Fooser Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Boy was I wrong! So I've posted some threads on the site telling my story of my wife wanting a separation. She made me feel like it was all me, and added that she had some issues to look after also but didn't clarify. Almost 2 months later while at the house to pick up some of my belongings, the phone rings. It's the wife of the guy my wife is having an affair with, and yes, a co-worker. Surprise surprise! We (guys wife and I) went to a local pub and talked for about an hour and a half. I took notes of what she was saying. Afterwards, I went back to my houde to confront my wife. When I did, she sat stone faced. What hurt the most is that not only did she tell me that there was no one else, but she has already introduced our kids to this clown and they know him by name. And get this, he's about to end his 3rd marriage too! So my wife seems a bit dillusional about actually having a future with him. So after stating to my wife that not only did she lie to me, she also lied to our kids and to every last bit of our history, I left. So it goes without saying that I can no longer trust her about anything. She was telling me that I could still see the kids anytime that I want even though she was only putting in the minimum time for me to see them. I asked her to put in writing for the separation agreement that I could get more. She refused. So after all the lies, I'm going for 50/50 access of the kids! I love them dearly, and she is trying to make it sound like I did nothing with them since they were ever born. Such a lie. I guess what I'm saying here is that if you even think your spouse is cheating on you, they are! I tried like hell to deny it, but to be honest, I knew in my heart of hearts that it was happening. I just didn't want to admit it, and was trying to find any reason to think it wasn't true. It's amazing now how since she has been discovered, I am all of a sudden the bad guy, and not good enough for our children. Now it's a stupid process of courts and lawyers to basically prove that I'm not a deadbeat. What sucks is that I will get a lot more time with my kids, at least a 60 /40 where I still do not have to pay support. We can see this going down. But it's such a waste of money and heartache to get what is morally right here. Until then, I have to sit back, wait and just go with what she wants to give me for overnights and time during the week until we get this all sorted out. CRAP! Advice from any of you on this would be much appreciated. Hard to cope, I miss my kids soooooooooo much! Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 (edited) Boy was I wrong! So I've posted some threads on the site telling my story of my wife wanting a separation. She made me feel like it was all me, and added that she had some issues to look after also but didn't clarify. Almost 2 months later while at the house to pick up some of my belongings, the phone rings. It's the wife of the guy my wife is having an affair with, and yes, a co-worker. Surprise surprise! I guess this destroys all the arguments of some people who sometimes post on LS stating that no-one should warn the OM/OW's spouse. Hang in there, man. Your kids are the focus of your battle now. She lost all reason on her side from the moment she cheated on you and never admited to what she had done. I'm sorry, but that's a serious lack of character on her part. Stay cool and strong. Act as you'd have wanted your father to act if he were on your shoes. Edited October 3, 2010 by karnak Link to post Share on other sites
The-Zen-Warrior Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 (edited) Almost 2 months later while at the house to pick up some of my belongings, the phone rings. It's the wife of the guy my wife is having an affair with, and yes, a co-worker. Surprise surprise! We (guys wife and I) went to a local pub and talked for about an hour and a half. Wow, talk about lightning striking in the right place, at the right time! This my friend does not happen all the time. You just got yourself a wonderful gift, and that gift was "knowledge"! I mean there it is, you're sitting there at that bar, talking to the Wife of the Husband your Wife is cheating with you on! This is a stroke of good luck and fortune for you! You might be sitting there thinking to yourself, "good luck" and "fortune", it is, even though you probably don't think so. Don't consider yourself a "bad guy" as you put it! Your just now the "bad guy" because your Wife is "busted" and now your calling her on her CRAP! People who are doing wrong, like your Wife is doing unto you, they don't like it very much for their dark ways to be drug out into the light. She is in the "spot light" right now, and not for very good reasons, she doesn't like this much and is now taking it out on you! And trust me Fooser, I doubt in my heart of hearts that your any sort of "deadbeat" as you put it, most deadbeats would not log onto the L.S. forums and chat about this sort of thing. Deadbeats for the most part know what they are, and most would not be willing to put their heart on their sleeve and advertise their problems as openly as you have with us. You will get through this, it's just going to take a whole lot of patience and understanding. The dust will settle from this situation and when it does, I have a funny feeling you will be the better for it. Don't get to caught up in the worries of the situation, "alimony", "child support", "child custody", "court dates" and the "attorney"........just live moment by moment right now and you will be fine. But I would recommend that you meet with some sort of legal service, be that a legal clinic, male divorce support group or a full blown attorney. Best of luck my friend, keep your chin up, know that you are not at fault here, you are the true victim and things will work out for you in the end! Edited October 4, 2010 by The-Zen-Warrior Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Why are you out of your own house----she had the A., kick her out----- If nothing else you should be home, cuz in a custody battle she could claim you abandoned your family----move back in, and stick your cheating wife in a room by herself You should not be agreeing to anything ----you should be dictating terms Link to post Share on other sites
onedayatatyme Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 If you have moved out, move back in immediately. This was the first of very good advice my attorney gave me. Now I have primary custody of our two girls. The fact that she has introduced your kids to the OM was unwise legally for her. I'm not saying it makes your case a slam dunk, nothing in this situation will be a slam dunk, but judges don't like the kids being brought around AP's. If you haven't already, start to think strategically as if everything from here on out was a business negotiation, because it is. You already know she will not play fairly so don't expect her to start now. Instead, position yourself to be impervious to it. Find the very best attorney you can, tell him exactly what the situation is and listen carefully to his advice. Document absolutely everything you can. Get proof that she is having a sexual affair. Write down every recollection of everytime she lied or put your children second to her selfish needs. In the meantime, you be the very best dad you can be. Stay involved in the kids school and extracurricular activities. Help them with their homework. Genuinely be the best dad in the world. Not just for your legal position but it's what your kids need right now too. This is war and it is ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
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