Is it true that a guy is only as faithful as his options?

[fragileone]

I was told, if a man can engage in a sexual activity with an attractive female with no risks of STD's or getting caught, he will do so. And if he does pass up such an opportunity, he will regret it and surely not pass it up next time around. Any second opinions?

[dyermaker]

You'd have to add "and never remember a thing afterwards"

[Darkangelism]

Yes thats true, but is it a realistic option, no.

[Dejin]

Well hell,

 

No girlfriend, no worries. -grin-

[dyermaker]

I was kidding, sorry about that. I don't refrain from hurtful or immoral actions simply because I won't get caught.

[jmargel]

Not true fragileone. I'm engaged and had a chick already ask me to have sex with her. I would never do it, even though the risk of getting caught, etc.. wouldn't be there. I'm in total love with my fiancee, and I could never live with the guilt. No amount of sex is worth giving up someone you love, and want to live life with.

[SoleMate]

I personally know of many counterexamples to your hypothesis. I'm sure it's true that there are some men who act like barnyard animals if they can with no risk. (Also some women.) From what I've seen, they are a minority.

 

Men are individuals, you know. Although they do sometimes seem like a swarm of paramecia who can be manipulated with temperature, pH and light, I've found that many/most of them do have some intelligence and ethics to overlay their sexual urges. Not all, perhaps...

[Benedict]

I don't think so. That is a popular belief among those who really like to bash males.

 

But I guess I can't really speak for anyone but myself, right?

 

Not true for me then. I play in a band, and get some offers. I am not interested. I like to think it is because I find my wife so forkin' hot. But... I suspect that there is more to it than that...

[moimeme]

Although they do sometimes seem like a swarm of paramecia who can be manipulated with temperature, pH and light

 

Ouch! Tad cynical, are we?

[befuddled11]

I apologize in advance for coming across as a male-basher, but in talking with male friends over the years.....many many male friends, they've shared with me that their opinion that men are just wired to cheat if the opportunity presents itself........particularly if they don't think they'll get caught. How men are especially easily influenced if they have a little booze in them and there's a hot chick who's willing. A very good guy friend of mine was telling me about his coworkers. He's worked at this large company for 20 yrs. He's worked along side hundreds of them, and in a management capacity. He's been on many company trips over the years with tons of them. He says that there's not one of them who's not cheated on their wife. He says some of the ones who have (even if it was just getting a BJ in the back corner of a bar), that he couldn't believe they'd cheat......that of anyone, some were guys who expressed great respect for their wives and had seemingly very solid, loving marriages.

 

This friend, and many other guy friends have told me that guys are simply wired to have little self control when it comes to the opportunity to cheat.......that all common sense and respect for their wife can easily go out the window when they have a few drinks under their belt and are in a social situation where there's an opportunity presented to them....especially when egged on or encouraged to do so by their buddies (you know the old "go for it dude").

 

I've had very frank discussions about this with guy friends over the years (who have admitted to cheating on someone in the past, themselves)...and it's my belief and experience that you can never totally trust that your boyfriend/husband will NEVER cheat on you. Unfortunately.

[wideawake]

Originally posted by Darkangelism

Yes thats true, but is it a realistic option, no.

 

Nice answer....might want to keep this one printed out to hand to your first girl...

 

 

Anyway, NO It's NOT true!

 

There are MANY guys that would not cheat in a relationship no matter what. Period.

 

Drunk - No

No risk of getting caught - Still No.

No risk of STD's - Nope.

 

 

Been there, saw the movie and loved the book, but I've never cheated on a woman (ok once...but 11th grade does not count anymore, and I told my girlfriend the day after I kissed this other girl...god, that's a LONG time ago for me...)

 

Now...have I ever been tempted to cheat? Yes, perhaps I have. To be honest, once or twice. And when I say tempted, I'm not talking about walking past an attractive woman and having sexual thoughts, I'm talking about having a woman give you the go ahead in no uncertain words and then finding yourself in a moral situation.

 

Though again, the last time I was even tempted was almost 12 years ago now...

[Benedict]

Befuddled, I think a lot of what you say is true. Not that I'm saying you're wrong only a little, lol...

 

I mean that I think your observations are probably right on. I have had some discussions with airline pilots and that seems to be more prevalent behavior in that arena. Talk about little liklihood for getting caught...

 

And I also think you're right-on with the idea about the whole "go for it, dude!" mentality. There is something to be said for that. There is a whole 'nother thread or twenty about how males are "programmed" culturally to sow their seed early and often - with a completely different cultural perception for women who do the same. I won't go into that, except to say that that may have something to do with the idea that "men are wired to cheat".

 

I am characterized by my wife's friends (and old girlfriend's friends, for that matter) as a guy who would "never cheat". That may be. I don't know it for certain. I certainly don't want to. But I honestly can't say "No, I never, ever will ever cheat. Ever." Beyond a shadow of a doubt? I can't say that. But I DO know that the best way to not have to make a moral decision is to not place myself into a situation where I would even have to make it in the first place. Like when a girl has asked me to come with her to her car to "get something" after a gig. Innocent enough sounding... but I usually get my guitar player to do it - he's single.

