i really want to stop missing him and being sad!!

[pandagirl]

I'm tired of missing him and feeling like there is a hole in my heart.

 

I'm doing everything right. No contact at all. Keeping busy. Being social and focusing on work. By all means, my life is good.

 

But when I stop being distracted or have nothing to focus on, my thoughts always go back to him, wondering what he's doing and how he is, and I start to get really sad and miss him.

 

In my heart, I know we love each other, but I also know that we don't work in a lot of ways. We're on different life paths right now. It's better for both to be apart right now, so we can focus on being happier individuals.

 

I just don't know how/when I will reconcile missing him and have it not hurt. I won't contact him, because I know it will only make me sad. Who has managed to do this and when did it happen?

[Ajax]

I'm sorry you're still hurting, Panda. I am too.

 

It sounds like you're still riding the waves in the grieving process. If there was a magic bullet or switch to turn it off I don't think any of us would be here. It's the way life is.

 

You may not feel it right now, but you are strong. I can tell by your posts and the advice that you give others that you are wise too. You will get through this, but it will take some more time. Time is your best friend and worst enemy right now because though it will help you heal, it also drags on and that's when you think about your ex.

 

And the advice I have is don't try not to think of him. You need to feel the pain as long as your heart is broken. If you don't feel the pain and bottle it up, you won't heal properly. Once you do, you'll be even stronger than you are now, and when you love again it will be that much stronger too.

[cb9343]

I'm tired of missing him and feeling like there is a hole in my heart.

 

I'm doing everything right. No contact at all. Keeping busy. Being social and focusing on work. By all means, my life is good.

 

But when I stop being distracted or have nothing to focus on, my thoughts always go back to him, wondering what he's doing and how he is, and I start to get really sad and miss him.

 

In my heart, I know we love each other, but I also know that we don't work in a lot of ways. We're on different life paths right now. It's better for both to be apart right now, so we can focus on being happier individuals.

 

I just don't know how/when I will reconcile missing him and have it not hurt. I won't contact him, because I know it will only make me sad. Who has managed to do this and when did it happen?

You would not be human if you were not upset.. its apart of the healing process.. things happen for a reason and something will come of this its better for you both to get your life in control and if its meant to be it will... i am going through the same thing and question no contact all the time but i have to do it... he is lost right now and he has to find himself i can't do it for him.. He broke up with me cause he thinks he is does not have anything to offer me right now. i am pretty set in life and he is just starting out.. i loved him regardless but i guess its a man thing and he has done this 3 times... the pain hurts i know then i need to call someone or do something to remind me that this is the right decision. being friends through this process is to tough.... if it is meant to be it will i promise and if its not which no one likes to hear esp me .. someone else will walk in your life and sweep you off your feet! take care of yourself and pamper yourself!!

[pandagirl]

I'm sorry you're still hurting, Panda. I am too.

 

It sounds like you're still riding the waves in the grieving process. If there was a magic bullet or switch to turn it off I don't think any of us would be here. It's the way life is.

 

You may not feel it right now, but you are strong. I can tell by your posts and the advice that you give others that you are wise too. You will get through this, but it will take some more time. Time is your best friend and worst enemy right now because though it will help you heal, it also drags on and that's when you think about your ex.

 

And the advice I have is don't try not to think of him. You need to feel the pain as long as your heart is broken. If you don't feel the pain and bottle it up, you won't heal properly. Once you do, you'll be even stronger than you are now, and when you love again it will be that much stronger too.

 

Thanks for the kind words.

 

I know I'm strong and I will get past this, but the way I am by nature is to really care about the people I love so much. It's runs deep in my heart.

 

My thoughts aren't even of wanting to get back together with him. Even if he asked me, despite how I feel about him, I just know it wouldn't work because of the way things are (distance, where we are in our lives, etc). If he finds someone else who is better for him and makes him happy, then I would be happy for him.

 

It just hurts that he's gone and I miss him so much.

