Is it true that a guy is only as faithful as his options?

[moimeme]

Marriage and Family Therapist

[wideawake]

Thanks bud.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by orange county

dont need to. I am an MFT

Why on Earth would being an MFT entitle you to not cite statistics?

[jester]

What's a MFT?

[moimeme]

Read up three posts.

[jester]

Thanks, it's my ADD!

[fragileone]

As a MFT, you consult people in rocky relationships...so wouldn't that up the cheating potential? I mean, if you delt with couples who have stable relationships then your statistics might be alot different. Correct me if im wrong...

[jenny]

i find that BLTs help a relationship. or, at least, 98.9% of all relationships.

[Orange county]

Look, it was just a random number (feel better?) used to explain my opinion on the subject. IMHO and based on my own research and experiences I feel absolutely positive that the vast majority of men are only as faithful as their options. There is an exception to every rule. No factual evidence could be possible to support my statement. As buyers are liars, so shall survey takers. Like it or not, humans are not (again, in my opinion) monogamous.

 

Moral? Sometimes

Biologically Monogamous? What do you think?

[Orange County]

Originally posted by jester

Thanks, it's my ADD!

 

 

ADHD - It's the new thing to be

[moimeme]

ADHD - It's the new thing to be

 

Not funny.

[orange county]

It was a little bit funny

[moimeme]

Nope. Not even close.

[Fedup&givingup]

Ok, I just sat here reading everything on this thread since it originated.

 

I agree 100% with Befuddled (again). I do see where there is peer pressure involved in this, especially within the working environment. Whoever it was that said being egged on and if not going through with something being referred to as whipped was dead on. To get "bagged" or to refuse to get some on the side would be deemed as weak amongst men. It's a status of their manlihood, which is sad but true.

 

I do recognize that this may not be all men, and for those that try to throw in that women do it too...please, spare me that bull! Although I am fully aware that women cheat, but here's what-I believe 100% that men and women cheat for completely different reasons. I don't think there are women that just like to "get some on the side" here and there, and I don't think that women that work in an office with a bunch of other women going out on a "business trip" together would think or refer to each other as whipped or weak for turning down a sexual offer. In fact, women are deemed very negatively if we were to indulge in such an encounter. We would be weak if we did have flings on the side while away from our spouse...all the stereotypical names come into play, "whore, slut".

 

For the men that have posted on this subject that seem to appalled about the REALITY of the fact that a great majority of men simply DO cheat, get over it. It's reality, not fantasy. If you are a man of pure dignity and character and know yourself enough to know that it's not behaviour you would ever conduct yourself, congratulations. I find that attribute commendable, but the truth of the matter is that the majority of men cheat in a given situation. To think otherwise is being naive.

 

Jester, I like your honesty in the matter. Dyermaker, I like you kiddo, but it DOES happen. It's a sad reality...a disappointment, but it's the case.

 

When I get out of my marriage, I don't EVER want to be in another committed relationship or marriage again. I don't want to ever have to deal with this kind of crap again...it's a burden I would be inflicting on myself, and although there are "good" guys out there, I just couldn't trust again. My hats go off to those that can manage to forgive their husband/spouse for cheating, but I'm not cut out that way. Maybe some would deem me as rigid, but I know my limits.

[NatoPMT]

dyermaker mentioned a few pages back that this isnt a gender issue, its a personal issue as each individual is ... an individual. v true.

 

and merry mentioned that people arent wired as such, they are conditioned. again, true.

 

but then blanket statements are how we can summarise trends.

 

when i was at uni, i had the most interesting lecture in animal behaviour - it was about sperm competition in humans. sounds revolting and it is. the basic theory is that women actually and actively (albeit subconcious) encourage competition amongst men to get themselves up the duff by the most robust sperm. Statistically speaking, women are most likely to be unfaithful during ovulation and they are most likely to 'double mate' (2 diff sexual partners during the time that the 1st partners sperm is still active) during ovulation. a high percentage of sperm is malformed, with 2 tails etc, and the malformed sperm form a plug to prevent any competing males sperm near the buiness end of the ovum. by double mating, a woman has the best chance of getting pregnant by the most robust sperm. i read recently that in the UK, a frighteningly large %age of men are bring children up they believe to be their genetic child, but isnt. i think it was something ridiculous like 15-20% - i may have exaggerated that by the telling and retelling of that statistic.

 

Instances of human heteroparity, where members of a pair of fraternal twins are actually half sibs as a consequence of being conceived by different fathers, are well documented (e.g., Ambach, Parson, and Brezinka, 2000; Wenk, Houtz, Brooks, and Chiafari, 1992 - cited sources just for Jenny - i know she likes that), and testify to the existence of double mating by females.

 

men produce the most active sperm after a period of time away just in case they have to 'deal' with a plug. wearing condoms makes no difference to how much active sperm is produced. the theory is that sperm competition is the evolutionary trigger for female promiscuity. there is a theory that the shape of a human penis has a function, to 'scoop' out rival sperm. even technique of sex are governed by sperm competition apparently - the deeper the thrust, the more likely it is to displace rival sperm, so those in relationships do the deep thing. just in case.