[moimeme]

Men aren't 'wired' to do anything; rather the prevailing view that men are 'wired' to be unfaithful is the self-fulfilling prophesy. As long as people believe that men are made that way, they will tacitly withhold disapproval for this behaviour and even secretly cheer it on. Simple as that.

 

So what the heck? Let's start up the myth that women are similarly wired. After all, what would be the biological sense of men 'spreading their seed' and women sticking to only one man to further their own genes? None whatsoever; there is no evolutionary sense whatsoever to men being the only ones to need to expand their biological mating options.

 

Women, therefore, are also 'wired' to have sex with as many men as possible. Spread the word.

[Fritz]

I thought it was that women were wired to find a good "provider" to marry and be the "father" and then find a good "sperm donor" on the side.

[jmargel]

Regretfully I have had sex with a married woman (I was single then). She was married for 18 years (faithfully) before me. What did it take to have sex with her? Nothing much more than being a friend to her.

 

Thing is that was not my goal. She was the one who actually pursued me. Her marriage wasn't even a marriage at that point (and from last I heard she's gotten out of it).

 

For people to stereotype men to be the cheating kind is wrong. Yes there are men who will do that, but the majority I would hope not. Also men will brag & talk about things like cheating, etc.. just so that his friends don't look at him as pussy-whipped. Yea, its sad when that happens. But usually all that is, is talk.

 

You can't truly love someone and cheat on them.

[jester]

Of the responses so far, befuddled11 has give us the most realistic (cynical ?) view. That doesn't mean that all men cheat. What it means, at least to me,is that a substantially higher percentage of married men will cheat, all things being equal, than married women. Statistics bear that out.

 

For many, not all, men, fidelity is a lack of opportunity. The right person, a conducive setting, a little alcohol and the vows go "poof."

 

Trust no man.

[wideawake]

Originally posted by jester

Of the responses so far, befuddled11 has give us the most realistic (cynical ?) view. That doesn't mean that all men cheat. What it means, at least to me,is that a substantially higher percentage of married men will cheat, all things being equal, than married women. Statistics bear that out.

 

For many, not all, men, fidelity is a lack of opportunity. The right person, a conducive setting, a little alcohol and the vows go "poof."

 

Trust no man.

 

I respectfully disagree whole-heartedly (with the 'Trust no man' comment).

 

There are men in this world that do not ever cheat. No matter what the circumstances are.

[jester]

There are men in this world that do not ever cheat. No matter what the circumstances are.

 

That there are. I just don't believe that they exist in sufficient numbers for a reasonably prudent wife to let her guard down.

 

All men are not cheaters. Many men, however, can potentially cheat given the right conditions. Even with a good man, I'd stay alert, not paranoid, just alert, if I was a wife.

[dyermaker]

It would be different if a woman had a random man selected for her, out of a proportionate population pool; Since this is not the case, I wholeheartedly disagree with you. The best way to combat generalizations are with exceptions, not more generalizations.

[Fraggles]

Originally posted by jester

All men are not cheaters. Many men, however, can potentially cheat given the right conditions. Even with a good man, I'd stay alert, not paranoid, just alert, if I was a wife.

 

I have to agree here. My hubby is a good man (the one word people who know describe him as trustwrothy!) ...but due to circumstances in our marriage and, let's call it, a momentary lapse of reason, he cheated on me.

 

The blind trust I had was wrong. Why? Because it lead me to not worry about taking care of what needed to be attended to in our marriage. I took him for granted (he took me for granted too).

 

Anyway, I think most men will cheat if the "conditions" are right.

[Dejin]

From the way this is going, it does not seem like men are being held in the "best light", at least by women. I'm almost ashamed that women see "most men" as potential cheaters. For us 'good guys' out there, its like we're being looked down upon/punished for something we never did. Much like the insurance rates for young male drivers who follow the rules.

 

"In the past, I never cheated. Present day, no cheating. In the future, I will not cheat." This is the attitude that most respectful men have out there, it's too bad that it cannot be recognized more.

[fragileone]

Thank you for the reassurance. When I first heard this I foolishly believed it had to be true, no exceptions, and I cried my eyes out for an hour. It was very heartwreaking.

 

my hope has been restored.

[jester]

Enjoy your restored hope, but keep them eyes wide open.

[ladyangel]

I am 99% sure that my husband has never cheated (please don't tell me I'm naive). I have my reasons for believing that, which I won't get into.

 

But my opinion is that if men are given enough time and opportunity, a LOT of them will cheat. For example, I know young men personally who are in the military and have cheated on their spouses or SO's while being away from home for months at a time.

 

My brother-in-law travels extensively with his job and I KNOW he cheats on his wife. Would I ever tell her? No way. That's their business. She probably knows anyway. But they have a good marriage in many ways. They treat each other with respect, they travel with their two kids and are very involved in their lives, have a nice home, etc.

 

In no way am I condoning adultery. But to say it doesn't happen if a man loves his wife is not true. Sometimes opportunities are taken advantage of...period.

 

Like Jester said, I will definitely keep an eye on my husband, as I always have. But I trust him...until he gives me any reason not to.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by ladyangel

my opinion is that if men are given enough time and opportunity, a LOT of them will cheat.

One could say the same about women, and I think one just did.

For example, I know young men personally

A fantastic sampling of the male population.