[pandagirl]

You would not be human if you were not upset.. its apart of the healing process.. things happen for a reason and something will come of this its better for you both to get your life in control and if its meant to be it will... i am going through the same thing and question no contact all the time but i have to do it... he is lost right now and he has to find himself i can't do it for him.. He broke up with me cause he thinks he is does not have anything to offer me right now. i am pretty set in life and he is just starting out.. i loved him regardless but i guess its a man thing and he has done this 3 times... the pain hurts i know then i need to call someone or do something to remind me that this is the right decision. being friends through this process is to tough.... if it is meant to be it will i promise and if its not which no one likes to hear esp me .. someone else will walk in your life and sweep you off your feet! take care of yourself and pamper yourself!!

 

Ha! That's the same reason my ex gave me. And in the same way, I am pretty set in life, and he is just starting out.

 

I know I just have to let it be and everything will turn out for the best, but having someone ripped from your life all of the sudden, sure sucks.

[skydiveaddict]

Ha! That's the same reason my ex gave me. And in the same way, I am pretty set in life, and he is just starting out.

 

I know I just have to let it be and everything will turn out for the best, but having someone ripped from your life all of the sudden, sure sucks.

 

 

Yes it certainly does. I don't know when your pain will go away, it has been a year for me and it is still there, like a twist of the knife right in your heart. I hope it goes away sooner for you.

Edited October 4, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[pandagirl]

Yes it certainly does. I don't know when your pain will go away, it has been a year for me and it is still there, like a twist of the knife right in your heart. I hope it goes away sooner for you.

 

I hope soon!

 

The thing is, even though he instigated the breakup, and I didn't want it at first, I realized quickly that it had to happen. The breakup didn't come out of nowhere for me. But it doesn't mean I still dont love him and miss him.

[skydiveaddict]

I hope soon!

 

The thing is, even though he instigated the breakup, and I didn't want it at first, I realized quickly that it had to happen. The breakup didn't come out of nowhere for me. But it doesn't mean I still dont love him and miss him.

 

 

Well I'm guessing you will heal faster than me since you realized it had to happen. But like the song says "I cant believe it still hurts like

Edited October 4, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[thatsonlyme]

Pandagirl, you're not alone. I'm going through the same thing right now. I know she's gone for good and I don't really want her back anymore, but I still do miss her so much. I miss all the good times, memories are hurting as hell, I'm not following strict contact anymore, but I never initiate the contact. I'm pretty sure I will not heal completely until somebody better comes into my life. And I know somebody will because people like you exist. I hope I will find somebody like you, who will love me unconditionally. You miss him because your love is so pure and I know how it feels. Just be strong because good guys do exist. just like good girls exist, they're just very hard to find.

I thought I will never be able to love and trust someone as much I trusted her, but I know I will. I won't let this heartbreak change the way I am. Even if the same thing happens again at least I'll know I've done my best.

I don't feel the pain anymore, not physical at least but the emptiness is still very real. I can't avoid places that remind me on her so I chose different strategy. I go there on purpose and I think about all the good times we had together. Every time I go back it feels better. Today I went to the park where we used to hang out years ago. I sat at the bench we used to sit on and I thought about her. I took some photos, photos without any people on them, they're as empty as the hole in my heart. Next time I go those places I will have memories of me being there alone while memories of her will be dimmer.

I've never felt so alone in my life. My works schedule doesn't allow me to have too much fun and my work is boring as hell, nothing really to keep me busy. Only saturdays are good. I have friends I can go out with on saturdays only. The rest of the week I'm all alone, I go out alone, take walks while the weather is still nice. Just thinking about coming winter frightens me. I sit at coffee places, book stores trying to be around the people. Most people seem happy, they have somebody in their lives. I'm not happy but I'm coping with it.

Today i passed this coffee shop and I saw a beautiful girl sitting at the window. She looked sad and lonely as much as I am. I thought I should get in and introduce myself but I just couldn't make myself do it. I haven't approached a girl in years and I don't feel comfortable doing it. I'm jsut not that kind of person. All of my relationships happened spontaneously and I'll just have to go out there, be around people and wait until it happens again. I'm looking forward to meet that great person who will make my life worth living.

You'll be fine pandagirl, you know what real love is and you know how t o appreciate it. My ex doesn't know anything about it. She'd never had her heart broken and she doesn't know how it feels when you lose somebody. She wasn't ready. I wish we met later, maybe we'd stand a chance.

