i've been busy and haven't checked back. made the sperm comment after my boyfriend dumped me the night before. we obviously got back together. i agree with bruces position on opposite sex friends. there are benefits to engaging with other human beings that have nothing to do with sexuality. some people don't see that. you guys can post all you want about how i am so evil. a nd that's fine. but i know i'm not. and this just proves that it will be extremely hard to find someone who shares my views on opposite sex friends within a relationship. i by no means think i should have any male friends that are kept from my boyfriend. p.s. all contact with the people my bf is uncomfortable with has diminished to almost nothing if not none at all. though i still don't agree with it. i do it because it's not worth the fight..

 

 

 

Ya clearly the world is wrong and you are right. Its ok to stay emotionally connected with men that want to bang you because you see them as "friends.

[JustJoe]

SO, first off, you both need to chill out. You skew things your way, and he skews things his way, so what? That's why they call it argueing, two people see things different. Neither of you seem to be concerned about making the relationship work, and more about blaming the other person. My advice is that both of you stop and think about what brought you together, in the first place, and see if , instead of bickering, you can try to rekindle that affection. Having said that your comment with "skype ", guy was extremely offensive and disrespectful to your BF. And you also should try to be honest with us LS posters. At first you said that you were on the verge of breaking up, then you said that you had already broken up, when you said it. Which is it? Either way, if You were my girl, and you told another man that you wanted him to be a "sperm donor", and I found out, you would be on your way back to wherever you came from. That your BF is still with you, shows that he's a pretty good guy. If you haven't apologized to him for that comment, perhaps you should do so.

[Dexter Morgan]

and this just proves that it will be extremely hard to find someone who shares my views on opposite sex friends within a relationship.

 

 

then what is the point of you posting if you simply want to be told what you want to hear?

 

sounds like you are simply out for validation......so you are validated, now go out into the world.

 

 

 

i by no means think i should have any male friends that are kept from my boyfriend.

 

why? whats the difference? If you share BL's view on same sex friends, then they are no different than your female friends.... no?

 

what you just said above negates your idea on same sex friends.

 

 

p.s. all contact with the people my bf is uncomfortable with has diminished to almost nothing if not none at all. though i still don't agree with it. i do it because it's not worth the fight..

 

why do you think your bf is uncomfortable with male friends? what are you doing to make him uncomfortable about it?

[Dexter Morgan]

we were broken up when i made the sperm joke

 

so? all it means is it shows your contempt for him to make such a comment to hurt him. broken up or not.

[BruceLeroy]

 

why? whats the difference? If you share BL's view on same sex friends, then they are no different than your female friends.... no?

 

what you just said above negates your idea on same sex friends.

 

so you're suggesting female friends are okay for a girl to hide from her BF? Or male friends should be hidden by guys in reltionships. All she said was she wasn't hidding anyone. since this is about her man's issue with guy friends - she didn't need to qualify the chicks right? dude, your just mincing words at this point. All I see is two incompatible people and a bunch of dudes trying to make one person feel bad for being different minded. It would be just as ****ty if her dude cam on her and got crapped on for wanting her to have no male friends. He want what he want and she want what she want. Once they find the right people for them all this becomes moot.

 

Can't we all just be friends

 

Syl, your story IS changing as it goes. whats with that?

[Dexter Morgan]

so you're suggesting female friends are okay for a girl to hide from her BF?

 

 

no, I'm saying if male friends are no different from her female friends, why would SHE think that the male friends are different that she'd even have to think about whether or not to hide them from her bf?

 

if her male friends are no different from her female friends, and this is her, and your, view on it, then she wouldn't even need to consider the notion of hiding them, whether she is hiding them from him or not.

[livbylove22]

I didnt read your bf's post but after reading your justifications I would not date you. For starters even if you dated a guy for a few weeks he is your ex. The fact you don't see this would be a huge red flag for me. Im just saying that after reading your post you seem like the girl that constantly needs attention from guys and I would not trust a girl like that. I could be wrong and you could be a great girl but you need to learn to cut guys out of your life

 

Also, make a damn girlfriend. As a guy I can tell you we don't want to be your friend, we want to bang you.

 

 

Definitely agree! You are not meant for a relationship and you are Clearly wrong here. I know you think your not but look how many people on this thread see it. I think you need to rethink your priorities.

[BruceLeroy]

no, I'm saying if male friends are no different from her female friends, why would SHE think that the male friends are different that she'd even have to think about whether or not to hide them from her bf?

 

if her male friends are no different from her female friends, and this is her, and your, view on it, then she wouldn't even need to consider the notion of hiding them, whether she is hiding them from him or not.

 

Being with a incompatible person makes you have to think of things differently than you would normal. The whole putting yourself in other shoes thing. Incompatible thoughts are bound to happen.

 

Look, you tell someone they did wrong and she did her share. We've alllllll told her this ****. Now she going to do what she will do. What do you get out of asking easily understood stuff?

