happiness?

[rubie]

These are things some people have said of me:

 

 

 

 

 

*I am a head case

 

*I "fall" for someone too fast

 

*I am needy in that I need to be with someone

 

*I adapt my interests to fit those of my SO -OR- friends

 

*I have and do compromise(d) myself for the person I am with

 

 

 

 

So, how do I achieve happiness? This is something I have wondered for a long time. When it comes down to it, every kind of happiness I have experienced in life has been fleeting.

Here and then gone.

 

I am not necessarily saying I am having problems in my current relationship.

I am just very depressed.

 

I rarely sleep. I have no motivation and I find that my thoughts often turn to morbid things like:

"What if I drove my truck over a bridge? Who would miss me?"

and:

"Why do I even bother... with anything?"

and

"I should just break it off with him because he deserves better than someone like me. He doesn't need my craziness. I don't want to hurt him or cause him irreversable emotional damage by being with me."

[dyermaker]

1. The key to controlling your self-worth is not investing it in another person.

 

Don't care so much about what your friends say. People say things all day that they never realize how it affects people. Even when they mean it, it shouldn't bother you as much as it does. Start saying nice things about yourself, even if that sounds dorky. Write yourself a nice e-mail, and pretend it's not from you.

 

2. Depression can be medicated.

 

You sound depressed. Not 'down in the dumps' depressed, but chemically depressed. Don't be too proud to seek some medication, talk to a doctor, qualified to make such assessments, and see if you can use some medication to get your life back on track.

 

3. Counseling is neccessary for those who contemplate suicide, even if not seriously.

 

Counseling is a gift, not a condemnation. They can help you feel better about yourself. If what people say about you is true, counseling can help you conduct yourself more healthily in relationships as well.

 

Bottom line is, happiness is a choice, not a reflex. Sometimes chemicals or people or events get in the way of your choice, but it's always there. The only variable is how difficult it is to pursue a choice, but the reward is, well, happiness.

[carla]

I find that if you have had a crappy childhood ie: have been put down by your family, peers, etc. your self esteem is zilch. As an adult if you don't build your self esteem you end up with people that treat you like crap all over again. In order to break this habit you must like or love yourself, appreciate, respect, and believe in yourself. People are only going to treat you the way you let them.

 

Once you have achieved a higher self esteem and respect you realise that you deserve better then you can set standards. IE: My next bf will never call me a B***H, he WILL respect me. Maybe this is just experience speaking on my part I don't know.

 

I had a pretty crappy childhood and have been in a few Sh**y relationships. And I just got to the point were I was fed up with being treated like Sh**. So when I met my bf that I'm with now (6 1/2yrs) I told him right up front when we started to get serious that I will be treated with respect. I will not tolerate name calling, screaming matchs, and the silent treatment and if he can't handle that he better walk now. Well needless to say this is the best relationship I have ever had. He treats me like a princess. On the rare occasion the we disagree that is all it is, if we can't compromise then we agree to disagree.

 

You have to learn to appreciate yourself, you do deserve to be happy, if you keep

giving people things in the hopes that they will do the same in return alot of times, just the opposite happens, and you end up getting used. Stand up for your rights.

Let people know that you are a person with feelings and they get hurt. Start loving yourself.

[bellatina]

Learn to love yourself.... it sound like a cliche phrase but it is possible.

 

I had a bad self steem

in my childhood I wasput down by family members, friends, and peers. As a teen I was always told I was not attractive because I was too curvy. (not fat ...curvy).

 

When in my early 20's I started to do a lot of self analysis. I realized I was never going to be happy if it depended on someone else. Like they say "if you want soemthing done right you have to do it yourself." Well, I stated to apppreciate myself, do things that I enjoy and challenge me, I concetrated in my education and career, I am great at it....(the best way to boost you self steem is though achievements). I cna say I am happy now... I still have bad days and I am trying to loose weight..but I LOVE myself and I am HAPPY.

[Arabess]

Low self esteem always causes people to 'settle' for relationship and then try to adhere themselves to them....instead of holding out for a person who best suits them and matches them in character.

 

I actually got married because I thought no one else would ask me. How friggin lame! After being stuck with him for 10 years, I sure regretted my original 'fear'. Now, I'm so afraid I'll end up with another psycho like him.....I'll probably hold out till hell freezes over. LOL!

 

Events in my life changed my perspective regarding myself. Some of it just took time and experience.

 

Maybe taking something for the depression is a good idea though. One less thing to have to crawl over to find the real you hiding inside. I believe that to be true too. Everyone has a strong person within them who is fighting to take control and not be a ninny. Help that part of you emerge by doing whatever it takes to be the best YOU that you can be.

 

I think you are very beautiful and delicate looking....like a ballerina. It's hard to believe you don't have guys all over the place wanting to get to know you.