I'm blabbering I guess this red wine is hitting me in my head. My first bottle of wine alone. We used to drink it together, watch movies then talk about random thinks in bed. We used to go watch sunrise at the lake. We used to love each other. I still love her. I miss her. But I have to move on and live my life. My new life. That's what I call it. I have pictures folder on my computer and one folder is called 2010 another one is called 2010 new life. I think I will always be thinking about life " before her" and " after her". I just made myself cry again. I better stop right now!

[Sweet_Tea]

I hope soon!

 

The thing is, even though he instigated the breakup, and I didn't want it at first, I realized quickly that it had to happen. The breakup didn't come out of nowhere for me. But it doesn't mean I still dont love him and miss him.

 

I'm in the same boat. I actually tried to skip the mourning process and the first month after the breakup I was fine and dandy, then it all came crashing down. A month later, I'm accepting and slowly healing. I used to want to just strangle people that said that time would heal... but it's true! Each day will get that tiny bit easier and each day you will think about him *that much* less.

 

I think that understanding the reasons for the breakup is a big step in healing and moving on. It's okay to think about him and miss him, just try not to dwell on it too much. When I catch myself thinking about my ex, I just wish him light and happiness and then I drop it (advice that I took from 'Eat, Pray, Love').

[pandagirl]

I'm pretty sure I will not heal completely until somebody better comes into my life. And I know somebody will because people like you exist. I hope I will find somebody like you, who will love me unconditionally. You miss him because your love is so pure and I know how it feels. Just be strong because good guys do exist. just like good girls exist, they're just very hard to find.

 

Aw, that is very sweet! (Are you drunk? haha.)

 

That's the thing: I do really love him. Me loving him is not based on us being together. I care for his happiness and health and success. There are parts of him that aren't great, of course, and those are the parts that made our relationship fail. However, I'm not perfect either and I also contributed to our breakup.

 

It's just sad. I wish I could talk to him.

 

I'm in the same boat. I actually tried to skip the mourning process and the first month after the breakup I was fine and dandy, then it all came crashing down. A month later, I'm accepting and slowly healing. I used to want to just strangle people that said that time would heal... but it's true! Each day will get that tiny bit easier and each day you will think about him *that much* less.

 

I think that understanding the reasons for the breakup is a big step in healing and moving on. It's okay to think about him and miss him, just try not to dwell on it too much. When I catch myself thinking about my ex, I just wish him light and happiness and then I drop it (advice that I took from 'Eat, Pray, Love').

 

Wasn't a huge fan of that book, BUT I do love that passage. It really does make sense and make you feel lighter.

[cb9343]

Ha! That's the same reason my ex gave me. And in the same way, I am pretty set in life, and he is just starting out.

 

I know I just have to let it be and everything will turn out for the best, but having someone ripped from your life all of the sudden, sure sucks.

 

 

it does suck it ripped my heart up but there is something inside of them that needs to heal.. it's a male thing they have to feel complete and do it on there own.. they have to grow up and i think limited contact is to hard.. dont be afraid to miss i often just remind myself to live in the moment and life is way to short... you have to sometimes let the love of your life go and let it fly and if he is the one he will be back....

[jeff2321]

I just recnetly found out my ex went out and got her left arm all tattoo'd up and now she looks like ****. I wouldn't take her back even if she paid me. I was so pissed off at first, but now I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief because she wasn't the girl I even thought I was dating in the first place !

 

So I guess the point of my rant is... (if you can) find something about your ex that your truly loathe and focus on it. Eventually you will start to realize that maybe you two wern't exactly right for each other.

 

I still can't believe my ex went and did that... she literally went and got her entire left arm basically sleeved out from a tattoo shop. As Hugh Jackman in Swordish said "You can take the girl out of the trailerpark, but you can't take the trailerpark out of the girl".

 

Sorry for the thread jack... I'm signing a huge breath of relief because I woke up today not even depressed because in some ways I'm not EVEN sad anymore after seeing her ink up her arm like that.... funny how our minds can just switch just like that.