[BlackLovely]

no, its you that doesn't get it.

 

you proved my point. there is no such thing and "just" friends with the opposite sex. at least not the kind of "friends" you hang out with alone.

 

thanks:)

 

Yes, there is Dexter. It's called having gay friends, if you're female.

 

I am alone with my best gay pal all the time. My husband has no issue with that and neither do I. After all, it's not like my gay pal will EVER BE interested in me- I don't have the proper equipment!

[Dexter Morgan]

Yes, there is Dexter. It's called having gay friends, if you're female.

 

I am alone with my best gay pal all the time. My husband has no issue with that and neither do I. After all, it's not like my gay pal will EVER BE interested in me- I don't have the proper equipment!

 

ya, that would be the only time when they are gay.

 

but nothing of gayness was mentioned by the OP

[Dexter Morgan]

Being with a incompatible person makes you have to think of things differently than you would normal.

 

if thats the case, then why be with that person? incompatible....speaks for itself. did ya think before posting this as some sort of refutation of what I said?

[BruceLeroy]

if thats the case, then why be with that person? incompatible....speaks for itself. did ya think before posting this as some sort of refutation of what I said?

 

Refute what Dex? I been sayin it through the whole damn thread. Its why I don't get the on and on and on and on and what you get out of it man. They just not right for each other. I keep saying it and you keep needin to argue. Whats to argue about?

[BruceLeroy]

Okay, just thought of something. Maybe you need to feel like you won somethin here. So just for you I bestow a grand title of Dude WAY More Angry and Personally Invested In This Thread Than Ever Was Another Dude.

 

Better? Cuz I could never top you on that one. Believe it, own it, and go forth with pride.

[lizzibeth]

I really haven't read all of this thread so if I missed something earth shattering, I apologize.

 

My only opinion, and this applies univerally, not just to you, if you need counselling and you're not married, you should break up.

 

Couples counselling?

 

Unless you're in some common law marriage, break up

[BlackLovely]

ya, that would be the only time when they are gay.

 

but nothing of gayness was mentioned by the OP

 

I know that, sweets. Just adding a different twist to the discussion.

[Clep]

Well this post really brought me back to the old days. I remember thinking like you and being just as self serving. I used to think the same way you do and the words you speak used to be the same words that came out of my mouth. I was not gf material either, just like you aren't.

 

I had very poor self worth. I thought that the only thing that made me worthy was if men were interested in me, even if I was in a relationship. I would flirt with them and lead them on even with no intention of doing anything more. I had to have that attention at the risk of losing my relationship. Of course I loved my bf and didn't want to lose him, but had to have that validation from many different men. Having it from my bf only, just wasn't enough.

 

I knew men didn't want to just be my friend because I flirted with every one of them, and every one reciprocated. If they really wanted to be my friend they wouldn't have. I of course tried to convince my bf that the multiple male friends I had were just friends with me. What I didn't realize was how stupid and unconvincing that sounded to my bf because being a man and having men as friends his whole life, he knew different and knew I was lying.

 

I used to say just like you do that you have female friends too, to make my harem of male friends sound more innocent.

 

Your perceptions are distorted. I think you should find yourself. You will know when you do, as you won't need to have all these male friends anymore. Oh and all of these men are hanging around online or wherever because they can see your weaknesses and requirement for constant validation. You don't look like gf material to them either I would suspect, but just a notch on the bed post. When you are in a relationship and flirting with them, they couldn't trust you in a relationship as they have inside knowledge about what you are like in one. You can create all the excuses in the world like being without a job and being lonely, etc for having to have male friends which is what I hear you doing.

[amerikajin]

There is really no way to know exactly what the truth is here because their accounts seem to diverge a bit on some issues, such as whether there is daily texting and what not.

 

I'll say this to the OP of this thread (the female): having friends of the opposite sex is not prohibited, but it's something that should always be approached cautiously. I learned this the hard way. I used to have an attitude similar to yours, that "It's my friend and my partner should just leave me alone." Bad move. Doesn't work. It's about understanding the sensitivity of your partner and where he/she comes from. When you start sharing intimate details of your life with another man, then it is a natural consequence for your partner to feel threatened by that, even if you truly mean in your heart of hearts that it's nothing more than innocent conversation (and in my view, that's debatable in this case). I think your bottom line is that you may not haven taken your boyfriend's feelings into consideration here.

 

Now, having said that, there might be other issues that are factoring into this situation. Maybe your boyfriend is controlling or maybe your boyfriend and you aren't communicating well. I don't know if you want to continue this relationship, but if you both do (and if you're both reading this), maybe you should both sit down and hit the reset button. Start over with a conversation over coffee and donuts on a Sunday morning and just open up. What do you expect in a relationship when it comes to these issues? What do you feel is appropriate and why? Don't spend time trying to rebut the other person and argue with them, just stick to your own opinions and express them.