 

soooo, my armchair conclusion to this is, in evolutionary terms, women actively seek infidelity, and men dont trust women - it would be (again, in evolutionary terms) a disaster to end up bringing up another mans child.

 

i am sure i have rearranged some of the facts but think i have the basics right

 

freaky.

[Fedup&givingup]

Well, that was all very scientific. It was also very heavily biased against women and their motivation for cheating.

 

True that women's motivations for cheating are different than a man's resons. Men do it to conquer and to satisfy their ego. Women do it for emotional attachment and other affirmations.

 

BigBelm, I don't see what the point in your post was though, other than to point out that women do it, and they do it mostly due to a physiological process (or biological, whatever). It's also not the intention of this thread. Both genders cheat, that's no big surprise. The fact of the matter is that men do it A LOT more and more frequently. The fundamental differences in each gender's motivation illustrates why that is. If a woman is getting her emotional needs satisfied in a relationship, chances are she won't stray. Men who seek out to conquer, well there's nothing their partner can do within their relationship to satisfy/supress that desire.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Fedup&givingup

The fact of the matter is that men do it A LOT more and more frequently.

Please cite source.

 

The fundamental differences in each gender's motivation illustrates why that is.

Women never cheat for sex? for their ego? unprovoked?

 

If a woman is getting her emotional needs satisfied in a relationship, chances are she won't stray. Men who seek out to conquer, well there's nothing their partner can do within their relationship to satisfy/supress that desire.

Your generalizations are lame. What about all of the millions of men who have been in YOUR shoes, whose wives cheated on them, you have no sympathy? You have certain perceptions of the issue, and you're amplifying them as if your generalizations are valid.

 

I find it counterproductive to combat generalizations with generalizations.

[Fedup&givingup]

My so called "generalizations" are NOT lame. That's offensive, to be frank and polite. I'm not suggesting that women do not cheat, but it is KNOWN that men do it more often and frequently. If you want citing, look all around you on this cite. How many men have stories on the "OW/OM" forum? Although there are men that have posted some heart wrenching stories about being cheated on themselves, the numbers of men that cheat on women highly surpass. Moreover, I see where and how more women have left their marriages/relationships due to their cheating. That reason is clearly because they are getting their EMOTIONAL needs met. Men are very physical, territorial...women are NOT.

 

Look all around you on this site at the stories of betrayed WOMEN, and look at how many men have left their wives for another woman-not many. Look at how many women are on here saying how they are currently (or have) worked through an affair that their husband had.

 

Bottom line is that men and women are VERY different in many ways, and although both sexes do cheat, men cheat more and more frequently. AND their motivations for doing so are different.

 

Men are the ones seeking out pornography because they are VISUAL, and they are mainly the sexual aggressors. There are exceptions, but that's a fact. I'm not going to argue about it, because it's just the way it is.

[moimeme]

because it's just the way it is

 

Well, actually, no it's not. People HAVE done research on these very topics - which does not mean looking at a bunch of posts on a site and extrapolating from that 'evidence'. So you can propose your opinion if you like, but facts exist and since several of them contradict your opinion, your opinion remains an opinion.

 

Which is fine. Just don't confuse the two.

[Fedup&givingup]

I will also propose my experiences. I have not known of any women that cheat, although I've known a number of men that have done it rampantly.

[moimeme]

Again, one person's anecdotes does not a scientific study make.

[Fedup&givingup]

Then I'm curious as to why there are all these "other women" and so few "other men". How come you don't hear of women cheering other women on to go and cheat with their spouse with some hot looking guy just for that alone....

[hurtingandconfused]

When I was with my ex a girl that I knew gave me her number.(never asked for it) She was very attractive. But I knew that if I did anything I would not be able to forgive myself. (Don't think that I did not think about it)

 

I guess it all depends on the person and his/her own morals.

 

 

And looking back I do not regret not calling her. Why cheat? If you are not happy with your relationship end it.

 

Cheating goes both ways, it just all depends on the person.

[triple_a_fringe]

Originally posted by moimeme

Although they do sometimes seem like a swarm of paramecia who can be manipulated with temperature, pH and light

 

Ouch! Tad cynical, are we?

 

 

 

It would seem the "extreme" was to make a point or at least one might suppose. Keeping things in context usually helps.

[NatoPMT]

fedup - point of my post was that i thought it was interesting. but i am a geek.

 

i could respond to the rest of it, but i can only be bothered to write a couple of lines after my last marathon post, i have been damn predatory in the past, see a beautiful man and cant resist - i didnt want relationships or for my emotional needs to be met.

 

people treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated, course you can be unlucky, but i would never assume a man will cheat because hes a man. sod that. i think it may be about personal dymanics between individuals in relationships that lead either side to cheat - but that is MY assumption. no sources cited.

 

plenty of my female friends are motivated by sex alone - plenty arent.

 

i thought solemates temp/ph/light comment was hilarious - see i am a geek.