 

Hope this helps,

 

Jeff

[priya_confused]

Hi Pandagirl....You are definitely not alone. I have been married/divorced/reconciled with my college sweetheart for the last 15 years. We were each other's best friend. We relied on each other for everything. We had lots of ups and downs, but I thought that our love for each other would help us through anything.

 

I was wrong. He had been harboring deep resentments towards me. One day, he just packed up his car and left town. Now he says he hates me. I guess I always thought we would be together no matter what. Now, I am dealing with his leaving and actually facing the fact that we won't be together. I also have to deal with his seething hatred towards me.

 

I don't have a strong social network, so that makes losing him even harder. I hate my career. I'm waiting for the sadness to go away also. This pain is the worst.

[bonpaw2008]

I hope soon!

 

The thing is, even though he instigated the breakup, and I didn't want it at first, I realized quickly that it had to happen. The breakup didn't come out of nowhere for me. But it doesn't mean I still dont love him and miss him.

 

This is a good thing to focus on....you can miss him and still love him but you know that the break-up was for the best. I am in the same boat, I miss the fun times but I know that I am much better off without him. When I miss him or wonder how he could just stop loving me I think it is his problem, his thing to sort out, and I just move on in the direction that I am going. You will get there, it gets easier for me (and then I slip back and it is hard for a while) because I know that he is not a good fit for me, we want different things and I deserve better.

 

So when you think about him try to focus on why it happened and what is better now that he is gone.

 

Good luck ))

[pandagirl]

it does suck it ripped my heart up but there is something inside of them that needs to heal.. it's a male thing they have to feel complete and do it on there own.. they have to grow up and i think limited contact is to hard.. dont be afraid to miss i often just remind myself to live in the moment and life is way to short... you have to sometimes let the love of your life go and let it fly and if he is the one he will be back....

 

Yes, this is what I tell myself to. Just to live my life and be make myself happy. What were the circumstances of your guy needing to "grow up"?

 

 

I don't have a strong social network, so that makes losing him even harder. I hate my career. I'm waiting for the sadness to go away also. This pain is the worst.

 

Hang in there. Take this as an opportunity to make new friends and focus on your career. It's a fresh start. It will take time to heal and get passed this, but once you do, you're going to be a new, improved you!

 

This is a good thing to focus on....you can miss him and still love him but you know that the break-up was for the best. I am in the same boat, I miss the fun times but I know that I am much better off without him. When I miss him or wonder how he could just stop loving me I think it is his problem, his thing to sort out, and I just move on in the direction that I am going. You will get there, it gets easier for me (and then I slip back and it is hard for a while) because I know that he is not a good fit for me, we want different things and I deserve better.

 

So when you think about him try to focus on why it happened and what is better now that he is gone.

 

Good luck ))

 

For sure! There is still love between my ex and I. We love each other, and even still a little in love with each other. But things weren't working. I'm actually grateful in a weird way that he had the courage to break it off, because I am finding myself again and becoming a better person. I hope he is too.

 

I was a sad sap last night, but today is a new day and feel better.

[HopeLove]

When he dumped me 5 months ago I was devastated. I thought he was "the one" and even 3 months later he said he still loved me and thought about me every day and yet couldn't see our relationship surviving in the future. I wished he would had the courage to fight for us, but he didn't.

Only 4 months after the break up I stoped hoping to get back together and only then I started to heal. I still love him and miss him, but my feelings are not as strong as there were. Being in NC also helps.

What Ajax and others say about time is true. Now I'm feeling so much better. I'm not completely over him, but nearly because like you I know I still have to live my life and although very difficult to find, out there there are other nice people too and I know I'm still capable of giving and reciving love.

Last Saturday I was out with friends that are also his friends and they told me I am now more relaxed, smile more and are more confident in myself than before and that I'm better without him.

I'm also thinking about moving to Canada. I don't think I'll do it but it was something I never thought I would even consider. So maybe yes, things happens for a reason and yes, with time things get better.

In the mean time there's no much you can do apart of what you are already doing. At some point the pain won't be that stronger but unfortunately you don't know when this is going to happen. It just happens. Period.

[pandagirl]

When he dumped me 5 months ago I was devastated. I thought he was "the one" and even 3 months later he said he still loved me and thought about me every day and yet couldn't see our relationship surviving in the future. I wished he would had the courage to fight for us, but he didn't.

Only 4 months after the break up I stoped hoping to get back together and only then I started to heal. I still love him and miss him, but my feelings are not as strong as there were. Being in NC also helps.

What Ajax and others say about time is true. Now I'm feeling so much better. I'm not completely over him, but nearly because like you I know I still have to live my life and although very difficult to find, out there there are other nice people too and I know I'm still capable of giving and reciving love.

Last Saturday I was out with friends that are also his friends and they told me I am now more relaxed, smile more and are more confident in myself than before and that I'm better without him.

I'm also thinking about moving to Canada. I don't think I'll do it but it was something I never thought I would even consider. So maybe yes, things happens for a reason and yes, with time things get better.

In the mean time there's no much you can do apart of what you are already doing. At some point the pain won't be that stronger but unfortunately you don't know when this is going to happen. It just happens. Period.

 

Maybe I just need more time. It's only been a little over a month since we broke up. I just still feel in love with him, and it's strange and a little scary that one day, I won't feel that way anymore.

 

Maybe it's the weather getting colder and it reminds me of him. I'm going to be OK. Sometimes I'll go hours without thinking of him, then all the sudden I feel like crying. But I guess we all go through that...

[Ajax]

Maybe I just need more time. It's only been a little over a month since we broke up. I just still feel in love with him, and it's strange and a little scary that one day, I won't feel that way anymore.

 

 

 

I agree that it can be kind of unsettling to think about the future and not being in love with that person anymore. For me, I think I still want to hold on to that love because I know that if I'm over it she's definately over it. And I don't want her to be. I think it goes back to clinging to hope.

 

But when that day comes and you don't fel that love anymore, it won't really matter if he does or not.

[cb9343]

he moved here from canada and he was starting over when me met.. he was a drug addict there and was in construction and made a ton of money... he has been clean for about 2 years and that is how long we have been dating.. he decided to join the reserves and will be leaving for 6 months.. any time we have a problem in our relationship he breaks up with me.. This is the third time and its hard i am not perfect and i make mistakes... i know there are things i need to work on but he claims he adores me but he is just a mess.. i have a career, son and a house.. he lives with family and makes minimum wage but that meant nothing to me.. i adored him for himself.. he could not get over that and he ran.. again.. NC does help i am on day 6.. just doing stuff to make me smile!

[pandagirl]

I agree that it can be kind of unsettling to think about the future and not being in love with that person anymore. For me, I think I still want to hold on to that love because I know that if I'm over it she's definately over it. And I don't want her to be. I think it goes back to clinging to hope.

 

But when that day comes and you don't fel that love anymore, it won't really matter if he does or not.

 

I don't know it's weird. A lot of the sadness I feel is about how we never really got the *be* together. We basically met, fell in love, and he moved away in less than two months. I remember telling him in our last conversation: "It's just sad that we fell in love and never even go to be together."

 

I guess it's bittersweet.

[9Lives]

panda you are definately not alone. the agony of miss someone you loed deeply is a btch!! but I told myself sunday morning that going forward I'm going to have GOOD love to myself and GOOD love for my future. this aint good love. it hurts too much. they left! nothing left but memories and pain. memories and pain!!! I'm looking for a better day. now its starting to get easier. my ex shattered my heart and kept it moving. felt sucuidal one time. now I feel like getting my life in good order for me. I still miss him I guess but its not the same. today I saw a car that looked like his and I kept going. I saw a man in the bar that looked like him and I ignored the guys because ...I WANT GOOD LOVE!

[pandagirl]

Ugh. Someone please just remove him from my memory.

 

It doesn't matter that I know this needed to happen. My missing him isn't about wanting him back.

 

When will I stop feeling in love with him?

[rebeccajones]

Just know Panda that you will get over it. Take it one day at a time, we are all in a similar situation and doing the same. You WILL get over him.

[pandagirl]

Just know Panda that you will get over it. Take it one day at a time, we are all in a similar situation and doing the same. You WILL get over him.

 

I know.

 

I'm just tired of feeling this hole in my heart. I miss him so much.